Katie's Glimpse (The Glimpse Series) (17 page)

I woke up early to
get myself mentally and emotionally prepared for church. I hadn’t been in such
a long time. I didn’t know if I was ready to face it just yet, but I’d already
told Levi I would go, so there was no backing out now. I looked around for my Bible,
and remembered I’d left it at my parents’ house. I growled, angry that I’d been
so thoughtless.

I had always felt
close to God before I made that one horrible mistake with Seth, but after that
and the many lies I’d been forced to live, I felt like I couldn’t reach out to
Him anymore. There was nothing left in me to offer God. I was broken
spiritually, mentally and physically.

I showered and
dressed in one of my nicest outfits. I put on makeup, keeping it light and
pulled my hair into a knot at my base of my neck. I stepped back and looked at
my reflection. I practiced my smile, but it still seemed forced to me. Surely I
could blend in for one service. I hoped it wasn’t too obvious to everyone that
I didn’t belong in a house of worship.

 The knock on the
door startled me. I took a deep cleansing breath, plastered a smile on my face,
and opened it. Levi looked at my face and chuckled. “You look like you’re about
to throw up.”

I closed my eyes to
fight back the tears. “Is it that obvious?”

He pulled me into
his arms. “Nah, I can just read your face. Maybe tone it down a little.”

I groaned against
his chest. I felt his deep laugh vibrate through him and it calmed me. “I’m
sorry. It’s just been a while since I went to church, and I’m nervous.”

I pulled back and
gave him a sincere smile. “There’s that real smile,” he said and stroked my
cheek with his knuckles. “Are you ready?”

I shook my head for
no but said, “Yes.”

He smiled and nudged
me towards the counter. “Get your purse, Katie. You’ll be fine.” I went back in
and grabbed my purse and finally noticed Levi’s clothes. He had on khaki pants
and a striped navy button down shirt. He had the sleeves rolled up to just below
his elbows.

I checked him out
and grinned. “Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything other than
jeans. This is a good look for you.”

He shrugged his
shoulders. “Nobody will even notice me while I’m standing next to you. You look
beautiful and while I love your hair anyway you wear it, the way you have it
now makes you look so much older.”

“Oh, you mean like
almost your age?” I asked sweetly.

He shook his head
and chucked me under the chin. “Hush it, woman,” he said. I giggled and linked
my arm through his as we walked to the truck.

As we pulled up to
the small white church, I noticed that all my anxiety had disappeared. Levi had
a way of calming me. Even just being near him had a positive effect on me. We
entered through the open front doors and were greeted by an elderly gentleman.
I shook his offered wrinkly hand while Levi introduced us. He gave me a warm
smile that made me feel welcome.

Levi led me to a pew
a few rows from the back.
Thank goodness he doesn’t sit up front.
We sat
down, and I took a minute to look around. The sanctuary was filling up, and I
was surprised to see so many people in such a small church. There was a good
mix of age groups, from elderly to small children. Sunlight streamed in through
several of the stained glass windows, and soft music played through the
speakers.

Levi caught my eye and
smiled. “You good?”

“I’m good. No more
anxiety.”

He reached over and
took my hand in his as several people came over to introduce themselves. I was
a little overwhelmed at the eagerness they showed at meeting me.

Levi leaned over and
whispered in my ear, “They get a little excited when someone new comes, but
you’re doing great.” I smiled when I noticed how happy he looked.

The service started,
and we stood to sing. Nobody reached for the hymnals, which was what I was used
to. Instead, they had a small praise band, and the songs were shown on a large
screen behind them. It was contemporary Christian songs. I recognized the first
one as “Amazing Grace” from Chris Tomlin. I’d heard it on the radio station
Levi listened to. I began to softly sing the words, and they stirred something
in my soul. I glanced over at Levi. He had his eyes closed and his hand held up.
I felt tears sting my eyes as I watched this big strong man surrendering
himself, unashamed, before the Lord. I wanted what he had but couldn’t let go
of all my shame. I didn’t know how. We sang two more songs, and I felt at peace
in this church with Levi at my side.

