Just a Fan (8 page)

Career:

MacGowan studied at Glasgow Univeristy but was undecided about which career path to take. Eventually his talent as an actor was discovered when he auditioned for a stage production of
One Day in December
, in which he played the role of
Jack.
He was spotted by casting director Kieran Donahue who immediately gave him his first film role as
Marcius
in the independant film
The Stone Well
..."

I impatiently scrolled down to the most recent paragraph in his career, and began to read again:

"
On June the 24th,
Heyday
opened in cinemas with MacGowan as the lead actor. The film was met with instant success, rivalling the acclaim that
Esquire
received a few months prior to the former's release. MacGowan also starred in the film
Waiting For Rain
, as the intrepid
Julian Ilvray.
Following the release of this film, he was voted "Hottest Man of the Year" in the
Silver Screen Celebrities
magazine for the second time running.

Personal Life:

Not much is known of Connor MacGowan's personal life, as he prefers to keep it private. He spends time in Los Angeles, New York, and London, also occasionally travelling to Detroit. Relationship-wise, MacGowan has dated or rumoured to have dated actresses
Valerie Demano, Beatrice Kayes, Joanna Summers
,
Hannah Reeves,
and top models
Leticia Firelli, Iona Parks
, as well as top model/actress
Mirabella Shaw -"

I felt the blood drain from my face. I sat there staring speechless at the screen for a few seconds, then stuck out a finger and silently counted the names. Six - no,
seven
previous girlfriends in total! And at least three of them top models, too! I sat there trembling for a while more, then did a quick search on Google Images for the most recent of these women.

I couldn't believe my eyes when the pictures loaded up - I had never seen such beautiful faces and perfect figures! Some were blonde, some were brown-haired, some were tawny...and Mirabella, the most recent, was a ravishing red-haired woman who modelled for Dior. It was hard to imagine Connor with these women, even though he himself was so beautiful. But it was even harder still to imagine
him
with
me
- especially when he had been with such unbelievably lovely models.

I went back to the Wikipedia article to try and read further to try and take my mind off this.

"
MacGowan's future roles include
Twenty Miles Below
, which is scheduled for shooting early next year. He has also been cast as
Commodore Charles Hartley
in Kurt Francis' newest film
The Silent Island,
which will begin production in July next year.
"

Hmm...a marine-themed film and one that sounded vaguely underground-ish? Maybe I could talk to him about them. I presumed
Twenty Miles Below
was the film he was going off to the US for, so it would be nice to learn about it, I supposed.

I closed the browser window and rested my head on the desk. Oh, dear...I sincerely hoped I could get the images of those smiling, perfect models and actresses out of my head before I died of horror...

Chapter 5

The Promise of Rain

'
I'm here!
'

I bit my lip excitedly, but my breathless smile felt slightly sad...I knew this would probably be the last time I heard his voice on the intercom phone for a long, long while. Nevertheless, I decided not to let depressing thoughts weigh me down, and to just make the most of our remaining time together.

I managed to get down the stairs quickly
and
quietly at the same time - a feat that was near-impossible to achieve - and soon I was out of the main door and standing happily before Connor himself, who was this time dressed in a warmer-looking but still casually stylish fleecy jacket.

The sky outside was a different grey this time; darker, patchier, heavier with the promise of rain. I hadn't brought my umbrella...but what did it matter, anyway? I was going to go to Connor's actual
house
...where the man himself
lived
! Well, part of the time, really - but it was still quite an impressive thought, considering how ordinary my life was up until a few days ago. I smiled at him warmly, taking in every detail of him so that I would at least have the memories to sustain me during his absence...details such as the way the uneven, subtle light from the sky bathed his fine features with a stormy glow, darkening the faint shadowy contours of his brilliant blue eyes, which were turned a shade of brooding indigo by the thick layer of cloud obscuring the sun. He was a vision, as usual - the very epitome of casual, decadent charm.

I would miss him.

'I know your house is going to beat mine, so I'll only ask conversational questions about it when we get there,' I told him dryly, but with a teasing smile as we walked off to his car. Connor chuckled at this.

