Keeping Her Secret (9 page)

“You guess? You two were all over each other tonight.”

She hadn’t thought Courtney’d noticed her at all. She laughed at herself. She literally fell on top of Courtney and the girl still managed to ignore her.

Truthfully, Trey had been all over
her
during the movie. Riya kept finding excuses to move away.

“Honestly?” Riya said. “He’s great, really. Funny and smart and totally cute.”

A smile pulled at the corner of Courtney’s mouth when she turned again to face Riya. “But?”

Courtney’s gaze lingered on Riya’s. Her heart leapt into her throat, making it hard to speak. “How’d you know there was a ‘but’ coming?”

“I know you.”

Courtney’s statement hit Riya like a hard-driven spike to the face. Just like that. So matter-of-fact, no hesitation. Stunned, Riya took a couple of seconds to recover the thread of conversation.

“But,” she began, pausing for effect.

Courtney giggled.

“No spark.” Riya knew Courtney would understand without further explanation.

“You have to tell him.” Courtney’s voice filled with concern, and Riya didn’t know if it was for her or for Trey.

“I did.” They’d gone for a walk after the movie, purposely heading in the opposite direction of Courtney and Derek. Riya hadn’t wanted to see whatever it was they were doing. Trey’d kissed her. It should have been perfect and romantic, but it was awkward and lackluster. Riya’d felt nothing. Not a single butterfly in her stomach.

Courtney raised her head to look at her. “You did?”

“I thought you knew me?” Riya teased.

“You’re braver than you were.” Her head clonked back to the wood.

Riya puzzled at the statement. Had she been a coward before? She hadn’t thought so, but Courtney’s blazing self-confidence had always been a spotlight, washing out everyone else.

“Sorry,” Courtney said. “Apparently alcohol makes me super honest.”

“Do you need help with that?”

Courtney didn’t answer the question. “How’d he take it?”

“Better than me, I think.” Riya laughed. “We’ve only know each other, like, a week, so no biggie.” Had she really only been at Pine Ridge for a little more than a week? She felt like she’d lived a lifetime since she arrived.

“That’s good.”

Riya nodded. Courtney licked her lips, setting them glistening under the moonlight. Riya’s mind went blank. She stared, unable to look away. If Courtney had any idea the power she held over Riya, she never let it show.

Courtney cleared her throat, and Riya tore her gaze away. She stared at the sky, no longer able to focus on the stars. Breathing deep, she closed her eyes and willed her heart to beat slower.
Friend
, she reminded herself.
Act like a friend
.

“I thought you liked that David guy?” Riya asked.

“Riya, I don’t want to talk about guys with you.” Courtney sounded annoyed, tired with the subject.

“Oh, thank God,” Riya breathed.

Courtney laughed. “You are so adorable sometimes.”

Riya swiveled her head again to find Courtney staring at her. Riya’s previous heartbeat-slowing efforts proved immediately futile. Her pulse thundered through her entire body.

Adorable. That was a good thing, right? It was like cute, but better. Or she could mean adorable like a six-year-old asking too many questions at Thanksgiving.

“What are you thinking?” Courtney’s eyes opened and closed ever so slowly, giving her a sexy, sultry expression. “I can see your brain turning behind those ochre eyes of yours.”

Riya caught herself staring at Courtney’s lips. This time, she didn’t look away. “What do you mean by adorable?”

Courtney bit her lip as a smile slid across her face. If Riya didn’t know better, she’d think Courtney was teasing her. “Cute. Charming. Endearing.” Her left eyebrow shot up in a suggestive gesture. “Kissable.”

The word struck her like a flash of lightning. Riya’s entire cardiovascular system froze for a second, before jump-starting into double-time. “Courtney,” she warned. “Don’t do this.”

“What?” Courtney asked, her voice dripping with faux innocence. “This?” She reached a hand over and stroked a single finger from Riya’s knee, up to her hemline. A line of fire flared across its path.

“You are drunk,” Riya reminded her.
She’s drunk; she doesn’t know what she’s doing
, Riya reminded herself.

Courtney turned onto her side, tucking one arm under her head. “And I told you”—she raised her other arm and trailed two pink-polished fingernails up the length of Riya’s arm with the lightest touch—”alcohol makes me honest.”

The air Riya pulled into her lungs felt as thick as pancake syrup. Her hands fisted the material of her shorts as she resisted the urge to return Courtney’s caress. “You haven’t spoken to me in public except to mock me.”

“Talking to you frightens me,” Courtney said. “My brother was right about that at least.”

