Just For You, Sir (Doms of Decadence) (13 page)

“You know I don’t want you wandering around the house alone,” he replied as he carried her through the living room and set her on the sofa. Sitting on the coffee table across from her, he picked up her foot, testing the toes she’d stubbed earlier.

“I wasn’t snooping,” she said sharply.

He glanced up at her, his gaze narrowing. “I don’t recall saying that. I’m worried about you hurting yourself while you’re alone in the house. How are your toes?”

“They’re fine.” She slipped her toes from his grasp. “Derrick, I
need to talk to you.”

“Yes?” he said, not liking the serious tone to her voice.

“I think it’s time I left.”

“What?”

“I can’t stay here forever,” she began. “I’m feeling a lot better and I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done, but I can’t help but feel that it’s time to move on.”

“Why?”

She looked at him in confusion. “You knew I’d have to leave sometime.”

“And where exactly are you going to go, Jacey?” he said in a cold voice. “Should I just let you pack your bag and drop you off at the closest shelter?”

Jacey looked at Derrick in shock. He knew? How the hell did he know?

“How long have you known?”

“Since the day I returned from my trip and found out that you’d been fired from the diner. I can’t believe you wouldn’t tell me, Jacey.”

He ran his hand through his hair, sending strands off at crazy angles.

“Oh, and what did you expect me to say? Thanks for the sex, Derrick. By the way, I’m homeless.”

“You should have told me,” he said, his eyes haunted as he stared at her. “Do you think I would have just dropped you off the next morning if I’d known? You think I wouldn’t have done everything I could to help you?”

“You’re a good guy, Derrick. Probably the best guy I’ve ever met. But you can’t solve everyone’s problems.”

“I don’t want to solve everyone’s problems. I’m not the good guy you think I am, Jacey. I can be ruthless when I need to be. I don’t take in strays
. I don’t invite just anyone to live under my roof. I told you this before, but it obviously didn’t get through to you. I care about you, Jacey. When I’m not with you I can’t stop thinking about you. Those days when I couldn’t find you, were some of the worst in my life. I imagined all sorts of horrible things, like you lying in a pool of blood in a dark alley with your throat slit.”

He stared at her, his eyes haunted, his face pale. She felt a stab of guilt, which was crazy. There no commitment between them. She hadn’t lied. And yet, she could see the torture he’d been through. How would she have felt if the tables were reversed?

“I need to keep you safe and healthy. And that most definitely means that you are not going out to live on the streets again.”

“Derrick,
listen to me. You can’t just keep me like a pet. I’m a grown woman with my own mind. I can make my own decisions.”

“And you think going back out to live on the streets is a good decision? Particularly when you’re barely recovered from bronchitis and pregnant? Just where are you planning on having this baby, Jacey? In an alley between two
dumpsters?”

Jacey gasped, standing to glare down at him. “How dare you!
Don’t you think I’ve been saving every possible penny I can for this baby? I just need to find another job, start saving again and by the time the baby comes I’ll be set to pay for the hospital bill and rent us a small place for a while.”
Maybe.
Sometimes the stress of worrying about her future was just too much, if she thought about it all the time she’d go mad. She just had to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Hopefully by
the time the baby came Stephan would have given up on finding her. Surely he knew by now that she wasn’t going to tell anyone.

“You were seriously saving money on the peanuts you got paid at the diner?” he asked incredulously. “What were you doing working there
anyway? You’re obviously smart and educated, why weren’t you working somewhere where you could make more money, maybe even get some health insurance?”

“None of your business. This child isn’
t yours, Derrick and neither am I. I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for us, but it’s time I left now.”

Ignoring
her guilt at the flash of hurt in his eyes, Jacey turned away to walk from the room.

“Stop,
Jacey,” his deep voice commanded.

She paused,
cursing herself for her instinctive reaction. Turning, she glared at him.

“Come here, Jacey.”

“Screw you!” She couldn’t even insult someone properly. Cady would give her a swift kick in the ass.

He walked toward her, like a predator cornering his prey. Jacey bit her lip as he stepped behind her, unable to stop the surge of excitement that ran through her. There was something so
tantalizing about him. Irresistible.

His scent surrounded her as he gathered her h
air up in one hand. He tugged her hair, making her gasp at the sting of pain which quickly morphed into a deep pleasure.

Derrick
pulled her head over to one side, exposing her neck. Jacey closed her eyes as he laid soft kisses down her neck and over the exposed skin of her shoulder.

How did he do this to her? A few touches and she melted in his hands.

“Open your eyes,” he demanded as he let go of her hair and moved around to face her. “Look at me.”

Jacey gazed up into his face.

Cupping her cheeks, he tilted her head back and took her mouth in a deep kiss that soon had her knees weakening. She swayed when he drew back.

“I want
you to watch me, to know who is touching you.”

“Derrick—”

“No.” He placed a finger over her mouth. “No talking unless I ask you a direct question. Do you believe I would hurt you?”

Swallowing heavily, she shook her head. “Not intentionally.”

His gaze narrowed. “But you do think I’ll hurt you?”

She glanced away.
“I can’t do this, Derrick. I can’t give you what you want and lose who I am in the process. I won’t be a mindless slave here to cater to your every whim.”

“What make
s you think that I want that?” he asked.

“You like to be in control.”

“In the bedroom, yes. But you want that too. I can see it in your face, the way you react to my commands. But I don’t want a mindless slave. I love your feisty side. There will be times I push you outside the bedroom. There will be times when I will win. But I know you have your own mind. I respect you. Never think that I don’t.”