'Whatever you like,' he replied lightly. 'But to tell you the truth, I think I personally like your apartment better. It's so cosy and homely...I haven't been in my house here for a while, so it feels a wee bit empty.'

I still bet it's lovely
, I thought to myself.

Connor's sleek car was parked closer this time, negligently mounted on the kerb. Like always, I admired its streamlined contours before getting in. This time, Connor pleasantly surprised me by gallantly opening my door for me, making me feel important and quite a bit bashful at the same time. Not many men had opened car doors for me in
my
lifetime, that was for sure! I grinned at his very gentlemanly gesture, marvelling inside at what a wonderful person he was in real life...

* * *

We drove for some while down busy streets, passing through the more industrial parts of the town I had rarely been before. It was so odd to think that Connor himself actually had a house somewhere so near to where I lived...if I had ever known, I would have been absolutely shellshocked. However, we soon left the familiar parts of town altogether, and arrived instead in a more open area where the warehouses thinned out into barren but peaceful fields, bordered by rickety fencing and bare-branched trees. I looked out of the window in surprise; I would have thought Connor lived in a more urban area. I told him this, and he replied to me with a smile: 'You would, wouldn't you? But you see, sometimes a guy just needs a bit of
space
...'

By and by, we pulled into a side road, marked with a "dead end" sign that was partially obscured by the thick hedges around it. Was this the street of Connor's English house? I was beginning to feel rather excited.

We soon arrived at a tiny, slightly overgrown roundabout, and just beyond it was a small lane marked "Private Property". Connor smoothly drove up this lane, and at the end of it there was his house.

'Wow,' I remarked admiringly.

Connor's English house was a charming, brick-walled affair with a dark brown roof and white-paned windows. The knocker on the front door gleamed a brassy gold, and the meticulously manicured lawn grew lush and green around the house. The car crunched its way along the gravel path that ran beside it, and finally parked smartly in the driveway.

We got out, and I stared up at the house with a very impressed expression. 'I
knew
you must have one hell of a lovely house,' I said with a smile.

Connor fidgeted with his keys bashfully. 'It's only rented,' he admitted. 'If I'm only staying for a short while, I take a hotel room, but if I'm staying for longer I take the house.'

'It's still very nice,' I told him.

'Thanks,' he replied with a smile, and we walked together up the front path to the door.

* * *

About a quarter of an hour later, I was sitting in Connor's living room with the man himself, perched on a very comfortable couch with a hot cup of tea in my hands. I had been very delighted by how modern and stylish the interior of this house was, despite the fact that Connor had said it felt a little empty to him. It had several times the living space of my own pitiful flat, and about a hundred times more style. The carpets were rich and thick - I had insisted on taking off my shoes, even though Connor walked all over them with his sneakers still on - and the walls had some very fine wallpaper. Even though the house wasn't mansion-size, it still managed to be roomy and comfortable at the same time. I found myself wondering whether upstairs was just as inviting...

Connor sat himself down opposite me, in what was obviously his usual chair, judging by the squashed state of the cushions. His own drink steamed in his mug, which he tentatively sipped from. I watched him sprawl himself out in his chair with a feeling very close to fondness...

'So...you're off to the US tomorrow?' I asked heavily, unable to keep the regretful tone out of my voice. Connor sighed, lowering his eyes and absently running a long finger around the rim of his mug.

'Aye,' he answered. 'I've got preparation for that film to do...'

'Which film are you working on?' I enquired with casual interest, even though I knew already.

'It's this film called "Twenty Miles Below",' Connor told me, a spark of liveliness returning to his eyes. 'It's set underground, which should look fantastic when production's over - and I've been cast as the lead, who's a miner.'

'A miner, eh?' I repeated, eyes glazing as I found myself overwhelmed by images of Connor shirtless, streaked with dirt and gleaming with perspiration. After a few seconds, I realised he was still looking at me, so I hurriedly snapped out of my reverie and added: 'That's cool.'

He gave a smile full of humour. 'I'll probably have to start going back to the gym again for this one...' he laughed, as if he had seen my mental images. I laughed with him, taking a quick sip of my drink to save myself from having to speak again before I had managed to stifle the blush.

