Just Between Friends (8 page)

     Miranda left him and went to the kitchen.  “Cassie, Ben’s outside.  He wants to speak with you.”

     Cassandra’s face turned pale, as she exclaimed, “Ben?  What does he want?  Look at me, I’m a total mess.  He can’t see me like this!”  Her hair was a bit unkempt, for she had been helping her mother with the baking most of the morning, and she was wearing a rather worn dress, for she hadn’t been expecting company, especially Ben.

     Miranda shook her head and smiled, knowing how nervous Cassie was feeling.  She was remembering how it was for her when Steven had first kissed her.  She had been so nervous.  She had a feeling Ben had come to tell Cassie how he felt about her before he had to leave. 

     Reassuring her sister, she declared, “You look fine.  Don’t keep him waiting.  I think he’s as nervous as you.”  She reached out then and smoothed the unruly strands of her sister’s hair back into place.

     Their mother, Mary, cut in, “I hope he hasn’t come to say he’s leaving us too.  I can’t stand to see any more of our young men going away.”

     Cassandra didn’t even want to think about that, so she checked her hair and walked slowly outside.  “Hello, Ben” she began nervously.  “You came to talk with me about something?”

     Swallowing hard, he answered, “Yes.  Do you think we could go for a walk somewhere?  What I have to say is kind of personal.”

     “Well, alright,” she stuttered.  She could tell something was bothering him.  “I’ll go tell Mama.  I’ll be right back.”

     Soon they were walking side by side down the path to the woods.  After about ten minutes, Ben suddenly stopped and turned to face Cassandra.  “Sit down, Cass.  I need to tell you something.”  He paused.

     Cassie watched, as Ben stood, unable to look directly at her.  His head was lowered, and his lower lip was quivering just slightly.  He wiped his forehead, with the back of his hand, then ran his fingers up and through his jet-black hair, which appeared to have been freshly cut.

     There were trees all around them, and at that moment, you could hear every sound.  Silence was penetrating the air.

     It seemed to Cassandra that butterflies were skittering up and down in her stomach.  She didn’t know if she wanted to hear what he had to say or not.

     His head was still lowered as he hesitantly continued, “You know about the war, don’t you?  Well, it seems all the young men are enlisting.  Alec is going, and I guess I am too.  Well, you see, I just couldn’t leave without seeing you and telling you how I feel about you.”

     Cassandra was starting to feel numb.  Ben couldn’t be going to war!  He couldn’t do that!
  She fretted. 
What if he never comes back?  What if she never saw him again?

     “Cass, are you alright?  You’re as white as a ghost!”

    
No
, she thought. 
I’m not alright
.  She felt as if she was going to faint, as he reached out and held her in his arms until her shaking had subsided.

     “Cass, I didn’t know you’d take it this hard.  I’m sorry I dropped it on you like that.  You see, the reason I came over here in the first place was to tell you the way I feel about you.  I know that when we were younger we fought all the time, but when I was around twelve or thirteen, I started seeing you differently.”

     He glanced at her face to see her expression, then noticing the way her eyes were beginning to glow, he continued.  “At first I didn’t understand why it made me mad whenever some of the boys would pick on you, or talk to you, but then I came to understand why I felt as I did.  Now, maybe you’re too young yet to know how you feel, but I’m not.  You’re all I think about.  Other girls don’t interest me.  I’m in love with you, Cass.  I don’t care if you laugh.  I just had to tell you before I left, and ask if you would wait for me to return.  Maybe by that time, you’ll know more how you feel.”

     Cassandra was trembling, but not from fear this time, only happiness.  “Oh Ben,” she exclaimed happily.  “I don’t need to wait until you return to know how I feel.  I’ve known how I feel about you for a long time now.  I love you too, and yes, I would wait for you as long as it takes.”

     He reached out and gently touched her face.  She could see the love radiating from his dark brown eyes, as he leaned over and lightly touched his lips to hers.  As he pulled away, he said, “I’ll be thinking of you all the time and I’ll write as often as I can.”  He could see the tears filling her eyes and as the one spilled down her face, he gently wiped it away.

     “Please, don’t cry Cass.  I’ll be back before you know it.” 

     She only nodded, as she thought, or maybe you’ll never come back.

     In late spring of 1861, hundreds of young men marched off to war, and some who would never return to see their loved ones again.  Among those men leaving were Steven, Michael, Alec and Ben.  Although Ben’s mother had tried so hard to convince her son that he was much too young to enlist, he would hear none of it.

     He only held his head high and said, “Ma, you have to understand, I could never live with myself if I didn’t do my part in protecting my family.  I’ll be alright.  I’ll be home before you know it, I promise.”

     Louise Williams spoke, her voice trembling.  “Son, don’t make promises you may not be able to keep.  Both of my sons, I …” she broke down crying.

     As she embraced her youngest son, her whole body trembled, “I’ll be praying for you.”  Then looking at Alec, added, “Both of you.  Please, come home safely.”  Turning to Alec, she begged, “Please, look after each other and write to me as often as you can, so I’ll know you’re both alright.  I don’t know what I would do if I was to lose either of you.”  She took Alec in her arms, her body still shivering.

     “It’ll be alright, Ma.  Really, it will,” he comforted.  “We’ll look out for each other, I promise.”

