Just Go (22 page)

“Promise me you’ll talk to Benton about this, Adam. He’s worried about you,” she says and I nod.

“Will do. You two have fun with this baby,” I say, escorting them to the elevator.

I wish it wasn’t too late. I also wish people would stop telling me I still have a chance.

I don’t. I used all my chances.

Chapter 21

Annaliese

“Okay class, ten minutes of silent reading, then we’re moving on to math,” I tell my fourth graders. A few of them struggle to understand the concept of ‘quiet,’ which makes me have to pull out the ‘mean teacher’ voice, something I’ve had to pull out too many times to count in my three months at this job.

I thought teaching would be more fun than this, but it’s so much paperwork, so much politics and making sure your paperwork is up to date and properly on display, that time spent teaching is shadowed by time spend preparing and worrying about being fired.

Maybe that’s just my mood lately, too. Before Adam, I would have probably loved a job like this, but now I feel nothing for it. Sure, the kids are sweet. They smile, they laugh, they joke around like any other kids I’ve worked with, but I just don’t feel the joy in it anymore. I always thought this was something I wanted to do, but now that I’m here, it’s nothing like I imagined. I guess I thought it’d be a lot more glamorous, but it’s nothing like I pictured.

“Ms. Ryder,” I hear through the school intercom. “You have a visitor. He’s very… insistent... on speaking with you,” Debbie, our school secretary says with a sigh. “I’m sending Arnie down to fill in for you.”

“Thanks, Debbie.” I look at my children, all of which are staring at me like I have three heads, and smile.

“You all be good for Mr. Arnie,” I warn. Some kids chuckle and others put their heads down. “I mean it, guys.”

They’ve had it out for Arnie since he started here. Why fourth graders think being mean to someone that’s different than them is beyond me, but it’s so frustrating seeing them tease a grown adult behind his back.

Once my class is settled and Arnie has taken over, I head down the hall and make my way to the office. I haven’t had any visitors in the three months I’ve been here. I haven’t left my apartment except to get groceries and go to work. Last week, my father sent Joe to check up on me, and he hasn’t left yet. He keeps telling me he’s milking my dad for all the paid ‘vacation’ time he can, but I feel like he has other motives.

I make it to the office and through the glass I see a tall male figure with his back to me. My first thought is Adam, and my heart flutters, until I realize Adam isn’t nearly as built as this man. When he turns to talk to the secretary, I almost collapse.

Benton.

I’d remember that face anywhere, even if I only knew him for a few weeks.  The pain he went through when he lost his wife is enough for me to never forget his face. It looks better, less stressed now. He looks through the glass at me and smiles. He smiles! What the hell is he doing here? I walk into the office and look at Debbie and she’s swooning over the tall, muscular man that’s gracing her office. Of course she is. I swear the woman would screw anything on two legs.

“Benton. Hi,” I say walking over to shake his hand. He gives me a weird look then pulls me into a hug.

“Hey, you,” he says pushing me back a bit to look at me. “You look just about as bad as him. Jesus,” he shakes his head and my eyes go wide when I realize what he’s talking about. I can feel my heart speeding up and my brain’s filtering out a ton of questions I want to ask.

Now’s not the time nor the place.

“What’re you doing here, Benton?” I put my hands on my hips and back away from him a few steps.

“I need to talk with you. Debbie here says you have lunch break next, early ass lunch break if ya ask me,” he looks at her with a raised eyebrow. Probably because my lunch break isn’t for an hour. What’s she up to?

“I… uh,” I stammer.

“She does. Ms. Ryder, you and your guest can visit in the teacher’s lounge. If anything arises, we will contact you.”

Thanks, backstabber.

I smile sweetly at her and nod slowly.

“Great. Follow me, Benton,” I grind out, pissed that all of this is happening at my place of employment. He couldn’t wait until tonight?!?

We get inside the teacher’s lounge and I close the door tightly behind us.

“What’s going on, Benton?” I sigh and sit on the couch, crossing my arms and legs, glaring at him.

“You need to come home, Annaliese,” he states it as if he has the final say on things, which makes me laugh.

“That’s not your call to make,” I tell him, still laughing. “You don’t know anything about this situation, Benton. I’m still trying to understand why you’re here, and how you even knew where to find me?”

I’m on overload right now just seeing someone from my old life. I told Gabby that I’d visit, but it’s been three months and I can’t bring myself to make the five-hour drive. If I saw him with another woman, I’d be ruined. Not that I’m not already ruined, but that would be the nail in my coffin.

“I know it’s not my call to make, but you have to see how miserable you are. Right? It’s not just me, right?”

He can tell that from just a few minutes with me?

“Is it that obvious?” I whisper, angry that I’ve let myself get this depressed.

“One look, Annaliese. He’s just as bad. You two need each other. Why can’t you guys stop being so stubborn and realize that?” He sits at the table across from me. “You know, I knew the Carly was my one. I knew it the minute I laid eyes on her. Thinking back, I remember the first day Adam met you. He had that look, but I wasn’t looking for it. You made him a better person, Annaliese. Sure he’s an asshole, but that’s to be expected from someone like him.”

“He told me to leave, Benton. I’m not sure how me doing exactly what he wanted is me being stubborn,” I huff. “Anyway, I can’t leave now, the school year’s already started.”

“So you make the trip to see him. You guys do the long distance shit. Something. You look terrible, no offense, but Adam… he looks… like hell... horrible. He barely smiles anymore, and has been an asshole to work with. He’s hurting, Annaliese.”

“Good,” I mumble. If I’m hurting, at least I know he’s right there with me.

“You really hate him don’t you?”

No.

“That’s a strong word,” I whisper.

