Just Sex (8 page)

She didn’t want him to be the topic of gossip. This morning, after he left, it hit her that he was twelve the last time she went out on a date.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket. Kat jumped and glanced at her watch. “Eleven o’clock. Who’s calling this late?” She retrieved her cell and smiled at the readout. “Hello.”

“Hi, sexy.”

Happiness engulfed her. “How are you?”

“I’m fine. Would you like some company?”

“I would love some, but I’m getting everything ready for Amy Mayfield. Sam and I are leaving for Maine tomorrow.”

“Amy Mayfield?”

“Yes. Do you know her?”

The doorbell rang.

“Yeah, we went to high school together. I’ll have to stop by and say hi.”

The ugly green monster clawed his way into Kat’s heart. “I need to go.” Kat walked to the front door. “Someone’s at the door.” She pulled it open. J.J. stood on the other side.

Her heart jumped into her throat. “What are you doing here?” She hung up her cell phone.

A cocky grin split his handsome features. “Can I come in?” J.J. yanked her against him and kissed her hard. He stepped back and looked around. “Wow, this is nice.”

Pride bloomed in her chest. “Thank you. Would you like a tour?”

“Absolutely.”

Kat led him through the house, showing him every room. She stopped at the door to Sam’s room. He slept under his new soft comforter he’d picked out himself. It matched the newly painted blue walls. She turned and saw an odd look run over J.J.’s handsome features. “Would you like some wine?”

J.J faced her. “What?” His eyes cleared and he focused on her.

“Would you like some wine?”

“Sure.” He took her by the hand and headed back downstairs.

She knew she could never satisfy the longing on his face. “Make yourself at home in the living room. I’ll get the wine.”

“Do you need help?”

She turned to go in the kitchen. “No.”

He grabbed her and tugged her to him. Her body hit his and her breasts pressed against his chest. Power surged through them. “God, Kat.” He latched his mouth to hers.

Her lips parted with surprise and he took full advantage and explored her mouth with his tongue. Kat’s arms wrapped around his neck as need washed over her. She kissed him with fervor. Kat wanted to show J.J. how much she wanted him. She pressed her hips into his. His denim-clad cock hardened against her stomach.

J.J. groaned and rested his forehead to hers. “You better get that wine.”

“Be right back.”

Nerves attacked her.
What are you doing? You can’t do this. You can’t give him what he wants.
She made her way to the small wine cooler and opened it.

She selected a bottle, grabbed two glasses, some napkins and a corkscrew. “Get a hold of yourself.” She walked into the newly decorated living room and sat next to J.J. in front of the gas fireplace. The dim lights and fire flickered on the walls around them.

“You turned on the fireplace.” She handed him a glass.

“Hope you don’t mind. There’s a November chill in the air.”

“It’s eighty-five degrees outside.” Kat opened the wine.

“That’s cold for south Florida.” He played with a loose curl. “You are beautiful.” His finger stroked her cheek. “You excite me like no one else.”

A moan rumbled in her throat. “I feel like a virgin on her wedding night.”

Wine flowed from J.J.’s nose. “What? Why?” He set the glass down with a thud.

“I don’t know,” she said and handed him a napkin.

“Don’t be nervous.” He wrapped her into his arms and squeezed. “We won’t do anything if you don’t want to.”

She knew her face turned the same shade as her fuchsia top. “I know, but I want to.”

“I love when you get embarrassed.” He stroked the back of her hand and continued. “Like I said, we don’t have to do anything.”

Kat decided to tell him what weighed on her heart the most. “I don’t want to disappoint you because I’m out of practice.”

He leaned in close and whispered, “I want to have you like putty in my hands.”

She shivered and admitted, “I want to feel you inside of me.”

He adjusted his cock and kissed her forehead. “Any time,” J.J. said and he held her like a china doll. “Are you okay?”

Fire exploded inside Kat and she kissed him, her tongue probing at his lips. They opened in invitation and she explored his mouth. Kat ran her hands under his shirt, up his tight stomach and stopped at his pecs. J.J.’s nipples beaded under her palms.

It had been a long time since a man responded to her like this and Kat reveled in the power. He moaned and ran slow kisses over her face. J.J. found her ear and bit lightly. He ran his tongue from her ear down to her collarbone.

Her pussy pulsed. “I think I’m going to catch fire.” Kat ran her hands back down his body to the front of his jeans. She tucked her fingertips under the band.

“Stop that.” He stiffened and pushed her hand away.

“Why?” Unease filled her. “Am I doing something wrong?”

