Just a Kiss: The Bradfords, Book 5 (30 page)

He nodded. “I didn’t lie to you, but I did a lot of things to be with you. I was never in church because I wanted to be, I didn’t help at the shelter because it was the right thing to do. I did it to get a date.”

“What about when we were together? That was never real?” That made her sad. He’d been her prince charming, and it hadn’t even been real?

“When we were together it was as close as I ever got with anyone,” he said. “I told you things I didn’t tell anyone else. But I was careful to keep it all positive and good. I told you about things I wanted to do, places I wanted to visit, about my family and friends and books and movies I liked. Do you remember? We never talked about being sad or scared or mad.”

She did remember, now. She had, admittedly, grown up in a world of hope and faith with the idea that the good guys always won and if you did the right thing you’d always be happy. Children’s bible stories were about overcoming obstacles and the underdog coming out on top—the little guy felling the giant, the walls of Jericho tumbling down because of trust and persistence, the Red Sea parting to allow the believers to escape. “There’s no way I would have noticed that though,” she said out loud as she pondered it. “I would’ve chalked that up to you being a great guy who had the same life outlook that I did.”

He nodded. “Yep. You were Suzy Sunshine. And I loved that. It made me happy to be around you. So, I never tried to change it or bring clouds to your sunny days.”

She smiled even as she realized that he had a point with all of this. “I don’t really know you that well then?” she asked. That lump that had been sitting in her throat earlier was back.

“But I want you to. I want to be real with you. I want to show you my life.”

“What does that entail?” she asked, snuggling closer, as if she could paste herself against him and pretend that they would never be apart.

“Going to Omaha. For the weekend. I want you to see my apartment, see the Youth Center, hospital, all of it.”

“Great.” She wanted that too. He was transplanted here right now. She’d love to observe him in his natural habitat. “It will be good for Drew to see your world too. The Youth Center and stuff could make a good impression on him.”

Kevin shifted and cleared his throat. “Yeah, about that. I…” He cleared it again. “I think so too and I want to do that sometime but…this trip I want it to be the two of us. I think we have a lot to work out. Some talking to do that maybe he shouldn’t hear, for one thing.”

“Like about my criminal record?” she asked.

He grimaced. “Maybe.”

“Okay. But where will he go then?”

Kevin wouldn’t look at her and he wiggled as if uncomfortable for a few seconds.

“Kevin? Where is Drew going to be while we’re in Omaha for the weekend?”

He sighed. “I thought I might call Libby and Lacey.”

Surprise silenced her for a few seconds. Then she asked, “You mean the good time girls?”

“I think I might have overreacted,” he said sheepishly. “He clearly wants to be with them and I know I should give them the chance to do this before I ask anyone else.”

She hooted with laughter—though quietly because Drew was asleep across the hall. “You realize you’ll have to admit you were wrong and apologize. Big time.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Well,” Eve said, still chuckling and feeling a ridiculous surge of optimism. “I think a big spoonful of marshmallow cream might make it go down easier when you swallow your pride.”

“And, in case I put my foot in my mouth over anything else,” he said, “I’ll get an extra-large jar.”

When Kevin came through the back door after dropping Drew at Libby and Lacey’s the next morning, Eve spoke before he could even say hi.

“Do you think it’s possible that God is a fan of REO Speedwagon?”

To his credit, Kevin didn’t act like it was an incredibly random, crazy question. He dropped his wallet on the counter and took a seat on one of the kitchen stools.

“Hmm…of all the eighties bands I think He’d really prefer Bon Jovi. I mean, who wouldn’t?”

Eve clutched her coffee mug tightly in both hands and leaned against the counter near the sink. This was big. She knew Kevin couldn’t realize that yet, but it was. “It’s important that you think He likes REO.”

Something in her face changed Kevin’s smile to a concerned frown. “Okay. I can’t imagine why He
wouldn’t
like REO.”

Eve hadn’t told this story to anyone. Ever. She’d never had anyone to tell who would A) believe it and B) care. But she thought Kevin might do both. Strangely, she thought both Bryan and Monica would now too, but she wanted Kevin to know most.

She wanted to have this conversation with him, but she also dreaded it. He might completely disagree with her on everything she’d been clinging to for the past several years. But it was important she find that out before they went to Omaha and he let her further into his life. She knew she’d be even more in love with him after that. She preferred her heartbreak to happen right here and now, if it was going to happen at all.

His quick judgment of Lacey and Libby made her nervous. But his apology and sharing last night had given her hope.

They might just make this work…if this emotional rollercoaster didn’t kill her first.

She hadn’t questioned her faith in years. She hadn’t questioned her actions or reactions. Until Kevin showed up.

That kind of ticked her off. She knew who she was and she’d been very okay with that for a long time now. But now that he was here she was questioning what she wanted and how she was living.

“You know how in movies, when people hit rock bottom, they go to church?” she asked. “They kneel down and pray and have some revelation about their life and what they should do?”

“Yeah,” Kevin said.

“Well, I hit bottom about ten years ago. And I drove to church.”

Kevin leaned forward onto the island, but he didn’t say a word. He also didn’t take his eyes off of her, not even to blink.

“But I didn’t go in.” She took a deep breath. She remembered that day clearly. It had been August and hotter than hell. The church had sat huge and impressive in the late afternoon sun, the steeple reaching into the clear blue sky triumphantly. She’d never set foot in that particular building, but she knew what she’d find.

And what she wouldn’t.

“Why not?” Kevin asked.

“Because I had been going into churches all my life and it hadn’t really helped.”

He let several seconds tick by. Then asked, “What do you mean?”

