Just Jack (18 page)

With the feel of Mac tightening his fingers around his shoulder, Leo’s mask slipped for a moment. He turned his head, looking past the stage to where Jack was standing. Jack met his eyes, and a strained expression flitted over his face as he glanced at Mac. Recognition shone in his eyes. He knew who had his arm around Leo, holding him close. Jack straightened, seeming to push away the disappointment that had settled over him, and gave a small smile. Leo’s heart sank as Jack walked away, and he was glad when Mac nudged him in the small of his back and they left the stage together for his grandmother to have the group raise their drinks in a final toast.

“What the hell, Mac?” Leo turned on his ex, lowering his head as he dragged Mac toward the hotel building. With the speeches over, people started to split back into smaller groups, spreading out around the patio or seeking the warmth of inside and the hotel bar.

Mac’s eyes were alight with excitement as he looked at Leo.

“A team led by you and me? Us? When did it become
us
? When did it suddenly become
our
team?” If this was some grand plan to get back in with Leo, then Mac was not going to get the outcome he wanted.

“I thought you’d be happy.” He placed his hand on Leo’s arm. “I thought maybe…”

“What?” Leo wasn’t about to let himself be manipulated by Mac. He had backed down and given Mac more second chances than he could remember, but no more. Mac had made his choice, and now Leo had made his. His choice wasn’t Mac.

Lowering his head, Mac gave a shrug. “I don’t know.”

Leo rotated his shoulder and took a step back. He kept his voice low. He needed Mac to understand there was no longer anything between them. “Look. We both know it wasn’t working.” Mac went to argue, but Leo continued, “No. You know it. I know it. Not really. Not in a long time.”

“But everything was fine. We can have that again.” Mac grabbed Leo’s hand and guided him a little farther from people and where they might be heard. “I love you. You love me.”

“It’s not enough.” Leo chewed on his lip as he tried to find the right words. What was he supposed to say? “I loved you. I loved you so much, but it will never be enough. I can’t forgive you anymore.”

“You can turn it off, just like that?” He held Leo by the shoulders and looked desperately at him.

Coldly, Leo reminded him, “Didn’t you?” He met Mac’s eyes. “Or are you really going to tell me that while you were with those other men, it was me you were thinking about?” He rested his hand over Mac’s. “I still care about you. I don’t think that’s going to change, but I don’t have the same feelings for you that I used to have, and I don’t think I ever will again.” He briefly closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “We’re over.” When he opened his eyes, Mac was staring at him. Leo didn’t know what he had expected to see, maybe anger, some fiery determination to keep at Leo, wear him down until he came back to him. All he saw was sadness, defeat, and finally, acceptance.

He rested his hand on Mac’s arm. “What happens next is down to you, I guess. If you want me to keep working with you, then fine. But we’ll never go back to how we were.”

Mac stared into Leo’s eyes, as if searching for a glimmer of doubt, that maybe Leo wasn’t telling him the truth. He wouldn’t find it. Mac could promise Leo the world, but Mac would never really change, and deep down Mac knew that too.

Tension eased from Mac’s body, and his hold on Leo’s shoulders lessened. “So, this is really it?”

It really was. “Yeah.”

Mac rubbed his hands up and down the tops of Leo’s arms. His touch lingered as he seemed to be thinking about something.

“You okay?” Leo asked.

“We had fun, right?” Mac drew his gaze over Leo’s face, seeming to settle on Leo’s mouth.

Leo smiled. They’d had fun, and that was the problem. Mac was ruled by his dick, not his heart. He just wanted to have fun, and Leo had pretty much been his safety net, the one who was always there. With a short nod, Leo agreed. “We did.”

The words had barely escaped his mouth before Mac was leaning in and kissing him. Surprised, Leo froze. Mac had his hands in the back of Leo’s hair, holding him close. Leo closed his eyes, old feelings rising to the surface as he found himself slipping into bad habits. It was like some autopilot took over and he found himself kissing Mac back.

No
. “Stop.” He breathed the word harshly against Mac’s mouth as he twisted his head to free himself. He looked angrily at Mac before his eyes caught movement behind his ex. He turned his head, his gaze finding Ruby, and beside her…

“Jack,” Leo uttered. He pushed at Mac’s chest and stepped forward.

Jack didn’t say anything, simply turned on his heel and stalked away.