     “Now, Louise,” Ethan cut in, “just look at our two fine boys.  Why, they look sturdy enough to take down the whole Union Army themselves.  They’ll be fine.”  With that, he gave each of them a pat on the back and a hug.  “You write to your mother and me as soon as you get settled and let us know where you are.”

     “We will, Pa.”  Alec assured him.  “Don’t worry.”

     While they were still in conversation, Miranda, Steven and Cassandra walked up to them.  “Alec,” Miranda asked, “Could I speak with you for a moment?”

Cassandra then asked the same of Ben.  They each walked in separate directions, so they could speak privately.

     As they walked away from the crowd, Miranda was feeling sad.  She realized this may be the last time she would ever see Alec, and thinking of all the pain she had caused him, she tried her best to patch things up between them.  “Alec,” she began.  “I want you to know that I’m going to miss you a lot.  We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember.  I’m going to worry about you.”

     His eyes were shining from the tears that were about to spill from them.  “Miranda,” he stated, “If only I had you to return to, and you loved me the way you love Steven, then I couldn’t bear to leave, but it doesn’t really matter to me one way or another if I return or not, since I can’t have you.  I’m not trying to make you feel bad or anything.  It’s just how I feel, but I will miss you.”

But he was making her feel bad.  She had never meant to hurt him this way, but she couldn’t have done anything differently.  She didn’t want to hurt him any more than she already had, but she had no right to keep the gift he had given to her.  She had to return it to him before he left.

“Alec, I know this may not be the time, but as you know, the air has been thick between us and now after what you just said, I feel even worse. This may be the only chance for who knows how long though.”  She reached into her dress pocket and produced the small box he had given her, containing the locket.  “I should have given this back to you a long time ago.  I really don’t feel right about keeping it.”

“No, Miranda,” he begged. “Please keep it.  I know how you feel, and I know you will never love me in the same way as you love Steven, and I’ve come to terms with that.  This was just a birthday present, so just accept it as that, alright, and nothing more?  Really, I want you to have it.” 

Miranda had tears flowing down both sides of her cheeks, but her voice was so choked with emotion, that when she tried to respond, nothing would come out, so she only nodded.

     Reaching out and pulling her into his arms, he added, “I hope Steven returns and you both are happy.  Who knows, maybe this is the best thing for me right now.  It’ll help get my mind off this whole ordeal.”

     “Oh, Alec, please don’t talk this way,” Miranda begged.  “There are a lot of girls besides me, and any one of them would be pleased to be yours.”

     Alec looked at her sadly and replied, “I don’t know about that, but there is one thing I do know.  There’s only one Miranda Porter in the world, and Steven has to be the luckiest man I know.”  With that, he bent down and kissed her forehead, then walked off.  Such a bittersweet feeling washed over her, as she slowly watched him disappear from sight.

     Steven walked up to her then, and wrapped his arms around her, comforting her.  “That was rough, wasn’t it sweetheart?”

     “Steven, Alec makes me feel so guilty.  I didn’t mean to hurt him so.”

     Steven sighed.  “Of course you didn’t.  He’ll be alright.  He’ll find that special someone one day.”

     She prayed he was right.  “I sure hope so.  This is all so hard to deal with,” she admitted.  “Steven, I wish you wouldn’t go.  If you don’t come back, I wouldn’t want to live anymore.”

     Gathering her in his arms, he did his best to put her fears to rest.  “Hey, now stop that!” He demanded.  “Nothing’s going to happen to me.  Why, I’ll be back before you know it.”  But something deep down inside Steven told him differently.  He didn’t understand what he was feeling, but he couldn’t reveal this to Miranda.

     Hand in hand, they slowly walked back to their families and friends.  Everyone said their goodbyes and soon they were gone, but the memory of that day would remain with each of them forever.

                                              ***

     The seasons passed and Miranda received letters from Steven as often as he could send them.  It was hard to believe that it had been three years since that dreadful day in which he had left.  At times her longing for him was unbearable.  She slept with his letters under her pillow each night, and would say the words to them that she longed to say to him.  In his last letter to her, he wrote,

                                 
October, 1864

My Dearest Miranda,

     All is well.  I hope this letter finds everyone well at home.  Tell your family hello for me.  Michael and I are still in the same Calvary, and he said to tell you hello, and to please give Sarah a big hug and kiss for him, and tell Sam he loves her and he’ll be writing to her again real soon.  Oh my love, I miss you so much.  If only I could hold you again and touch those sweet lips to mine, I would feel like a new man.  I think of you all the time and how our future together will be.  I can’t wait to be married to you.  Well, sweetheart, I’m not going to make this long.  We’re being sent into Missouri under Generals Price and Smith.  I’m really not at liberty to say any
more, but pray for us, that we won’t lose any more men.  I hate to say this, but the Confederacy is weakening.  Something has to be done.  Take care of yourself, and I’ll write to you again soon.

                                                                       All of my love,

                                                                           Steven

     Miranda felt a lump in her throat.  What was Steven trying to tell her?  What did he mean by they can’t afford to lose any more men?  Has that many already lost their lives?  She felt her head spinning, but at least she knew both Steven and Michael were still alive.  She also knew Alec and Ben were too, because their mother and father had received a letter from Alec, and Ben had written a letter to Cassie.  She thought Ben wouldn’t even recognize Cassie anymore, for she had matured into such a beautiful young woman.  Oh, when will this all be over, she sighed?