Karla Darcy - [Sweet Deception Regency 04] (20 page)

He knew without a shadow of doubt that he loved his wife. After the forced marriage and the debacle of the wedding night, he had convinced himself that he felt only a fatherly fondness for Leslie. But his heart had already been invaded by the girl with the chestnut curls and clear blue eyes. Admittedly he had done little to help her through the early stages of her entry into society, and perhaps because of that he was inordinately proud of her success. He had busied himself with his usual bachelor pursuits and was surprised that they had lost their excitement for him. He had been bored.

To his dismay he discovered that he missed the companionship that he had established with Leslie that first summer five years ago. He remembered the happiness he had felt when she caught her first trout. He could close his eyes and picture clearly the burst of joy on her face as she held up the wriggling fish for his approval. He missed their discussions after dinner. He remembered how pleased he had been that she was able to offer opinions in a way that he felt was beyond her years of understanding. Leslie had a keen mind, and he had enjoyed challenging it with new ideas. He missed their chess games, their rides. Damn it all, he missed the girl.

That first summer when Leslie arrived at Windhaven had forged a bond between them that was the beginning of love. Pax had been enchanted by the plucky youngster who tagged faithfully after him. The boy-Leslie was a composite of bravery, humor, curiosity and honest integrity. In the years that followed, the child had grown up. Despite his absence, Pax had followed the progress via Leslie's letters. Their relationship had begun as ward and guardian, but it had evolved into one of warm friendship and love.

Perhaps Pax had known he loved Leslie even when he had been forced to marry her. He realized his fury was largely out of all proportion to the discovery of her real identity. He could look back with irony at his separate emotions. He had wanted to throttle the girl for making such a fool of him, for trapping him into an untenable situation. Conversely, he was drawn to her, physically attracted and sexually aroused by the beauty of spirit she possessed. She had stirred such diverse emotions in him that he had been unwilling or unable to cope with at the time.

Pride of course had been his downfall. He had offered for her as though conferring a favor. He had not even couched it in acceptable terms. He had been so full of himself, so sure she would leap at the offer. He, the much sought after Duke of Ruhaven, was well aware of his own worth as an eligible parti. It had never occurred to him that Leslie might have higher standards as to his worthiness. He could see now that her adamant refusal of his marriage offer set the stage for his own pompous response.

In point of fact, Pax thought, his eyes bleak in their self-appraisal, he had never thought about Leslie as a person. He had not considered her feelings or tried to understand why she had entered into the hoax in the first place. He had been blinded by his own injured pride, and that pride had cost him dearly.

He wondered what it had been like for Leslie, at the age of fourteen, to find herself orphaned in India with only Jacko and Manji to protect her. Both men loved her devotedly but they were used to taking orders not outlining strategy. Leslie had told him once how she had planned the trip to England, going without food and water, hiding from bandits and marauders and staying in a succession of dingy inns. No wonder Windhaven had seemed like paradise to a child who had been so long without a place of her own. He could see now, that in her youthful logic, Leslie chose the only course she felt was open to her. As a boy she would be able to remain with Pax at Windhaven.

And in his fury at her duplicity, he had refused to understand. He had berated her, ignored her explanations and then blackmailed her into the wedding.

He remembered the savage kiss on their wedding night and how she had thrust him away in loathing. How could he possibly have thought she would welcome him after such churlish behavior? And in his angry pride he had tried to force her. Later, when he began to see the true beauty of the girl, he had still held himself apart, offering her no part of himself. No matter that he loved her, he had never wooed her in any fashion. And now she obviously had fallen in love with someone else.

Pain stabbed through him at the thought, and he sprang from the chair, unable to remain still. In agitation he paced the room wanting to smash something to rid himself of the terrible agony of mind.

Staring out at the starless, overcast sky, Pax accepted the fact that Leslie was in love with Captain Fitzhue. Fitz had sought and won the prize, while he was off nursing his wounded pride. Perhaps he should feel anger and disillusionment that Leslie had been unfaithful, but now that he understood more Pax did not. He had given her no choice. He had not fought for her loyalty or her love. He had forced her to marry him by blackmailing her with the threat against Jacko and Manji. Could he blame her for finding love when he offered her nothing?

