Just Tell Me (The Justice Series) (14 page)

A
tall blonde girl with a perfect white smile walked over, she began speaking with a slight American accent.  He made polite conversation with her but his mind was exploding. 
How am I supposed to choose any of the girls from this list?
he wondered as he left the American and moved onto the next. 

H
is second glass of wine was empty he noticed and disappeared to the toilets, he needed five minutes rest before he went back out to the group of hopeful and desperate women.  Desperate for fame and money, he wondered what they would think if they really knew him, how low he could get and his self destructive nights of heavy drinking and self pity. He dried his hands and ran them through his hair, the reflection in the mirror looked confident and cool, a contradiction to his soul.

The door opened and Alex walked in, dressed in black with her hair falling down in ringlets.  Bring green eye shadow on her eyelids gave away her quirky side, she was the most beautiful woman in the room he wished he could choose her.  Not because he found her attractive, but because he would be safe with her, he smiled at her through the mirror

“This is the gents”.

“Yeah well you need to get your ass back in that room Daniel” she smiled at him but
he couldn’t face them just yet.

“Wait Alex I just need a moment, how am I supposed to choose any of those woman they are just” h
e struggled to find the words “Scary?” 

Alex burst out laughing, she really didn’t know what to make of this one, but she remembered his soulful eyes yesterday and had spent the day editing the footage
she felt like she knew him.  “Right, get rid of the American, Claire, she’s just going to carry on annoying everyone, she’s already had a fight with two of the other girls”  she continued “And you should choose” her face screwed up “Erm choose Michelle, small town girl, the least confident of the lot it will make good viewing”.  

Daniel was grateful to Alex and she took his arm and they went back into the function room.  He avoided Claire and talked to the others, they were tr
ying their best to impress.  Despite them watching his interview film today, most were wearing too much makeup, their hair backcombed and fake eyelashes clogged with too much mascara.  

He met Michelle and instantly liked her, she was quiet and lacked the co
nfidence of the others, she only wore a little make up and was barely able to string a sentence together when Daniel came over to talk to her.  He felt sorry for her and he squeezed her hand as he left her to be back in front of the cameras. The girls were told to line up and the camera panned across the room, twelve beautiful women and one single man.  Alex was expertly directing and as Daniel announced the winner and loser on day one, Claire stormed out, glaring at Daniel, while Michelle stood next to him.  He could feel her shaking as he put his arm round her and smiled at the camera as it took the closing scene.  

“
Well done” Alex announced, “Right I think we need to give Daniel some privacy so everyone get an early night, ready for tomorrow”.  Alex led Michelle back to the others and Daniel was lead through to an adjacent room.

He sat on
his own in the leather armchair unsure what was going to happen and how he was going to get home.  The door opened and Alex walked in carrying a couple of glasses and some brandy, she sat down next to him and poured him a glass.

“
You looked like you needed this” she laughed “You didn’t expect it to be this way when you signed up to Single and Loaded did you?”  Daniel agreed, he didn’t think it would feel like he was the prize at an auction “You seem different to what I’ve seen of you on every throwaway magazine” Alex spoke frankly and he liked the way she saw through him “I thought you were Britain’s womanising bachelor or something like that, but I’m not seeing it, why did you agree to come on the program?”

He
sighed; he wasn’t seeing it either anymore.  He sipped his brandy, the cool liquid burning his throat and he topped his glass up.

“
Don’t you think I’m up to the mark?” he asked, concerned that he would just look like a failure on national TV.

She shook her head “N
o, we edited the interview, we have made you look strong, yet vulnerable, don’t worry every woman in the land will fall in love with you by the middle of February” 

Daniel laughed “I can
’t cope with anymore gold digging fakes, I think I will be Britain’s most Celibate Bachelor at this rate”

Alex laughed “W
hat about Nicole” she asked and Daniel’s face fell.

“
What?  How do you know about Nicole?”