“A church is just a building, right?” she asked. “Until it’s full of people. It’s the spirit of the people inside that makes a church a house of God. That’s what my dad always said.”

“Right,” Kevin said.

She nodded. She’d known he’d say that. The Bible said it, after all. “Well…” she took a deep breath, “…people suck. Especially church people. And I didn’t want to gather with them anywhere.”

Kevin stared at her. Then he frowned. But he didn’t get up and stomp away, or yell, or faint from shock.

“Why especially church people?” he finally asked.

She swallowed hard. “Because I expect them to be better than everyone else,” she said quietly. “They sit there every week and hear about how to be nice and good and forgiving and loving. It’s different if you’ve never heard the story of the Good Samaritan or the lepers and you’re an asshole, but if you been around a place like that then yeah, I expect that…you’re not an asshole.” She turned and set her coffee cup down before she cracked it in two. “I don’t expect people to be perfect either, but there’s a lot of space between asshole and perfect.”

Kevin cleared his throat. “Yes, there is. And I’m guessing someone from church was an asshole to you?”

He didn’t stumble over the question or look freaked out and that calmed her a bit.

“Yeah. My dad.”

Kevin sat up straighter, his frown deepening. “How?”

He had the same look on his face that he’d gotten when she’d told him she and her dad hadn’t talked in ten years. He looked angry and protective. Of her.

Her thoughts spun. Could Kevin be on her side? Could he maybe see her point?

“Rather than try to help me, rather than try to pull me back from the edge, he washed his hands of me,” she said, her voice wobbly. “I was on a very destructive path and if anyone should have wanted to stop me it should have been the fine, upstanding Christian man I called Dad.”

She stopped and breathed, grateful that Kevin said nothing.

“But he never came. He never tried to save me.”

And if he was one of the leaders of the pack, then she figured the rest of them were no better.

“How does REO figure in?” Kevin finally asked.

His voice was rough and she looked up to find his jaw clenched, his hands gripped into two tight fists on top of the island.

He was angry. Furious, really. And she knew it wasn’t at her.

She took another deep breath, this time feeling as if she succeeded in expanding her lungs inside her ribcage. Kevin was listening and he was
hearing
her.

He also didn’t try to talk her out of her feelings or make excuses for her father.

“I didn’t go into the church,” she said, “but I did sit in the parking lot thinking about it for awhile. In the end I told God that if He wanted to communicate with me, He was going to have to find another way. I pulled out onto the street and hit the radio button. The song that came on was REO’s ‘Keep on Loving You’
.”
She took a deep breath. “Do you know those lyrics?”

Kevin swallowed hard, his eyes still stormy with emotion. He nodded. “I think so. But it’s been awhile.”

She remembered every one of the words, but she wasn’t about to sing it for him. Still, she could paraphrase. “It basically says that all he wants to do is keep loving her and that when he says ‘I love you’ it means forever.”

The words had hit her hard. They were…perfect.

Kevin blew out a long breath and his hands relaxed. “Wow.”

“I’ve always believed that He was talking to me through that song.” She felt wetness on her cheek and wiped at it. A few tears had escaped after all.

“What else?” Kevin asked. “Other songs?”

She shrugged. “Yeah. Songs, poems, stories.” She thought of Drew and smiled. “Movies.”

“But not your dad.”

She shook her head. “Not my dad.”

“I want to beat the shit out of your father,” Kevin said, “but I’m glad God made up for his shortcomings.”

She blew out a relieved breath. She hadn’t fully confessed that she didn’t go to church
at all
, but she’d given Kevin a major look into her heart and the current state of her faith.

And he hadn’t run screaming.

“Thanks,” she finally said. “Really. It feels good to tell someone that.”

“I’m glad you told me,” Kevin’s voice was husky. “You can tell me anything, you know.”

She hoped that was true, because she felt like it could become addicting. “You want to hear about the arrest now?”

Kevin shook his head. “No, I don’t, actually.”

“You sure?”

He sighed. “Okay, I kind of do. Of course. But there are things about me I want you to know first. I want you to see what
you’re
getting into too.”

“You know what I really want to know, don’t you?” She poured him a cup of coffee and grabbed her cup again, her hands shaking a little from the left over adrenaline of anticipating and then telling Kevin her story.

“What?”

“How you became a Christian.” She slid onto the stool.

“Ah.” He nodded. “Yeah, that’s a good place to start. But it’s not a long or complicated story.”

“Great. Let’s hear it.” It wasn’t like Kevin had been opposed to the idea of church and God when she’d known him. He’d never made fun of or dismissed her beliefs. He’d even asked questions here and there.

“It was the Christmas after I blew my knee out.” He stared down into his cup. “My body and pride were hurting, my career was over, and I decided that coming home for Christmas sounded really comforting. But Mom and Dad decided to go to Florida for Christmas.” He took a deep breath, then let it out. “I knew it was because Dad didn’t know what to say to me. He hated the idea of me being here with nothing for us to talk about. Football was our bond and it was, apparently, over.”

Eve felt the scowl on her face. “Are you fricking kidding me?” she demanded. “He didn’t want to see you for
Christmas
because you got hurt and couldn’t play football?”

Kevin gave her a half smile. “It might have also been because I was being a major asshole to everyone I knew.”

“That’s understandable,” Eve said, furious on Kevin’s behalf. “It’s no reason for your dad to avoid you.”

“And now you know why I want to beat your dad’s ass for how he treated you,” Kevin said mildly.

She looked into his eyes and saw the hurt that his dad’s actions had caused. “I guess so. I’d love to have a few words with your dad at least.”

Kevin chuckled. “I appreciate it.”