Kayden: The Past (29 page)

Sophia intrigued me, drew me in with her words, and I looked forward to talking with her. Did I want to fuck her? More than anything in the world. As the days and weeks flew by, I wanted her more and more. She was a good girl, but I knew if I peeled back the layers, there was a girl dying for some fun underneath. She needed color in her life, and I could give that to her.

I stopped seeing Carrie and April, not wanting to miss a night talking to Sophia. She made me laugh every day. She found a way of putting everything in perspective and found a way to make me laugh when I became the most frustrated. I shared everything with her during the day; I sent her photos of the places I traveled to, told her about the people I met, and wanted to know everything she did in her day. I became obsessed and transfixed with her.

I had feelings for her, and I’d never even touched her. I didn’t understand how that was even possible, but it happened. I felt connected with her. The idea of being with an independent woman who had an education was beyond sexy. I pictured her in her librarian work clothes, hair tied up, and glasses. I wanted her to be my naughty librarian.

I spent more weeks trying to get her to New Orleans than I had ever spent on any woman in my life. Women had always been easy for me to lure to my bed, but Sophia fought hard to resist me. I eventually wore her down; her need for fun and excitement outweighed her cautiousness.

“I told my brother that I’m coming to see you,” she said.

“What did he say?”

“He said he had a call to make and immediately hung up on me.” My heart stopped. Kyle must not remember me or maybe he wanted to see where life had taken me after all these years.

“Think he’s calling some of my friends?” I closed my eyes and started silently praying that nothing would turn up; I wanted the approval.

“No doubt—knowing my brother, he’s looking for any red flags.”

Thankfully, he found nothing, or my friends didn’t feel the need to share my past. Sophia had told me that Kyle was super protective of her, but I wasn’t looking to use or hurt her. I wanted to spend time with her and see if the connection I felt with her on the phone and online were real.

Sophia is everything she portrayed herself to be. She’s a genuinely nice person who is beautiful and quirky. I can’t describe every way she’s different than any woman I’ve come in to contact with, but she is. She’s my soul mate who I had to walk through hell to find. Sophia’s my kismet, the one worth everything I went through to be with in the end.

I often wonder how different my life would have been if I met her instead of Danielle. Bridget was inevitable, and Sophia was too young at the time to get more than a glance from me. What if she’d been with her brother that night in the bar and caught my eye? Would I have escaped the heartache of the loss of a child and the betrayal by my wife? I would’ve never been arrested and may not have the drinking issues that I still battle with on a daily basis.

Life’s full of what ifs, but none more than the Sophia question. I felt like I wasted years of my life without her by my side. The other women were meaningless and unimportant, although they helped me to realize what true love is and should be, and with Sophia, I found it and held on tight.

She saved me from myself and my life of misery. She showed me what true love is and stuck with me through everything: job loss, drunken nights, and despair. She believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself.

I often wonder why in the fuck she did, but then I remind myself that I would’ve for her. When you truly love someone, you stand by their side and help them through the darkest time in their life. I’m thankful that she’s a special person and has the patience of a saint. She was meant to come into my life when she did; she saved me, and I’ll be forever indebted to her. I live my life for her and to be the man she deserves.

I’ll never forget the day she said to me-

“Kayden, I love you for everything you are now, not for what you were. I want to know all of you, what made you into the man you are today, the man who has consumed my every thought and captured my soul.”

It changed my life and altered my path forever. I’d seek help and get counseling, never wanting to abandon her again or break her heart.

The Sister I wish I had ~ Suzy

Sophia did save me, but Suzy had a major impact on my life and holding on to Sophia. Suzy helped rescue me that day long ago when I hit rock bottom and got lost in the bottom of a bottle. Suzy was Sophia’s roommate and welcomed me in her home when I had no where else to go.

The girls lived together to help save money and neither one of them wanted to be alone. Suzy told Sophia to bring me home with her that day. Not many people would open their home and heart to someone the way Suzy did for me. We knew each other but hadn’t spent tons of time together, but from the first day, she made me feel like I belonged there. She’s one of the most genuine and caring people I know. She’s pure and naïve and wants to find love more than anything in this world.

She never had that great love and dated a few guys who never treated her right. She was always filled with questions. She wanted to know about my marriage and why it fell apart. She asked how my love for my wife was different than my love for Sophia. Suzy had a million questions. She talked a lot. I was used to living with men, and they have so little to say, but Suzy just rattled on for hours if I let her.

