Just a Kiss: The Bradfords, Book 5 (17 page)

“Nothing. I didn’t mean it.” She sat up and pushed her hair back from her face. Then she tried to smile. It didn’t quite work.

“If I’d talked like that back then you would have never been able to walk away?” he asked, trying to keep the bite out of his tone. Her denial of him hadn’t been about their sex life. It had been about her father, and Eve feeling she had to choose between the man she admired and looked up to, and the man she loved.

Kevin hadn’t deserved admiration or being looked up to back then. He’d been a kid. Before Eve, he’d been a trouble-making kid. If he hadn’t been good at football, he would have gotten into even more trouble. But as the star of the State Championship team he got a lot of passes and favors.

She’d loved him. He knew that. She had loved him as much as an eighteen-year-old girl could love an eighteen-year-old boy who wasn’t living up to his potential. But she’d respected her father.

Respect had won out over love when they came head to head.

“I didn’t mean it,” she said softly.

No, she hadn’t walked away because he hadn’t talked dirty to her. But she had walked away.

He reached for her hand and when she put hers in his he tugged her onto his lap. She snuggled close and he closed his eyes as a different kind of wanting washed over him.

“Just in case,” he said lightly, in spite of the intense emotions coursing through him. “I’m going to talk dirty to you every chance I have. I’ll teach you every filthy word I know.”

“You think there are some I don’t know?”

“Let’s be sure.”

Chapter Six

“Okay, you finally got me here. Now what are you going to do with me?”

Pastor Bryan Peterson looked up from his desk. His mouth broke into a huge grin when he saw Eve standing in the doorway of his office, arms outspread.

“If it isn’t my favorite lost little lamb,” he said. He motioned to the chair in front of his desk. “But I’d appreciate it if you stayed over on that side of the desk.”

She tried to fight the heebie-jeebies that stepping across the threshold caused. This had been her dad’s office, the place where he ruled the roost. “That’s not very welcoming.” She knew, however, that Bryan was thrilled to see her, especially inside the church building.

“Well, I don’t want to be too close to you if there’s going to be any smiting going on.”

She laughed as she dropped two take-out bags on the corner of his desk and took the chair across from him. It
had
been awhile since she’d been in church. “Smiting is pretty Old Testament. You think He’s still doing that?”

“No sense taking any chances.” Bryan leaned back in his chair. “Are you here to volunteer to chair the bake sale?” he asked.

“Cut the crap, Padre,” she said with an eye roll. “I know this is an ambush.”

“Ambush is pretty strong.”

“Yeah, well, you never order your lunch delivered. How can you make kissy faces with Monica if you’re not sitting at the lunch counter at noon?”

He had the good grace to look a little sheepish. “I thought we should talk.”

“Uh-huh. Today. Just out of the blue?”

“I always like talking to you, Eve.”

Over the past three years since he’d come back to town and discovered that Eve was no longer a member of his congregation—or any other congregation—they’d established a routine in their interactions. Whether they were discussing the weather, a BLT, or Monica’s upcoming birthday party, he always made a point to also invite Eve back to church. And she always said no thanks.

They were friends anyway.

“So it’s a coincidence that you want to talk to me today and Kevin Campbell came back to town yesterday?” She watched Bryan for a reaction as she spoke, but he gave nothing away. He was good.

“And you probably didn’t even know that I’d decided to help him out with his little brother for a few months. Or that we’re still married. Or that he’s now spending his Sunday mornings with people like you,” Eve went on. “And I’m sure that you didn’t know that my best friend, your girlfriend, is a little concerned about all of the above.”

Bryan knew something had gone wrong for her between the time they graduated high school and the time he’d come home as Pastor Extraordinaire, but he hadn’t known what, exactly, and she hadn’t shared. Now that she was finally in his office, she appreciated his humor.

“Okay, maybe I knew about some of that,” Bryan admitted with a small smile.

“Uh-huh.” Eve sat back. “Fine. But so you know—one bag has a hot beef sandwich—and probably a racy love note—in it. The other has two pieces of peach pie. That
I
made. If you piss me off the pie stays and the hot beef goes with me.”

His eyes flickered to the bags. “Duly noted.”

No one, not even a forgiving man of God, wanted a piece of her pie. And certainly not two.

Eve crossed her legs and linked her hands on her stomach. “Okay, let’s hear it.”

“I’m not going to preach to you, Eve. Let’s talk.”

“Okay.”

She sat watching him, waiting. How long before he asked all the questions he had to be
dying
to ask?

“How have you been?” he asked politely. “It must be a shock to have Kevin back all of a sudden?”

She lifted a shoulder. “I’m good. Thrilled that he’s back.” She could tell Bryan about the couch scene last night to illustrate how thrilled she was, but she held back. She liked Bryan. He was doing what he thought he was supposed to do when someone strayed from the good and righteous path of church rummage sales and Tuesday night choir practice.

He sighed. “Business at the restaurant is good?” he asked, clearly trying for a more general topic to open her up.

“Yep.”

“Your health is good?”

“Couldn’t be better.” She grinned as Bryan clearly struggled to be available without being nosy.

“Heard any good jokes lately?” he asked.

“Only the one about the priest, the rabbi and the drunk show girl,” she said.

“Never mind.”

“I thought so.” She grinned even wider.

Finally he huffed out a breath. “I’m really trying here, Eve. I want to be supportive.”

“I know.” And that was why she was sitting here with him instead of stomping out of his office. “But I’m okay.”

“You sure?”

“Yep.”

“Nothing you want to talk out now that the question of faith and church are front and center in your life?”

