Keeping Sam (23 page)

Marie gave a rueful grin. ‘You can come and have a look sometime if you like. It’s quite something.’

‘Erm, thanks,’ Kate said dubiously. ‘So, did Big Tony go for option one or two?’

‘Well, it was option one. And the dress was a huge hit, and the restaurant was gorgeous, and he even went down on one knee.’

‘You said no, didn’t you?’

‘My, you do know me well after such a short time. I did, and you know the reason why?’

‘Enlighten me.’

‘I’m happy as I am. I like having Big Tony around, and he likes dating me. If we got married again, he’d most likely just start playing around again. Leopards never change their spots.’

Kate nodded. She knew Marie was right, but it didn’t stop her feeling suddenly choked. It all seemed so hopeless. What was the point in anything if people never changed?

‘My mother thinks that about me,’ she said. ‘I’m a leopard and my spots are drawn on in indelible ink.’

‘And maybe you feel that way about her, too?’ Marie suggested kindly.

Kate crossed the room and rested her palms on the windowsill. Outside, the October sun cast a brittle light over Bow Hill, and if she leaned forward she could see a sliver of ocean beyond the last of the terrace houses, grey and brown against a pale blue sky.

‘She keeps texting me.’

‘Your mother?’

‘Saying she’s sorry. For Sam’s accident, for Evan, for everything that happened with my dad.’

‘Do you believe her?’

‘That she’s sorry?’ Kate sighed, long and deep. ‘I don’t know. No, not really. I mean, it’s the timing, isn’t it? She’s saying all this now because she knows she’s going to lose Sam.’

‘Why now?’ Marie asked. ‘She’s denied it for so long.’

‘Sam’s accident.’ Kate shuddered at the thought of that fractured bone. ‘She said it triggered all the memories she’s been repressing. All those other “accidents”, plus all the times she’d been in hospital herself when I was a kid. She just couldn’t deny it any longer.’

‘It doesn’t bear thinking about, growing up in an environment like that,’ Marie said, reaching for another biscuit.

‘Not to defend her, but she was terrified of him too. It always started with him getting angry at her about something. His dinner not cooked on time, or her nagging him, or looking at another man, or looking at him the wrong way ...’

‘It sure sounds like you’re defending her,’ Marie pointed out, still eating the biscuit.

‘No.’ Kate swung away from the window and shook her head. ‘I’m not. This isn’t about her. And it isn’t about me, either. It’s not about my dad, or what happened to me as a child. This is about Sam. I shouldn’t –’

‘What?’ Marie stopped chewing. ‘Why are you looking like that? What have I said?’

‘Nothing.’ Kate’s face had turned slack; her eyes unfocused. ‘I’m just ... I’m just thinking, that’s all. I’m just remembering. Something I should have known all along.’

‘Now what are you doing?’ Marie huffed and followed Kate out of Sam’s room, watching with bemused eyes as Kate flung on her navy suit and dragged a brush through her hair. ‘We don’t need to leave for an hour yet.’

‘I’ve got to do something first,’ Kate said distractedly. ‘There’s stuff I need to ... Oh, where did I put that bag of mine.’

‘Kate, take a breath.’

‘Marie.’ Kate came to rest by the door to her room and laid a hand on her friend’s arm. ‘Marie, I need to go now. I’ll see you later.’

‘But where are you going?’ Marie cried. ‘What are you going to do?’

‘Exactly what I should have done all along,’ Kate said softly. ‘I’m going to put this right.’

Chapter 30

The wind swept across the front of the court building, scattering litter and fallen leaves around Kate’s feet. The building’s façade was battleship grey, matching both the sky and the wide concrete steps which led up shallowly to the imposing entrance. Kate took the steps two at a time, throwing her bag over her shoulder. She pushed through the doors, ready to be assaulted by noise and bustle, but inside all was quiet. She looked around for Elizabeth. There was a reception booth on the other side of a vast, echoing space; Kate jogged over to the desk, calling out Elizabeth’s name as soon as she was within earshot.

‘If you’ll just take a seat, I’ll see if she’s available.’

Kate sighed in frustration. ‘I sent her a message that I needed to see her before the hearing,’ she explained to the receptionist, a moustachioed man in his fifties with a nasal voice and the air of someone who has seen it all before. ‘I’m sure she’s here.’

‘Then I’m sure she’ll come and find you as soon as she arrives,’ he answered, curling up his lip.

