Keep Her (24 page)

He bought my excuse, and I stretched out my muscles, looking over to the door that separated the living room from the kitchen for the hundredth time in a minute.

When it swung open, my eyes met with hers and the air escaped my lungs in a
whoosh
as if I’d been holding it in since I got here. She looked effortlessly beautiful, like always. Her short hair was pinned back and off her face, revealing the stark icy blue of her eyes. She was wearing little if any make-up at all, and it looked like she’d just thrown together her outfit without any thought—a tight fitting ribbed tank top and a pair of casual shorts that showed off her silky tan legs. Even when she went for the natural look she was smoking hot.

I mentally devoured her entire body, staring a beat too long. Tessa cleared her throat, noticing my ogling and my eyes darted up to meet Riley’s again. “Hey, Riles.” I said as nonchalantly as possible.

“Hey,” she said back, looking down at her fidgeting hands. Fidgeting was good. In this case at least. It meant she’d noticed how I was looking at her, how she affected me. I wanted to have the same effect on her. Her fidgeting made me think I did.

I unwillingly broke my gaze from hers to make it like I was paying attention to the game. I cursed something at the screen, seeing how Pettitte had just blown another run for the opposing team, and everything started to fall into its usual place. That was, until Riley sat down next to me and I nearly let out a girly pussy-like gasp. She was so close, all I wanted to do was touch her. I could smell her perfume and her fruity shampoo and I just wanted to reach over and sniff all of her in.

Tessa must’ve sensed that I was acting like a blood-starved vampire in the company of a virgin victim and broke the silence. “
Beck, can you help me grab a few more beers from the kitchen?”

Marcus responded something barbaric about him being able to help out his girl before I could answer, but Tessa shushed him and I got up from my seat to follow her into the kitchen, leaving Marcus, Luca, and Riley alone. I hoped Luca would be the center of attention for however long Tessa decided to keep me hostage, ripping me my new asshole. I didn’t need Riley confessing to him now of all times.

When the door had swung closed behind us, Tessa turned to me and asked, “So? Want to explain why you chickened out and broke my girl’s heart?”

Broke her heart
? Riley was acting completely indifferent. “Whoa. Hold up a minute,” I defended myself with my arms up in front of my chest. “She’s been avoiding me, declining my invitations to hang out. Did she tell you any of that?”

“She told me plenty. Especially about how you changed your tune after Marissa showed up last week. She’s only giving you the space you asked for, Beck. You’re obviously not trying hard enough—unless of course you don’t
want
to try harder.” She gave me that look again. It made me wonder if all mothers were taught that you’re-in-trouble glare the second they gave birth.

I geared myself up for the wrath that would probably ensue after I told Tessa the truth. But what the hell? I was already on her shit list. “I can’t try any harder, Tess. I don’t want to lead her on. Don’t get me wrong. I want her. I really do. I have a great time with her and not just in bed—she’s an incredible woman. I can see myself with her.”

“I’m sensing a
but
, even though it seems simple to me.”

“There’s nothing simple about it. It’s very complicated—you of all people have to understand that, Tess. I don’t want Marcus to think I’m fucking around with his sister. He wouldn’t understand me jumping into something with Riley right out of my relationship with Marissa. Hell, he doesn’t even know the whole story with her because he’s been so preoccupied with chasing you around the country.”

“Never mind me and Marcus, go on.”

“I can’t give her everything she wants right now. Maybe someday, but until then, I don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea. I’m willing to do this casually and have fun and even be discreet for the sake of not making Marcus have a coronary, but I don’t think she wants that. I think that’s why she’s been avoiding me.” It was the only explanation. Our connection was fucking insane, but where our hearts were involved, we were on two totally different pages.

Tessa huffed, pulling her hair back into a ponytail. She’d been through so much, a lot of it similar to my situation with Riley, since starting things up with Marcus. This wasn’t easy for her, either. She was invested in the Graysons… that was clear. “What a clusterfuck. I wish I had a solution, but I’m still trying to figure out my own screwed up life. I’m finally getting there and I couldn’t ask for more when it comes to Marcus, but—let’s just say I understand complicated. It’s been a theme in my life, and while it worked out to my benefit this time, sometimes people aren’t fit to deal with complicated. Sometimes people just want what comes easy. Riley needs easy—she’s had enough hardship. If you can’t give that to her then you need to walk away… for good.”

I wanted to be Riley’s easy. I wanted it with every single bone in my body, but I didn’t know if I could be that for her right now. “You’re asking the impossible of me, Tessa. I can’t give her what she needs, but I can’t stay away either.”

Coming closer, she looked me square in the eye as if warning me, even though her voice was soft and sweet. “Make your decision, Beck. You can’t hurt her. I won’t let you. And think about what would happen if Marcus finds out.”

She was right. I didn’t want to hurt Riley and I didn’t want to ruin my friendship with Marcus. He was like a brother to me. I couldn’t throw that away for a maybe chance with Riley. If it didn’t work out in the end, things would be all screwed up with no way to salvage any of it.

It would be easier for me and Riley to get over this now because we hadn’t gotten too involved. But if we took it any further—there’d be no turning back. I had to keep my distance. Even if it killed me. I had to say goodbye to the chance I thought we’d had and just go back to watching her from afar as my best friend’s beautiful older sister.