A moan and chuckle crossed in his throat. “No, you’re doing everything right. If you don’t stop, I’m going to embarrass myself.”

Delight overwhelmed her. Kat ran her tongue over where her fingers had just been. J.J. buried his hands in her hair and shifted so she could gain better access. He bent in and kissed her senseless. J.J. ran his hands to her yoga pants and slipped them under the band.

She stiffened. Ever since she’d had Sam and the surgery, Kat thought her belly was a gelatinous form with a mind of its own.

He pulled back. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m a little self-conscious of my stomach.” She lowered her head so she wouldn’t see the pity on his face. “I don’t want you to be grossed out by the feel of it.”

He laid his hands over her abdomen. “I’ve had my hands all over you.” His gaze burned into hers. “I think your stomach is fucking sexy.” J.J. rolled the waistband down her hips and kissed her navel.

She jerked and he ran his hand down to her pussy. Kat arched under his touch. He kept his hand on her mound while he kissed and licked the soft skin on her belly. She quivered.

He laid his head on her stomach.

Kat couldn’t take his foreplay any longer. “J.J. Please.”

“You’re so wet.” His finger slid over her clit. He pressed his mouth to her abdomen. “Do you like that?”

Fireworks went off in her body. “Yes, I love the way you touch me.”

J.J.’s hand massaged her clit. “You make me so hard it hurts!” He slid his middle finger into her ready pussy. “Talk to me,” he demanded.

The need to rotate her hips into his hand overpowered Kat and her cunt spasmed. “What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to tell me what you’re feeling.” He leaned in and licked her stomach.

“I can’t.”

Just like that, J.J.’s heat and delectable ministrations were gone. “Why?” he demanded.

“I’m embarrassed.”

J.J. sat up. “I’ve seen you naked.”

Kat folded her arms over her chest. “I know, but this is different.” She tugged her shirt down and dragged up her pants.

He stood. His gaze burned into her. “Stop that,” he demanded. “I want you to undress for me.”

A flush crept up her exposed skin. “Please, don’t ask that of me.”

“I want to see you, all of you.” He cleared his throat. “Please.”

The need in his voice almost broke her heart in two. Kat bit her bottom lip and lifted her top over her head to let him run his fingers over her lace-covered breasts. She arched into his touch. Kat shimmied her pants down her legs and pulled them off.

J.J.’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “You’re not wearing panties.”

“I didn’t think I was having company.”

“Sit up.”

“Why?” She felt his stare like a touch.

“Trust me.”

Kat tried to hide any imperfections she thought she might have. He knelt in front of her and wrapped his arms around her to unfasten her bra. Her breasts fell against his chest and she felt him shiver.

“Lie back.”

She kept her arms at her sides to keep her breasts in place. J.J. straddled her hips. The feel of his jeans on her skin excited Kat. She smiled and traced his erection through the denim.

He grabbed Kat’s wrists and pulled her arms up over her head. Her breasts shifted.

The large bulge in his pants grew even bigger and strained against the material. The desire and love for J.J. had a tear spilling out the corner of her eye.

J.J. bent down and sipped up the droplet. “Don’t cry. I just want to touch you.”

She wiggled suggestively under him.

He snaked his arms tight around her. “Don’t do that.”

“Why?”

“God, you’re going to kill me.” He kissed her cheek. “I’m not ready to come yet.” His arm flexed and pulled Kat even closer.

“I want you to make love with me,” she said. Kat felt J.J. go stiff. Worry and hurt overcrowded her. “Did I say something wrong?”

He relaxed and pushed himself up on an elbow. “No.”

She softened some. “Then what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I don’t know if I’ll do it right.”

“I don’t understand.” She pulled the multicolored throw off the back of the sofa, sat up and covered herself. “I know you’ve been with other women.”

“I’ve been with more than my share, but I’ve never made love with any of them.” He raked his hands through his hair and gazed at her with a grim look on his face. “I want this to be more than sex.”

A soft, sexy smile tugged at her mouth. “If you’re not ready, I can wait.” She laid a tender kiss on his lips. “You make me feel fabulous.”

A scream came from upstairs.

“Mom! Mom!”

Kat bolted up off the sofa, threw on her clothes inside out and ran upstairs. J.J. had never seen anyone move so fast. He stood, straightened himself and followed her to Sam’s room. What he saw made his heart stop. She sat on the side of Sam’s bed, holding him.

