Kate Sherwood - Dark Horse 03 - Of Dark and Bright (16 page)

Evan had thought he was calming down, but apparently there was still room for his temper to rise. “So, what, you think I’m totally immoral? Ask the rest of the world, Dan. Ask them which of us would be the better father.” He shook his head. “I look after my sister, I run a company that wins international awards for environmentalism and business ethics, and I contribute generously to half the charities in the damn state. You come from a family of criminals, one of whom is facing a possible life sentence, the other of whom is still a fugitive. Oh, and
you
have a criminal record too.” And Evan knew he should stop himself, knew he was about to go way too far, but the words came out anyway. “You’ve said it yourself. You abandoned your mom when she was dying, and you abandoned your sister when she was still just a kid, leaving her to live with a man you knew was abusive.
Now
you’re Mr. Family Values? You’re judging
me
on my suitability to raise a child? Seriously?”

Dan and Evan had never had a physical fight. Never. But right then, Evan was pretty sure that Dan was going to punch him. He braced himself for the blow. In the split second since he’d stopped talking, he’d already begun to feel horribly guilty, and he looked forward to the pain that Dan’s fist was going to cause. Evan absolutely deserved it. He’d taken things that Dan had told him in confidence, things that he knew made Dan feel vulnerable and exposed, and he’d thrown them back at him. He’d
tried
to hurt Dan, and now he very much wanted Dan to hurt him in return.

But Dan didn’t. His whole body was tense and ready to go, but he didn’t move, and he didn’t say a word. He just stared, and then his eyes shifted to the side. Looking for support from Jeff, Evan supposed, and he was pretty damn sure Dan was going to get it. Pretty sure he
deserved
to get it. But it didn’t seem that Dan liked whatever he was seeing from Jeff. His expression became confused, then concerned, and finally Evan turned his own head to see Jeff leaning against the wall, his face gray, his hands clutching at his chest.

Dan and Evan moved together, and between them, they managed to catch Jeff before he slumped all the way to the floor.

J
EFF knew the fight had gone on too long, and had gotten too ugly. He’d been willing to abandon the plan he and Chris had come up with; yes, it was uncomfortable to be in the middle all the time, but better a little discomfort from that than watching the men he loved tear each other apart. He’d opened his mouth to speak, but he hadn’t been able to get his breath. He realized that he’d been breathing too shallowly, remembered that the pain in his chest wasn’t all emotional. He’d leaned backward, braced himself against the stall wall, and tried to get back in control. He couldn’t breathe deeply, but he could speed it up a little, getting the oxygen into his body any way he could. He was dimly aware that the boys had stopped yelling, but he didn’t know why. Maybe his ears had just stopped working, the blood rushing through them too loudly for anything else to penetrate. He could feel the darkness closing in around his eyes, the world beginning to fade, and he fought to control his breathing. Each breath felt like a thousand icy needles pressing into his chest, but he needed the air. He needed to live.

And then somehow he was moving. In a car, he realized, and he forced his eyes open to see Evan’s almost panicked face peering down at him. They were in the back of Evan’s SUV, Jeff was pretty sure, and they were in motion. Jeff tried to look forward, tried to see if Dan was driving, where Dan was, whether he was okay, but he didn’t seem able to turn his head. “His eyes are open!” he heard Evan yell, and then there was a calmer female voice coming from… somewhere. From Evan’s cell, maybe, set to speakerphone.

“Okay, Evan, that’s good. Try to speak to him. Keep your voice calm, and tell him help’s on the way.”

It was Dr. Sangha, Jeff was pretty sure. Evan’s family doctor. That made sense. She was physically close, and Evan trusted her. But she wouldn’t know Jeff had been having pain for a while. Maybe that was just as well. Evan would be angry if he knew that Jeff had been ignoring his health. Evan’s fingers were running through Jeff’s hair, trembling a little but still strong. Evan took a deep breath and then started repeating the doctor’s words. “Help’s on the way, Jeff. We’re driving to town, and they’re sending an ambulance to meet us. There’s a helicopter ready, if we need it. Everything’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay, Jeff.”

Then, Dan’s voice. “Ambulance,” he said, and Jeff felt a rush of air blow over him. Dan must have opened the window to flag the ambulance down. The car swerved to the right, braked hard, and then Dan turned around in his seat and peered down at Jeff. “You’re okay, Jeff. The ambulance is here. It’s going to be okay.”