 We sat back down as
the pastor came on stage to welcome everyone. Levi leaned down and whispered,
“His name is Greg Lewis. He’s young, but he’s a great pastor. I’d like to
introduce you to him after church, if that’s okay?”

I turned my head and
whispered back, “I would like that.”

Pastor Greg told the
congregation what was coming up in the week ahead before taking his seat on the
first pew.

Levi patted my knee.
“I’ll be back,” he said and stood up.

I thought maybe he
had to go to the bathroom, but instead he walked down the aisle and up the
stairs to the stage. He picked up a guitar that one of the guys from the praise
band had leaned against the wall. He pulled a stool up to a microphone in the
middle of the stage and sat down. He put the guitar on his lap and began to
strum. I stared at him in shock. In all this time he never told me he could
play. Our eyes met and he winked. I managed to pull myself together and smile
at him.

He opened his mouth
and began to sing a Jeremy Camp song that I recognized. It was “Healing Hand of
God” and I was amazed by Levi’s voice. It had a deep, raspy sound to it. I
watched in awe as his fingers moved rhythmically across the guitar strings, and
I listened to the words being sung in his beautiful voice. They were about
letting God mend your broken heart and resting in Him. I closed my eyes and
didn’t even try to stop the tears that fell. They weren’t tears of sadness or
pain-they were cleansing tears. I smiled and let them fall as Levi’s voice
filled the sanctuary. I opened my eyes and wiped the wetness from my cheeks, never
more thankful for waterproof mascara.

I watched Levi’s
face, his joy was evident as he sang to God. I said a silent prayer asking God
to bless him beyond measure. He loved and lived for Him and never tried to hide
it.

 When he finished
the song, the congregation clapped loudly. I even heard a few whistles. I
giggled softly when he got close enough for me to see the redness of his
cheeks. He chuckled as he sat down beside me, and I tried to tone down the
wattage of my smile. He bumped me with his shoulder, and I knew this was his
way of saying “no big deal”. I wanted to say so many things to him, but the
sermon began. I mouthed the word “later”, and he nodded in agreement.

A Bible passage from
Colossians was displayed on the screen, and Levi opened his Bible to it. I was
embarrassed that I didn’t have mine. As we stood to listen to God’s Word being
read aloud, he held his Bible out in front of both of us. This simple gesture
stirred something in my heart. We sat back down, and I looked closer at his
Bible. The pages looked worn from use, and he had written notes in the margins.
He had also underlined some of the verses. I glanced back up, noticed that he
was watching me, and blushed. I felt like maybe I’d invaded his privacy by
reading some of the personal things he’d written, but he just smiled, took my
hand in his and squeezed it.

I listened to the
sermon and agreed with what Levi had said about Pastor Greg being a great pastor.
He spoke in a voice filled with conviction for what he was preaching. He
focused on the word compassion and told of the numerous times it was mentioned
in the Bible. He said that God had a strong compassion for man, even though we
didn’t deserve it. He said we should show compassion to others in the same way.
I immediately thought of how Levi treated people.

When church was over,
he took me up front to meet Pastor Greg. I shook his outstretched hand and
introduced myself. He smiled. “Hello, Katie. Levi has mentioned you several
times. I’m glad to finally meet you. How did you like our church?”

 “It’s great. I’m
glad he invited me.”

We chatted but left quickly
so he could speak to the other people who were waiting for a few minutes of his
time. We were stopped several times before we made it to the truck by people
who wanted to introduce themselves or brag on Levi. He responded humbly, as
usual, which made me love him even more.

A young blond woman
rushed up to him and laid her hand on his forearm. “Levi, that was great. I
just love to hear you sing.”

  She didn’t
acknowledge me. Levi subtly pulled his arm from her grasp. “Thank you, Angie. This
is my girlfriend, Katie,” he said as he gestured to me.

