Just Between Us (44 page)

Adele got up and made her way to the ladies’ room. She returned with her tights in her handbag and her knit cardigan draped around her shoulders.

‘Isn’t that better?’ said Rose.

They feasted on Molloy’s famous crab platters and then took a gentle stroll down the beach in their bare feet, sandals dangling from their hands.

‘If all of Kinvarra could see us now,’ laughed Rose ruefully. ‘The two Miller ladies ambling along on the sand in bare feet.’

Adele looked alarmed at this. It was one thing to throw caution to the wind in a place where nobody knew you, quite another to do so and tempt fate by imagining some Kinvarra resident observing such reckless behaviour. Still, she’d forgotten how wonderful grains of sand could feel between the toes. The beach was hot to walk upon but at the edge of the water, the sliding wet sand was cool and gritty, slithering away when she walked on it.

‘Hugh would enjoy this,’ Adele remarked thoughtlessly.

‘Do me a favour, Adele. Don’t talk about Hugh. Please. I need time and peace, give me that, please.’ Rose kept walking, her eyes on the misty blue horizon. In the shimmering distance, she could see a yacht, a sleek racer basking in the sun. Hugh loved boats, although it was years since they’d cruised the Shannon in one of those solid cruisers. Rose could remember the two of them setting off for a weekend, with nothing more taxing to do than negotiate the cruiser into tiny, sun-dappled harbours and meander along to some pretty pub for delicious, home-cooked food. It all came back to Hugh, really. She thought about him all the time, without any help from Adele. You couldn’t spend forty years of your life with one person and then cut the cord, never looking back. Rose spent hours looking back. Even in this wonderful, obligation-free life she was living, there were many quiet moments where introspection was inescapable. If Hugh was cast in the part of poor Lot, she would have turned into a pillar of salt many times.

Adele walked on in silence. She didn’t notice the pretty opalescent shells washed up on the beach. It would take more than taking her tights off to make Adele the sort of person who collected seashells.

Rose spotted a booth selling ice cream.

‘What do you think, Della?’ she asked. ‘Would you like an ice cream?’

Adele smiled at the affectionate use of her childhood name. ‘Why not,’ she said.

The beds were set up by seven, and Freddie had concocted a simple meal based on salad, garlic bread and an omelette, which was ready to be cooked when Stella and Amelia arrived. While they waited, the three women sat outside in the golden evening, enjoying the evening sun. One of Freddie’s precious vinyl records played in the background, sending the gentle rhythms of Hoagy Carmichael spinning out into the evening air. A bowl of stuffed olives and a jug of Freddie’s Singapore Sling sat on the cast-iron table. Prinny lay panting across Rose’s feet, while Pig and Mildred had thrown themselves down beside Freddie.

‘The Viking evening doesn’t start till eight,’ Freddie remarked, ‘so we should see some of it.’

‘I’m surprised you’re not involved,’ Adele said tartly.

‘Oh they asked me, but two years ago, we did Irish folklore and I was Queen Maeve and the trouble that white bull caused. The problem with these re-enactments is always the animals.’

Adele looked astonished. Rose grinned and took another olive.

‘Look,’ she cried suddenly, getting to her feet. The dogs jumped up too. ‘They’re coming!’

Amelia chattered wildly for the first ten minutes after she and Stella arrived, telling Granny that she’d got a hamster named Dimples, that she’d been to Moon’s and gone on the big water slide, and that for Becky and Shona’s birthday, Aunty Hazel had got a bouncy castle in the back garden. Shona fell off and bumped her head but Amelia didn’t.

‘I’ve missed you,’ said Stella, holding her mother tightly. ‘You’ve no idea how much I’ve missed you.’

‘We’ve gone a month without seeing each other before,’ said Rose, trying to hide how guilty and shocked she felt at the heartfelt plea in her daughter’s voice.

‘Yes, but that was different,’ Stella said, her face still buried in Rose’s shoulder. ‘I knew you were there with Dad, this is different country, isn’t it? Everything’s changed.’

‘We’ve been in touch every few days,’ Rose protested,
remorse overwhelming her. She’d thought that Stella would understand her desire to get away from everything and sort out how she felt. And normally, although they spoke on the phone a lot, they didn’t live in each other’s pockets. Rose despised those mothers who demanded that their city-dwelling children trek obediently home every second weekend, refusing to believe that they had their own lives in another place. Rose had thought she’d made the right choice by avoiding all those pitfalls, but now it seemed as if she’d been mistaken.

Adele had been in the shadows and at that instant, Stella noticed her.