She wasn’t sure
front and center
was entirely accurate. Drew was front and center. Her feelings for Kevin, and his for her, were front and center. Giving their relationship a second chance—that was definitely front and center. So far the church thing was…being ignored. She shifted on her chair, but still said, “Nope.”

“See, this is why you’re at risk for smiting,” he muttered.

“Because I’m torturing a friend by not spilling my guts about things he’s dying to know?”

“Yes.” Though he seemed pleased that she’d used the word
friend
.

And he was her friend. He might be a minister, but he was a good guy. He made her best friend really happy, for one thing. And while he never let Eve get away without saying
something
about church or praying for her, he didn’t pressure her or make her feel guilty. Not any guiltier than she already felt from time to time, anyway.

The church thing between her and Kevin wasn’t front and center but it was…lurking. In the corner. Ready to jump out at any minute. She could feel it. She sighed. “Okay, fine. What do you want to know?”

Bryan sat up quickly, his eyes bright. He was ready. “Kevin’s a Christian. How do you feel about that?”

“That my best friend has a big mouth,” Eve said flippantly even as her stomach knotted.

“Is it a secret?”

No. Probably not. “Guess not.”

“Can I help?”

“I suppose you could preach badly and have Millie play the organ Sunday,” she said. “
That
would make him less enthusiastic about going back.”

“So you don’t want him going to church?” Bryan asked.

What she didn’t want was Kevin not wanting her because
she
didn’t go to church. “If he wants to hold other people’s hands while he prays and needs to toss some cash into the collection plate to feel good, it doesn’t bother me.” But she couldn’t meet Bryan’s eyes.

“That’s why you think he goes?” Bryan asked gently.

No, she was quite sure that wasn’t it at all. She knew Kevin. He did it because he believed in it. She knew how that felt. She remembered it.

But she also knew how it felt to have all the things she’d counted on pulled out from underneath her. She knew, firsthand, that forgiveness and unconditional love and acceptance were great concepts, that sounded so comforting and encouraging from a pulpit, but they were impossible for
anyone
—even those who called themselves Christians—to truly live.

She was sure Kevin was a church member because the church gave him what he needed.

She just didn’t feel the same way anymore.

“No. When Kevin does something, he means it,” she said.

Bryan leaned forward. “So, if he says he wants to make your relationship work, he means it, right?”

“Yes.” She was sure of that too. She swallowed hard.

“Have you told him about your faith issues?”

“My faith issues?” she repeated. “I don’t have issues with my faith.”

“Eve.” Bryan had an earnestness about him suddenly. “Let me help you explore why you no longer believe.”

Ah. She leaned in. “I do believe, Bryan.”

“Do you?”

“Yes. It’s not God I have a problem with. He and I are fine. It’s the humans who suck.”

Bryan watched her, as if fascinated. “Wow.”

“Wow?”

“I’ve been waiting three years to hear something like that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you kidding? How could I not be curious about why Pastor Donnelly’s daughter wasn’t showing up on Sundays? Now, finally, you’re showing me something.”

“You didn’t already know that humans suck?” she asked.

“I know that humans make mistakes and are not perfect,” he conceded.

“Truth is, they generally suck. Especially the ones in church,” she informed him.

That got another eyebrow raise. “Especially the ones in church?”

“Yeah, the ones in church let you down the most.” She couldn’t meet his eyes but she couldn’t stop talking. She supposed it was a pastor super power to get people to talk even when they didn’t want to.

“How do they let you down?”

“They make you trust them. They make you believe in things like forgiveness and patience and hope, then when they turn their backs, it’s even worse.” She pressed her lips together and blinked against the stinging in her eyes. It was stupid to cry over it any more. She’d given the Kleenex company plenty of money already. “At least with regular people you expect them to be assholes. I thought that church people were better. I was wrong.”

Bryan looked like he was in pain when she lifted her gaze to meet his eyes.

“Eve, I’m sorry. I don’t—”

“It’s not personally your fault, Bryan,” she said, waving her hand. “That’s not why I told you. I need you to understand that I’m interested in Kevin, not in church.”

“What if Kevin wants to go to church and share that experience with the woman he loves?” Bryan prodded.

Eve’s heart flipped. She wanted to be the woman Kevin loved, that was certain. And she’d do anything to be with him. “Then I’ll be there with him. But it will be for him. Not for you, or for the rest of the congregation, or the ladies’ circle, or the music committee. And,” she added as a thought occurred to her, “if or when I walk into church you can’t be oohing and aahing all over me.”

Bryan smiled and seemed to relax a little. “I save oohing and aahing for when I see burning bushes and lepers being healed. But I’ll admit that I would be tempted to greet you warmly.”

With that grin and sense of humor, Eve could see what attracted Monica to him. “A simple handshake will suffice,” she said with a smile.

“Fine. I’ll try to contain myself. If you tell me about you and Kevin.”

She wanted to. It was weird. Maybe it was a pastor-mind-control-thing, or maybe he was a great manipulator, or maybe she wanted to talk about Kevin, but whatever it was she said, “Kevin and I eloped the night of graduation.”

Bryan didn’t say a word. But he was watching her with rapt interest his hands folded on top of his desk.

She told him the rest of the story about how they’d come back to tell her family and how she’d chickened out. How her father had demanded to know what had happened in front of everyone. How Kevin had stormed out and how they hadn’t spoken in years and how they were still married. She also told him about Drew and why Kevin would be here for the next six months and how she intended to be involved.

She didn’t, however, share how her father had broken her heart and shattered her trust in all the things he’d preached her entire life about love and redemption and standing by people even when they didn’t deserve it.