Jeff tried to believe him. He wanted to live. He needed to. He couldn’t be taken away now, in the middle of everything. Dan and Evan needed him. There was movement past his head, and he realized that the door had opened, and then unfamiliar hands were on him, touching him, shifting him, taking him away from Evan and Dan. He knew he shouldn’t fight, wouldn’t have been able to even if he’d tried, but he felt the fear rising, felt his heart racing, and then the darkness washed over him again.

Chapter 12

D
AN hated hospitals. Nothing good ever happened in them, and he’d been in too many. The one in Dallas, when his mom was sick. The one in Kentucky, after Justin’s fall. And now, this one, shiny and almost futuristic-looking, where the ambulance had taken Jeff. They were in a private waiting room, decorated in warm colors, with rich fabrics and lots of flowers, and Dan hated it. He didn’t want to be thinking about the damn décor, not while Jeff was fighting for his life down the hall.

He stood up abruptly, and Evan, who had already been pacing, shifted to the side to give Dan room. They were still being pretty careful not to look at each other, but neither had said a hostile word since Jeff had collapsed. They had a more serious fight on their hands now, and they needed to be on the same side. Dan wasn’t sure how long the truce would last, or even whether it
should
last, long-term, but it was absolutely necessary for the time being.

Dan turned toward Jeff’s mother, sitting next to Chris by the window. Dan had never seen Anna looking her age before, but now she did. She seemed like a frail old woman, and Dan couldn’t stand it. He wanted her to be vibrant and laughing, galloping her horse up the hills, not tight and strained, sitting in a damn hospital waiting to hear whether her only child was going to survive. Dan tried not to think of Justin’s parents; he really didn’t want to let his mind go down that path. But it was hard to avoid it. Hard not to think about his previous loss. He could remember the last words he’d said to Justin, and the last words Justin had said to him, but he couldn’t think of when he and Jeff had last spoken. They’d been at the guest house together, making sandwiches, but what had Jeff said? Anything important? Had Dan been so wrapped up in his own nonsense that he didn’t even notice?

He looked over at Evan. He looked strained, but not as close to the edge as he’d seemed on the drive in. He had his own worries for the current situation, and his own terrible memories. Was this the hospital where his parents had been taken? Maybe not. Dan was pretty sure that accident had been immediately fatal. Maybe Evan had been spared this horrible waiting, that time. Of course, not waiting just meant that your last shred of hope was ripped away even faster. There was no right answer, no “good” way to deal with any of this. No way to keep yourself from going totally crazy. “I’m going to get some coffee.” It wasn’t like he needed the caffeine, but he did need a purpose, a distraction. “Does anybody want anything?”

“Sure,” Chris agreed. He looked at Anna. “Some tea too,” he suggested, and Dan nodded. Excellent. He headed out through the frosted glass door and took a moment to orient himself. That was when he saw Tat and Robyn coming down the hall. Tat’s face was blotchy and red, as if she’d been crying even before she’d heard about Jeff, and Robyn’s arm was tight around the younger girl’s shoulders. Dan felt the weight again, the pressure that seemed to be coming from all around him, constricting his body tighter and smaller. He needed Jeff. They all did. He was the one who could deal with all this.

Tat stopped short when she saw Dan, and she looked almost afraid, as if she wasn’t sure she’d be welcome. But that made no sense; Jeff had been her father’s best friend even before he became Evan’s lover. Tat had known him forever, and obviously loved him. “You okay, Tat?” It was a stupid question, under the circumstances, but he hoped she’d understand what he meant.

Her face crumbled. “Is
Jeff
okay?” she asked in a shaky voice. Robyn gave Dan a warning look and made her voice louder than it needed to be when she said, “I told you, Tat, this
isn’t
your fault.”

Dan just stared at the girl. He had no idea what to say. His mind raced, trying to figure out what he should do, what he should say. And then he thought of Evan, his easy physical affection, and he knew what was needed. He stepped forward quickly, and Robyn smiled through tear-moist eyes as she saw him coming. She stepped away just enough for him to be able to wrap his arms around Tat. He kissed the top of her head as she resisted for half a second and then burrowed her face into his shoulder. “It’s not your fault, Tat. You screwed up, and I’m not at all impressed, but that doesn’t mean this is your fault. At all.”

“B-but, it’s
stress
, right? That’s what gives people heart attacks!” Her voice was a little muffled from the fabric of his shirt, but there was enough volume behind it to make her meaning clear. It was probably just as well that she was at least somewhat muted or she’d be disturbing patients up and down the hall.