Recognition sparked in Mac’s eyes. “Is that…?” Mac grabbed Leo by the wrist when he went to follow Jack. “You and him?”

Leo looked back over his shoulder and told Mac, “Yes, him.” Guilt spread through Leo. He needed to find Jack. He needed to explain.

“What’s going on?” Ruby asked. She looked from Mac to Leo. She looked disappointed. He wanted to tell her she had gotten it wrong. This wasn’t what it looked like. Mac had kissed him.

“Nothing,” Leo stated. He turned his arm. “Let go, Mac.”

“You’re running after him? You don’t even know him.”

“I know enough.”

Ruby grabbed Mac’s wrist when he didn’t release Leo. “He said let go.” She stood tall, her eyes steely as she glared at Mac.

“Fine.” Mac let go of Leo. “Fine. You know what? Forget it.” He flung up his hands, then walked away.

Leo rubbed his wrist.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Ruby folded her arms across her chest and looked at him accusingly.

“I wasn’t. He kissed me.” Leo looked beyond Ruby, scanning the space for Jack.

“Hey.” Ruby snapped her fingers in front of him. “You sure about that?”

You kissed him back.
Leo briefly closed his eyes. He rubbed at his brow, applying pressure to his temple. “I know what it looked like. But it wasn’t like that. I just…” He had been caught up in the moment. For one second, he had taken his eye off the ball, he’d forgotten himself and had been swept along for the ride. “I need to talk to Jack.”

“Good luck with that.” Ruby pursed her lips in a disapproving pout.

“What do you mean?” It was just some stupid, meaningless kiss. Jack would understand.

She raised her eyebrows and widened her eyes.

“It didn’t mean anything.” He curled his hands into fists. “It was good-bye. You know?”

Ruby’s expression softened a little. “Look, before you go chasing after Jack, you need to be sure of what you want.”

“What I want?”

“I know I’ve gone on and on about walking away from Mac, but if you can’t do that—”

“I don’t want Mac.”

She pressed on. “It’s okay. I didn’t want to see you hurt, and yes, I know you and Mac isn’t the same as what I went through. Just because I think it’s wrong and Mac will never change, if you love him and you can live with that hanging over the two of you, then okay.” Her top lip curled. “Or maybe him with other guys, maybe that’s your thing or—”

“Stop.” Leo smiled. He appreciated his friend’s words and support, but he wasn’t about to go back, not when he had come so far. “Stop, okay. There is nothing going on between me and Mac. Not anymore.”

“Really? Because I’d love your stupid face no matter what you decide.”

“Honestly.” He pressed his hand to her cheek. “I think that maybe I…” She would think him a complete fool if he confessed what it was he thought he felt for Jack. She would tell him it was too soon, too sudden, completely insane, but he couldn’t help it. Jack had stolen his heart. “I really like Jack,” he admitted. “Like
really
like Jack.”

Ruby ran her fingernails up and down over the sleeve of her cardigan. “Okay, then you need to be honest with him. I’ve seen how he looks at you, and I saw the look on his face just now.” She smiled and stood on her tiptoes, pulling Leo’s head down so she could kiss him on the forehead. “Just tell him the truth.”

Chapter 18

“Have you seen Jack?” Leo asked.

The barman hovered beside the ice luge and swallowed uncomfortably. “Erm, he’s around here somewhere. Taking a breather, I’d imagine. It’s been a long night.” The barman pulled awkwardly at the scarf around his neck.

Leo’s gaze fell to the barman’s chest and the pin he wore with his name. “Misha, right?”

The barman nodded.

“I really need to talk to him.”

Misha glanced to the ground behind the bar. “I’m sure he’ll be back soon. Would you like to leave a message?”

Leo narrowed his eyes when Misha lifted his gaze and did his best not to look behind the bar. “Can you just tell him I made a mistake and I really want to explain things to him?”

Unable to resist, Misha looked down again and shrugged. “I should probably… go… this way… Pee break.”

Raising an eyebrow, Leo watched him go, then looked back at the bar. He studied the large piece made from ice. He was amazed it looked as solid and as detailed as it had at the beginning of the night, the Harding name etched in the front.

“So, are you going to come out?” He folded his arms and waited, relieved when Jack finally got to his feet. “Jack—”

“I don’t want to hear your excuses, Leo.” He wiped his hands on a towel he was holding.

