Just Make Him Beautiful (20 page)

By the time we got on the highway, Ms. Fag
-
hag was out like a light.  I turned on the radio to keep me company
.
  I thought about Mr. Jamison taking me in his arms and
passionately
kissing me.
Be still
,
my nerves. Lawd have mercy
,
Jesus. I
was
determined to have that man if
that was
the last thing I d
id
.

I pulled up in front of Robin’s house thirty or so minutes later and parked. I helped her out of the car
,
but she was still half
-’
sleep and drunk as a skunk, as Mother would say. Fortunately, her mom was pe
e
king out the window as we got to the door.

Auntie opened the door.
“
Cam
, what’s wrong with my baby? Is she al
l
right?”

“She’s ok
ay,
Auntie
.
J
ust had one too many to drink,” I replied, helping Robin inside.

“For
h
eaven sakes
,
Cam
, why you let her drink so much? You know you’re not supposed to drink and drive
,
baby
.
” Auntie
started to
help me take Robin upstairs to her bedroom.

“Auntie, calm down. I wasn’t drinking, just Robin.”

She
looked up at the ceiling.
“Lawd, what am I gonna do with this
c
hile
?
”

“Auntie, Robin will be fine. Just let her sleep it off
.
”

*

By the time I made it home, it was a little after
three
a.m.
A
s I pulled up into the driveway, all the lights were out
,
except for a dim light coming from the basement.

I entered
thinking
, maybe I should get my dad to come check and see what was going on in the basement
,
but then if it was nothing, he might be upset because I had awaken
ed
him.
Especially since he ha
d
to be at work and open up his store by
seven
a.m.

I crept into the kitchen and grabbed one of
Mom’s
big ol
’
wooden cooking spoons, tiptoed to the basement door
,
and quietly turned the doorknob
and cracked the door open
.
I stood at the top of the stairs to see if I could hear any noise
,
but all I could make out was mumbling sounds.

I eased down the stairs, taking one step at a time
.
E
ven though I couldn’t see what was happening, I could
hear
what was being said.

“Ah, suck that dick like you want it
,
old man,” a voice whisper
ed
.

Old man
?
W
hat the fuck?
The closer I got to the bottom of the stairs, I realized the
slurping
sounds
,
and moaning and groaning
were
coming from the back of the basement.

I tiptoed around the staircase and stood in the entrance before going into the back part of the basement
,
and honey, what I saw almost made me throw up. My new daddy was on his knees, sucking this guy
’
s dick.
Chile
, I didn’t know what to do
.
I stood there practically in shock
,
trying to make out who the guy was
,
but I couldn’t. The guy was sitting in a chair with his back towards me
,
but I could see my new daddy as clear as day, bobbing his head up and down, gagging
on
this dude’s dick.

“Come on
,
old man, suck J.R
.
’
s
dick like you mean it,” the guy said, breathing heav
il
y.

I couldn’t make out the voice, but just as I was about to tiptoe back upstairs, I turned around and hit my pinky toe on the leg of a chair that
M
omma had sitting right by the entrance.
“Ouch, shit!”
I grabb
ed
my foot
.
 

I heard my
stepfather
say
,
“Who’s that?”

Chile
, at that point, I took off hobbling upstairs as fast as I could. I jumped in my bed and pulled the covers over me as though I had been asleep
,
just in case my daddy
came
in.

W
ithin minutes,
he
opened my door.
“Cameron,” he whispered.

I
lay
perfectly still as my pinky toe continued to throb.

H
e
came
in
and sat on the side of my bed.

Oh shit
!

“Cameron, I know it was you, so stop playing possum,”
he
said in a whisper.

Again, I said nothing.

“Look
,
faggot, if you keep acting like you’re
’
sleep
,
I will beat your ass
,
”
h
e s
aid
angrily.

“Yes
,
sir,” I responded, like a little kid.

“If you repeat any of what you just saw to anybody, I will kill you and your sister
.
”

W
ith that, he rose from my bed and made his exit
, l
eaving me to wonder,
What the fuck is going on here?
Baby, I was so scared, I didn’t know what to do
.
 