Kate gave up and began to prowl the rows of benches lining the public area of the court building. Others were beginning to arrive, little huddles of people, bundled against the cold. She wondered how many of them would be going home today happy, their cases decided in their favour.

‘Hey, what’s the emergency?’

The social worker emerged from a side door, looking poised and relaxed in a black skirt and white shirt, her long hair tied back smoothly.

‘Elizabeth!’ Kate fell upon her gladly, a friendly face in a foreign land. ‘I need to talk to you. It’s important.’

‘So I gathered. And this has to happen now? Before the hearing?’

Kate nodded resolutely. ‘Yes. It does.’

‘I see.’ Elizabeth sighed her weary sigh, then gestured for Kate to follow her to a wooden bench that was set against a wall on the far side of the room. She folded her hands in her lap and waited. Kate swallowed, gathering her resolve. This was it. There was no going back now. But it was fine. She knew this was the right thing to do.

If she was honest with herself, she had known it would come to this all along.

Sometimes the truth was just so damned hard to see.

‘Do you remember,’ she said, ‘the day I arrived in Corrin Cove? You said something that day that I should have taken more notice of.’

Elizabeth make a self-deprecating gesture. ‘I say a lot of stuff people should take more notice of.’

‘I’m sure. But this was to do with Sam. I was complaining about the way Sam’s care had been handled – about how he hadn’t been brought to see me, and about how I’d been kept in the dark – and you said to me, you said “this isn’t about you, Kate, this is about Sam”.’ Kate sat back and shook her head. ‘You shouldn’t have had to remind me of that, but you did. And even then it didn’t go in. Not fully. All this time I’ve been telling myself that everything I’ve done has been in Sam’s best interests, but it hasn’t been. Not completely. I’ve been thinking about myself, about what was best for me. Or else I’ve been thinking about how angry I was with my dad, or my mum, or about how badly
I
was being treated, how difficult it has been for me.’

‘You’re being hard on yourself, Kate,’ Elizabeth cut in. ‘Those things are linked, after all.’

‘No, I’m being honest, and it’s about time. This was never about Sam, this was about me needing to understand why my father hurt me so badly and never said sorry, and why my mother didn’t care enough to ...’

Kate swallowed. She had sworn to herself these past few nights that she wouldn’t break down again. She had cried enough already over this. It was over. If there was any kind of line to be drawn here, she had to draw it right now. She laid her hands on her thighs and smoothed down her skirt. The gesture reminded her of someone. Who was it? Ah, yes. She gave a wry smile and shook her head.

‘Elizabeth, I’m going to drop the application to discharge the guardianship order. Instead, I’d like to apply for mediation so that my mother and I can share Sam’s care. Maybe he can spend part of the week with her and part of the week with me. I don’t know how it will all work out, all I know is he needs stability. He’s just lost his granddad, he’s just had his mother reappear after a year in a coma, and he needs us all to pull together.’ Kate registered the look on the social worker’s face. ‘Okay, you can roll your eyes at me, I’ll take that. But it’s not as if this was being offered from day one and I turned it down. It’s not as if my mother has made this easy.’

‘Kate,’ Elizabeth said, ‘believe me, I’m just happy you’ve come to this decision. I don’t care how you got here. The only question now is, are you going to tell your mother, or do you want me to?’

Kate followed Elizabeth’s gaze. There, on the other side of the concourse, stood Barbara and Sam.

‘She brought him here?’ Kate cried. He looked so small and lost, his hand in his nana’s, a woolly hat wedged low on his head.

‘She had to,’ Elizabeth said quietly.

Kate bit her lip, the full impact of their feud hitting her all over again. Oh, Sam, she thought. Being dragged here to this place so your own family can fight over you as though you were a prize to be won or lost. What have we done to you?

She stood, the sight of her son calling like a beacon. ‘Will you tell her?’ she said to Elizabeth. ‘I need to ... There’s a long way to go, for my mother and me. There’s still what she did with Evan, and all the rest of the history between us. I just can’t talk to her properly, not yet. You understand, don’t you?’

‘Sure.’ Elizabeth stood too, but then she pulled a face and laid her hand on Kate’s arm. ‘Kate, I’m afraid I haven’t been entirely honest with you today.’

‘What?’ Kate said distractedly. Sam had noticed her now and was waving frantically. She waved back, her face lighting up with the widest grin.