He could almost applaud her choice if the mere fact of her loving another was not so painful to him. Fitz was closer to Leslie in age and had a young man's zest for life that Pax totally lacked. Pax had known Fitz for many years and the man was honest, stable and good company. Under his normal guardianship of a young girl, Pax would have considered the man a perfect suitor. It stunned him that Fitz had betrayed their friendship. The only excuse Pax could find for the man's behavior was that if Leslie had returned his love, Pax himself would have pursued her, no matter her marital status.

Leslie must love Fitz beyond redemption. Otherwise she would never have considered an affair. And if she loved him that much, Pax could never stand in the way of her happiness. He would get a quiet annulment so that they could marry. If handled correctly he thought the scandal might be kept to a minimum. He had done enough to harm Leslie by forcing her to marry him. If he loved her, he must set her free.

Pouring himself another brandy, Pax returned to the fire, staring bleakly into the leaping flames, contemplating his own damnation. Through another long night he kept a vigil of mourning, thinking of all that he had lost.

"Morning, Mellows. Is her Grace receiving this early?" Captain Fitzhue unbuttoned his voluminous cape and handed it to the expressionless butler.

"I'm sorry, Captain, but her Grace is away."

"Devil take it! Is the Duke at home?" At the butler's hesitant nod, Fitz started toward the main staircase. "In the library?" He tossed his gloves into his curly beaver, thrusting it into the old man's hands.

"Yes. But if I might suggest another time, Captain Fitzhue." Uneasily aware that the Duke might not wish to be disturbed, Mellows hopefully extended the Captain's outdoor things.

"This news can't wait, my good man," Fitz called over his shoulder as he took the steps two at a time. "No need to announce me."

"But his Grace specifically requested he not be interrupted!" the butler called breathlessly after the disappearing figure. Receiving no answer, Mellows shook his head despairingly at the contrariness of the aristocracy.

At the door to the library, Fitz knocked once, then, not waiting for a response, opened the door. He squinted in the dim light of the room and spotted Pax standing in front of the fireplace. His face split into a cherubic grin as he strode into the room.

"What ho, Pax? I have wonderful news to share with the beauteous Duchess and discover she's away."

"She's gone to Windhaven," Pax growled, appalled at the blast of anger that surged through him. He had just spent twenty-four hours convincing himself that he would chivalrously step aside for the man Leslie loved. But at the sight of Fitz's buoyant figure, Pax wanted only to thrash the man.

"What a dreadful time to choose to rusticate in the country. And never a word to me." Fitz was so caught up in his own excitement that he was oblivious to Pax's glowering figure. "Ah, women. Do they ever take into consideration that there are times when we desperately need them? Damn it, Pax! I really wanted to see her."

"No doubt she will contrive to drop you a note," was the caustic reply.

"But I won't get it in time," Fitz burst out in exasperation. "I'm for Vienna."

"Devil, you say," Pax said, pushing himself away from the fireplace and towering menacingly over the shorter man. "You can't leave without talking to Leslie."

"I'd like to oblige, old man, but I can't. I leave first thing tomorrow." Fitz rubbed the back of his neck, turning away from Pax as he considered his alternatives. Finally his face cleared, and he swung back to face his friend. "You'll just have to give her a message. Tell her I love her madly and I enjoyed every moment in London thanks to her kindness. Tell her I'll drop her a note as soon as I get to Vienna. But most of all, tell her how sorry I was not to be able to tell her in person that I'm going to be married."

Before he could utter another word, Pax swung his arm, slamming a fist into Fitz's jaw. The Captain's knees buckled and he sprawled in a heap on the floor. Groggily he pushed himself onto his elbow and shook his head trying to clear his vision then blinked up owlishly into Pax's bellicose face.

"I say, Pax. Was it something I said?" Fitz asked in confusion.

"Get up, you bastard."

Fitz's normally good-natured face darkened at the epithet. However as his brain cleared he noted the disheveled figure of his friend and his eyebrows knitted in bewilderment. Seen in the morning light filtering through a crack in the closed curtains, Pax's unshaven face was haggard, his clothes rumpled as though he had slept in them. It was apparent he had been drinking, although he was not totally foxed.