She rocked the boy against her breast. His chest ached from the beauty of her. He took in Kat’s swollen lips and her pink cheeks. Her body appeared soft, yet protective with her son in her arms. The same feeling J.J. had earlier that night was back. Was it longing? Was it love? He didn’t know.

Regret filled her face when she gazed up at him. Kat looked away and had Sam lie back down, stood, covered and then kissed Sam. J.J. watched as she walked to him. Kat took his hand. “We need to talk.”

He followed her downstairs and settled back on the couch. She picked up a decorative pillow from the floor and hugged it. “When you look at me when I’m with Sam, it hurts me.”

Her words stunned him. He never wanted to hurt Kat. “Why?”

“Because I see the longing on your face. I will never be able to give you what you want.”

“I want you.”

“I know that is what you want now, but later you are going to want a family of your own. I’ll never be able to give you that.”

“I’m twenty-five. I don’t want kids.”

“You say that now, but what happens in a few years and you change your mind?”

J.J. didn’t want to think about that right now. He bent in and kissed her senseless. He ran his hands down to her yoga pants and slipped them under the band.

Kat pulled back. “What is between us can’t last.”

Sam stumbled down the stairs. “Mom, I can’t sleep.”

She jumped back from J.J. and left him feeling cold inside.
Why can’t it last?

“Baby,” she said to Sam. “You go lie in my bed. I’ll be up in a minute.”

A heady swirl of emotions mixed in his gut. “I’ll call you tomorrow night.” He rose and gave Kat a quick kiss. “Have a safe trip.”

“I’m sorry.”

He made his way to the front entry and gave Kat what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “You can make it up to me when you get back.”

Kat walked to him and placed her hand on his arm. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

“We’ll do it your way for now.” He opened the door and stepped into the humid night. The door closed behind him. J.J. let Kat’s words replay in his head. Was what she said true? Did he want kids someday?

Chapter Eight

Kat and Sam drove over familiar tree-lined roads. The bare trees seemed to part just for them. Dried dead leaves swirled in front of their car. Peace filled Kat’s heart. She slowed to take a sharp turn and had to stop short. Kat pointed out the windshield. “Look, Sammy.” A beautiful pair of deer darted across the narrow street.

He shrugged and went back to his video game.

“That’s it. Just a shrug?” She couldn’t help but to chuckle.

“It’s just some deer.”

Kat didn’t know if she should hug Sam or smack him. “This coming from the kid who makes me stop the car and use my phone to take photos of lizards crossing the street.”

“Lizards are cool.”

“Lizards are like mosquitoes at home. You just have to go outside and you’ll see dozens of them.”

“Aren’t deer like lizards up here?” He tapped on the screen of his iPad, demolishing an alien.

She couldn’t come up with a good response to that and guessed he was right. There were a lot of deer in New England. “Touché, touché.”

Kat opened the window a crack. Fresh, crisp Maine air rushed in and had her childhood memories flooding back. The walks on the rocky beach by their house with her father, lobster bakes and sitting in the yard with her grandmother. “They weren’t all bad.”

Sam glanced up from his game. “What, Mom?”

“Nothing, baby.” Love for Sam and her childhood home filled her. Kat took a deep breath and settled back into the driver’s seat. She hoped spending so much time with her mother wouldn’t spoil the good mood this place put her in. Kat pulled into her parents’ driveway.

Axel and Beverly Harper sat on the front porch swing, bundled in a down blanket. Axel brought their clasped hands to his lips and kissed Bev’s knuckles. Her parents stood and waved to Kat and Sam.

Kat stopped the rental car and Sam bolted out of the car. “Grammy!” He ran up to Bev, excited. She loved that her parents had a great relationship with her son. She took in her dad’s appearance. Concern settled in her belly. “Hi, Dad.”

He hugged her and pulled back. “Hi, honey. How are you?” The appraising look he sent her made Kat want to fidget. “You look great. Maybe a little tired.”

Memories of J.J. stormed into Kat’s brain. She felt a flush ride up from her neck.

Axel gave her an odd look. He kneeled down to give Sam a bear hug.

Bev gave Kat the once-over, which had Kat pulling on her jacket. She stiffened and unease settled on her like a wool blanket in August. “Hi, Mom.” Kat gave her mother an awkward hug.

“Have you gained weight?”

She wanted to scream.
Here we go.
“No, Mom, I have actually lost five pounds.”

“Well, you need to lose about thirty more.” Condemnation floated through Bev’s voice. “When you lose it, you’ll be so beautiful.”