She looked me up and
down, gave me an obvious fake smile and said, “Hi, Kate.”

 
I know she
didn’t just do that.
I gave her the nicest smile I could muster up and
said, “It’s Katie, and it’s nice to meet you.”

She ignored me and
tried to speak to Levi again but he cut her off. “We have to go. It was nice to
see you again, Angie.”

“Okay, but I’m still
waiting on that tour of the nursery. Call me. I’m available next week.”

I cut my eyes to
Levi, he looked very irritated. She walked away, tossing her hair over her
shoulder. I turned to him and asked, a little shocked, “What just happened? Did
she actually ask you out with me standing right here?”

He grimaced. “Hurry
and get in before she decides to come back,” he said, as he gently pushed me
towards his truck.

I scurried around to
the passenger side, and he quickly got in on the driver’s side, which was odd
to me because he always opened the door and helped me in. I had to hike my
skirt up to climb into his tall truck and when he saw that, he quickly turned
his head away but still reached over and pulled me into the seat.

I closed the door.
“Sorry for flashing you,” I said and felt heat flood my cheeks.

 “It’s my fault. I
should have helped you up, but all I could think about was getting away from
that woman.” He started the truck and pulled away from the church. “We went to
high school together. She’s done me that way since the eleventh grade. I don’t
want to be mean, so I just try and stay away from her. I’m sorry she was rude
to you. That was ridiculous.”

I agreed. “Did you
ever date her...or anything?”

“No, but it wasn’t for
her lack of trying.” He gave a small shudder then continued, “And don’t think I
didn’t catch what you were really asking with that
anything
part,” he
said with a chuckle.

“Sorry. That just
kind of slipped out.” I didn’t want him to think I was prying into his past. It
really wasn’t any of my business.

 “Baby, don’t be
embarrassed. You can ask me about anything.”

I knew he meant it,
but I wasn’t ready to ask him about his past because I knew it would open the
door for him to ask me about mine. I couldn’t go there, not yet anyway.

He looked over at me
expectantly, but I just looked away. He reached over for my hand and laced his
fingers through mine. “It’s all right. We don’t have to talk about this today.”

We rode the rest of
the way to his house in silence. I was caught up in my past regrets and he must
have sensed it. When he led me inside, he pulled me into his arms, holding me
close. “You can trust me with anything,” he said as I pulled away.

No I can’t. I
don’t want to lose you.
I
looked down and took a deep breath. I couldn’t dwell on this anymore, and I
didn’t want it to ruin our time together.

I looked up at him. “How
is it that I didn’t know you could play the guitar and sing? You’ve been
holding out on me, Levi.”

He chuckled. “I
guess you’re ready to change the subject.”

I bit the inside of
my cheek, hoping he’d let it go.

“Okay, that’s fine.”
He tucked some hairs that had come loose from my knot behind my ear. “Well, I
suppose it never came up until now,” he said with a shrug. 

I kept my face
serious. “You should have let me know sooner. Watching you play the guitar and
hearing you sing would have sealed the deal for me.”

 He chuckled and
pulled me back over to him for a quick kiss. “What? Dang it! If I’d known that
I would have serenaded you during your job interview.”

I laughed and let
him push some of those bad memories out of my mind for a little while. We spent
the rest of the day hanging out and having fun, the past still buried until
another day.

It was Saturday
night, and Levi wanted to go out. I was tired and just wanted to stay in but
didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I agreed. He picked the same pizza place
we’d gone to on our first date, which really wasn’t a date at the time. It was
crowded with college kids, and there was a twenty minute wait for a table. Levi
asked if I wanted to find another place, but pizza sounded really good, so I
told him we could just wait.

 He leaned against a
wall by the doors and pulled me against him. Our hands were joined together at
our sides. Music played through the speakers, and I heard Levi humming along to
the song. It was a song from the late eighties, and I snorted out a laugh.

“What are you laughing
at?”

“You’re showing your
age, old man. I guess this song was a hit back in your day,” I said with a
giggle.

