Katie's Journey to Love (17 page)

Katie paused long enough to push aside the curtains of the window to see if Ben was coming yet. Soon he'd come driving up the lane, and she would run out to climb into his buggy. A thrill was running all the way through her already even at the thought as tears stung her eyes. Why couldn't
Mamm
see through her eyes and rejoice about this
wunderbah
thing between Ben and her? A miracle had happened between
Mamm
and Jesse, even though
Mamm
had resisted. Why couldn't she see that this might be the same grace from
Da Hah
being offered to her?

There was a soft squeak on the stairs, and Katie flew back to sit on her bed. She would feel better sitting here rather than standing while she listened to what
Mamm
had to say.

“May I come in?”
Mamm
asked through the door.

“
Yah
,” Katie replied. She clutched the bed quilt with both hands.

The bedroom door creaked open, and
Mamm
came in. She sat beside Katie. For a long moment neither of them said anything.

Finally
Mamm
cleared her throat. “I see you fled the kitchen. Were you wishing to get away from me?”

“Oh,
Mamm
,
nee
.” Katie threw her arms around
Mamm
's neck. “You know that's not true. I just couldn't stand seeing you so sorrowful. I love you!”

Mamm
held Katie for a long time. “It's
gut
to hear you say such a thing.”

“I will always say it.” Katie let go of
Mamm
's embrace and folded her hands in her lap. “And I will always mean it in my heart. I want to make you happy and do what you say is best, but I also want to see Ben,
Mamm
. I'm so torn up about this. Can you not understand how much I like him?”

“You will always be my precious daughter,”
Mamm
told her. “I only wish this boy wasn't between us like he is.”

“Why can't you see what a miracle this really is? Please try,
Mamm
. Ben actually asked to pick me up! And you know Jesse approves of Ben.”

Mamm
winced. “I suppose I could tell you again about the mistakes I made with Daniel—running after the boy all those years, thinking I loved him when it was nothing but a schoolgirl crush. True love, Katie, doesn't happen with those types of boys. They only want to have everyone's approval and attention. Good looks and popularity can make life too easy, so they seldom create depth of character. You're only going to get your heart broken by Ben, Katie.”

What was she supposed to say? Katie wondered.
Mamm
didn't understand how she felt about Ben. She hadn't seen how kind and hesitant he'd been the other night.
Mamm
thought Ben was like Daniel Kauffman, when he wasn't at all. Ben was much more
wunderbah
than
Mamm
's Daniel had ever been.

“I see you still don't believe me,”
Mamm
allowed. “And in a way I don't blame you. I also was blind to Daniel's faults all those years. I have only
Da Hah
's mercy to thank that I was spared death by heartache and given the chance to find true love. And not only once with your
daett
but again with Jesse.”

Katie gave
Mamm
a quick hug even as she protested. “Daniel turned out decent, didn't he? Even if he wasn't the right man
for you, he's an upstanding church member now. Maybe you saw something that wasn't true because you were so upset?”

Mamm
shook her head. “I don't think so, Katie. No doubt Daniel has matured by now, and I'm sure his
frau
has helped him. But she came from his world of wealth, Katie. I hardly even dared speak with her while we were in the young folks' group. Every Sunday she wore a new dress, or so it seemed to me at the time. Her
daett
owned one of the most prosperous farms in the community. I'm sure
Da Hah
worked a great grace in Daniel and his
frau
's life—just as He has done in mine. But they belonged together, just like I belonged in your
daett
's world. Just like I now belong in Jesse's world. You don't belong in Ben Stoll's world, Katie. And you never will. Their social circle just isn't yours and mine.”

“But I'm different from you,” Katie countered quietly when the silence had hung long in the room. “And so is Ben. I wish you could see that. He's so kind. You're seeing only the past and what you lost. You're not seeing that love is always a miracle. Just as it was with you and
Daett
, and just as it is with you and Jesse. That's how I feel about Ben. I wasn't old enough to see love grow between you and
Daett
, but I do see how it is growing between you and Jesse.”

Mamm
stared at her, puzzlement in her eyes.

Katie rushed on. “Love is always a miracle,
Mamm
. And what if
Da Hah
is allowing love to grow between Ben and me? Do you think such a miracle wouldn't be possible?”

“Who has been saying these things to you?”
Mamm
asked. Her face was a mask of great concern. “Have you already been speaking of love with Ben?”

Katie shook her head. “
Nee
, of course not! We've only spoken a few times. These are thoughts that just came to me.”

Mamm
didn't look convinced. “Did an
Englisha
person say these things to you while you were working at Byler's?”

Katie laughed out loud. “No,
Mamm
. I wouldn't speak of such things with anyone at work.”

“Then what is happening to you?”

“Maybe I'm in love.” Katie sat straight up at the thought. “Is this what happens when a person is in love?”

Now
Mamm
laughed. “Sometimes. But I doubt if you've had time to really fall in love with Ben. You don't know him well enough. Love doesn't happen that quickly.”

Katie wanted to argue and share about all the years she'd spent admiring Ben from afar. There had been plenty of time for love to grow in her heart. She stroked the quilt and then dared a quick glance at
Mamm
's face. She was actually smiling a little! Maybe there was hope she'd understand after all.

“Are you still hoping to go on that trip to Europe?”
Mamm
asked.

Startled, Katie glanced up at her
mamm
. Where had that come from?

