Just Breathe Trilogy Box Set (4 page)

I left the house with nothing other than a few family pictures, a few of my mother’s books, my laptop computer, Mom’s first aid kit to help with my injuries, and never looked back as the door closed shut. A single tear found its way down my face that night, but it was the only one.

Still aching, I biked back to the train station that let me off eight blocks from the house. I knew I had to get away, far away, or else the State would thrust me into another questionable situation. This time, I rode to the Newark station and bought a one-way ticket to California. It was several hundred dollars more for a private room, but I didn’t care. It was a small price considering the amount of money I had on hand. I stopped in the twenty-four hour convenience store that was across the street to pick up a few minor things before hiding in the restroom of the station until boarding to make sure I wouldn’t be spotted — just in case the police were looking for me. While in the restroom, I cleaned myself, used some of the stuff from my Mom’s first aid kit and ate some of the food I had in the bag.

I looked in the mirror and knew that another step needed to be taken before leaving the restroom, using the materials I purchased from the convince store. When I finally stepped out to board the train, my naturally dirty blond hair that flowed just below the middle of my back was now jet black and shoulder length. I blended with the small group of passengers easily. The sling for my injured right arm would stay hidden under my jacket until I got to my private cabin.

The journey went smoothly. I stayed in my cabin for most of the ride across the country, only exiting my accommodations to eat a few times or use the restroom. After my first round of sleep and food, I counted the money Dean had hidden in the cigarette cartons several times. I was shocked to find out that I had nineteen thousand, four hundred and seventy-eight dollars total, including the ten thousand I had gotten from my parent’s safe. I rolled up the majority of the money in small wads and hid them inside my bike frame. No need to have that much exposed. The cash would buy me time to find a place to stay and get a job. Unable to sleep consistently for the rest of the trip, eating or reading became my main distraction while awake.

A weight was lifted from my heart and gut when I stepped off the train and breathed in the sunny, cool air of California. Though I didn’t know where to go or what to do at the moment, I didn’t care. I felt free.

That’s when I met the man that sits before me today, sharing with me this wonderful meal, this wonderful moment. He is not just a friend. He has become family. He has become my brother. Other than my parents, he and Maggie are the only two people who truly have my heart — and who could break it.

Before heading back to my apartment after lunch, Jared and I decide to walk Colorado Boulevard to do some shopping instead of going to the P.O. Box right away. We take a break on Miller Alley to get some gelati and to give Sadie some more water and a little snack before resuming our stroll. We both find a few cute items in Banana Republic and J. Crew that are on sale. We figure we owe ourselves a little shopping spree after our successful morning. Jared complains at the lack of accommodations Kate Spade has for gay men before continuing on.

Our last stop is at Tiffany’s. I’m not a big jewelry kind of girl, but all that sparkle is sure fun to drool over. They do have a beautiful pair of ruby studded earrings that I decide to purchase. I convince the salesman to give me a good discount by flirting with him. Jared tries to sell me on the ruby teardrop set that are encrusted with diamonds, but I politely decline. I may have money, but I never go anywhere that would warrant wearing those gorgeous accessories.

Dropping us off at the gate, Jared kisses both Sadie and me as we say farewell. Returning to the apartment, I find a place for each of my new items. Snuggling on the couch with Sadie, I read a book to kill some time before dinner, then some business research and streaming a movie before bed.

A few days later, I spend the entire day cleaning my whole apartment from top to bottom. Mia, my cleaning lady, would have a conniption fit if she found out that I was doing her job. She’s been working for me since I moved into the Arc Apartments that overlook the Del Mar Train Station four years ago. Every week on Thursdays, Mia comes. She has a key for the times when I’m not home, which is the case the majority of the time.

Two weeks ago, I told her that I was giving her a paid day off for this week’s worth of work. She knows that this time of year, every year, I give her time off, but she never knows why. Mia is a sweet young woman not much older than me. She speaks little English, but that isn’t a complication since I’m fluent in Spanish. What’s most important is that Mia is a person I can trust and my trust has to be earned before it is ever given.

There is only one day a year I partake in this obsessive cleaning habit and that is in preparation for the upcoming Chinese New Year. I learned about all of the Chinese traditions, old and new, from Maggie and her family. Her parents moved to America when Maggie was barely one-year-old.

Maggie is my other best friend. Jared and I met her a few weeks after I came to California. It was my second day on the job at Jensen’s Florist with Jared when he and I decided to have some lunch at the Peking Wok Chinese Restaurant that is across the street and on the opposite corner from Jensen’s in downtown Los Angeles. Maggie’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Li, opened their restaurant shortly after they had moved to America. Maggie didn’t normally work at the restaurant during the day because of classes, but school was closed due to a national holiday.

Maggie greeted us at the door with a beautiful, bubbly smile that was infectious. We were seated just as their lunch crowd was dying down. Over the course of a few weeks, Jared and I stopped in for lunch or dinner at the Peking Wok and we ran into Maggie several times. Jared and Maggie did all of the talking since I still hadn’t started speaking. I would nod in agreement when necessary.