“I’ll have you know
this song was very popular when I was a kid- a really young kid. Keep it up and
you’re going to get it,” he said, tickling my sides.

I squealed and tried
to squirm away. I glanced around to make sure the entire place hadn’t heard my
squeal when my eyes locked with a blue eyed, blond headed guy sitting in a
booth by the door. My laugh died in my throat, and I took a step back, bumping
against Levi’s chest.

It was him, JT, and
he was staring right at me. I watched in horror as he slid out of the booth and
made his way towards me. My heart felt like it was in my throat, and I began to
shake.

 “Katie, what’s
wrong?” Levi asked sounding concerned. He’d obviously noticed the abrupt change
in my behavior.

I reached behind me
and grabbed his hand about the time JT came to a stop directly in front of me.
“Well, look who it is. How are you, Katie? I haven’t seen you in a while,” he
said with his perfect smile in place.

 I squeezed Levi’s
hand so hard I felt my nails dig into his skin. “I’m g-good, JT,” I stammered
out. JT noticed the waver in my voice and grinned. I hadn’t forgotten that he
enjoyed my fear, but at the moment, I couldn’t contain it.

 “I’m Levi, Katie’s
boyfriend. Where do you know her from?” he asked from behind me. He squeezed my
hand back to let me know he was aware that something wasn’t right.

 “Oh, we went to
high school together. We sure did have some good times, didn’t we, Katie?” he
asked with a sneer.

 Afraid I was going to
throw up all over myself, I swallowed hard. I prayed Levi wouldn’t ask him
about our
good times
and just get me out of there.

As if he read my
mind, Levi replied coolly, “Yeah, okay. Well, we’ve got to go. I forgot we’ve
got somewhere else we need to be.”

JT didn’t step back;
he just stared down at my face. I thought it was about to get ugly between them
when he finally spoke, “That’s a shame. Katie and I have some catching up to do,
but that’s all right. I know where to find her now, so maybe another time.”

 He gave me a once
over with his eyes, stepped back and walked away to his booth. Levi had a death
grip on me as he gently pushed me out the door. We’d almost made it to the
truck when I stopped and threw up all over the ground.

“Oh, baby,” he whispered,
“what did he do to you?”

He held my hair back
as I threw up again then stripped off his polo, leaving him in a t-shirt, and
wiped my face with it. He picked me up and carried me the rest of the way to
the truck. He gently put me in the seat and buckled me in. Panic began to
overtake me and my shaking increased. Levi jumped in the truck and took off to
my apartment. I curled up into a ball, burying my head in my knees.

“Katie, who was
that?” he asked in a slightly panicked voice. I ignored him as I began to sob.

He pulled up in
front of my apartment, carried me inside and sat me on the couch. He went into
the kitchen, and brought back a wet rag. He wiped my face again before pulling
me into his lap. I curled up against him and sobbed as he rubbed his hand along
my back. My tears soaked his t-shirt. As my sobbing subsided, I heard him
whispering. I strained to listen and was stunned to hear that he was praying
over me.

“Lord, please help
her. Comfort her in the way only You can. Give her peace, and let her know that
she is safe now.”

The sobbing had stopped,
but my tears continued to fall. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly as
some of the fear left me. He stopped rubbing my back and just held me tightly
against him.

 “I need to take
some of my medicine.”

“Okay. I’ll get it,”
he said and slid me off his lap. He jogged into the kitchen and brought back a
glass of water and several of my prescription bottles. He handed them over. “I
didn’t know which one, so I brought them all but the pain medication,” he said,
as he sat down close to me.

I read the labels
and found the one I needed. I took one pill and washed it down with the water.
I gripped the prescription bottle tightly in my hand.
It’s time for him to
meet the real Katie.

 I looked up at him,
and saw the tension on his face. I held up the bottle. “This one is for panic
attacks. I take two if it’s really bad.” I set it down on the coffee table.

