Just a Sketch (12 page)

“I’ve been so wrapped up in Aud, I probably could’ve missed a bomb going off on Cheyenne Mountain.” Leo leaned on the back of his recliner. “But that shouldn’t be an excuse for nearly abandoning my best friend. If we’d been paying more attention, we would’ve probed him a bit before he left breakfast on Saturday.”

“Is that when it happened? Friday night?” She paused in petting Sofi and the cat head-butted her hand. “You guys never said for sure, just it was that guy, Axe, he met through that app. I know those things are all the rage in the gay community, but they feel kinda creepy to me.”

“Hey, straight folks have their anonymous dating apps too,” Leo objected.

Julie went back to petting Sofi. “I know. I get e-mails all the time about them. It’s just that a fair number of the single gay men I’ve known use them.”

Leo cocked an eyebrow at her. “You know more gay men than just me and Felix? ’Cause he’s the only one who uses them. I never have.”

“There’s a few guys at work. Plus, don’t forget you two have dragged me to every pride parade for the past few years. I’ve met other gay guys. But don’t worry about it. I’m not cheating on you guys. You’re my main gays.” She flashed him a weak smile.

“I’m not worried about it.” Leo wasn’t insecure about where his friends’ loyalties lay. If Julie and Felix had friends outside their small circle, he didn’t mind. He knew they cared about him and that was all that mattered.

“Good.”

Silence filled the room for several minutes, broken only by Sofi’s increased purring as Julie continued to pet her. Leo wanted some noise to break the oppressive atmosphere that settled around them. Unfortunately, Felix was a light sleeper even at the best of times. At the ER they hadn’t given him anything for sleep, just for pain and some cream to help with healing. They’d all been thankful nothing was damaged beyond repair, except maybe Felix himself. His body would heal over time. The doctor had advised no sex for several weeks, until the tearing and bruising were healed. He’d also advised Felix get tested for AIDS and all other venereal diseases since he couldn’t remember if Axe had used a condom or not.

Julie looked up from Sofi. “Are the windows in the bedroom closed?” Her voice was little more than a whisper.

“Yeah.” Leo kept his own voice soft.

Giving the cat a final pat, she stood. “It’s a pleasant night. Let’s go out into the yard.”

At the idea of getting out of the apartment for a few minutes, even just going on the other side of his apartment walls, Leo hurried to grab his jacket from the hook behind the door. It might have been a pleasant night, but it was fall in Colorado Springs, and that still meant chilly.

Outside, they moved to the wooden chairs around the cold fire pit that occupied the center of the small yard. Leo brushed the leaves off two chairs, then didn’t wait for Julie to sit down.

“It doesn’t feel as oppressive out here.” Julie settled into the chair next to Leo.

“No, it doesn’t.” The traffic on the street out in front of the house was steady. He’d always appreciated the fact that his apartment was the rear one of the three that occupied the old house that had been divided up years ago into separate living quarters. Sure, he had to park on the side street, but it was quieter than the front two apartments were.

“So, what are we going to do for Felix?”

Leo shrugged. “I don’t know. Just be there for him. He’s scared out of his mind right now, in addition to being hurt. He doesn’t want physical shoulders to cry on, but he wants us there in case he needs us.”

“I gathered that much. I can’t imagine what kind of….” She paused and gestured that she was at a loss for words.

“Freak, monster, asshole, sociopath? There are lots of options,” Leo suggested.

“Yeah, I guess there are.” She folded her hands in her lap and shivered. “Why Felix? He wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“We’ll probably never get an answer to that question.” Leo slumped in his jacket. “I’ve been asking the same thing since he told me. Felix is one of the nicest guys I know.”

“It’s a shame you two never connected.”

Leo chuckled softly. “You know what? We actually did when we first met in college. We had a night of the worst sex two college boys could have. But we liked each other. It didn’t take us long to figure out that we were meant to be friends. I couldn’t ask for a better friend than Felix.”

She let out a long, slow breath. “That’s how I feel about both of you. You’re the best, most awesome friends a girl could ask for. You know, you’ve both spoiled me for other men. They’ll never live up to the examples you set.”