When Maggie found out that we lived on the outskirts of Chinatown, she became instantly excited. Her family lived in Chinatown. Evenings or weekends when she was free from school or working at the restaurant, and when Jared and I were not working at Jensen’s, the three of us would get together. One night in May about four months after I started living with Jared, Maggie came over to celebrate Jared’s nineteenth birthday. Both Maggie and Jared were shocked when they heard me speak for the first time. Their eyes opened wide and their mouths hung in astonishment after they heard me wish Jared
happy birthday
with a voice that sounded like sandpaper.

“Holy Shit!” Jared cried out, running over to hug me. “And, here all this time, I really did think you were mute.”

After that night, if I spoke, it was to them and to them alone. Over time, I opened up to both of them more. Eventually I would speak to other people, but I kept quiet, reserved and guarded. We became best friends. We became family.

Turning on some music through my computer, I get to work cleaning the apartment with the occasional break to eat, play with Sadie or take her out for a walk. Cleaning the home before the New Year in Chinese tradition is a ceremony. It creates a fresh, clean environment to welcome the coming new year. Sweeping the dust away represents a wish to put away old things and bid farewell to the passing year. I find myself singing some of the Chinese songs I’ve learned over the past eight years from the Li family. They’re comforting and reassuring as I go through this cleansing journey.

I don’t follow every Chinese tradition that I have learned from Maggie and her family, but this cleansing ritual is one of my favorites, other than New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day themselves. There is a feeling of healing that takes place for me each time I do this and I hope that the cleaning helps to rid me of my nightmares.

From sun up to sun down I keep cleaning, finally finishing by about eight-thirty at night. With everything back in place, I begin to sage the entire apartment as I say certain chants and prayers in Mandarin. The sage helps to ward off any negative energy as well as to bless the confines of my home.

The next day, both Jared and I are in Chinatown helping Maggie and the Li family prepare for the New Year. Shops and buildings are being decorated and certain streets are already marked as no-parking zones since some of them will be shut down for the parade. There’s a feeling of excited chaos in the air.

Mŭqīn, Maggie’s mom, is in the kitchen with Nǎinai, Maggie’s grandmother and Amy, Maggie’s cousin, organizing for the feast that will last from New Year’s Eve night until late New Year’s Day. Amy is two years older than Maggie and married to Eric Li. They have a happy and adorable baby boy named Jet, who is eight months old and on the kitchen floor playing with pots, pans and wooden utensils. Eric is helping Fŭqīn, Maggie’s dad, at the Peking Wok.

We all pitch in to help. There is a ton of food to be prepped as well as decorations to be hung. The food for the Chinese New Year, also known as the Spring Festival, is very important and symbolic beyond the gathering of family. Every item is made from scratch. Dumplings made of minced meat and finely chopped vegetables are wrapped in a thin dough, spring rolls are stuffed with vegetables, a variety of fresh fish are cleaned and readied to be boiled, steamed or braised, followed by vegetables readied to be steamed while rice and noodles are set aside for soups and side dishes.

Nǎinai is singing as she rolls out the dough for the dumplings and cuts them. Maggie and Amy chime in from time to time as they wash dishes. Mŭqīn is placing the dumpling stuffing in the middle of each dumpling dough circle as Jared and I pinch the dumplings closed and shape them in our hands. Sadie is on the floor next to Jet acting as babysitter.

Everyone is only speaking Mandarin since Nǎinai doesn’t speak English. I think she knows and speaks more than she lets on, but I’m not one to divulge her secret. Jared’s Mandarin has improved immensely over the years. He still understands more than he can say, but he gets his point across. Every so often, Jared uses a slightly different inflection for a word which will cause us girls to giggle. That slight change in tone can change the whole meaning of a word.

At one point, Nǎinai stops singing and asks us all if we have met Maggie’s new
love
? We all stop and stare at Maggie.

“Nǎinai!” Maggie shouts, thoroughly embarrassed.

“Who is he?” Mŭqīn exclaims with angered panic.

Mŭqīn wants her daughter married — happy too — but married, and still clings to her meeting a nice, Asian man.

“Don’t worry, Mi. He’s Chinese!” Nǎinai says with a proud grin on her face as she looks at Mŭqīn and Maggie.

Maggie’s mom’s name is Mi, but we all call her Mŭqīn which is the Mandarin word for mother, except for Nǎinai, who calls her daughter by her first name.

“What?!” Mŭqīn is clearly in shock.

“We aren’t dating,” Maggie argues. “He’s been into the restaurant a few times the past couple weeks. We haven’t even spoken to each other yet.”

Maggie’s habit is to tell Jared and me about a guy she’s interested in once she feels that he’s interested in her, which usually occurs after the second date, so I’m not surprised that she hasn’t mentioned it prior.

“Liar,” claims Amy. “I saw you talking to him yesterday and the day before that, and the time before that . . . .”

Jared and I just sit back enjoying the action that’s unfolding before us. We’ve seen this scenario too many times before, but we’re curious to see how this plays out with Mŭqīn because Maggie has never been interested in a guy who is Asian. Maggie wasn’t allowed to date all through high school and when she started dating in college, she had a number of non-Asian suitors, whom Mŭqīn was not happy about.