Chapter 11

Since that night, I stayed as far
away
as possibl
e
from my
stepfather
. Monday through Saturday, he worked at the store from
seven
a.m. to
eleven
p.m.
,
and on Sundays, the family stayed in church most of the day, for morning and evening services.

I used to go to church with my family and stay there most of the day as well, but after that night, I lost all respect for my dad, especially since he was one of the head deacons at our church. Of course, it didn’t have anything to do with him being gay or bisexual
,
or whatever you wanna call it. It was because he was married to my mom
,
and I thought he loved only her. But I guess I was wrong.

My girl Robin and I had graduated from high school about a week ago
,
and while she studied to take her SAT and appl
y
to different universities, I just moped around the house, feeling sorry for myself
,
but mostly for my mom. I hadn’t told
her
what I saw or what
my stepfather
had said to me
.
I felt bad for her because I knew how much she loved
him
.

Over the summer, my little sister had been staying over one of her friends’ house
,
and my mom was spending more time volunteering her services at the hospital. Which left me in the house by myself most of the day. Several times, I picked up the phone to call Mr. Jamison, but chickened out at the last minute and hung up. I didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t wanna tell him what I saw because I was afraid it might get out some kinda way and get back to my dad
,
and he
’d
carry out his threat.

As I sat on my bed, listening to my Patti Labelle
CD
s and staring at the divas posted on my walls, I realized I hadn’t eaten much of anything within the past couple of weeks
,
and my stomach was making it known, loud and clear. I went downstairs to the kitchen to check out what was in the
icebox
,
but there really wasn’t anythi
ng in there I had a taste for.
I went back to my room and threw on one of my torn
T
-shirts and a pair of sweats, grabbed my keys
,
and decided to go to the local market and make a fresh salad.

*

I parked in the grocery store parking lot
.
A
s I was about to get out of my car, I saw Junior once again. This time, he was standing in the middle of the parking lot with several other brothas
,
talking and laughing
,
his car stereo system
blasting.

At first, I thought about not getting out and just pulling off
,
but then I thought,
T
his muthafucka probably don’t even remember who I am.
So
,
I got out of my car and acted as though I didn’t even notice him.

A
s I walked by, one of the brothas tried to be funny and
,
in a high
-
pitched voice
,
said, “Heeey
,
s
unshine.”

I continued walking with my head hung low without saying a word because regardless of what
ever
I
said
, they would
’ve
only ignore
d
it and tr
ied
to punk me out anyway. I made my way in the grocery store with a cart and went from aisle to aisle, stalling for time, hoping that by the time I left out, they would be gone.

After thirty or so minutes, I purchased all the ingredients I needed to make a fabulous chef’s salad. As I gathered my bag and exited the grocery store, I noticed the guys had left
,
but sitting on the hood of my car was Junior.

“
W
hat’s yo
’
name
?
” he asked as I approac
hed the driver’s side of my car

“Who wants to know?” I asked
,
being somewhat sarcastic.

“I’m Junior,” he replied, getting off the hood of my car and extending his hand to shake mine.

“I’m Sunshine
.
” I
left
his handshake hanging while
I
put my gro
ceries in the backseat
.

“Well, I normally don’t do this
,
Sunshine
,
be
cause I’m definitely a
ladies’
man
.”
He leaned over and whispered in my ear, “B
ut you look good to me for some reason
.
”

“So
,
what do you want?” I questioned angrily
,
getting in my car.

“Dayum
,
Sunshine
!
W
hy you being so mean?”
H
e
got
into the passenger side
.

“Look
,
Junior, or whatever your name is, I have some place to be
, s
o I would
appreciate if you would get out
.
” I start
ed
up my car.

“Ok
ay,
cool
.
I understand if you got another nigga
,
but check this
.
”
H
e went into his baggy jean pocket and pulled out a wad of money. He
then
placed five
crisp
hundred
-
dollar bills on the dashboard
.
“Get something nice to wear tonight because we’re going out.”