Kate Sherwood - Dark Horse 2.2 - Head Shy (11 page)

Jeff calls from the doorway then, tells them all to come in and pick up their plates, and Dan waits until Evan gets to his feet before stretching his arm up to be pulled up. Yeah, he's relaxed, alright. Evan pulls him a little too hard, and Dan knows it's on purpose, trying to get Dan off balance, but he just goes with it, lets himself fall into Evan, makes Evan

Head Shy | Kate Sherwood

catch him and balance him, and if Evan didn't want Dan to take the opportunity for a quick ass-grope, then Evan shouldn't have started it. Evan isn't complaining, though, and he pulls Dan in tight, and Chris glances back at them and shakes his head before opening the door and heading for the kitchen.

Evan keeps one hand around Dan's lower back, drawing them closer together, and the other hand goes up to find its familiar grip in Dan's hair. Evan moves Dan's head to the angle he likes and kisses him gently, their lips smiling together. Dan lifts his hands to skim under Evan's shirt and touch the warm skin of his waist, and Evan's kiss gets a little deeper, more demanding. Dan can hear the door open again, but he doesn't care, just opens his mouth and lets Evan's tongue find his own.

"Okay, I know it's a bit hypocritical, but the food's hot, and it won't be great reheated." Jeff sounds amused.

But he knows how to get Evan's attention. Dan leans after Evan's retreating mouth, but he doesn't really push too hard, and he smiles as he feels Evan's stomach churn under his fingers. "I have no idea how you can be hungry already."

Evan laughs. "Always hungry. It's part of my charm."

Dan shakes his head and hooks a playful finger in Evan's waistband. "It's pretty damn far down the list of 'charms', as far as I'm concerned." He rubs the back of his finger against Evan's soft skin, just in case there was any confusion.

"J'aurai toujours faim de toi," Evan says seriously, but he grins when Dan frowns at him. "What, you don't think French is sexy?"

 

"For all I know, you just said I have a booger hanging out of my
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nose. So, no, not too sexy." Dan's frown deepens. "Since when do you speak French?"

"Since first grade, pretty much." Evan glances over at Jeff as if he knows he's about to get busted. "But that was cheating a little. It's a song title, too."

Dan nods thoughtfully. "'You Have a Booger Hanging out of Your Nose' probably wouldn't be a real popular song, huh?"

"Well, if it had a good beat…." Evan smiles and edges past Dan and then Jeff, proceeding into the house. Apparently he's not going to offer to translate for Dan, and Dan'll be damned if he asks. So, one more mystery. If Jeff had said it, Dan would have asked him what it meant. But then, if Jeff had said it, he would have told Dan without
being
asked.

Jeff waits for Dan to move, and then follows him into the house. Jeff does this a lot, herds Dan, and he can't decide whether to be irritated or amused. Or comforted, because it is kind of nice to be able to reach a hand back and know that Jeff will be there to take it.

They get to the kitchen and grab their plates, and then they all end up sitting at the kitchen table, because it was getting a bit chilly outside and they're all too lazy to hunt down jackets. There's a bit of a fuss when Chris says he has to stop drinking so that he'll be able to drive home later, and Evan argues that he's too far gone already, unless he's planning to stay until pretty damn late, so he should just drink up and take a cab, and then there's a bit of a pause in the conversation while everyone eats. And drinks, so Dan figures Chris is cabbing it. Or maybe staying in the guest room, but Dan kind of hopes not; If Chris ends up staying, maybe
Dan
will take a cab home, get a good night's sleep for a change. Store up energy for the next opportunity.
The pasta and vegetables are delicious, and Dan's eating pretty

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intently, his earlier plan to not bother with food for a week quickly forgotten, so he's not sure whether Evan deliberately waits until Dan has a mouthful or if it's just accidental when Evan smiles brightly and says, "So, Dan, how did you know you were gay?"

It's not so much invasive as just… strange. Dan chews carefully and washes his food down with a swallow of beer, but he still doesn't know what the hell Evan's getting at. "You mean, other than the 'fucking men' part?"

Evan frowns, and Dan knows by now that it's not real confusion, he's just setting Dan up. "So, what, you thought you were straight, and then fucked a man and figured out you weren't? Seems like a bit of a shot in the dark, really."

