Just Breathe Trilogy Box Set (13 page)

As I attempt to lift my heavy eyelids, I discover a hazy darkness surrounding me. Blinking slowly several times, my half-opened eyes won’t focus to give me any clear indication of what’s around me and where the blurry, flashing lights above are coming from. My body feels heavy. Still unable to open my eyes all the way, I perceive that I’m laying down somewhere. A cool dampness near my left cheek reveals itself as a slight gust of air brushes past my face. Sliding my right arm up the side of my body like a snake, my fingers creep to my lips. Drool — or, at least I hope so.

Two large and oddly shaped figures materialize in front of me. They are so close, only a foot or two away. Voices suddenly emanate from the now more defined silhouettes. Their speech sounds muffled and trails off into the distance even as I try to concentrate on their words. Who are they? What are they saying? Why can’t I understand them? One of the voices almost sounds feminine.

Another indistinguishable sound gradually becomes more apparent as it grows louder and the ringing in my ears subsides. It’s the engine of a car. My brain finally starts to put the fuzzy pieces of evidence together. I must have fallen asleep in the back seat. A familiar smell creeps into my nose that reassures me — my mother’s perfume.

“Mom?” my throat squeezes out in a raw, breathy, hoarse tone.

“We’re almost home, dear,” her voice replies in a low sluggish tone.

I internally smile at her comforting words, though her voice sounds peculiar.

A sudden rush of nervousness enters my belly. The car feels as if it’s flying down the road like a rocket ship as the speed of the flashing lights zooming above my head all blur into one.

“Mom,” I try to shout, but not a single sound escapes my mouth this time. Confused, I try again. “Mom!”

She doesn’t hear me. I don’t hear me.

A single, bright white light races towards us, growing larger by the second. My mother turns her head towards me smiling. Why doesn’t she hear me? How does she not see the light?

Again, with all my might. “Mom . . . !” my voice trails in my head like a deafening siren, stabbing my ears like a knife.

Time stops in this very moment. I can see everything with perfect clarity as I stare in horror into my mother’s eyes. My mouth is left open, still screaming without a sound. I can’t hear anything except a piercing ring that echoes in my body. Why can’t she hear me? Why doesn’t she see the terrified look on my face?

My body lurches backward as I attempt to scramble to grab my mother and I suddenly become paralyzed. Then, it happens all at once — I see the face of the truck driver before I hear the sound of metal hitting metal as it wraps itself around and around. Maggie? I watch my parents’ bodies hurling forward toward the oncoming truck, bouncing around like ping pong balls, getting dented with each blow.

My heart is filled with terror as I desperately try to yell one more time, “Mom . . . !”

Jerking up, I shout out in horror. My heart is pounding, my lungs are heaving and my entire body is shaking.

“Emma?! Emma, are you alright?” Maggie searches for the light next to the bed as Jared and Nathan barge into the room in response to my screams.

Sadie is whimpering and scrambling to comfort me as well.

Wrapping his arms around me, Jared pulls me into his chest, draping my legs across his lap like a parent would for their child, “It’s okay Emma. It’s okay.” Jared’s actions are routine from the years of us living together.

Nathan sits across from me, stroking my hair while Maggie presses her forehead into my back. Sadie wedges herself between Nathan and me, placing her head on my leg as Jared rocks us gently back and forth while repeating his soothing words, “It’s okay, Emma. It’s okay.”

My body trembles as I recount the nightmare to myself. The vision has always been the same until now and my mind is disturbed by the image of Maggie’s face as the truck driver. I bury my face into Jared’s chest and shake my head, trying to rid the pictures from my memory. The tears just keep flowing as I keep seeing in my head the image of Maggie driving the truck.

I must have passed out over time because I wake with all five of us spread out a little on the bed and to the sound of Jared, Nathan and Maggie talking softly.

“Has it always been like this,” Nathan whispers with a shaky voice.

“No,” Jared answers with fear. “It hasn’t been like this in a long time.”

Jared has experienced the brunt of my nightmares since we met. It took months before I stopped waking up screaming from them. He’s the only one I’ve told what I see.

“I’ve never seen her this bad,” Maggie adds cautiously with a shaky tone.

