Just Like Heaven (12 page)

Nina still had trouble believing anyone would choose that type of existence; the difficulty in navigating the world, and dealing with all of the prejudices, would be crushing and seemingly insurmountable. She guessed that’s why
Mei Lee
and others in heaven thought so highly of
those who decided on living with a disability
. Which made sense. Who would choose that existence but someone with a special soul?

The idea of free will brought her back to her parents.
“
So you’re saying that I wanted my parents to hate me?
”

“Do they
really
hate you? Maybe they
are disappointed because
with their genetics,
they felt
you would be a prodigy in the legal field. And because they enjoy that career,
they presumed
that
maybe you would, too. Can you see why they would feel that way?”

Nina understood the rationale, but she just wondered why her parents couldn’t love her for who she was, rather than who they wante
d her to be. But again, if
Mei Lee
spoke the truth, Nina wanted to overcome that challenge for her own spiritual a
dvancement.
Besides, s
he’d always
known the uphill battle she would face in trying to break into the recording industry. Yet, the challenge made the goal that much more appealing. To accomplish what only a small percentage could attain meant something to her. The saying, “It’s about the journey, not the destination” had always made sense to her on a spiritual level, rather than an intellectual one. She’d never given that credo much thought: she just took it as truth because it
felt
right.
And that might make sense because, as
Mei Lee
suggested, Nina had taken this path and chosen this profession to
elevate her soul
.
That
d
issolved
some of
Nina’
s impatience at having, until this moment, failed to
attain
her dreams.

“Is every Spirit Guide as wise as you?”

“Oh, I’m sure many are much wiser. But you
chose
me
, so you’re stuck w
ith me. And
if you have any
concerns, I suggest you take it up with..
.
yourself.
”

“Then does everyone have a Spirit Guide?”

“In the beginning? Yes. But if they break from God’s path, that person’s guide leaves them.”

“Breaking
from H
is path? You mean, like the Ten Commandments? Murder and all that?”

“Not quite, although whether or not an individual can atone and receive redemption for the act of murder is something only that individua
l and God could determine.
These dark spirits, sociopaths like Adolf Hitler, Jeffrey Dahmer, and others who know right from wrong but harm others for their own gain or enjoyment do not go to heaven. Upon death, they immediately go back to
e
arth
to
work on their spiritual advancement
. In this instance, God determines which parents they will have. He gives every individual a chance to reach their full potential. Again, they will have a Spirit Guide, until they turn their back on the Lord.
”

“Why have you only been on
e
arth
four times?”

“My soul took such a thrashing the first time around that I didn’t want to visit again for quite some time. And in those next three incarnations, I wanted to experience just as much misfortune, so I wouldn’t need to continue going there. You’re quite different, Roxy.”

“Please call me Nina.”

Mei Lee
smiled, making it known
that using her most current name on
e
arth
once more indicated that she didn’t feel like she belonged in heaven just yet. “Very well. But you chose the physical world
quite
often. But your soul is still
tentative, just as you are now. You’re reluctant to give yourself over to all that disappointment, heartache, and tragedy that others experience in relatively few
er lifetimes
.”

That
conclusion r
ang true
with Nina. Having wealthy parents, she hadn’t known what a lifetime of poverty felt like. Still, she didn’t rely on them for money. She rented a small apartment, and her wages and tips from both the restaurant and the bar allowed her to pay her bills, even if she didn’t have the luxury of going out on the town during the weekends
. After all,
the last va
cation she took was a family getaway to
New York
during high school. Nonetheless, the idea that she would prefer a lifestyle of internal strife compared to one of external conflict
rang true
to her.

She always felt like her own expectations were more difficult
to
achieve than those others had set out for her. Sure, if she were to follow her parents’ professional path, Nina would have to remain dedicated, and the intellectual prowess needed for a position in that field
required steadfast resolve. Besides,
there were plenty of lawyers in the United States.

But how many
female recording artists’ success stretched across more than a couple decades?
Madonna and Mariah Carey
came to mind
. Britney Spears
had become more famous for
being famous than
from
her music
al contributions
. Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood,
two of Nina’s favorite contemporary artists, hadn’t been around long enough yet. And even her all-time
most beloved
singer, Whitney Houston, had succumbed to the difficulty of living an
extra
ordinary life and couldn’t continue the span of hits from the mid-80s to the early 90s before
passi
ng
away
at an early age.

“
Were you happy on
e
arth
?”
Mei Lee
asked her.

“Don’t you know? You’re up here with a big telescope, spying on me.”

“I too have an existence. I’m involved in activities I enjoy. I meet with friends. I have hobbies. Besides, as I said, time on
e
arth
drags compared to here on the Other Side. In all honesty, it would be quite boring watching your existence every moment of every day. Would you rather I watch over you while you’re using the toilet?”