‘The thing is, I just wanted to hear what you had to say, and if you hadn’t said it – that is, if you hadn’t had the chance to say it, I don’t think you’d have made the progress you did just now. It was kind of cathartic, don’t you think? Coming to that decision?’

‘Elizabeth.’ Kate turned and regarded her impatiently. ‘What are you going on about?’

‘The thing is, your mother had already spoken to me before I met with you this morning. She’s given up the Special Guardianship Order. Parental responsibility has been restored to you.’

Kate’s mouth dropped open. She looked back at Sam, his face picked out so clearly against the backdrop of a milling crowd. He was getting closer now, holding onto his nana’s hand, grinning all the way. And then he was in her arms, her son, her own flesh and blood, a solid bundle of fierce love, and she held him, pressing her face against his, wiping her tears on his soft, woolly hat.

Chapter 31

November the fifth dawned a clear, crisp day, with just the lightest sprinkling of frost making the beach glint like diamonds in the weak sun. Kate leaned against Patrick and watched three dogs race into the water and out again, their coats slick and glistening. She sighed contentedly, despite the cold. Patrick gripped her more tightly, his body warm at her side. Sometimes he seemed almost able to read her mind. Read this, she thought, imagining his lips on hers, his hands in her hair the way they had been last night, her head tipped back while he kissed her in a frenzy of desire.

‘We should be getting back,’ he said. ‘Sam will be running Marie ragged.’

Kate smiled to herself. Not quite the mind-reader after all.

They trudged back to the promenade, stamping wet sand off their shoes all the way up Bow Hill.

‘Are you sure it’s going to be safe tonight?’ Kate asked for the hundredth time. Patrick rolled his eyes and kissed her lightly on the nose.

‘Were you always such a worrywart? It’ll be fine. They have this firework display on the beach every year. Sam will love it.’

Kate smiled. She hadn’t always been such a worrywart, as he called her, but she was certainly enjoying being one now.

Back at the house, Marie and Sam were playing in the tiny back garden. The arrival of Sam had prompted the removal of all of Big Tony’s ‘artwork’; now Kate, Sam and Patrick were regular visitors to Marie’s ground floor rooms, and this was where Sam often played, watched over by a doting Marie while Kate worked at her sewing machine upstairs, altering clothes and making curtains, her fledgling business already thriving. Kate had moved her chair right next to the window so she could enjoy the sight as well as the sound of Sam, who loved to be outside in all weathers. No matter how tired she became, no matter how hard she had to work to keep the money flowing in, the presence of Sam was a balm to her soul.

‘Kate,’ Marie called, waving from the garden. Sam was playing in the sandpit, building castles and then knocking them down with squeals of delight. ‘Come and taste my new coffee mocha recipe. I’m trying it out for tonight.’

‘See you later,’ Patrick whispered.

‘Later,’ Kate said, turning to watch him go.

***

The coffee mocha was a great success, as was Marie’s hot chocolate with marshmallows, which they carted down to the beach in insulated tubs, ready to share with the hordes of friends Marie and Patrick had arranged to meet for the Corrin Cove fireworks extravaganza. Kate and Marie sipped their drinks and watched Sam play with a group of boys from the neighbourhood, the older children holding sparklers aloft in the night air.

‘He seems to be settling into his new routine fine,’ Marie remarked.

‘He’s adapted well,’ Kate agreed, wrapping her gloved hands around her mug. ‘The first few weeks were tricky, but we’ve worked through it.’

‘And you’ll keep going like this? Half the week at Bow Hill, the other half at your mum’s?’

‘I don’t know what the future holds, Marie,’ Kate said honestly. ‘I’m just taking it one day at a time.’

‘Are things any better? With you and your mum, I mean?’

Kate shook her head. One of Marie’s friends appeared, gushing approval for the hot chocolate, and Kate smiled automatically, then turned away, glad of the distraction. She wondered what her father would have made of the way things had turned out. She held her cup to her face and let the steam warm her cheeks, feeling the sudden tears dry on her skin as quickly as they’d appeared.

‘Not so close to the bonfire, Sam,’ she called, but it was only to reassure herself. He was surrounded by other children, and the bonfire was only a spluttering campfire at least twenty metres along the beach.

‘Hi there, worrywart.’ His breath was soft against her hair and she could hear the smile in his voice.