“I edited your interview Daniel I could see it in your eyes.
It was obvious when you said her name at the end she’s the one you were talking about, shame she’s not on this program, now that would make good reality TV entertainment” she teased and raised a glass to him “Anyway, to love, and all that nonsense eh Daniel” 

He raised
his glass and looked at Alex, “To love and new friendships Alex, it’s good to meet you” and they both smiled at each other, Alex had genuinely warmed to this guy. If she wasn’t gay he wouldn’t know what had hit him, she mused later as she curled up in bed with her girlfriend. 

Chapter 13

December

Nicole sat at the kitchen table looking at the Sunday newspaper, she was still in her dress
ing gown and it was gone 11am. She rubbed her eyes and felt miserable, it was cold outside and Christmas was only two weeks away. The presents were already wrapped up and hidden upstairs, her parents were out shopping and the house was quiet apart from the sounds of the kitchen and the clock ticking on the wall. Nicole stood up and turned the radio on, the soothing voice of the Sunday morning presenter filled the room and she put the kettle on. 

Anna had kept her up on the telephone until the early hours again last night, not that she minded
. It was a blessed relief from her own thoughts, she was concerned about Anna and wished she could go over to see her. She was sure her friend was on the brink of a nervous breakdown and was pleased she had moved back in with her parents in York. What a pair we are, she thought, almost 30 and living at home. At least Anna wasn’t carrying the illegitimate child of a playboy billionaire. Nicole wanted to see her friend, but she couldn’t face the trip to York right now, she felt as big as a house already and so tired all the time. 

Nicole had messaged Libby and asked if she fancied taking Anna out for the night, it was the only thing she could think to do for her friend other than be a virtual shoulder to cry
on at 3am. She checked her messages as she stood and waited for the kettle to boil, the bubbling steam started to escape, dripping down the handle and burning her finger as she poured the water into the cup.  Why couldn’t they have anything that worked properly in this kitchen? Nicole was frustrated with everyone and everything now, she felt like an incubator for her unborn son. 

She rubbed the top of her belly, he was already kicking her ribs and she woke up with terrible heartburn most nights, getting up to go to the toilet and sitting on it, staring at the wall long aft
er the urge to wee had gone by. Having Anna’s thoughts in her head as well as her own was draining. What was she doing?  Her inner voice talked to the wall, as she listened to Anna sobbing down the phone, telling her it would be OK,
but it’s too late for you now
it mocked her
you should have got rid of it
. By morning she would wake and feel guilty for thinking like that in the middle of the night. 

Daniel
. She put the hot cup on the kitchen table. He was always in her dreams like he was reaching out to her mentally, and she wondered if he was feeling anything about her or if he had moved on. She missed him with all her soul and wondered if she would ever be free of this feeling. It had been the right decision, she told herself again and again. There was more than an element of truth in the note she had left him they were from different worlds. She couldn’t imagine him sat round this old kitchen table listening to her dad’s inappropriate jokes and eating her mothers strange cooking. 

She glanced at the gossip pages and automatically skimmed the lines for
Daniel’s name. No harm in keeping up to date with her son’s biological father, she reassured herself that she wasn’t technically stalking him. He had disappeared from the media radar recently and she wondered what he was doing right now. Probably in bed with some beautiful woman, Nicole thought sadly. She missed him so much, it was a constant ache and not a day went by that she didn’t think of him.  

Christmas D
ay came and went uneventfully, being pregnant at Christmas seemed to be a waiting game, as she sat on the sofa on her own with the dog and a big box of Christmas chocolates.  Anna had gone to Italy to be alone with her thoughts, lucky her.  Nicole listened to Libby as she told her about their night out in York and wished she could have been with her two friends, enjoying themselves. Being pregnant was like a break from life, she couldn’t even eat a rare steak all the fun had been removed.  Her dad laughed when she said she couldn’t have the brie on the cheeseboard.

“
It’s from sodding Sainsbury Nicole not some rare corner of France, it’s not been stored in caves for six months, there’s more bacteria on your chair”, Nicole wouldn’t risk it though and resolved to eat her body weight in unpasteurised cheese and bathe in port once the baby came, the thought made her smile. The months ahead were going to be literally life changing as a single parent and she urged herself to stay upbeat.