“Shhh, Tat,” he said. He meant it literally, but also wanted her to be soothed. “We don’t even know it’s a heart attack. And
if
it is, and
if
it’s from stress….” Dan gave her head another kiss, his form of an apology. “If it’s from stress, that’s on me and Evan, not you. He wasn’t really that worried about you, brat. He knew you were fine.”

“But you and Evan were fighting because of me, right?” She lifted her face to look at him, and he was reminded of Evan’s complaint that she always picked up on just enough of a situation to feel bad about it, without getting the full story and context. He smiled sadly at her.

“Me and Evan were fighting because of me and Evan. You were a tiny little hiccup; the full, disgusting puke of a fight came from something else altogether.”

She wrinkled her nose at his analogy, and that was a good sign. As always, Tat felt things strong and fast, and then recovered pretty well. But she did remember her feelings, and generally didn’t make the same mistake twice. Although she
had
ditched her security on several separate occasions, so maybe that behavior was the exception to her learning-from-mistakes rule. Or maybe she wasn’t really agreeing that it was a mistake. But that was a concern for another time.

“Evan’s in the waiting room, and he’ll tell you the same thing,” Dan promised. It was nice to be able to say that with complete confidence. Whatever Evan’s flaws, he’d been a hell of a substitute parent for his sister. And, Dan realized, it must have stung more than a little to hear Dan suggest that he couldn’t do a good job looking after another little person.

“Actually, I’m right here,” came Evan’s voice from behind Dan. “I heard the cry of a harpooned dolphin, but that didn’t make sense, so far from the sea. So I figured it must be my baby sister.”

Dan grinned into Tat’s hair, and he felt her body relax as she realized that Evan wasn’t blaming her for Jeff’s illness. Dan let his body suggest a spin, and Tat moved in the direction he’d thought of, and he effortlessly transferred her from his arms to Evan’s. He reached out and ruffled her hair. “Ditching your security was totally uncool,” he said, “and I know you’re going to hear about it from Evan, but you’re probably going to hear about it from me too. And from Jeff,” he added, because he needed to remind himself as well as the others. “But this is a separate thing.” He couldn’t keep his eyes away from Evan’s, and he caught the barely perceptible nod of acknowledgement. The truce had been in place for a while, but now it was formally acknowledged. “I’m going to the caf,” Dan said to the group as a whole. “Do you guys want anything?”

“Maybe some nice mackerel for Tat,” Evan suggested. “But no tuna. She still has terrible memories of being caught in that net.”

“Shut up, Evan,” Tat said, but she didn’t move away from his embrace. Dan grinned at her, and left a bit of the smile on his face when he looked at Evan. They both cared about the same people, and they would have to remember that before they tore more than their own relationship apart.

E
VAN watched Dan as he headed down the hall. It sometimes hurt to look at Dan even when they weren’t fighting. He was so beautiful, so strong, and it had a strange effect on Evan. He wanted to wrap Dan up and hide him away from everyone else. Wanted to protect him. But there was also a strange urge to own him, to dominate, to make it clear that Evan loved him too much to ever let him go. In his more sane moments, Evan recognized that it wasn’t a particularly healthy urge, but he really wasn’t sure what to do about it. For the time being, at least, he decided to ignore it.

He turned to Robyn. “Thanks for picking her up. And for coming down yourself. Jeff’s still in with the doctors—they haven’t told us anything yet.”

Robyn nodded. “Okay. I’m just going to go in….” And she waved her arm toward the waiting room.

“Yeah, okay.” Evan waited until the door shut behind Robyn, then turned Tat’s hug into a gentle shake. He wasn’t sure if it was the right time or not, but he decided to go for it. “Tat, think about how you feel right now. The feeling that someone you love is in danger. That maybe you didn’t do enough to protect them from it, and that there’s not a damn thing you can do now to help. All you can do is stand around and go crazy with worry, and pray that the experts are going to be able to save the day.” He sighed. “Think about how helpless you feel. Remember all the money you have access to, and realize that it isn’t enough to buy even a little bit of control over the situation.” He brought his fingers to her chin and tilted her head up so she was looking straight at him. “Think about this feeling, and remember it the next time you think it’ll be fun to ditch your security and leave me to go crazy wondering where the fuck you are.” He didn’t usually swear around Tat, and he saw her eyes widen a little just before she nodded her understanding.