"Get up, Fitz," Pax repeated, his voice as cold as his eyes.

Fitz remained on the floor, propping his head on his hand as he stared up at the avenging figure. "I'm going to stay right here until I find out what's going on. In your present mood, if I stand up, you'll only knock me down again. So in the long run I'm saving myself pain and you an overexertion of energy."

"Damn!" Pax swore. In frustration he slammed his fist onto a delicate burled table which splintered under the force of the blow. The sound of the falling wood brought a gleam of intelligence to Pax's anger-glazed eyes. His whole frame shuddered, and he staggered to a chair and collapsed.

Scrambling to his feet, Fitz made a dash for the door, opening it just in time to admit Mellows with a heavily loaded tray. "Bless you, man," Fitz whispered, racing back to clear a space on the desk.

The elderly butler never looked at Pax, slumped beside the fireplace, but efficiently poured out a large cup of black coffee which he placed close at hand. Then turning, Mellows left the room. Fitz helped himself and after a reviving swallow or two, carried the cup over to the chair opposite the Duke. He leaned back, stretching his legs out, casually crossing his ankles. Gingerly he moved his jaw, relieved at only a slight soreness. His open face was creased with a frown as he stared at his woebegone friend.

"I apologize, Fitz." Pax's voice was low, barely audible in the quiet room. "I must have been out of my mind."

There was a slight tremor to Pax's hand as he reached for the cup of coffee. He raised it to his lips and gulped thirstily, impervious to the heat of the liquid. Then he raised a ravaged face to the other man. His mouth twisted bitterly when he spoke. "You may name your seconds."

"Devil take it, Pax. What is all this about?" Fitz was stunned at the deadly gleam in his friend's eyes but refused to be intimidated. "You know I won't fight you. If for no other reason, there's Leslie to be considered."

"How dare you mention her name, you blackguard," Pax said, his voice frigid and his eyes mere slits in his whitened face. "How could you treat her so shabbily?"

Fitz was totally bewildered by Pax's behavior. Under normal conditions his friend would never even consider fighting a duel. Yet, he was obviously under severe strain and had actually issued a challenge to fight. Although others might take Pax's fury at face value, Fitz knew his friend well enough to realize something was desperately wrong.

"Where is Leslie, Pax?" Fitz asked quietly.

"I sent her to Windhaven," Pax retorted. "Of course that is probably of little interest to you now that you're getting married."

"What does that have to do with anything? Once I'm married I'd like to think we'd see more of each other."

"If you go near my wife again, I'll kill you." The quietly spoken words were a deadly threat.

Fitz was nonplused by the force of emotion behind the words. Although totally mystified, he realized that he had to get to the bottom of the puzzle without losing his own temper. He leaned his elbows on his knees, leaning forward in his chair. "Pax, I think we are talking at cross purposes. For some reason you feel that I have somehow injured Leslie. You must know I would never hurt her. I love her as dearly as if she were my own sister."

"Hah!" was Pax's answer.

"Is something wrong with Leslie?" Fitz asked anxiously.

"I know all about my darling wife's affair. I saw you two last night in the garden," Pax said. "Quite a touching little scene."

"Devil you say!" It was a stunned moment before Fitz fully comprehended Pax's words. Then his face reddened and he hurled himself out of the chair. This time it was he, whose face was a blaze of angry emotion. "And you thought I was trying to seduce your wife? What kind of a friend do you think I am? Why I consider Leslie one of the loveliest women I know. She's been all that is kindness itself. Why she---You thought---"

Pax's tormented eyes bored into Fitz's furious ones and knew that the man spoke the truth. He came to his feet placing his hands on the shoulders of his beleaguered friend. At the force of the grip, Fitz's words ground to a halt.

"You have my heartfelt apology, Fitz," Pax said sincerely. "I should have remembered your loyalty."

"I accept your apology, Pax," Fitz said stiffly. "But, I think you owe Leslie one also. I can't imagine how you could have come by such a cork-brained idea. Granted, I have been much in Leslie's company, but you cannot imagine for a moment that your wife would be unfaithful."