January

Single and Loaded was due to start the following Friday and Libby was coming over for moral support. She still laughed at her friends shock when she told her she was pregnant and Daniel MacIntyre was the father.  Part of her didn’t want to see the program but she knew she would, deep down she was looking forward to seeing him on television. 

As close as she was going to get to seeing him again
, he felt like a different person now she only had his media persona to follow. That kind, caring man had gone forever. By the time Friday came about she was feeling nervous about seeing the program, Libby had come round early and brought a bottle of wine which she shared with Nicole’s parents. Nicole had made a lasagne and they sat round the kitchen table, Norah Jones playing in the background and she lit candles on the table creating a calming atmosphere.

“Eh
what’s up in here?” Nicole’s dad asked, “Power cut?” and he put the lights on, the girls shouted at him to turn them down and he shrugged his shoulders “Can’t see what I’m bloody eating with these candles on” he joked and Nicole stabbed his hand with her fork.

“Whoops I thought that was some garlic bread” she laughed and they ate their
dinner, the conversation flowed and the mood was upbeat. Nicole kept looking at the clock, counting down the minutes.  She made some popcorn in the microwave and they all went through into the living room.

Nicole wrapped a blanket round her and Libby’s
legs and her dad brought through some of his chocolate muffins, dimming the lights as he sat down.

“For atmosphere”
he said as they turned on the TV.  

The opening cred
it’s showed Daniel getting out of the car in his tuxedo, and Nicole’s heart skipped a beat.

“Blo
ody hell Nicole” her mum said “God he’s like a film star” 

N
icole’s dad started chuckling “You carrying the son of George Clooney or what?”  He looked over “You should call the baby George!” 

Nicole screwed her face up, “D
ad shush” she said as the introduction was set and Daniel was sat in the hotel room looking at the camera, and began talking. 

As he answered the questions about being in love and his idea woman, Nicole watched him as he described her and hinted at their night together
, hardly believing his words. Each second that passed as he spoke cut through her. She looked at his eyes through the camera and as he continued Nicole was speechless, she grabbed the remote control and paused the TV. Hot tears ran down her cheeks as the emotions ran through her, she felt a surge of regret and love. 

Totally and unarguably love, she felt her heart rip apart as he was so far away from her, and ye
t so close in her living room. She doubted the decisions she had made, she hadn’t been thinking straight that day in the hospital. The wrong place at the wrong time. It had taken Daniel for her to escape Andrew. Without Daniel she wouldn’t be having this baby. At what price? That she would never see this beautiful man again. She knew she would never meet anyone else that made her feel this way, but it was too late to undo the past now. Libby put her arm round her, for once she didn’t know what to say, it did appear that Daniel was talking about Nicole.              

“Oh
what a loon” Libby said “You should tell him, he should realise what a prick he is being, if he knew the truth I bet he wouldn’t be doing this”.

Nicole shook her head “No I
can’t, what can I tell him now?  Hi Daniel remember me?  Oh yes you do because you have just shared our special night with eight million people, and by the way I’m pregnant with your child. Oh God this is just awful” she pressed play again and he described the red night attire. She looked at his expression, his eyes flickered in frustration. He was still hurt at her for walking away from him?  She had no choice at the time, but God if only he knew the truth. 

As she listened to his words s
he knew without a doubt he was talking to her and her heart broke into more pieces. It was too much, and she threw the remote control at the TV, screaming as she stood up. The popcorn spilled on the floor as she ran into the kitchen, opened the back door and stood in the cold January air.  Hot tears ran down her cheeks, Libby was right behind her. 

“He’s such a child” Nicole
spoke, wiping her tears away “What a stupid man, I can’t believe he went on that program and said all those things”, Libby guided her back inside the house and closed the door.