Dan nods his chin over at Chris. "What's that word, man? You wouldn't shut up about it a couple years ago. When being straight is just assumed?"

Dan doesn't really understand the grin Evan and Chris exchange, but Chris answers promptly. "Heteronormativity, grasshopper."

 

"Yeah. That. Watch your heteronormativity there, Evan."

 

Evan nods contritely. "Sorry, sorry. So… you always knew you were gay?"

Dan still isn't sure what the goal of this conversation is, but he's becoming increasingly sure that there is one. "I guess so. I don't know. I just—liked guys."

"But you've slept with girls, right?" "Well… had sex. But, you know… not since I was a kid, just
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messing around." He looks at Chris and Jeff for help, but they're looking noncommittal, so he turns back to Evan. "So? Are you trying to say something?"

Evan shrugs. "It's just interesting. Chris and I were talking earlier, and he said he's never been with a guy, but he's not, like… against it in principal. But you… you kinda
are
against sleeping with women, but you've done it anyway." He raises his eyebrows. "It's just interesting, is all."

Dan still isn't sure about this conversation, but he's beginning to think he doesn't like it. "So, you're saying that I'm a slut, or that Chris is a prude, or is it a double-whammy, you're slamming both of us at the same time?"

Evan's eyes widen a little. "No, neither!" He shakes his head, not letting his gaze stray from Dan's. "Seriously." Then he grins a little. "Well, not that you're a slut. Maybe Chris is a bit of a prude, yeah."

Dan still isn't sure, but he lets himself be distracted by the opportunity to pick on Chris. "Maybe just… white bread. Boring." He shakes his head sadly. "Afraid."

Chris ignores Dan, but otherwise looks like he's getting interested in the conversation. He looks around the table. "So you all… you all started with women? Jeff, you too? You tried it, and
then
went to guys?"

Jeff nods. "I didn't have sex with a guy until college." He grins. "And the first time was so terrible I went back to girls for another couple years, actually."

Evan looks like he knows this story, but Dan and Chris exchange glances and then turn back to Jeff. "How bad could it have been?" Dan isn't sure if this is going to be funny or tragic, but Jeff seems pretty relaxed
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about the whole thing.

"Pretty bad—neither one of us knew what we were doing, and… I don't know, it…I mean, we were totally stoned, and laughing our asses off, so that helped, I guess, but… yeah. Ended up thinking it was just messy and uncomfortable and too fucking much trouble."

"So what changed? I mean… after a couple years, why'd you try again?" Dan likes thinking about Jeff then, young and innocent, enthusiastic but confused.

Jeff smiles. "Met a guy." He shakes his head, his eyes drifting as he remembers. "Knocked me off my feet. He was older, and he knew what he was doing, and… damn." His laugh is low and husky. "He'd get me so wound up I could barely see. Keep me like that for…." He remembers his audience somewhat abruptly and shakes his head as if to clear it. "Well. Going from college girls to that… yeah. It was a bit of an eye-opener."

Chris looks thoughtful. "Did you ever switch back? Or was that it, guys only from then on?"

"No, I… occasionally, with a woman. But, you know—the exception, rather than the rule." He shrugs. "Once I knew what was going on, it got pretty damn good, with guys."

Chris looks at Evan. "And you? Always both, or did you start with girls?"

 

Evan grins. "I started with men, baby. My first ever crush, before I even really knew what it was…." He glances over at Jeff, who's blushing. "You're joking, right?" Dan doesn't know if it's the most romantic
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thing he's ever heard, or the most pathetic. Possibly both. "Your first crush was on
Jeff
?"

Evan smiles happily. "He wouldn't put out, of course. Talk about a prude. Just because I was thirteen, and he was, what? Thirty, maybe? Still. He could of at least given me a hand job or something." He pouts a little before continuing. "But then, of course, I figured out that guys were hot, but most of the guys my age…you know, not so great. The girls were a lot smoother, a lot more put together, so I stuck with them for quite a while." He glances over at Dan. "First person I slept with was Monica. We dated for a couple years, and when we broke up, last year of high school. That's when I started messing around with guys. Or girls. Whichever."

"Huh." Chris seems thoughtful. "So for both of you, it wasn't like… it wasn't like there was nothing with girls. I mean… a different time and place, where doing what you're doing would be harder to manage… you both could have settled down with a nice little lady, had some kids…."