When I found out I wouldn’t be getting my job back, Suzy asked me to stay. She liked having a guy in the house; I think she just liked that I could fix shit. I mowed the lawn, fixed the faucets, cleaned the house, and cooked dinners. We were like a fucked up dysfunctional family, the three of us.

I felt protective of Suzy – she was like a sister to me. She always wanted to believe that people were good; she never thought they were capable of bad things. I took it upon myself to explain to her that men are assholes. We’re looking to get laid. I knew I’d have to keep an eye on her and keep her safe from shitheads like I used to be. I’d vet her dates and make sure they treated her right.

Suzy cried when we moved out. I love her for that, but I didn’t shed a tear. I wanted to make a home with Sophia. We lived in a bedroom – it was a love nest. I was overjoyed the day we packed everything and got the keys to our new apartment. Suzy had tears streaming down her face as she carried boxes to Sophia’s SUV. We were only moving a couple miles away, but to Suzy, it felt farther. She felt like we were abandoning her. We weren’t. She gave us the chance to be together – to make it through the hard times.

Without Suzy opening her home to me, I don’t know where I’d honestly be. I don’t think I would have crawled out of my pit of despair. Sophia would have left me most likely, and my addiction to alcohol would have ruined my only chance at happiness. Suzy has just as much to do with my sobriety as Sophia.

She’s the little sister I always wish I had – one who loved me.

I Held My Breath ~ Sophia

It seems like yesterday when Sophia said, “I’m pregnant.” My heart skipped a beat before pounding feverishly in my chest with the realization that I’d be a father. Joy doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt, but a sense of panic consumed me when I thought about the child I’d lost years ago.

I was almost paralyzed by fear for months. I waited for a call telling me that I’d live the nightmare again. I doted on Sophia, not wanting to risk the health of our baby.

“Kayden, really, I’m more than capable of washing dishes and cleaning. I’m pregnant not dying.” She sat in the chair and stared at me like a child with her arms crossed. She rested her arms on her giant belly, and the sight of her and my child growing inside brought me the most joy I’ve ever experienced in my life. “I’m due any day now, sweetheart. The baby can come out and survive. Stop stressing out.”

“Sophia, just sit and relax. Kick your feet up, babe. You have a baby to take care of, and I want her safe.” I sprayed the counters and started to scrub the surface. “Who’s the boss?”

“So sure it’s a girl, huh? And the answer to your second question, Tony Danza.”

God, she was such a nerd at times, and I loved her for it. “Goofball with the throwback. I can feel it, baby doll. She’ll be as beautiful as her momma, too. Big brown eyes with a thick head of hair. I can’t wait to hold her in my arms.” I could be a hard ass at times, but I’m a mush on the inside. Sophia is really the only person I’ve ever let see that side of me. I’d never been vulnerable in front of anyone, but with her, I knew I could be myself.

“Well, I deal with enough girls at work all day at the school library, trust me… we want a boy.” She leaned back and rested her head and began to scratch her stomach. “Who knew I’d be so fucking miserable with this alien growing inside me and fat as fuck, too.”

“You’re beautiful, Sophia.”

“Ohhh, mmm,” she moaned.

“You’re making my cock hard over here, Sophia. Stop with all the noises.” I stopped and watched her. She almost looked like she did when I made her come.

“I can’t help it. My skin is so damn itchy. It’s almost orgasmic.” Her eyes rolled back in her head, and I stood there unable to move. It was erotic to watch although she didn’t mean it to be; I’d been so horny lately but too scared to fuck her and risk hurting the baby.

“Stop, you’re fucking killing me,” I said.

“Why don’t you make me?” She continued rubbing her belly and making sounds that made my cock twitch.

I started walking towards her with the intent to give her other reasons to moan when she shot straight up and screamed, “Fuck.”

“What?” I yelled and rushed to her side.

“Contraction…” her breathing stopped.

“Remember Lamaze, Sophia. Breathe, don’t hold it in.” What the fuck did I know? I listened to every word they said in that class and read every book I could find on pregnancy, but I didn’t have a human clawing its way out of my body.

“Fuck Lamaze, Kayden.” Well at least she had to take a breath to put me in my place. “Should we go to the hospital now or wait?”

“I’m not waiting, fuck, I’m not taking a chance with you or my little girl. I’ll grab the stuff. You wait here,” I said as I hopped up and headed toward the bedroom.

I could hear her say, “Where the fuck would I go?” I could see this wasn’t going to be an easy process. Sophia rarely had crabby days, but this was going to be a whopper.

“Come on, baby doll. I have everything.” I helped her to her feet, locked up the house and headed to the hospital for the birth of our child.