I picked up another
one and held it up so he could see it. “This one is for depression. I’ve been
on it for over a year and don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get off of it,” I
said and winced at the sound when I set it down too hard beside the first one.

I picked up the last
bottle. “This one is a sleeping pill. I take it when the nightmares come back,
and they always come back.” Click, on the coffee table it went beside the
others.

I braced myself for
his goodbye and tried to harden my heart. I turned to face him. “You don’t have
to stay. I’m okay now. I’m giving you an out, because like I told you before,
I’m a mess and you deserve someone better than me,” I said, keeping all emotion
from my voice.

I saw the anger and
hurt flash in his eyes. “I don’t need or want an out!” he yelled, causing me to
flinch. He closed his eyes and slowly let out a breath. When he spoke again,
his voice was soft. “I want you, and I don’t care how much medication you have
to take, as long as it helps you live your life without fear and pain.” He took
my hands in his. “I’m not going anywhere, no matter what.”

I wiped a tear away,
but another fell in its place. “I’ve never told anyone what happened, not even
my parents. They think all the nightmares and panic attacks are because my ex
abused me, but that’s not it.” I said and looked down at our joined hands.

 “Please tell me
what he did. You don’t have to go through this alone,” he said gently.

I looked up into his
sincere blue eyes and knew he was right. I didn’t have to go through this alone
anymore. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to tell the story that
haunted my dreams and had made me the broken girl that I was. A story I thought
I’d never share with another person. “His name is JT Grant, and he was best friends
with my ex-boyfriend. They were both popular football players, and I was a good
girl who went to church faithfully. I didn’t drink or party, and I was saving
myself for my husband.” I laughed bitterly before breaking down into tears
again. I cried for my lost innocence that I’d so easily given away, and I cried
for my life that was forever changed because of it.

Levi leaned down, taking
my chin in his hand, and turned my face towards his. “Katie, stop thinking any
mistakes you made define who you are, because they don’t. You have to let all
that go and quit punishing yourself.” He released my face and pulled his shirt
up to wipe my tears away.

I wrapped my arms
around his neck and let him pull me close. I felt at peace in his strong arms.
Oh,
how I need this man so much.

“You okay to keep
going?”

 “Uh huh,” I scooted
away just a little, and continued. I told him how JT always watched me and how
he liked to see me get upset or hurt, so I tried to be indifferent towards him.
I took a deep breath and told him about the party. When I got to the part where
JT took me to his parents’ bedroom, I had to stop. I hadn’t noticed while I’d been
talking that Levi had scooted close and had me pressed tightly to his side. I
looked up into his eyes and he nodded for me to continue. “I, uh, I woke up at
one point and JT was on top of me. He was...uh,” I stammered out.

 “He was raping
you,” he growled out.

 I closed my eyes,
trying to block out the memory but it was no use and after a few seconds, I
opened them. “Yeah. He was raping me.”

 I told him the rest,
including that JT came from a very wealthy and powerful family in Springfield,
and I didn’t know what he was capable of, but I’d believed every threat he’d
made. I dreaded telling him the part that scared the most but knew I had to. “Levi,
he had me in that room for almost four hours. I only woke up that one time, so
I don’t know what all he did to me,” I said and covered my mouth as I tried to
keep from throwing up again.

 I glanced up at his
face. He looked completely distraught. His voice shook with rage as he spoke,
“I’m going to kill him. He’s a complete psychopath. That’s what he was calling
good
times!
He wants to scare and torture you.” He covered his eyes and let out
a groan. “Baby, he knows where you are now. You have to be very careful. I’m
friends with the sheriff. Let me talk to him.”

 “No,” I said,
shaking my head violently. “Levi, you can’t tell anyone. That will only make it
worse on me. He must just be visiting someone in town, because he goes to
school in Knoxville, along with my ex. I refuse to run away just because he
knows where I am. This is my home now,” I said firmly.