‘Aunt Adele, hello, what are you doing here?’ she asked stiffly.

‘Adele’s come to offer support,’ Rose said quickly.

Stella looked just as surprised as Rose had been but she rallied quickly. ‘That’s nice,’ she said.

Amelia loved Freddie’s cottage and was delighted with the sleeping arrangements, especially her blow-up bouncy bed. Most of all, she adored the dogs, who returned the favour and clustered happily around her. Freddie knocked out the omelette at high speed so that the entire party would get to see some of the Viking show.

‘It’s history coming alive,’ she told a wide-eyed Amelia, who was even more thrilled that she was going to be allowed to stay up late.

Stella was very quiet, so Rose found herself overcompensating in the conversation department, chattering on about the meals on wheels and how she’d toned up from walking so much with the dogs.

When the meal was finished, they walked down the lane to the Viking show. Amelia skipped on ahead, while Freddie slowed her pace to walk with Adele, leaving Rose and Stella in the middle of the party.

‘You seem so happy here,’ Stella said. ‘You’ve made this life for yourself and,’ she hesitated before voicing her fears, ‘I can’t help but feel that we’re not a part of it.’

‘Don’t say that,’ said Rose, stung. ‘My being here isn’t a rejection of you, Stella, it’s just me reclaiming my life.’

‘I know. I’m sorry, I really am.’ Stella clung onto Rose’s hand as they walked. ‘I’m being selfish. You have a right to your life. I shouldn’t have said that. I do want you to be happy, Mum. I just need to feel that Amelia and I are still a part of it. Tara and Holly feel the same.’ This wasn’t absolutely true. Tara, who seemed very distant and preoccupied lately, a fact which worried her older sister, had said how depressing it was that the family seemed to have splintered.

‘It’s like a death in the family,’ she’d told Stella on the phone the night before. ‘Everything’s changed, Mum’s changed, and it’s horrible.’

Holly, however, didn’t seem as concerned and was more worried about their father. She hadn’t mentioned feeling left out because Rose appeared content in her new, family-free life. Stella had put this down to Holly’s guilt at having known about Hugh’s affair and not telling their mother.

‘You’ll always be the biggest part of my life,’ Rose said shakily. ‘I’m your mother and I’m so proud of all of you. But…’ She struggled to put what she felt into words. ‘This isn’t about the family. It’s about your father and me. It’s about me deciding what to do next, and it’s easier to do it away from everyone. You must understand, Stella. If I stayed with you, surrounded by the memories of myself and your father, I’d be drawn back into our marriage, without having actually made any decisions about whether I wanted that or not. I know you think it’s selfish of me being here but, I have to be a bit selfish. Can you understand that?’

They’d reached the enormous field behind the tiny Norman chapel and rowdy noises could be heard coming from beyond the hedge.

‘I do. I suppose I hadn’t thought of it like that before,’ Stella said quietly. ‘You were never selfish; that’s why you didn’t leave Dad, isn’t it?’

Rose nodded. ‘Selfish isn’t supposed to be an option for mothers, as you know.’

Amelia was waiting for them to catch up. Rose and Stella each caught one of the little girl’s hands and they swung her in the way she’d loved when she was a toddler.

‘Mummy, Auntie Freddie says there’s a horse thing on tomorrow. Can we go to that too?’ Amelia asked.

Over her daughter’s shining dark head, Stella’s eyes met Rose’s. ‘Whatever you want, pet.’

Saturday had a holiday air to it. The gymkhana was a huge success and by evening they were all almost too tired to visit one of Freddie’s neighbours who was hosting a huge barbecue. Amelia found two little girls of similar age to play with, leaving the grown-ups to enjoy the food and the chance of a sit-down with paper cups of sangria.

‘My feet are killing me,’ Adele groaned, lowering herself into one of the mismatched chairs in the neighbour’s enormous back garden.

‘Mine too,’ said Freddie, sinking into the chair beside Adele’s.

Rose was too restless to sit and prowled the garden, investigating the tiny herb garden at the end. On the other side of the dry stone wall was a field where sheep stood chewing contentedly. Stella came to find her.

‘Isn’t this lovely,’ said Rose.

‘Beautiful,’ agreed Stella, perching on the stone wall. ‘It’s very calming here. Like the city is a million miles away and none of the stupid things you worry about really matter.’

‘What stupid things would those be?’ Rose asked, sitting beside her daughter.

Stella sighed. ‘Life, the universe, you know.’

‘I don’t. Is it Nick?’ Rose prompted. ‘I thought you were very happy.’

