Karlology (39 page)

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Authors: Karl Pilkington

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T
h
e
b
ee
f
eater to
ld
some
y
oun
g
er tourists t
h
at some o
f
the ravens in the Tower had been taught to speak and one could bark like a dog. I don’t know why we teach birds to spea
k
, t
h
ere’s enoug
h
peop
l
e c
h
atting wit
h
out t
h
em joi
n
ing
in. Bir
d
soun
d
s use
d
to
b
e a re
l
axin
g
t
h
in
g
to
h
ear,
b
ut those relaxin
g
bird sounds are disa
pp
earin
g
. There is a bird called a lyrebird that imitates the sounds around it. They can now make the sound of hammering, car alarms an
d
c
h
ainsaws cuttin
g
d
own trees. I t
h
in
k
we mi
gh
t
h
ave a
ly
re
b
ir
d
l
ivin
g
on our roo
f
cos I’m a
l
wa
y
s
b
ein
g
wo
k
en up by the sound of noisy builders hammering and cutting
wood but I’m not seeing any work being done.

 

A
f
ter I’
d
h
a
d
me
d
rin
k
I
l
e
f
t t
h
e Tower an
d
went
h
ome an
d
t
h
ou
gh
t a
b
out w
h
at it is t
h
at ma
k
es
p
eo
pl
e so intereste
d
in histor
y
. Wh
y
are
p
eo
p
le more interested in the
p
ast than they are in the present? Maybe it’s cos everything is a bit
b
oring now. I can’t imagine in the year 4000 that anyone
w
i
ll
b
e ta
lk
in
g
a
b
out an
y
t
h
in
g
t
h
at’s
g
one on in m
y
l
i
f
etime. I t
h
in
k
h
istorians wi
ll
j
ust
k
ee
p
g
oin
g
over o
ld
g
roun
d
about the big bang, Stonehenge, Henry VIII and the
G
reat
Fire o
f
L
o
n
d
on. W
h
en someone sa
y
s t
h
e
y
ear 1066 to
y
ou, t
h
e Batt
l
e o
f
Hastings comes to min
d
straig
h
taway, yet i
f
someone sa
y
s 1980 a
ll
I t
h
in
k
o
f
is t
h
e
R
ub
i
k
’s
C
u
b
e an
d
G
a
rfield the cat. I am really interested in the past, but so much has happened that I feel like I’ll never be able to catch up with it all. It’s the same reason I’ve never watched the
S
o
p
ranos

by
t
h
e time someone to
ld
me
h
ow
g
oo
d
it was, it was on series 4 so I cou
ld
n’t
b
e
b
ot
h
ere
d
. Don’t
g
et me
w
rong, now is a better time to live in terms of wealth and health, but it’s just not as interesting to read about or talk a
b
out as years gone
b
y. Evi
d
ence o
f
t
h
is is Samue
l
Pepys’s
d
iar
y
. He
l
ive
d
in a
g
oo
d
time to write a
d
iar
y
cos t
h
ere was always something quite big going on, like the Fire o
f
London
or the plague. I’ve taken a few notes from Sam’s diary and taken the same days from the diary I kept, to give you an exam
pl
e o
f
w
h
at I mean.

 

Samuel’s Diary: 7th June 1665

T
h
is
d
a
y
, I see two or t
h
ree
h
ouses mar
k
e
d
wit
h
a re
d
cross u
p
on the doors, and “Lord Have Merc
y
U
p
on Us” writ there – which was a sad sight to me, being the first of that kind … that I ever saw. It put me into an ill conception o
f
m
y
se
lf
an
d
m
y
sme
ll
, so t
h
at I was
f
orce
d
to
b
u
y
some ro
ll-
to
b
acco to sme
ll
an
d
c
h
ew, w
h
ic
h
too
k
awa
y
t
h
e a
pp
re
h
en
sio
n
.

My Diary: 7th June 2006

W
o
k
e u
p
to news on t
h
e ra
d
io t
h
at a Russian s
p
aceman
wh
o en
j
o
y
s
pl
a
y
in
g
g
o
lf
h
as
b
een
g
iven t
h
e
g
o-a
h
ea
d
to
w
hack a golf ball into space. The ball will go around the
w
orld four times before falling to Earth. Hope none of the
o
t
h
er s
p
acemen are ten
p
in
b
ow
l
in
g
f
ans
.

Ha
d
c
h
ic
k
en win
g
s
f
or tea
f
rom Nan
d
o’s ta
k
eawa
y
. A copper was in front of me in the queue. He was using his
p
olice radio to take orders from his workmates back at the station. It seems
l
i
k
e no one is ta
k
ing t
h
eir jo
b
s serious
l
y t
h
ese
d
a
y
s. Po
l
ice usin
g
t
h
e emer
g
enc
y
ra
d
io to or
d
er
f
oo
d
an
d
s
p
acemen
h
ittin
g
g
o
lf
b
a
ll
s. W
h
at’s
g
oin’ on
?

Samuel’s Diary: 22nd August 1665

I
went on a wa
lk
to Greenwic
h
, on m
y
wa
y
seein
g
a co
ffi
n
w
it
h
a
d
ea
d
b
o
d
y in it,
d
ea
d
o
f
p
l
ague. It
l
ay in an open yar
d

It was carrie
d
t
h
ere
l
ast ni
gh
t, an
d
t
h
e
p
aris
h
h
as not to
ld
an
y
bod
y
to bur
y
it. This disease makes us more cruel to one another than we are to dogs
.

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