Her brother? How much did he know? Neck aching, Riya rolled over on her side to face Courtney. “What are you scared of?” Riya asked. “Why do I scare you?”

Courtney’s fingertips traced up from Riya’s shoulder, across the heartbeat pulsing in her throat, ghosting across her jawline before tickling her lips. Riya couldn’t have moved if she wanted to—and as long as Courtney touched her, she definitely didn’t want to.

Courtney whispered her answer. “That what I felt that day in the tree wasn’t a fluke.”

Riya wasn’t asthmatic, but she swore she was on the verge of an asthma attack. Or a heart attack. She’d daydreamed about this, imagined this scene in her head a hundred times, knowing it could never happen.

“That I’m not broken,” Courtney added, so quietly Riya could barely make the words out.

Confusion cleared her mind for a second. “How would talking to me prove you’re not broken?”

“I date a lot of guys.” Courtney pulled her hand back from Riya’s face but immediately grabbed Riya’s hand. “I kiss a lot of guys.”

Riya knew she should, but she didn’t pull her hand away. Courtney’s fingers felt so warm, impossibly soft. Courtney’s pale skin made her seem even darker, and the contrast made Courtney’s hand practically glow in the dim light. Riya made a vague sound of agreement. “So I’ve heard.”

Courtney closed her eyes, her mascara-coated lashes fanning out against her pale cheeks. She squeezed Riya’s hand, as if to say,
Stay with me. I have a point
. After a long, slow breath, Courtney said, “I feel nothing. None of the boys. No jitters, no sparks, no butterflies, none of the things you’re supposed to feel.” She opened her eyes. “None of the things I felt when…” Courtney trailed off, closing her eyes again.

Riya believed there were moments in every person’s life, turning points that permanently altered their path. If this was one of those moments, she needed to be absolutely sure. Riya could hardly dare to hope the rest of the sentence. But she needed to know. “None of the things you felt when I kissed you.”

She’d intended it to be a question, but the words were spoken without a note of uncertainty.

Eyes still closed, Courtney bit her lip and nodded ever so slightly. She squeezed Riya’s hand and nodded again.

Every inch of Riya’s skin felt warm and tingly. She wondered if an entire body could blush all at once. Courtney Chastain had felt something when they kissed. Jitters or sparks or butterflies—maybe all of the above.

Courtney lay still and quiet so long, Riya began to worry she’d fallen asleep. This thought reminded Riya that the girl had drank too much, of her own admission. Then she worried that her lack of sobriety nullified all of her other confessions. She was debating whether to wake Courtney up or let her sleep when she spoke again.

“Kiss me, Riya.” Her voice cracked over Riya’s name, and Riya’s heart cracked right along with it.

Blood roared in Riya’s ears. How she wanted to give in to Courtney’s demand. But, more than that, she didn’t want this to be a mistake Courtney regretted when she woke up in the morning. Or, worse, something Courtney wouldn’t even remember in the morning. She’d been through that before.

“I can’t.” The words came out raspy, like her throat tried to close up on them to keep them from escaping.

Courtney’s eyes shot open. “Why? You broke things off with Trey.”

It was all Riya could do not to look away. To gaze into those beseeching eyes and not kiss her was unfair. “Because you’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re asking.”

Without thinking, Riya pulled their clasped hands to her mouth and kissed the back of Courtney’s hand. It was as though she were, on a base level, incapable of completely denying Courtney’s request. Courtney’s eyes rolled back, and she moaned softly.

“Please.” Courtney squirmed closer so that mere inches separated their bodies. “Please, Riya. I need to know.”

Riya’s resolve nearly crumbled on the second “please.” She shook her head to clear it. “It wouldn’t be right. I don’t want to take advantage.”

Courtney tugged on their joined hands. “Take advantage, please. I may not be brave enough to ask sober.”

Riya took several deep breaths, hoping for clarity and to calm her racing heart. She should just get up and walk away. Send Colt or someone else to take care of Courtney until she sobered up. But Courtney Chastain was begging her to kiss her, and that was not something she’d ever dreamed of in her wildest fantasies. How did a girl just walk away from something like that?

“Riya, listen.” Courtney’s voice sounded thick, as though tears choked her tongue. “When we were thirteen, you kissed me, and it rocked my world. I had never felt anything like that before and haven’t since. I need to know, do you understand? I need to know if it’s you or if it’s me or if there’s something else. I need you to kiss me, okay? I can’t keep living like this. Please don’t say no. I don’t think I can ask again.”