"And always felt like there was something missing," Jeff adds. "Yeah, we both could have lived a lie. But it's sure great that we don't have to."

Chris nods. "Yeah, for sure." He turns to Dan. "So, how 'bout you, Danny? I never heard about these women of yours.”

 

Dan shakes his head. "Not much to say. Tried it, didn't like it."

 

Chris looks like he's not sure just how much further he wants to take this. "Didn't like it, like… didn't… complete the mission? Or just…." "Jesus Christ, Chris, 'complete the mission'? Are you twelve?" Dan
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shakes his head in disgust. "And, yeah, I came. It's friction, right? I just wasn't into it mentally. You know. Having sex with someone you're not attracted to isn't as good as having it with someone you're attracted to." That seems pretty obvious, but he doesn't hear the sounds of agreement that he was expecting.

Jeff's frowning, but it's Evan who speaks. "Wait a second. Why are you ever having sex with people you're not attracted to?”

 

Dan doesn't follow. "I'm not. I mean… I didn't mean you guys…I 'm attracted to you."

 

"Yeah, but, before us. Before Justin. You… I mean, why would you have sex with people you weren't attracted to?"

Dan doesn't know where this is going, or how to answer that question. He shrugs impatiently. "Well, I don't anymore." He turns to Chris. "So, you've never done anything with a guy?" He already knows the answer to that, but it's time for a topic change.

Chris apparently disagrees. "No, Danny, wait… you haven't told us about how you made the switch. Evan had a crush on Jeff and then boys his own age finally grew up, Jeff had a terrible first time but then Older Man showed him the way… how'd it go for you?"

Dan can feel his muscles starting to tighten up, and he forces them to relax before someone else notices. He has another swallow of beer before he starts to talk. "Nothing special. Just, you know… fooled around with guys. Ta da—gay."

Evan sighs. "You are a crappy storyteller, Dan. Give us some detail, man.”

 

"Detail? I don't know… I just… whatever. You know."
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Jeff's starting to look a little more serious, but he doesn't say anything to stop Evan, who seems pretty damn intent on this. "Okay, give us the milestones—first kiss—guy or girl?"

"Girl." That's safe enough.

 

"First… hand job." Evan's like a demented quiz show host.

 

"Given or gotten?"

 

Evan squints. "Well, obviously you didn't give a 'hand job' to a girl… but, okay, first… manual stimulation? Given."

 

Dan has to think back. "Girl." By about three hours, but he doesn't feel like adding that.

 

"First blowjob… wait, gender-neutral—first oral. Given."

"Guy." Dan thinks back on those long nights in youth detention with Wilson, locked in their room with nothing to do but learn how to make a guy crazy. He's guesses it wasn't really a great relationship, but it was certainly educational.

"Okay…first full-on, penetrative sex. Girl, you said, right?" Dan nods. "Okay, so first full-on sex with a guy… give us something, man…."

 

Dan shrugs. He doesn't really have a lot to say.

 

"What was his name?" Jeff asks gently, and, yeah, that should be an easy question.

 

Dan looks at his plate, shrugs again, and he's aware that the table has
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gotten pretty quiet. He forces himself to look up. "It wasn't exactly… it wasn't like we were
dating
, or anything…."

He shuffles his feet a little, and Lou stirs, obviously hoping that Dan has finally remembered her and decided to share. He looks at his plate. It's about half gone, and he doesn't think he really wants any more. He glances over at Jeff. "You said it wouldn't be too good reheated…."

"No, Dan, you are not giving half a plate of people food to my fat dog." Jeff gives him a long look. "If you're sure you're done, you can pick out the bits of meat, and give her those, if you want. The rest can go in the compost."

That sounds like a plan, even better than giving her the whole plate because now he has an excuse to get up and do something with his hands. "Hear that, princess? Steak! pre-cut, even!"

He stands up and takes the plate over to the counter and Lou follows him, tail wagging in anticipation. He uses his fork to find a sliver of meat, then nods to Lou. She immediately sits, and when Dan points to the ground, she lies down. He spins his finger, and she rolls right over, back to lying on her stomach, and then he straightens two fingers and bends his thumb, pretending his hand is a gun, and she rolls over on her back and plays dead. He has her hold it for a bit, and then says, "Okay, Lou! Good girl!" She jumps to her feet and catches the tossed chunk of meat in her mouth.