“I wasn’t going to make excuses.”

Jack tensed his jaw. He gave a nervous laugh. “So, you’re not even going to sugarcoat it? It’s nice to know where I stand.” He flung the towel at Leo and pushed past him.

“Wait.” Leo grabbed his wrist. He flinched as there was an almighty crack and a woman squealed, causing a commotion next to one of the tables. Startled, Leo let go of Jack. He looked over his shoulder as the head of the largest ice teddy bear bounced off the edge of the table, hit the patio, and sent chunks of ice skittering between the high heels of the shocked woman.

When Leo turned around, he was disheartened to see Jack walking away.

Misha returned and crouched down beside the bar. “Damn it,” he muttered.

“What?” Leo asked, not taking his eyes off Jack as he crossed the parking lot and disappeared into the darkness. Was he supposed to chase after him? Or would Jack hate him even more?

“Nothing.” Misha got to his feet and gave the bar a gentle nudge.

Leo eyed the bar, noticing the large crack within the joined blocks of ice. He stepped forward and carefully ran his hand along the line. The fracture was a good couple of inches below the surface. “Is it okay?”

Misha pressed down on the bar. “Seems okay.” He lifted his head and looked directly at Leo. “You’re going after him, right?”

“I thought I should give him some space.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Misha shrugged his coat higher onto his shoulders and fastened a couple of extra buttons.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

With a shrug, Misha lifted his hood. “I just don’t believe in giving up so easily.”

Leo stared at the dark space beyond the line of lamps illuminating the parking lot. Misha was probably right. Letting things stew overnight wasn’t going to help anyone. Ramming his hands in the pockets of his jacket, Leo jogged forward. Jack couldn’t have gotten that far.

* * * * *

“Jack?” Leo shivered as he glanced around the open space. He had followed the coastal path out of the back of the parking lot for about ten minutes. For a while he feared Jack had maybe strayed from the path and headed in a different direction altogether. He could hear the sound of waves below them, breaking against the rocky wall.

Jack was standing near the edge, close enough to be able to look down and see the waves Leo could only hear.

“Jack,” he said more loudly. A gust of wind blew past him, carrying with it crisp, frozen leaves. The faux warmth of the alcohol no longer seemed to have the desired effect, and he shivered. “Can we talk?”

“I’m not in the mood,” Jack said, his voice barely audible as the wind blew up around them.

Blinking, Leo looked up at the sky as snow began to fall.
Great
. “I want to apologize. How about we head back to the hotel, yeah? Get inside, warm up, and—”

“I’m not interested.” He didn’t sound angry, just weary. Jack turned around, and Leo found himself instinctively stepping back. There was an unnatural brightness to Jack’s eyes, the orange light from the lamp behind Leo mixing to make a dirty blue glow as Jack looked at him.

Leo rubbed his arms. He took a deep breath, the cold air chilling his chest as he breathed in. “Please. What you saw and what I said, it came out wrong. Mac kissed me. I guess I just…” He had gone along with it like a fool. “But I don’t love him anymore.” Leo’s heart clenched as Jack turned back to look down at the ocean. “Come away from the edge so we can talk.”

Shaking his head, Jack looked up at the sky. “It was a stupid idea anyway. An unachievable dream.”

Leo wasn’t sure he understood. “What was?”

“Us.” Jack raised his hand and seemed to examine it. “It would never have worked.”

“What are you talking about?” Leo wiped the wet spots from his cheeks. The snow seemed to be getting heavier. He tensed his jaw to stop his teeth from chattering as he trembled.

“It was only a matter of time before you realized who I was and wanted better.” Jack glanced over his shoulder at Leo and said solemnly, “You deserve better.”

“Better? Better how?”

“Better than me.”

What the hell was Jack talking about? If there was better, Leo wasn’t sure he’d find it, nor did he want it. Jack was all he needed. Jack was who he wanted. “Even if that’s true, I don’t want anybody else.” He stepped forward, battling the wind and snow as it seemed to swirl around him like it was keeping him away, keeping him at a distance.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

Leo stopped. He couldn’t imagine Jack ever hurting anyone. “Look, let’s go back to the hotel.” He waited, hoping Jack would turn around or say something. “You would never hurt me. You’re kind and gentle. You’re amazing. One of the sweetest guys I know.”