“It might not be about you, maybe
it’s his standard line to all the women he dates, he is known as a total flirt” she suggested helpfully “Come on lets watch the rest of it, I’m sure you’re just being too sensitive about it, you know pregnancy hormones and all that” Libby didn’t know what pregnancy hormones were, but she didn’t know what else to say.  Nicole grabbed a tissue and returned back into the lounge, her parents were still sat on the sofa and they had paused the TV.

“
You ok love?” her dad asked “We rewound it a bit so you didn’t miss the next part”

Nicole’
s mum looked serious and said “You need to hear all of it Nicole”

She sat and listened as Daniel described his perfect date and her tears fell again, this was her Daniel talking to the c
amera. She remembered as he had described his house and going for a picnic, riding through the estate and cooking dinner together, the date he wanted to take her on. This was her Daniel, the one she had spent time with.  The voice that asked her to leave Andrew. The voice that whispered to her in the hospital, and the truth hit her. He had done nothing wrong, just tried to love her.  The irony. 

He was real, not a figment of her imagination as she had begun to believe after months
of seeing him in photographs. He was talking to her. Sending her a message of petty revenge for what she had done to him, she knew it despite Libby’s earlier suggestion. The connection they had shared, it was so intense she knew he felt it too. Nicole listened as he talked about food and she smiled, she would have loved to have gone to his house and spent time with him just as he described.

God
he is gorgeous
, she sat up memorised by his face. She looked at his neck and his muscular arms through his crisp shirt and felt giddy at the memory of his hands on her body.  She felt her stomach lurch as he talked about having his heart broken, prickles of pain stabbing her inside but Libby still shrugged.

“
Could have been someone else Nicole, honestly he’s been around a lot!”  But even she went quiet when Daniel answered the last question. 

“Nicole” he
spoke her name and stared at her through the TV, the camera on his face a fraction too long as he stared smugly at the screen.  His blue eyes pierced with sadness and gave away how he felt, it was like he was looking straight at her and she felt her heart beating with shared sadness and intense anger. 

“What the fuck?”
Nicole swore and grabbed her mum’s glass of red wine “What the actual fuck?” 

Lib
by grabbed the glass from her “Erm… yeah ok so he was talking about you, Jesus Nicole what did you do to him?  You shouldn’t have left him in the hospital like that” 

Nicole looked at her friend, her eyes blazed with angry tears
“What else could I have done? He wouldn’t have wanted to know me, or worse he would have stayed with me out of misplaced obligation” she sobbed again “I wish I had never met him, he’s insane, seriously who goes on TV and names someone like that?”

She
glanced at her dad who still had the remote control, “Please dad, turn it off” she looked over at Daniel who was now meeting his future dates. “I can’t watch this” Nicole stood up, “I’m going upstairs” and Libby followed her to her room. She grabbed the red silk dressing gown and threw it across the room.

“
What a wanker” she shouted at the fabric on the floor.  She laid on her bed, her best friend laid next to her and the tears were still flowing “What was I thinking Libby” she looked over at her friend “Oh God it’s such a mess, the thing is, when I was watching I realised, I still have feelings for him, he is real and not just in my head” she stared up at the ceiling, looking at a crack in the paintwork “I choose the worst men, I’ve gone from scrounging bullies to millionaire sociopaths” she felt herself smile despite herself, and started laughing “Oh it’s so tragic, I feel so alone.  I miss him so much but I couldn’t have told him, he wouldn’t have wanted to know. Walking away was my only choice, wasn’t it?” she rolled on her side to look at Libby her face serious again. 

Libby sighed, “You don’t know for sure, you know, you should try and tell him the truth” she continu
ed “If you really have feelings for him, do you love him?”

Nicole looked over and nodded “I
t was really special, I’ve never felt so, so connected to anyone, even on the train the moment we met I felt something” she thought back to the nights they had spent, how he looked at her and how he made her feel “Oh I don’t know, it seems so long ago now, but how am I supposed to get in contact with him, should I phone up the production company and ask to speak to Daniel MacIntyre?” she continued “He’s ex directory and not even on Facebook”