“Then why don’t you give him another chance?”

Chance. He asked me for one chance. I gave him more than that.

I gave him my hear, and he stomped on it like it was a small, annoying bug.

“He doesn’t want one, Benton. He was very clear about that.” My voice threatens tears and I close my eyes.

“I call bullshit. We both know he didn’t mean it, and he’s just a pansy that didn’t want to take the risk of ever being hurt. He was hurting from the loss of Carly, Annaliese, and I wasn’t there to talk him out of the most idiotic decision he’s ever made. I’m sorry, but please. You gotta see how much you need him.”

He stands and looks at me. I have no words. I want Adam more than I want sleep at night. I dream about him, I have nightmares that I’ll never see him again, I wake up in tears because he’s not next to me. Nothing in my life seems right, because he’s not in it. I stare at Benton, unable to form any words to respond to him. He walks to the door and turns to look at me, sadly.

“Thanks for taking time out of your day, Annaliese. Think about it okay?”

“Wait,” I stop him before he opens the door. He looks at me and waits. “How’d you know where to find me? I mean, it’s not that I was hiding, but I haven’t exactly made it known where I am.”

“I’m not the only one in Chicago that’s noticed how pitiful you two are without each other. I’m not the only one left in that city that cares for my best friend….” He trails off and smiles at me. “I’ll be seeing you, Annaliese,” he says, then salutes me and walks out the door, closing it behind me.

Fucking Gabby.

I sit there in silence, stupefied that all of that just happened. Benton was really here, in my Podunk school, telling me… no, begging me… to come back to Chicago. All because Adam’s apparently miserable. If he’s so miserable, though, why wouldn’t he reach out to me? Why wouldn’t he tell me it was all a mistake?

The logical part of me is telling my body to get up and move back to my classroom, pretending like nothing happened. The part of me that’s still madly in love with Adam is telling my body to book ass out of here and get the first flight to Chicago.

Unfortunately, just like Benton said, I’m insanely stubborn.

If Adam misses me, he’s going have to really prove it, and not send his best friend here to talk me into crawling back to him.

I take the long way back to my classroom, ignoring the stares from the ladies in the office. I’d rather not have to explain to everyone why I’m not the ‘ray of sunshine’ that one of my professors from DePaul called me. I’d rather not have to relive everything that happened to practical strangers.

By the time the school day is over, I’m more exhausted than I’ve ever been working here. I spent the rest of the day worrying about Adam. If he’s really as torn up as Benton said, how’s the business fairing? How’s his health? I know I’ve been sicker these last three months than normal, just because when I get depressed I tend to get sick easier.

I throw things in my bag, not even paying attention to the things I’ll need to grade over the weekend or the lessons that need written, and mindlessly make my way back to my apartment, forgetting about anything and everything. At least, trying to. Adam’s face keeps popping up in my mind, though, and it hurts every time.

By the time I get back to my apartment, I completely have forgotten that Joe’s waiting for me to get ready for dinner tonight.

Shit.

“Hey, you. Everything okay?” he asks from the couch, where he was playing on his laptop.

“No, Joe. Everything isn’t okay. I….” I take a good look at Joe and something clicks.

My father sent Joe here. Alone. With no other reason than to ‘check up on me.’ Now he’s allowing Joe to stay in my apartment with me. Alone. That goes against everything my dad ever did.

“Joe.” I narrow my eyes at him. “Why are you still here?” I ask.

He gets up and walks over to me, putting his hands on my shoulders and gently squeezing.

“For you, baby doll.” He smiles and hugs me, tighter than he’s hugged ever before.

He knows I know something’s up.

“Right.” I pull away and look him in the eyes. “But what did my dad tell you to come down here and do?”

He looks like he’s been caught, and his mouth falls open.

“Annie, I’m… I’m not sure….”

“Tell me, Joe,” I grind out. “Goddammit, Joe, I swear if this is all a scam over something. Another one of my father’s lies… that’s it, isn’t it? He’s…. Fucking Christ, Joe, just tell me!”

He sighs and rakes his hands through his shaggy blonde hair.

“Shit.” He shakes his head and walks to the couch. Pulling out his phone, he ignores my question and dials someone, holding the phone out in front of him on speakerphone. I cross my arms and wait to hear what I’ll never be able to un-hear.

“Is it done?” my father’s voice comes over the phone.

“I can’t, Vick,” Joe tells my father.

My heart is racing and my mind is screaming at me that something’s terribly wrong. I stand in silence and listen to their conversation.

“What do you mean ‘you can’t’?” my father growls. “I’ve had this deal with your father for years, Joseph!” his voice booms.

Deal? Oh god, I’m getting dizzy.

I walk over to the dining room table and sit, listening to their conversation, holding on to each word like it’s my last.

“I know you two did, but I have a conscience, Vick. I can’t do this.” He sighs and I put my forehead on the cool table, trying to calm myself down before I go irate on both of them. What the hell is happening?

“Listen here, Joe. I’ve kept your ass with this company all of these years because of this deal. You renege on this deal and you’re fired. Completely.” My father’s voice is like one I’ve never heard. Full of hatred.

“Then I guess I’ll be starting over, Vick. I’m done. I’m cutting the deal.”

“Your father would be very disappointed in you, Joe.”

“Believe me, Vick, I already know that.”

He hangs up the phone, and after a moment, I hear him get up and walk into the dining room.

“So….” he says, sitting at the table. “There’s a little bit of a back story I guess you should know.”

“You’re damn right about that, Joe. You’re going to tell me, then you’re getting the hell out of my life for good,” I grind out, trying to hold back all emotions. I’m sure I’m going to need them once he finishes his story.

Then I’m going to have a nice talk with my father.