By the time Courtney’d finished with her plea, tears burned the corners of Riya’s eyes. “Oh, Courtney,” she gasped. She brought Courtney’s hand closer and pressed her palm into her neck. “I have no more nos left in me.”

A small smile flitted across Courtney’s lips. Riya raised up, resting on her left elbow, and brushed silver strands behind Courtney’s ear with her right hand. She searched Courtney’s face, looking for any hint of second thoughts.

God, she was so unworldly beautiful, like a river nymph bathing in the moonlight.

Riya lowered her face to Courtney’s, scarcely brushing her supple pink lips with her own, giving Courtney one last chance to recant.

A soft, blissful sound escaped Courtney’s throat and Riya was done for.

She cupped Courtney’s face with her right hand and pressed her lips to hers. Courtney’s fingers tightened on her neck, and Courtney wiggled closer so that their bodies made intermittent contact from chest to knee.

Riya parted her lips, and Courtney mirrored the move. Her hand trailed down Courtney’s arm to her elbow, then clutched at the bend in Courtney’s side, pulling her even closer. Courtney’s forearm sank into the space between Riya’s breasts, her elbow pressing against Riya’s stomach, and every nerve ending in Riya’s body exploded with sensation. Tentatively, she slipped her tongue past Courtney’s lips. Courtney met it with her own, letting out an honest-to-goodness moan. She tasted of popcorn and vodka.

The rest of the world disintegrated. The only thing that existed was Courtney’s tongue and Courtney’s lips and Courtney’s arms and the insane buzzing vibrating through Riya’s entire being.

Courtney sat up and Riya followed, refusing to allow their lips to separate. Courtney placed both hands on either side of Riya’s face and deepened the kiss. This time, Riya was the one to moan. Courtney flung one leg over Riya’s and straddled her thighs in a move only a ballerina could pull off after drinking. Their arms and lips and tongues entangled until Riya lost all sense of time or place.

Courtney began to pull back, planting shallower and shallower kisses until her lips brushed Riya’s with the lightest of touches. She rested her forehead against Riya’s, a dreamlike smile on her face.

Then, suddenly, the smile vanished. “Shit,” she said. “Dammit.”

“What?” Riya asked, her euphoria slipping away with the gentle waves washing upon the dock’s support posts. “What’s wrong?”

Courtney’s eyes grew wide and she frowned. “I’m gay.”

Then, she spun, leaning her head over the edge of the dock, and threw up.

Chapter Nine

Razors sliced
through Courtney’s brain when she attempted to open her eyes. She felt around blindly for her alarm, turning it off. An entire construction crew pounded away inside her brain, twin jackhammers hammering her temples. Her stomach churned, but the last thing she wanted to do was get out of bed. She dozed off again, to be woken an hour later by the sounds of girls moving around the cabin. Moaning, Courtney tossed an arm across her eyes.

Noise in the cabin rose, then died off, leaving Courtney in blissful silence.

“How you feeling?” She knew that voice. Riya.

Courtney peeled the corner of one eye open. Riya stood next to their bunk in a white T-shirt and another pair of those wonderfully tiny shorts. In one hand, she clutched a water bottle and an oversized pair of sunglasses. A bottle of ibuprofen rattled and a bottle of the pink stuff sloshed in the other hand. The pills clacking together resounded like gunshots ricocheting in her head.

“Do you have to shake that so hard?” Courtney asked.

Riya barely restrained a grin. It stretched the corners of her mouth, forming dimples in her cheeks. As rough as she felt, there was no other sight she’d rather wake up to than that.

Riya dropped the three bottles on the bed next to Courtney before slipping the sunglasses carefully over Courtney’s eyes. Without another word, she poured out a shot of Pepto and passed it to Courtney. Still lying down, Courtney tossed it back, grimacing at the chalky liquid colliding with the sticky craptastic taste in her mouth. Sitting up, she held out her hand so Riya could pour two ibuprofens from the bottle into her palm. Courtney flung the white pills to the back of her throat, taking the opened water bottle Riya offered her and swallowing.

“You’re too good to me,” Courtney muttered. After last night—hell, after the last four years—she believed she didn’t deserve it.

“I know.” Riya tossed the bottles up on the top bunk. “I bought you some extra time with Becky, but she’s expecting you to be at the first activity.”

Courtney slid her legs to the side of the bed, placing her bare feet flat on the cool wooden floor. Riya handed her a small piece of plastic. Courtney took it before realizing it was those dissolving strips for freshening breath. She slipped one onto her tongue, then offered Riya a guilty smile.