“I thought they weren’t this bad anymore. She had one a few weeks ago, the morning of our meeting, but she seemed fine when I got there. I’m not sure why they’re happening again. She’s gone months without having them,” Jared discloses as he pulls me in tighter.

“What’s causing them to come back?” Nathan searches.

“I honestly don’t know,” Jared admits with a sniff like he’s been crying. “How was she last night when you two went to bed?”

Pausing to think, Maggie responds, “Fine. Like normal. Nothing different.”

I can feel Jared nod his response. I’m not sure why I’m having them either and I hope they don’t ask when I finally let them know I’m awake.

I wait for what feels like ten minutes later before shifting like I’m waking up. “Since when are you guys into an orgy?” I say with my best fake groggy morning voice.

I feel Jared breathe in and out as some tension in his body releases.

“Only if they’re all men,” he replies with strained emotion.

Maggie and I chuckle when I hear what sounds like a slap on skin. Nathan must have hit Jared for his comment.

Before letting them question me, I ask, “What time is it?”

“It’s just after six,” Maggie answers with her perky, soft voice.

She’s clearly happy to hear me joking.

“I’ve got to feed Sadie,” I continue, rising and trying to move on from earlier.

Jared catches my eye and I know he’s not convinced by my little act, though Maggie and Nathan buy into it. I can tell Jared is hesitating to say anything for which I’m very grateful. If we’re going to have a discussion, I don’t want to do it now, let alone in front of Maggie and Nathan. I’ve always been able to talk to Jared about this. It’s not easy, but it’s easier than with anyone else.

They all follow me into the kitchen, watching me closely, wondering if anything should be said and trying to find out if I might share. I start my morning process by feeding Sadie and then drinking my glass of clay. Nathan has a glass as well while Maggie and Jared make tea.

“What time are we meeting
Romeo
?” I tease Maggie with a smile.

“Ha ha,” she shoots back with a grin, lighting up at my playfulness. “I told them to meet us at the courts for eight-thirty.”

“Cool. We have plenty of time to get ready,” I continue with a bounce in my voice.

Jared watches me cautiously as Maggie and Nathan start chatting about their excitement for the day. As I finish my drink, I rinse out the cup and walk over to Jared to give him a reassuring hug and kiss.

With a tentative tone, he whispers, “Glad to have my
Kitten
back.”

My grin widens seeing him ease. “Me too.”

“You rebounding this morning?” Nathan directs at me.

“Just to loosen up. I want to be on my A-game for kicking some butt in volleyball,” I reply.

“That’s what I was thinking,” Nathan shares. His smile widens, “I figured you haven’t lost your competitive side.”

Nathan has had a rebounder since Christmas. It was a gift from me when he had vocalized several times that he wanted to start improving his overall health.

“Nope,” I confirm.

“Be nice today, Emma,” Maggie comments, as if I’m never nice.

“I’m alway nice,” I mock.

Jared and Nathan giggle.

“You know what I mean,” she counters, waving her finger at me.

Laughing, Jared taunts, “She’s serious, Emma. She’s even using Nǎinai’s finger wave. You better watch out.”

I shake my head at all the fun while deciding on if I want to add to their morning entertainment.

“Why don’t you start jumping while I take Sadie out,” I suggest to Nathan.

Jared joins Sadie and me for a walk on the beach, obviously concerned about this morning. “You okay,
Kitten
?”

“Yeah . . . yeah . . . I’m fine,” I uncomfortably agree.

Jared and I both know that I’m lying.

“Want to talk about it?” Jared gently pushes.

He knows I hate talking about the dream and he always treads lightly when we do.

“Not really . . . but, I know you do.”

“It’s been a while since you’ve had them . . . and then you had one a few weeks ago before our meeting, and then this morning,” he reminds.

“I know . . . and this one was different,” I accidentally blurt, crossing my arms in front of me.

“Different?” he quickly questions.

“Umm . . . shit,” I comment.

“Different, how?” he confronts.

Jared’s demeanor changes as he gets into protective mode.

Taking a deep breathe, I admit what I saw. “Everything was exactly the same . . . except . . . .” A shiver slides down my spine.

“Except . . . ?” Jared pries.