“And most of them won’t go do all the cool things with you that we do.” For the first time since he’d talked to Aud earlier, Leo smiled. “You might have to look pretty hard to find a nongay guy to go to the farmers’ market with you, or the game store.”

“I don’t know about the game store.” She pointed a finger with a well-chewed nail. “You’ve seen most of those geeks in the game store. A lot of those guys are straight.”

“Yeah, but many of them are so focused on things that have nothing to do with girls that you’d never get through to them.”

“You might have something there.”

Silence fell over them again; this time traffic and a barking dog broke it. Sofi’s purring had been more relaxing.

“We’re not going to be able to get him to go to the police with this, are we?” Julie asked.

“I don’t think so.” Leo picked at the peeling paint of his chair. “He’s fairly adamant about his feelings that they won’t do anything for him. I’m pretty sure he was surprised by the ER doctor’s response.”

Another long breath escaped Julie. “Yeah, but even there, if he’d been a woman, they would’ve called the cops whether he wanted them to or not. Since he’s a gay man, they don’t believe he can be raped.”

“With all the politicians going on about ‘true rape’ even in women, I don’t think a lot of people believe rape even exists.” Leo frowned, and in the distance a car alarm shattered the night with its blaring irritation. “After all the advancements we’ve made over the past fifty years, you’d think this war on women would be over by now. We should be past fighting about things like that, or human rights, but the bigots keep them alive, or struggling for life. It’s just sad.”

“And all it takes is something like this happening to make us realize how far we still have to go.” Julie tapped the arm of her chair. “At least the doctor seemed to be somewhat caring.”

“Yeah. He didn’t tell Felix he’d asked for it by meeting up with some random guy for sex. It could’ve been much worse.”

“Do you think we could get him to go to therapy? Would that help?”

Leo stared at her for a moment. “Do you think there’s a therapy group for men who have been raped?”

She shrugged. “Don’t know. I can do some research and find out. Maybe some of the women’s rape groups would help him.”

Leo shook his head. “Stop and think about that for a moment. If it was a group of women who’d been violated by men, do you really think they’d want a man in their group? It’s probably all women to make them feel safe.”

Julie swallowed. “But I want Felix to feel safe again too.” Her voice broke.

“I know. I would do anything to make it all right. At least I was able to talk him into staying here for a few nights. Axe doesn’t know where I live.”

“Do you know that I’m so tempted to go over to Felix’s and wait to see if the shit has the balls to come back? I’d take him down for what he did. He’d never know what hit his nasty ass.” Her sorrow flew away, leaving anger in its place.

“I wish we could find the bastard too.” Leo had no idea what he would do to Axe if they found him, but he was fairly sure it wouldn’t be pretty. “It’s not fair that he’s out there doing to guys what he did to Felix. What do you want to bet that Felix isn’t the first one to end up abused by this monster?”

“Oh, I’m sure. These guys don’t just start raping people with no forethought. I wish Felix remembered more. I wish I could get my hands on his cock.”

Leo blinked at her in the dim light of the backyard, half a block away from the nearest streetlight. “His cock?”

“Yeah. I’d cut that thing off, then shove it so far up his ass that when he tried to tell someone where it was, it would fall out of his mouth.” She glared. “I wonder if he’s military.”

“What?” From her suggestions, Leo could tell her mind was racing, trying to put some kind of understanding to it.

“Military,” she repeated. “Don’t you keep up with the news? A lot of these military guys are coming back from war and can’t handle things. They’re abusing their spouses and everyone around them ’cause they’ve been through so much shit they can’t cope. It’s sad but true. We’ve got so many military guys around here that it’s a distinct possibility. Not to mention a lot of those jarhead types are really mad about how long it’s taken for the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy to be cleared from the books. They’ve had to hide what they are and—”

Leo held up a hand. “Hold up. You’re jumping to conclusions. I know we want this all to be a bad dream. I’d give anything for it to have never happened to Felix. But we don’t help him by coming up with wild ideas.”

She deflated in her chair. “I know. I’m just trying to understand what kind of man could attack our Felix.”

“I know.” Leo got out of his chair and hugged her. Since Felix wasn’t allowing any touching, and Aud wasn’t there, it felt good to hold someone.

Julie sniffled as tears rolled down her cheeks. “I want to fix this. It’s not fair Felix got hurt.”