Riya shrugged.

“How did you get so good at treating hangovers?”

“I dated this guy…” Riya trailed off with a small wave of her hand. “That was a mistake I corrected far too late.”

One side of her stomach twisted painfully. Of course Riya’d dated a guy before. Guys, even. Girls, too. She knew that. So why did picturing Riya playing doctor to some loser make her feel like she needed to throw up all over again?

“I want to go to breakfast.” Courtney stood up, gripping the top bunk for balance when her head spun. If she didn’t make it to the cafeteria, people would notice, and they would definitely talk. After brushing off Derek and the imminent inevitable awkwardness, she couldn’t let people think she was pining after some dude. If she was good at anything, it was pretending like she was fine when she felt terrible inside.

“Okay. Maybe brush your hair first?” Riya suggested.

Instead, Courtney tossed her head back and shook out her hair with her fingers before coiling it into a loose bun on top of her head.

A smile skimmed across Riya’s lips. “How do you pull that off? When I try to do that, I look like a slob.”

“And how do I look when I do it?” Courtney asked, sliding a sideways glance at Riya.

“Fishing for compliments?” Riya asked, laughing. She put a finger to her lips like she had to think about it. Courtney’s eyes followed the movement, and she watched Riya’s lips form around the words. “Like a model in a high-end coffee ad, padding to her all-white kitchen in a slinky robe.”

Courtney giggled, then regretted it as her headache flared. “That’s oddly specific.”

“Stunning.” Riya’s voice transformed, softening to a purr. “You always look gorgeous.”

Blushing, Courtney turned away, uncomfortable with the sensation. She slipped on flip-flops and walked to the door. They were several minutes late and the path was empty. The pair walked past three cabins before either of them spoke again.

Riya’s hands twisted at the hem of her shirt, and she stared at her feet. “Um, so. Yeah, I’m just going to ask. Do you remember everything that happened last night?”

Heat flooded Courtney’s entire body. The skin of her arms tingled. Oh yeah, she remembered.

Not trusting her voice, she nodded. But Riya wasn’t looking at her, so a couple of seconds later, she raised her head and met Courtney’s eyes. “Yeah.” The word grated her throat.

“And, did you…” Riya visibly swallowed, transferring her attention back to her feet. “Did you mean everything you said?” She pulled at her shirt again, exposing the wide white straps of her sports bra close to her neck.

Courtney’s breath came shallow and fast. She raised a hand to push back a strand of hair and noticed it trembling. She didn’t know how long she stared at it before Riya grabbed it, stopping both of their steps, and turned to face her.

“Did you mean it, Courtney?” Riya’s brown eyes were impossibly big, beseeching her.

Courtney’s heart pounded so hard in her chest, she thought it might echo on the mountains surrounding them. Her unsteady stomach reeled. She folded both lips in, biting down on them. Her chest expanded slowly as she filled her lungs with air, then let it all out in one puff.

She nodded. “Everything. I meant everything.”

Riya bounced. A slow smile crept across her face until she sported the biggest grin Courtney’d ever seen.

Her heart fluttered against her ribcage. Pride surged in her chest, knowing she was the one who put that smile on Riya’s face.

Riya bounded up on her toes and kissed her. A quick peck. It wasn’t enough. Courtney slipped her arms around Riya’s waist, pulling her closer. Riya’s breath caught. Courtney tilted her head down, amused at being the taller one for the first time.

When their lips touched, Courtney’s senses detonated. She’d thought their kiss last night had been life changing, but it was nothing compared to this, when she could feel everything, unhindered by alcohol. Her blood rushed through her veins, spurred by a new purpose.

Riya’s hands gripped Courtney’s arms. Electric current flowed between them everywhere their skin touched. A hunger Courtney had never felt erupted inside of her. She pressed her mouth harder against Riya’s, pushing her lips apart, needing more of her. Riya moaned and leaned her body against Courtney’s.

Somewhere nearby, a screen door slammed against the frame.

Courtney jumped and jerked away from Riya. She cast quick glances about, trying to figure out if anyone had seen it. Her shoulders relaxed when she realized every other camper and counselor was currently in the cafeteria for breakfast.

She’d forgotten herself. It couldn’t happen again. Courtney took two quick steps back from Riya.

Riya’s grin collapsed in on itself, imploding like a once-magnificent building blown to bits to make way for the newest strip mall. Her hand went limp, dropping Courtney’s. “I—I’m sorry. I thought—I just thought…” Her lower lip trembled and her eyes glistened in the cloud-filtered sunlight.