He agreed but I
could tell he wasn’t happy about it. He gently kissed my lips and rested his
forehead against mine. “I love you and won’t let anyone hurt you,” he
whispered.

I closed my eyes in
desperation. I wanted more than anything to let his words heal the hole in my
heart, but I couldn’t. I still had one secret left, but I was too scared to
share it. I just wanted to feel his love for a little while longer, because I
knew once I told him the rest, it would be gone.

“Levi, I love you so
much and need you to always remember that, okay?” I said as tears streamed down
my face.

He leaned back and
studied my face for a second before he replied, “Why are you talking like you
aren’t going to be around?” 

I dried my face on
my sleeve. “My pill must be working. It makes me say crazy stuff,” I said,
fighting off a yawn.

 “Why don’t you go
get ready for bed? I’m going to sleep on the couch tonight. There is no way I’m
leaving you alone.”

 I kissed him once
more before getting up to go take a shower. I needed to wash the feel of JT’s
memory off my body. I dried off and slipped Levi’s t-shirt over my head, the one
I’d worn home when he’d been sick. I combed out my hair and brushed my teeth.
When I came out of the bathroom, Levi still sat on the couch looking miserable.

I climbed onto his
lap, taking his face in my hands. “Hey, I’m fine. That was then and you are my
now. I’m not looking back, and I don’t want you to either, okay?”

 He kissed my
forehead and looked down, noticing the shirt I had on. “I love that you’re wearing
my shirt,” he said softly.

I smiled. “Good,
because you’re not getting it back. I sleep in it all the time.”

He groaned and
pressed me closer to his chest, kissing me not so gently on the lips. “What a
lucky shirt.”  

 “Behave,” I said
with a giggle.

He chuckled as I got
off of his lap. I kissed the top of his head and told him goodnight. I went to
my room but left the door open, climbed in bed and closed my eyes.

***

    
I was
swimming in a lake with the sun shining down on my face. I felt so warm. I
noticed Levi standing on the bank next to Angie. He held a baby girl and smiled
as he looked into Angie’s face. My heart broke. They looked so happy together.
I looked over in the water and saw JT swimming towards me. I swam as fast as I
could, but he continued to gain on me. He reached me and started to pull me
under. I struggled to keep my head above the water as I fought with him. I
screamed for Levi to help me, and he looked over at me in the water, but
ignored me. I screamed his name one more time before JT pulled me under for
good.

     I was jolted
awake by someone sitting me up and roughly shaking me. I opened my eyes and saw
Levi’s face right in front of mine. I clawed at my throat, and heard a croaking
sound.
Is that coming from me?
I couldn’t
b
reathe; I was
drowning. I began to panic and tried to get up, but Levi held me tight. I
couldn’t speak, only gasp for air.
Why can’t I breathe? What is happening to
me?
I’m dying. I’m going to die right here in my room.
I clawed at
my throat again trying to get it to open up, but he grabbed my hands and pulled
them away from my neck. I saw his lips moving. He was talking, but what was he
saying? Then he was gone.
He left me. Levi left me to die all alone
. I
squeezed my eyes closed and when I opened them, he was back in my face. I heard
his voice but was too far gone to focus on his words. He took his fingers and
tried to shove them in my mouth, so I clamped my lips shut and turned my head.
Why
isn’t he helping me?
I made a croaking sound again, trying to breathe, and
he gripped me under the chin and forced my mouth open. I slapped at him to get
him to stop, but his grip just got tighter. He stuck his fingers in the back of
my mouth and placed something on my tongue. He leaned my head back and pinched
my nose closed. I opened my mouth to breathe, and he poured a liquid down my
throat.
I am drowning!
I sputtered and some of it went in his face. He
got closer and I saw his lips move again, but I didn’t hear any words. He
reached over and I felt his hand rubbing up and down my throat. I didn’t like
the feeling; I swallowed and he finally stopped. He moved behind me, pulled me
against his chest and wrapped his arms around me. I felt his warm breath on my
ear over and over as I continued to be lost in the fear and panic.