As his throat tightened and the tears he’d been holding back since Felix had cried in the car flowed freely, Leo fought to control his own voice. “I know.”

When her tears dried several minutes later, Julie sniffled again. “I’m sorry. We’re supposed to be strong for Felix.”

Leo hugged her tight before kissing her check. “It’s okay. Felix is in the house asleep. We can be as weak as we want to be when he’s not here.”

“Okay.” She wiped her nose with her hands. “We’ll be there for each other, then?”

“And for Felix.” Leo wished he had a couple of tissues for both their noses.

“Always for Felix.”

They settled back into their chairs. Silence covered them again before talk turned to small, unimportant things, like upcoming meals, movies to watch, and how they both had to do laundry sometime soon. Finally the chill of the night grew to the point they were both shivering. Julie took the opportunity to leave, promising to swing by the next morning.

Leo retrieved her purse off the back of the couch, noticing the bedroom door was ajar. When he came back in from seeing Julie off, Felix was sitting on the couch with Sofi in his lap.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he muttered as Leo closed the door. “Thanks for not leaving me alone.”

“Not a problem. I’m here for you. So’s Julie.” Leo pulled off his jacket and hung it from the proper hook.

“I know. I can’t believe I was silly enough to try to hide this. You guys know me better than anyone else.”

“Exactly. Next time, keep us in the loop.” Resisting the urge to start pacing in the small apartment, Leo went over to his recliner and sat.

“I’ll try. Not that I ever want there to be a next time.”

“I’m with you there. No more. We only want peace and quiet.”

“So the problem with Aud’s stalker has been taken care of?”

“No.” Leo dropped his gaze to the dark Berber carpet under his feet. “At least, not that Aud told me when I called him earlier. It was while the doctor was in the room with you. I’m not family, so I wasn’t supposed to be there.”

“But you’re family to me.” Felix continued petting Sofi. “You know, I’ve heard about some guys who don’t ever plan on getting married having civil union paperwork on file so if one of them ends up in the hospital, or worse, the other has rights.”

“Let’s wait a few years,” Leo replied.
This is hitting him really hard. He’s never had thoughts like this before. Besides, we’re too young to give up on finding love.

“Yeah. If we do something like that, folks really will think we’re a couple.” A sad smile crossed his face. “I love you, Leo, but it didn’t work out in the bedroom. Not that it’s ever going to work out in the bedroom for me ever again.”

Leo shook his head. “Don’t think like that. We can get you through this. In a few years, you might find the guy for you.”

“I doubt I’ll ever be able to trust another man enough to give him the opportunity to hurt me the way Axe did.” A single tear trickled down his stubbly cheek. “I know I didn’t have as much sex as a lot of the guys out there, but I enjoyed the sex I did have. Never again. It’s not worth the risk.”

Leo pulled his feet up in the recliner and wrapped his arms around his knees. He shook with his need to go hug Felix but didn’t want to risk a forceful rejection, so he changed the subject. “So do you want to find a movie to watch?”

Felix shook his head. “Not really. A comedy wouldn’t fit my mood. Anything violent just doesn’t sound good to me. Even
Star Wars
isn’t appealing. Just talk to me. Help me remember the good times in life. Maybe if I recall those, everything will work out in my head.”

“Okay.” Felix rested his chin on his knees as he struggled to think of good times to help Felix recall. “Do you remember that one teacher we had in college, the swim coach?”

“Who always wore that tight blue Speedo showing the world he had a tiny cock and balls?”

“Yeah.” Leo forced a smile. “That’s him. Remember the time we arrived early to class and caught him shaving his body in the gym shower?”

They settled into an uneasy conversation with Leo trying to make sure that he brought up only safe memories, ones that would help Felix feel better about things, and not worse. It was nearly sunrise by the time Felix drifted off on the couch, Sofi still curled up at his side. Leo got up and checked the blinds to make sure everything was closed tight. It was something he’d caught himself doing since his last evening with Aud. He didn’t want to think someone might come by and look in on him. He couldn’t imagine what that would do to Felix’s fragile state.

When he carefully draped a blanket over Felix, he smiled but didn’t open his eyes. Leo grabbed his own blanket and returned to his recliner. He wanted to be there if Felix needed him.