“That's one dream I hope comes true,”
Mamm
said. “And I promise I won't stand in the way if you can find the money to go.”

“Thank you,
Mamm
! That means a lot. I hope I can go too!” Katie smiled, glad the subject had changed.

Mamm
continued. “I couldn't believe Jesse said you could go. I didn't have anything to do with persuading him that you should be allowed to go.”

“Does this mean you might also change your mind about the Mennonite youth gatherings?”

Mamm
didn't wait very long before answering. “
Nee
, Katie. Not much can change my mind on such a thing. But if you truly visit the places where our faith began, perhaps it will make you appreciate our beliefs more. I just wish you were going with Amish youth. There's no telling how the Mennonites skew the history of the Amish people.”

“Oh,
Mamm
,” Katie threw her arms around
Mamm
's neck, “the Mennonites aren't like that. Not the ones I've met, anyway.”

Mamm
smiled, getting to her feet. “Well, we'll see. Now I think you'd better get ready. Ben will be here before long. You don't want to keep him waiting.”

When
Mamm
closed the door, Katie rushed around the room with a song on her heart.
Mamm
was at least opening her mind to what she was doing. That was much more than she'd dare ask from
Da Hah
.

“Thank You,
Hah
,” she whispered. “Thank You so very much.” Hearing the sound of buggy wheels, Katie rushed to the window. Ben was coming down the drive!

Chapter Eighteen

Minutes later Katie raced down the stairs, pausing on the last step to catch her breath. It wouldn't be appropriate to burst into the living room like a young schoolgirl on her first day of term. She also needed to get control of herself so she wouldn't go running outside where Ben might see her. He would think she couldn't wait to climb in the buggy with him. Even though that was true, it would be best if Ben didn't know that yet.

Katie pushed open the stair door and stepped into the living room.

Jesse glanced up from his recliner with a smile. “So we're off for the evening, are we? Be careful now.”

“Thank you,” Katie replied. A warm feeling rushed around her heart to have a
daett
who was so understanding. Without him, her
mamm
would surely be sitting in the kitchen in tears, casting a shadow over this first opportunity to ride with Ben in his buggy. Surely
Da Hah
was having great mercy on her life. Her cheeks must be glowing with happiness! “Have a
gut
evening!” Katie said over her shoulder to Jesse as she moved toward the front door.

Jesse smiled and nodded, but didn't say anything more, having already turned back to reading
The Budget
.

When she went by the kitchen doorway, Katie gave a little wave to
Mamm
. Since Mabel was also in the kitchen, Katie figured
Mamm
was refraining from giving her a sendoff to make it easier for Mabel. Katie caught a brief glimpse of Mabel's fierce glare, but she didn't slow down. The thought of Mabel's continued troublemaking took the flush off her cheeks, and brought her back down to earth with a thud. She shook herself mentally. Mabel was not going to ruin this evening!

Katie closed the front door, her knees going weak as she walked across the porch. Ben was just circling the buggy to pull in front of the house. She pinched herself and kept going. Ben's buggy awaited! This was the same buggy she used to pass on her way to work at Byler's before
Mamm
's marriage to Jesse. Back then she used to wonder how a girl would feel riding with Ben. Surely she'd be happy for weeks afterward. Now Katie was going to find out! As she approached the buggy, Ben leaped to the ground with a smile and wave and hurried to her side. “
Gut
evening!” he said. He offered Katie his hand, helping her up the buggy step on the passenger side.

“
Gut
evening,” Katie responded as she settled onto the seat. Twice now Ben had offered his hand to help her into a buggy. And she'd noticed a slightly bashful look on his face. She was sure she hadn't imagined it.

Ben climbed up the buggy step on the other side and flopped onto the seat. He picked up the reins and gently slapped them against his horse's back. The buggy headed up the driveway at a fast clip.

Katie hung on to the side of the buggy frame with one hand and smiled at Ben.

Obviously trying to make conversation, Ben asked, “How is your
mamm
getting along in her new life?”

“Quite
gut
,” Katie said. “I think she's fallen in love again.”

Ben laughed.

Had she really said that? Katie wondered. She didn't know Ben well enough to spill such close family information! And yet the words had just come right out.

“I'm glad to hear it,” Ben said through his chuckles. “Our people usually marry fairly quickly after a partner's death, especially the men. But then again, sometimes the women don't.”

Katie leaned back and cleared her throat. “It was hard for
Mamm
to consider Jesse's offer of marriage at first. She wasn't planning to remarry or fall in love again. But now
Mamm
sees that the marriage was the best thing for her.”

“And for you…” Ben glanced at her, his words more statement than question.

“
Yah
,” Katie admitted. “I wanted a
daett
pretty bad—though not just any
daett
. Getting a kind and gentle man like Jesse is a
gut
reason to give thanks to
Da Hah
.”

“I suppose so.” Ben kept his eyes on the road. “I never lost my
daett
, so I don't know from personal experience.”

“It's not easy, believe me.” Katie looked up into his face. Ben was being so understanding, just as he'd been the few times they'd spoken before. Being with him already felt like they were friends who'd known each other for a long time. No wonder she'd felt such a strong desire to be with him all these years. She had to stop herself from leaning against Ben's shoulder like she'd seen many dating couples do on the way home from the hymn singings on Sunday nights. She mustn't take such liberties yet…and maybe not for a long time. That Ben was even driving her to the youth gathering was
wunderbah
enough, she reminded herself.