'It's been a nice little break for me here in England,' Connor said musingly. 'I don't usually get a chance to really relax like this. Life can get hectic...'

'I thought you were here for a photoshoot?' I asked.

Connor pulled a face. 'Two, actually,' he grinned. 'One at Robert Leeton's, the other at Sandra Maressi's. I just decided to allow myself a little week or two off, seeing as I'm here...'

I nodded idly, looking down into my cup for a second pensively. 'Did your photoshoots go well?' I enquired politely.

'They did, yes,' he replied, arching his back and lazily scratching the back of his head with his free hand. 'Leeton does the black-and-white ones with odd backgrounds, and Maressi dresses me up in suits and tells me to look sexy.' He gave a bashful little laugh at the recollection, the expressive lines around his mouth deepening. 'This time she gave me some shades and shone a bright light in my face...those photoshoots are fun, but I usually end up walking out of them half-blinded, I can tell you!' He chuckled, then turned his head to one side, giving me a thoughtful smile. 'You know, that might be why I ended up bumping into you like that, when we met,' he told me. 'I was seeing big dark spots everywhere!'

We both laughed. The way he talked with such an affectionate tone about our first meeting - it made me realise again how lucky I was. If he hadn't been at that photoshoot, or if I hadn't been looking up at the building like an idiot, then we wouldn't have walked into each other...and we wouldn't be sitting here together now. It was a scary thought...but what mattered was that what had happened had happened, and here I was in the company of my most admired movie star Connor MacGowan.

And he would be leaving tomorrow...

Our conversation lasted for hours. We talked together longer than I had ever remembered talking to anyone...the words seemed to flow so naturally, so easily between us. It was downright odd...I had always imagined that talking to such a famous person would be awkward and difficult. But there was so much to talk about - and when Connor sat the way he did, languid and full of irresistible ease, I found myself forgetting for a moment who he was. He just seemed...normal. Heinously handsome and bewitchingly charming, maybe, but still just like any other man. The way he laughed, the way he smiled...the way he sometimes nibbled his lip when deep in thought...all of these small things stopped me seeing him as a perfect, godlike entity, and instead opened my eyes to a
different
side of him - a fuller, richer,
deeper
side of him. A side that I could almost dare to think was...the
real
Connor MacGowan.

But even as I wonderingly explored this new revelation during the peaceful moments of our comfortable, companionable conversation, the daunting knowledge that soon he would be gone hung over me like an indomitable, oppressive cloud.

And outside, the rain began to pour down.

A few hours later, we were running together through the deluge, until we arrived under the familiar shelter of my apartment building's main door. Raindrops shimmered on the grey pavement, falling in sheets just beyond the sheltered area Connor and I now stood under. I knew I looked a mess; I always did in the rain. Connor, on the other hand, looked lovely as usual, even with his hair plastered to his head. I could see the drops of water clinging to individual curls as they slowly began to rise again, raindrops shining on the tip of his fine nose and on the edge of his chin. He was beautiful...

It gradually began to dawn on me that this moment now really was goodbye. This was probably going to be our last meeting...after this, he would move on and forget me, I knew it. He seemed to know it, too; his eyes, a more vivid shade of blue in the rain, were full of sadness, a little furrow of melancholy upon his brow.

'It's been great, Connor,' I said to him quietly and earnestly. 'It really has. I haven't talked like that in ages...my other friends don't listen to me half as much as you do.'

Connor gave a sad little half-smile. 'Mine neither,' he replied. 'I'm gonna really, really miss you, Lillian. It's sad to leave just as soon as I've made such a good friend...'

I smiled back, touched, fighting against the pricking I could feel in my eyes.

'I guess my life will just have to go back to being boring again,' I said, trying to be light-hearted but only managing to sound completely false. 'Anyway...if you do come here again, you know where I live...we can always meet up again one day.'

Connor nodded distractedly, then sighed.

'I certainly hope so. I know that I've been looking forward to taking part in this film, but it's just that...everything will go back to being hectic and complicated again in my life,' he confessed. 'It's always so nice to have someone to talk to the way we've been talking these past few days...hell, I've been quite lonely for a very long time...'