“Really? We’re in heaven, and you’re making potty jokes?”

“I always did enjoy startling you with my somewhat abrasive humor.”

Nina didn’t consider it abrasive – just surprising. “But to answer your question: no, I wasn’t happy on
e
arth
. I didn’t accomplish what I dreamed of doing with my life. My parents were right. I’m a failure.”

“But do you consider yourself a failure?”

“Well, no, because I haven’t given up. How could I be a failure, if I’m not done fighting for what I want? If I keep at it, it’ll happen, right?”

“Don’t you know?”
Mei Lee
asked.

“How would I know? You’re the one in heaven. Wait, doesn’t my chart say if I succeed or fail? Isn’t that why we’re here?”

“
Exactly.
So let’
s
see
if we can
find out.”
But a sly smile revealed that she had other plans.

CHAPTER SIX

“Now where are we?” Nick asked, looking around at row after row of shelving units. “We’re in a library? And this is heaven? Man, are people going to be disappointed.”

Roland chuckled. “I disagree. I think they’ll be quite pleased when they visit the Hall of Records.”

“So what,
do they keep
all of the great feats in world history here?
Like ho
w
many
NBA Championships Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant won? Maybe all the Masters championships Tiger Woods won?”

“That and much more.”

“Oh, so it also includes al
l of the women Tiger Woods had
affairs with while he was married?
”

“It also includes all of the women you’ve slept with, Nicholas.”

“What?” Nick spun toward Roland. “What are you talking about?”

“This building
houses the live
s of every single person who
has
ever lived.”

Nick, who couldn’t tell if Roland was kidding, looked askance at him. “But I’m nobody special. What did I ever accomplish? What did I ever do that was important?”

Roland looked hurt by the insinuation. “Every person makes a contribution to the wo
rld. Some do so in ways that go
unseen
by the naked eye. Something as simple as
a smile could mean the difference
between success
and
failure. A helping hand could spark a friendship that lasts the test of time. You
r mindset
is too limited.
Living on
e
arth
has dulled your sensation to what is truly important. And that is but one reason why G
od has created heaven: to help H
is children understand the power of love.”

“You’re a big fan of Huey Lewis and the News, aren’t you?”

“You can try to fool yourself all you like, but you can’t fool me. I know you. Better than you know yourself.”

Those words, and the way Ro
land phrased them
peeled back
Nick’s
defense mechanism (a sense o
f humor tinged with antagonism
)
leaving him vulnerable.
And it made him believe Roland’s words, which horrified him in more ways than he could comprehend.
Because Nick had never let anyone inside his mind, let alone his heart. Yet, Roland looked at him with such unnerving intensity that Nick believed that he knew his every secret, his every misstep, and his every shortcoming.

But then Nick
reminded himself that
he
controlled this dream and everyone in
it. Taken in that context, he
had substituted Roland as an outward impression of himself. That way, Nick was having a conversation with himself, similar to that of having an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other, each with their own agendas. So, of course, Roland knew about Nick’s life. Because Nick had created Roland, and in this instance, he served as the angel and
stumped for all his
good intensions
, while Nick had
placed himself in the role of the devil and all the selfishness, egotism, and immoral deeds he’d ever committed.

“Sure you know me,” Nick said, cracking a smile. “Of course you do. And I know everything about you.”

Roland gave him a sideways glance. “
O
h, I see. You still think I’m imaginary.” Disappointment
crept across
his face. He remained still, lost in thought. “Sha
ll we move along then?” He clapped Nick’s shoulder
and snapped his fingers.

A moment later, they stood among stacks of brown leather books.

Down the aisle, sitting on a wooden bench
with her knees drawn up against her chest with
Mei Lee
doing the same opposite her,
Nina opened a book and flipped parchment pages that looked as if they’d been created by the first printing press.

“Hey,” Roland said, charging up to
them, startling Nina to such an extent that her fingers trembled
.
The book fell from her grasp and
hit
the ground. “That doesn’t belong to you.”

Mei Lee
jumpe
d to her feet
with
a victorious
smile. “It doesn’t belong to Nick either. Or have you forgotten that anyone can view any given book on any one of these shelves?”

Nick followed
in
Roland
’s footsteps while
h
is eyes met Nina’s for a moment before she
lowered her gaze, looking guilty for getting caught doing…what exactly?

Nina
spun around, setting her eyes on Roland as he
approached
Mei Lee
, who snapped up the book a second before he
stopped
a few inches away from her. She held the book tight against her chest and wrapped both arms around it, securing i
t in case Roland attempted to tear
it
from
her possession.