I did the best I could of making it like everything was the way it used to be. We watched the game, drank our beers, laughed at each other’s expense and passed Luca around as if he were some toy. Kid was stinkin’ adorable. And also actually stinky. Dude needed a diaper change and his mother had just sniffed it out.

“Hey, Ry. Come help me with Luca?” Tessa winked in Marcus’s direction and Riley stood to follow her.

I had a feeling this was Tessa’s idea to get me alone with Marcus. We hadn’t had much guy time lately—him flying to Arizona to win back his girl, me working crazy shifts to drown out my own girl problems. We hadn’t had the chance to watch a game together in a long time so this was good, even if the ladies were only a few feet away, upstairs.

“Shit! They’re all tied up. How’d they do that?” Marcus asked, focusing on the game for the first time in a while. When Tessa was in the room, he had eyes for one thing only.

Channeling the old-Beck that used to talk baseball and chicks with my best friend all the time, I faked my answer. He’d have no idea anyway, unless he watched the highlights. “Jeter homered and brought in two runs. Reminds me of the playoff days. I hope they make it this year. We could catch a post-season game together—bleacher seats, of course.” I threw the last part in for good measure to make it like my mind wasn’t totally preoccupied by something other than baseball.

He looked up to where the girls were, as if to make sure they weren’t listening. When the coast was clear he asked, “You all right, dude? Riley told me about Marissa. I’m sorry I’ve been a shitty friend. Wanna tell me what’s going on?”

I thought about brushing off his question, making like it was no big deal, but suddenly I wanted my best friend to weigh in on my issues. I’d have to make it like my issues were mostly about the break up with Marissa, because I couldn’t tell him the whole truth. But without thinking too hard, I just blurted it out. “There’s someone else.”

Marcus looked shocked. “Who? Marissa’s fucking around on you?”

“No!
I’ve
met someone else.”

Now he looked even more stunned. And he was actually grinning. “Whoa! Really? I didn’t see this one coming.” He was actually grinning. “You were about to ask Marissa to move in with you, no? Who is she?”

Hearing all of his questions and how little he actually knew of the situation brought out my frustrations. This was complicated. So far from the
easy
Riley needed. I scrubbed my face with my hands, standing up. I started to pace, trying to make sense of it all. “You don’t know her,” I lied, becoming more frustrated.

“Are you sure you want to leave Marissa for this girl? I mean, is it serious or just a cold feet kinda thing?”

This would be so much easier if I could tell him who the girl was. But I couldn’t. I just had to solicit half-assed advice because I had to give him half-assed information. “No, dude. I’m all fucked up. I really like this girl. It’s different and unexpected, but I can’t pass this up. So, I did the right thing. I ended it with Marissa, came forward and told her the truth, but… I don’t know…”

“Listen,” he finally spoke. “You have to go with your gut, man. You can’t stay with someone just because you want to be the nice guy. I may be late to the love fest, but I get it now. Everyone deserves to be happy—in love—with that special someone and if Marissa isn’t that girl, maybe new girl is.”

New girl. Nice. He’d even given his sister a nickname without knowing it. I’m sure she’d appreciate that. “It’s complicated.” I mocked the situation.

“Oh, I don’t know complicated? Complications mean shit. If she’s worth it, you look past all that and fight for what you want.”

Marcus made a good point. But then again, so did Tessa. My brain was playing tug of war with my heart. I wanted to do the right thing—in this corner stood Tessa and her advice to stay away until I was ready to give my all. But I also wanted to fight for what I so desperately wanted, and that was to be with Riley anyway I could—in the far corner stood Marcus and his surprisingly stellar advice to fuck it all and go for your dreams.

“You okay, dude?”

No I wasn’t, but just like all the other secrets, I couldn’t tell him that. As I heard the girls making their way back downstairs, I sucked it all up and pretended my head wasn’t splitting from the turmoil taking place in my brain. “Yeah, I’ll be fine,” I lied. This night needed to be over. I couldn’t be in the same room as Riley and not be able to touch her. I couldn’t be in the same room as Marcus and Tessa, feeling like a chump for lying to my best friend and making a fool out of him in front of his girl and his sister for keeping secrets.

Clusterfuck—that’s what Tessa had said before, right? I had to assume that if I searched that word in Google, images of me, Riley, Marissa, and Marcus would show up.

My life was officially a clusterfuck.

“Wow. This little bugger is really turning one? I can’t believe it, Tess. It happened so fast.” Of course that sounded silly, considering I’d only first met Luca a few months ago. But it was still exciting to be a part of his life—I planned to be a part of all the milestones he would be celebrating from here on out.

“Tell me about it. It feels like just yesterday I found out I was pregnant.” She was smiling at her curly haired boy as he giggled on her lap, but I could sense a sadness I didn’t understand.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah,” she said, kissing Luca atop his blond ringlets. “Just hate thinking about the past, even though it all worked out in the end. Zack wasn’t exactly thrilled when he found out I was pregnant… neither was I, to be honest. I was trying to find a way to get away from him, not tie myself to him forever. But… I guess everything really does happen for a reason. I can’t imagine my life without Luca man. Having him opened my eyes and made me realize I couldn’t be with a man like that anymore. He truly is a blessing and that is why he deserves the best first birthday ever.” She said the last part with her eyes wide, her smile even wider, and her voice high-pitched and sing-song like. Luca took in his mother’s happiness and reached for her nose with a handful of drool.