Kat grew cold, her chest restricted and her stomach knotted and not in the good way. “God, Mom, you don’t have to keep reminding me that I’m not the daughter you think I should be.”

Bev’s chin rose and she leaned toward Kat. “I don’t know what you are talking about. Your father and I adore you.”

She laughed, she couldn’t help it. “You have half that right. I really lucked out with Dad.” She knew it was a shitty thing to say, but her mother brought the bitch out in her.

Axel and Sam walked over. He wrapped his arm around Kat’s waist and whispered in her ear. “Don’t let your mother get to you.”

He held his hand out for Bev. “Let’s all go inside.”

“God help me.” She took a cleansing breath and followed Sam inside.

Too many hours later, Kat forced an over-tired Sam to bed. All she wanted was a hot bath. Kat fished lavender-scented bath oil out of her toiletry bag and walked into the bathroom next to her childhood bedroom. She filled the old claw-foot tub and drizzled a generous amount of oil under the stream of steaming water. She grabbed a thick towel and a face cloth and undressed. Lavender enveloped the room and fog clung to the mirror. Some of the day from hell’s stress evaporated from her.

Her cell phone rang in the bedroom. She opened the connecting door. Cool air hit her skin. Kat shivered, hurried to her bed and snatched up her phone. She glanced at the screen and rushed back to the warm bathroom. “Hello.” She climbed into the tub, winced and twisted the cold water spigot on full blast.

“Hi, how was your trip?”

Her heart clenched at the sound of J.J.’s voice. Kat eased into the bath and sighed. “Fine.” She turned off the water and settled back.

“How are your parents?”

“They’re fine, I guess.”

“What’s wrong?”

The heat from the fragrant water seeped into her tired body. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Come on.”

He made her want to share her problems. She had always had to deal with her life stresses alone. “Where do I start?”

“How was the flight?”

It was nice to have a man to talk to. The asshole she’d married never cared about what happened in her life. “Late. The plane was over an hour late getting to the airport. “When we finally got to the house, the first words out of my mother’s mouth were how bad I looked. That’s about how my whole day went, running late and being criticized.” She took a deep breath. “What are you up to tonight?”

“Paperwork and talking to you,” he said. “What are you doing for the rest of the night?”

“I’m taking a bath, and after that, I’m crawling into bed because someone had me up late last night.”

“I think it was the other way around.”

Kat closed her eyes and let the sound of him fill her. “Well, since I’m in the tub, I should let you go.”

“Oh no, I want to talk to you while you’re naked and wet.”

“Stop that.” She sat up and adjusted the phone. “When you talk to me like that, I feel like a naughty schoolgirl.”

“That’s a thought,” he teased.

Water licked at her breasts. “Very funny. I’m too old to be a schoolgirl.” She sighed and asked, “What are you and your mom doing for Thanksgiving?”

Air reverberated through the phone. “The same thing we do every year. I’ll go to my mom’s house after work on Wednesday and help her get ready for the big turkey day.”

“Is it just the two of you?”

“Fuck no. We have about fifteen people coming for dinner.”

She lathered soap on a face cloth. “Really?”

“Yeah, my Aunt Alisa comes with her whole family from Miami.”

Kat ran the cloth over her stomach to her apex. She wished the terry cloth was J.J.’s mouth. “Your aunt’s name is Alisa and your mother’s name is Alice. What were your grandparents thinking?”

“I know, right? When I have kids, I’ll make sure that they have very different names.”

Her hand stilled. She knew J.J. didn’t know what he’d just said, but her fears had just been confirmed. “Well, um, I need to get going.”

“Are you all right?”

Tears burned behind her eyes. “Sam’s calling me,” she lied. “I have to go.” She pressed the end button and slid deeper into the tub.

* * * * *

Kat woke early from a fitful night’s sleep. She tugged on her old L.L. Bean jacket and strolled outside. On her walk through the backyard, she saw her father sitting in an old Adirondack chair. She sat in the chair next to him. “Hi, Daddy.”

Axel didn’t take his eyes off the tremulous water. “Hi, sweetheart, how are you?”

She reached over and gripped his hand. Dread overwhelmed her. “Dad, it’s cold out here. Are you all right?”

A weak smile tipped his lips. “Work is getting to be too much for me and I’m thinking of retiring sooner than we discussed.” He squeezed her hand.

Surprise ricocheted through her. “You are?”

“I think you are going to have to move up here. I don’t think you can manage the mill from Florida. I don’t want you to take it over now. I know you’re going to need time to organize your life down south.”