“I saw the truck driver . . .his . . . her . . . face . . .” I hesitantly reveal.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah . . .” I confirm. “ . . . but, not how you think.”

“What do you mean?” Jared stops us, placing his hands on my upper arms.

“It was . . . Maggie,” I begrudgingly confess, not wanting to look him in the eye.

“Maggie?” Jared repeats, confused and bewildered.

“Yeah . . .” I unwillingly verify. “Please, don’t tell her.”

Jared doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to. He just pulls me into his body, hugging me, reassuring me. We stay embraced for a little while until Sadie insists on one of us throwing her ball again.

When we resume walking back towards Nathan’s, Jared breeches the subject again. “So, why Maggie’s face?”

“Don’t know . . . and, I don’t really want to know,” I confess.

Jared nods his understanding and during the rest of our walk, we stay connected by holding hands.

By the time Jared, Sadie and I return from our walk, Jared jumps on the rebounder first. “I really need to start using this more,” he announces as he jumps off. “I can feel the difference with just ten minutes.” He sits down on the floor to stretch. “And, look at Nathan . . . he’s gotten sexier just using it these past few months.”

“And, you wonder why you have a challenge when we go trampolining,” Nathan adds playfully.

I laugh because it’s true. We go to some of the local trampoline places between Santa Monica and Pasadena. They have large trampolines in rows across the floor that allow you to jump from one to the other. We go when they have their free jump times and Jared gets tired after about thirty minutes into our hour long paid session.

“Emma’s like the freakin’
Energizer Bunny
,” Maggie comments as I hop on for my turn.

It’s true, I jump every morning on my rebounder for at least thirty minutes, usually more, and that doesn’t count when I do the same thing in the evenings. At least two days a week I head over to the trampoline facility in Glendale to take their morning hour long rebound classes on the large trampolines.

Today, I’m inclined to keep jumping, but I have to control my tendency to continue after having the dream. I'll need to relieve the rest of my tension when we play volleyball.

“She’s the
Energizer
Sex Kitten
,” Nathan laughs out.

This gets all three of them laughing and a hearty giggle out of me.

By the time we hit the showers, Nathan and Jared are in one and Maggie and myself are in another. We’ve got about forty-five minutes to eat and dress before getting to the courts by eight-thirty to meet Henry and Joe. Luckily, dressing isn’t as big of a deal for the boys and they are dressed in record time as I finish packing the soft coolers with water, coconut water, fruit, trail mix and a few snacks for Sadie. Maggie isn’t helpful packing the coolers since she’s more concerned with texting Henry. We all gulp down the smoothies I prepare before we’re out the door.

“Which Tesla should we take?” Jared asks. “Yours, mine or Maggie’s?”

Not looking up from texting, Maggie replies, “I left me keys upstairs.”

All she brought was her phone and small clutch purse which she stashed in one of the outside pockets of the blue cooler.

“Alright. Your’s or mine,” Jared states to Nathan with a seductive undertone.

“Oh, God. Please don’t start now or we’ll never leave,” I poke.

“Mine then,” Nathan says, taking the high ground before smacking me on my ass.

“Cute. Just hope we aren’t on opposite teams today,” I threaten deviously as I put the coolers in the trunk on top of the beach chairs.

We’re at the volleyball courts in just five minutes since there’s nobody on the Santa Monica roads this early on a Saturday morning.

“They should be here any minute,” Maggie shouts as Jared and Nathan put out three folding chairs onto the sand near one of the nets and I start setting up the umbrella.

“Yay,” Jared yells in a mild mocking tone, jumping up and down and clapping his hands.

Maggie sticks her tongue out in protest while Nathan and I laugh.

When the boys and I finish getting the umbrella situated, we turn to see Maggie running to the entry way of the fence towards the parking lot.

“They’re here,” Jared squeals into Nathan’s ear while wrapping one of his arms around Nathan’s shoulders.

As Maggie, Henry and Joe approach the fence, Sadie whines, so I signal her that she can go greet them. Sadie gets to Joe first and is met warmly by him. I’m still perplexed at her response to him — she only bares her belly with the people within our little family. Henry has to let go of Maggie’s hand to pet Sadie, but immediately returns his palm to hers as they resume their way over.