He ran his hands over her shoulders, cupping her
breasts. “I’m more trouble than I’m worth,” she whispered.

“That’s for me to decide, don’t you think?”

“You don’t know everything.”

“But you’re going to tell me.”

“Do you really think you can keep from bossing me around outside the bedroom?” she asked dryly.

He grinned wickedly. “I don’t believe I ever promised that. Just that
I didn’t expect you to blindly do as you’re told. Although that would have its advantages.”

She snorted.

Derrick cupped her cheek, running his thumb over her lips. “I want you here, Jacey. Whatever you tell me won’t change that. I want to help you, to take care of you, to dominate you.”

Grabbing hold of her hand, he drew her over to the sofa, drawing her onto his lap.

“Talk to me, Jacey. Tell me what’s going on with you.”

She remained silent, not knowing where to even begin.

“Do you know, I haven’t felt this way toward a woman since my wife died?” Derrick told her.

“Your wife?” Her eyes widened. He’d never mentioned a wife before.

Derrick nodded, gazing out the window. “It’s been nearly twenty years now since she died. Cara was so young. Naïve and vulnerable. I didn’t take care of her like I should have and she died because of my carelessness. I couldn’t stand if something like that happened to you, Jacey.”

Well, that explained his overprotectiveness. He obviously still carried the guilt of his wife’s death.

“I don’t expect anything from you, Jacey. I don’t want you to feel indebted to me or like you owe me. The last thing I want is to have you fear me. I just have this need to take care of you. Can you let me do that?”

“So you’re trying to appease your guilt over what happened to her by helping me?” she asked, trying to understand. Her head was starting to ache from it all.

“No…well, partly. I loved Cara and I failed her. I won’t fail you.”

“But you don’t love me.”

He gazed down at her. “Maybe not yet. But I care about you in a way I have for no one else since Cara.”

“But you haven’t touched me since I arrived!” she protested. “You haven’t kissed me or
held me.”

He looked at her incredulously. “Because you’ve been ill and I haven’t wanted to scare you. Plus, I had hoped you would build up more trust in me.”

“So you’re still attracted to me?”

“I’ve been having more cold showers in the last week than in my entire life! Of course I’m still attracted to you, do you think that just disappears?”

She dropped her gaze. “I thought maybe the pregnancy had turned you off. Not every man would be attracted to a woman carrying another man’s child.”

“Look at me.”

He waited until she raised her gaze to his. “This baby isn’t just a part of him. It’s a part of you, too. How could anything that is a part of you turn me off?”

Wow, he always knew just what to say.

“Jacey, tell me why you were living on the streets.”

She sighed. Part of her wanted to hold back to protect herself, the other part wanted to share her burden. “I was at a work function with him, chatting to a younger business associate. Stephan was all smiles and charm until we got home. He slapped me so hard that I feel backward and hit my head. When I woke up, he had me tied to a hard, metal bench in this room I had never seen before. Turned out he had a room in his basement set up for play. He would take women there, even when we were together. It had a separate entrance as well. It was a room he’d forbidden me to enter and I, like the stupid
idiot I was, obeyed him.”

“Hey, I don’t want to hear you talk like that about yourself
. What did he do to you?” Derrick asked in a tight voice.

Jacey lifted her head from his chest.
“Are you sure you want to know?”

Derrick tilted her head up, staring down at her. “Tell me. I have to know.”

“Well, I woke up cold, dazed and unsure of where I was. I couldn’t move, he had my arms tied above my head, a strap around my waist and my legs were raised in the air. They were split so far apart it hurt. Stephan appeared just as I was about to scream, he yanked my jaw open and stuffed a ball gag into my mouth. I hated being gagged. Of course, he did a lot of things I hated that night.”

“Like what?”

“There was the flogger, which I’d always enjoyed, but this one was much rougher, coarser, then he moved on to a paddle then the whip,” she shuddered. She hated that whip. “I was never really into pain. I finally reached a place where the pain didn’t even seem to reach me anymore, like my body had gone into overload. That’s when he put aside the cane he was using and forced me to take an anal plug.”

She swallowed hard.

“Oh baby.”

She felt Derrick tremble. Was he disgusted? Did he want her to stop?

“Keep going.”

“We’d been working toward anal sex. I thought he was being so patient, starting with a baby plug and working our way up. But this plug was massive and it hurt. Then using his own spit as lube, he had sex with me.”

“He raped you,” Derrick said in a tight voice.

“That’s not how he saw it. He told me I was his. That I wasn’t allowed to flirt with other guys, touch them,
and that I was his only to do with what he liked. He untied me after that, told me to go wash up and get into bed. Do you know what? I did just that. I was so numb, in so much pain, I just washed up and curled up in bed.”

“Oh, Jacey, you can’t blame yourself for that.” He hugged her tight. “Christ, I’m just so glad you left him after that. I hope you pressed charges.”

She shook her head. She couldn’t tell him the truth. That she’d been too scared to leave him, frightened because she had nowhere to go. She’d known that her parents wouldn’t help her and she had no real friends. So she’d stayed, until the day she’d known he would no longer allow her to live.

“Stephan has friends in high places. I could never have made any charges stick.”

“So he’s out there? Free? What’s his last name?”

“Whoa.” She sat up and stared down at him. “No way.”

“No way, what?”

“No way am I telling you his last name. You are not going after him.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I assure you, I can take care of him. Quickly and quietly.”