Air caught in Kat’s chest and froze. The freedom she felt a few days ago evaporated. “I’ll do what’s best for the mill, Dad.” She pushed the words out. A gust of wind blew off the bluff. Multicolored leaves swirled around Kat’s feet. “Dad, you need to rest more.” She stood. “Take some time off and spend it with Mom.”

He nodded. “You’re right.”

She stared out over the bluff. The pink sky and rocky ocean seemed to crash together. “What time do you want to go to the mill?”

“About an hour.”

“I’d best get in the shower.”

An hour later, Axel led Kat to his office. He powered up his computer. “Get ready for a long day.”

Challenge ran through her veins. “Bring it on.” She cracked her knuckles and started to go over spreadsheets.

By midday, she had a handle on what needed to happen to turn the mill around. “Hey, Dad.”

He glanced over at her. “Hmm.”

“I have good news and bad news.”

Axel removed his glasses from his nose. “Give me some good news first.”

Kat scanned the spreadsheet one last time before she spoke. “I think by this time next year we’ll be in the black.”

“Really?”

She handed him the printout. “I think with a few adjustments we can turn a profit.”

“How?’

“Well, that’s the bad news.” She sat back in her chair. “You’ll have to stop taking a paycheck and the trust will have to stop receiving dividends.”

“What?” He stood and walked over to her.

She turned her monitor toward him. “Dad, how can we take money from a business that has cut employee benefits in half? It’s either we take a cut or we lay off fifty people.” Kat stroked some keys. “The town depends on the mill. If we lay off all those people, it will really affect the town in a negative way.”

“How am I supposed to pay my bills?”

“If you can’t live off the trust, then something is wrong.”

He studied the computer. “It will be tight.”

Kat rolled her eyes. “Tell Mom to stop ordering all the designer brands she has shipped from all over.” Annoyance threatened to spill out of her. “Maybe if you two shopped at a discount store every once in a while,” Kat drummed her fingers on the desk, “you wouldn’t need money from the mill.”

He slumped and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’ll talk to your mother about it.”

“Whatever. The family trust shouldn’t take any more dividends.”

“All right,” he said. “I’ll call the lawyer about the trust.” Axel sat back at his desk and dialed the phone.

She tuned out her father, continued to map out a business plan and hours later closed out her program. Kat gazed around the room and saw Axel was nowhere in sight.

Kat stood, every muscle in her body protesting. She staggered to the door and grabbed the office manager walking by. “Have you seen my dad?”

“I just saw him in the lobby.”

“Thanks.” Kat willed her stiff legs to move and searched for her father.

“Hi, honey. I got us dinner.”

She glanced at her watch. “I can’t believe it’s so late. I need to call Sam.”

“I called your mother. She and Sam are going to dinner and a movie.” He shook the brown bag he held. “I got your favorite from The Shack.”

The scent of fried clams wafted to her nose. Happy memories played in her mind. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Just the look on your face is thanks enough.” He guided her back to the office.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had The Shack.” She ripped opened the grease-stained bag.

“How long has it been?”

Unexpected sadness swamped her. “Too many years to count. I took Gary there when we were dating. He made a comment about my weight.” She sighed and bit into a French fry. “I never went back.”

Axel popped a shrimp into his mouth. “Can I tell you something?”

“Sure.”

“I always hated Gary.”

Disbelief overtook her. “Why didn’t you tell me? One of the reasons I married him was because I thought you and Mom approved.”

“It was none of my business and your mother told me I was just being overprotective of you.”

She tossed down a fried clam. “Oh Dad, I wish I’d known.”

“Don’t get me wrong, Gary helped make Sam.” He smiled. “That boy is the highlight of my life.”

Kat reached over and placed her hand over his. “I know.”

Axel’s expression hardened. “Did you love Gary?”

Surprised at the abrupt question, Kat pulled back her palm. “I thought I did at first, but about a year after we were married, I found out he was cheating on me, and after he raped…” Kat stopped and hung her head.

“What?”

She slumped.
You opened a door you can’t close now.
Kat straightened her spine and forced herself to tell her father the truth. “I lost a baby before I had Sam, and Gary made me get pregnant immediately after the miscarriage.”

“What do you mean made you?”

Kat forced herself to stare into her father’s steely blue eyes. “He pinned me down in our bed and forced me. When I didn’t get pregnant and I locked him out of the bedroom, he hit me. He counted the days until the time was right and raped me in the kitchen.” She picked up a warm open can of diet soda and attempted to wet her dry throat. “When I got pregnant, he told me that was all I was good for.”