Everyone’s eyes are on Maggie waiting for her to explain.

“We didn’t talk. Ok, I didn’t talk much. I was in shock.”

“Well, then what did he say?” Nǎinai chimes in before anyone else can say anything.

“He said
h
ello
,” Maggie starts to share, but then pauses.

“And . . .” Amy presses her to continue.

“And, nothing really,” Maggie says, trying to blow it off. Getting a look from Mŭqīn, Maggie sighs and proceeds, “He introduced himself. His name is Henry.”

“Henry what?” Mŭqīn questions.

“I don’t know. He didn’t say,” Maggie replies.

“Then what?” Nǎinai questions.

“He asked if I was going to be at the parade. I told him yes.” Maggie’s excitement about sharing the story is starting to stir despite her audience.

“So, is he going? I want to meet him,” Mŭqīn says sternly.

“I’m not introducing anyone until I find out if he’s interested,” Maggie timidly asserts.

“He’s totally interested. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have asked if you were going to the parade, Mags,” Jared interjects.

“You think?” Maggie’s giddy now.

Everyone looks at her in surprise. By this point, I think Maggie has done a mental head slap.

“So, where and when are you going to meet him?” Nǎinai queries.

“I’m not telling. It’s a secret. Besides, I don’t want to jinks it,” Maggie announces with some tentativeness in her voice. “And, that’s that. I’m not discussing it anymore.” She looks to me and Jared reassuring us that we’ll get the juicy details later when the rest of the family isn’t around.

“Well, you know he needs to pass the friend sniff test before he’s even considered to meet the rest of the family,” Jared proclaims teasing her.

Mŭqīn is pleased. If anyone will give her insight to Henry, Jared will. She knows better not to press me for information. Mŭqīn does not scare me, but she sure does scare Jared.

A few minutes go by before anything else is said. Nǎinai starts singing again to help take the edge off the paranoid anticipation hanging in the air and I join her this time. Mŭqīn and Nǎinai smile sweetly at me and everyone else starts singing too, even Jared, though he’s not sure of most of the words.

The next day, New Year’s Eve is met with the finishing touches of food and decorations along with a lot of silence and prayer before starting to enjoy the feast. Though it is not part of any tradition, Nǎinai starts to pray and bless the whole house and each person individually while giving gratitude for all the joys we have all brought to each other this past year. I think Nǎinai has created her own tradition as a joining of old and new. She respects her family and ancestors, but also accepts the beauty of change eagerly. She is a beautiful, loving, yet spunky, older woman. I don’t dare call her old. She has the life force of a twenty-something.

Maggie and Jared come home with me tonight for New Year’s Eve. I think Maggie’s nerves are getting to her about Henry and Mŭqīn is not helping. I’ve always been able to calm Maggie and distract her when she needs it.

After taking Sadie to the park for one last little stroll before calling it a night, the four of us pile into my king-sized bed after putting on our pajamas. As the night rolls over into the new day, we toast to the new year with glasses of champagne under the covers. Maggie refrains from telling me where she and Henry are meeting at first. She’s afraid that Jared will tell Mŭqīn, not like it’s really a big deal.

“I’m not going to tell Mŭqīn,” Jared says for the sixth time trying to reassure her. “I love your mom, but you are my girl. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“I know,” Maggie replies meekly.

“If he tells her, I’ll kick his ass for you,” I assure — we all know I can kick his ass.

Jared introduced me to self-defense classes not long after meeting him, but I was fanatical about it. I never wanted to not feel safe, secure or in control after my run in with Dean. Thanks to my obsession, I’m well versed now and not afraid of anyone.

“See! Emma’s got your back too,” Jared presses.

“Ok. Fine.” Maggie takes a breath. “We’re meeting in front of the library.”

“Ooo, how romantic,” Jared taunts in his usual manner.

“Stop it,” Maggie tries to command in a hurt tone.

She’s not good at faking or lying.

“Be nice you two,” I scold playfully.

“Will you come with me, Emma?”

“Me? Why?” I say confused. “You’ve never needed me with you when you’ve met guys before.”

“I know. But . . .” Maggie hesitates temporarily. “I don’t know. It would just be nice. Besides, I can’t bring Jared along. Henry might think we are dating.”

“If I tag along, he would probably just think I’m dating Emma.”

“True,” Maggie nods her head in agreement.

“Ok. But, I swear, if you tell Mŭqīn . . . .”

“I know, I know. Emma kicks my ass,” Jared answers for her.

“You know, he might like that too much. I’m going to have to find another scare tactic,” I comment grinning.

“That could definitely be a big possibility,” Jared confesses.

We all laugh. I think the champagne has gone to our heads.

A few minutes later, we kiss each other goodnight, even Sadie. Jared lays in the middle of the bed with Maggie on his right and me on his left. Sadie is across the bottom of the bed with her upper body strewn over my legs.

“Here is to a great new year full of happiness and new beginnings for us all,” I declare, turning off the light.

“Here, here,” Jared responds.

“I love you both,” Maggie states with a yawn.

“Love you, too,” Jared and I say in unison.

Sleep falls upon us easily and quickly.