‘We
were
,’ Stella replied. ‘It’s all become so complicated. Jenna hates me, and I mean that. It’s not dislike, it’s sheer hate, which is kind of hard to cope with. She’s also behaving
badly at school and Nick’s ex clearly blames Nick for that. Nick
and
me, actually. I can just imagine what she’s thinking:
If Nick had never met that woman, Jenna wouldn’t be behaving like a monster, etc, etc. She’s only a kid and how can she cope with her father’s new life
. I feel like public enemy number one.’

Rose, who knew when to hold her tongue, said nothing.

‘I wouldn’t mind,’ Stella continued, ‘but Nick doesn’t stand up to Jenna when she’s behaving badly, which makes her worse. It’s like he’s deaf when she’s making these horrible comments under her breath. He doesn’t stand up for me.’ It sounded so petulant saying it, but Stella couldn’t help herself. Jenna’s behaviour wiped out the calm, rational adult in her and brought out the furious screaming child instead.

‘Poor you,’ said Rose. ‘I remember when you told me about Nick for the first time, you had a premonition this might happen.’

‘Yeah, I’ve heard all the stepmom stories but I really thought I could handle it. I honestly didn’t think it was going to be this bad. Sara is a lovely girl, she’s funny and friendly, and she’s really sweet to Amelia. But the other one…she’s a nightmare child.’

‘You must understand that Jenna’s life has changed and the only person she can see to blame for that is you.’

‘That’s irrational,’ snapped Stella.

‘People aren’t rational, children especially so. She is still a child,’ Rose said. ‘You have to be calm when you deal with her, let her see that her bad behaviour gets no rewards or no added attention. But you have to remain adult in all of this. And, even more importantly, you can’t blame Nick for his daughter’s behaviour.’

‘Mum, I don’t want you to be wise and see everybody else’s point of view, I want you to be on my side!’ Stella said heatedly.

‘It’s because I
am
on your side that I’m being wise.’ Her mother stared at Stella. ‘There’s no benefit in my saying
“God, Jenna’s a brat and Nick doesn’t deserve you.” Where will that get us? Nowhere. Listen, Stella, you have a good, strong relationship with Nick. It’s worth fighting for. Jenna will learn to live with you eventually, and Nick’s ex-wife will learn how to let go and live her own life. It’s going to take time and patience, but it will be worth it. When you’ve got something special, it’s worth fighting for it.’

Stella was silent. She didn’t want to mention the one other gloomy factor lingering over her and Nick: the shock of Rose and Hugh’s split. Seen through the prism of her parents’ troubles, Stella’s relationship with Nick appeared on shakier ground. If Rose and Hugh could separate, then what hope was there for Nick and her with all their complicated problems? How long would it last before everything, inevitably, went wrong? And was there any point in love at all if you just got hurt in the end?

‘I suppose you’re right,’ she said. ‘But it’s hard to be love’s middle-aged dream when you’re always waiting for the next explosion. Nick and I do have something special, but…it’s so hard dealing with Jenna’s hate all the time. I thought I could make her love me, I honestly thought we could be sort of a family…Still, let’s not talk about it any more. What I actually wanted to talk to you about was Tara. I’m worried about her.’

‘Worried, why?’ asked Rose, jerking her hand up from toying with the leaves of a fragrant thyme bush.

‘I think there’s something wrong with her and Finn. Not,’ Stella added hurriedly, ‘that she’s said anything. But a few months ago, I got the feeling that all wasn’t well. And on the night of the ruby wedding, they rowed and Finn stormed off. She wouldn’t say what it was and now acts as if everything is perfect. You know Tara, she’d never tell you in a million years. But, I just know something’s not quite right.’

Rose crumpled a sprig of thyme in her fingers absentmindedly.

‘She hasn’t mentioned anything to me,’ Rose said. ‘But then, she wouldn’t, would she? Not now.’ She gave a bitter
little laugh. ‘I’ve been so busy thinking about myself, that I’ve neglected the rest of you.’

‘No you haven’t.’

‘I should talk to her,’ Rose said, ‘get her to come here for the weekend. She might be able to act as if everything’s fine over the phone, but she wouldn’t be able to do it with me in person. How’s Holly?’ she asked tentatively.

‘Seems fine,’ said Stella. ‘She modelled at Joan’s fashion show and never told us, the minx. I’d have loved to have gone to see her. I was thrilled to hear she’d done it, though, it might give her some confidence. Honestly, she’s so gorgeous and talented, and she thinks she’s anything but. It kills me to see her undervaluing herself; don’t you agree?’