Courtney felt like a heaping, steaming pile of dog shit. And not just because of the hangover. She grabbed Riya’s hands so hard Riya flinched. Her face pinched in confusion.

“I meant everything I said last night,” Courtney admitted, stalling until she could figure out how to put words to how she felt. “And I like you. That way. I do. Kissing you is the best thing I’ve ever done.”

When Riya no longer seemed in immediate danger of crying, Courtney took a breath.

“But?” Riya gave her a sad half smile.

Courtney breathed a laugh. “I’m not ready. I mean, for people to know. I just found out yesterday, you know? I need time.”

Riya squeezed Courtney’s hands. “Of course, I’m sorry. I didn’t think about that.”

Courtney’s shoulders collapsed with relief.

Then, as if to herself, Riya added, “I can’t believe Dee was right.”

Courtney stiffened. “Delores? She knows?”

Riya winced. “Kind of? She knows how I felt about you when we were younger, and she thought you might like me.”

Adrenaline saturated Courtney’s bloodstream. “You can’t tell her. You can’t tell anyone.”

Riya shook her head, then nodded. “No, of course. I won’t out you to anyone.”

But that wasn’t enough. Delores already suspected, and that girl paid attention. Pressure swelled inside her head. “We have to act the same as before.”

“Before?”

“We have to pretend nothing has changed.” Delores, her brother, Bridget—they would all know something was up if she suddenly started hanging out with someone she’d claimed yesterday to despise. No one could know. Not yet. Not until she figured out what all of this meant.

Riya’s head started shaking and didn’t stop. “We can just be friends in public,” Riya pleaded. “I won’t touch you and I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

Courtney released Riya’s hands, looking around pointedly. “No. All it will take is one little mistake or one nosy person. I can’t risk it.” The mere thought of someone else knowing made her limbs go numb with panic.
Did you hear?
they would say.
Courtney Chastain’s a
…pause for effect…
lesbian
. Cue eyebrow waggle. She’d seen it a hundred times. Hell, she’d done it a few times herself.

“Court—” Riya reached for her, but Courtney moved away.

“No, I mean it.”

“You want me to pretend, after all this time, that I still don’t care about you? At all?” Riya’s voice was fragile, like one wrong word would break it. The glistening in her eyes redoubled its efforts.

“If anyone else is around, yes.” The coldness in her voice felt wrong. She softened her tone. “Not when we’re alone, though, okay?”

Riya wiped her right eye, then her left.

“Please. I need this.”

Riya took a deep breath and nodded. Pink tinged her nose and under her eyes.

Courtney smiled. She couldn’t help it. “You’re so damn cute when you cry.”

Riya scowled and wiped furiously at her eyes, which only made then redden further. “I’m not crying.”

“Thank you for taking care of me this morning,” Courtney added, changing the subject. “And last night.”

“Anytime. Except not—I mean, don’t make a habit of that. The kissing, yes, not the drinking-too-much part.” Did Riya know how adorable it was when she awkwardly rambled? “And definitely not the puking part.”

Courtney grimaced. Riya reached out a hand to stroke her arm.

“Starting now,” Courtney said, taking several steps backward. “Go get breakfast. I’ll use the time you bought me with whatever lie you told to take a nice, long, hot-water-stealing shower.”

Riya continued heading the way they’d been walking, but she turned around and walked backward. “Did you just intentionally make me think about you taking a long, hot shower?”

The thought hadn’t even occurred to her, but now she was thinking about Riya thinking about her in the shower and her skin prickled. Courtney coquetted, bringing her shoulder up to meet her chin, then finishing with an over-the-top wink.

Riya tripped, stumbling before she caught herself and stopped. “You’ll be the death of me yet, Courtney Chastain.”

Courtney laughed, resisting the urge to race to her and wrap her in her arms. “That’s the plan.” She had the feeling that flirting with Riya could become her new addiction. It was fun and—bizarrely—genuine. Honest. Courtney had cultivated the reputation of an incurable flirt, but she couldn’t remember if she’d ever meant it the same way she did with Riya.

Riya shook her head and turned to walk away normally. “I’ll get you a banana and a box of Frosted Flakes,” she tossed over her shoulder like it meant so little.

But the fact that, even three years later, Riya remembered her favorite breakfast from when they’d been children, that meant a whole lot more than Courtney would ever admit.

Courtney allowed herself several seconds to watch Riya walk away, openly enjoying the way her hips swayed on top of her bronze, toned legs. She craved their next minute alone together, knowing the wait would be a sweet torture.