Kelly's Quest (NYC LOVE Book 2) (9 page)

Sex is my drug of choice. The satisfying friction created from bodies grinding together, the cosmic kisses, the electrifying build of the orgasm that brings me to a euphoria unlike anything else. If someone told me there was something I could take that produced the same satisfying release, I’d become an addict.

I lean back to watch Erik. There’s an intensity to his gaze, as if he’s determined to give me all he’s got. Paired with the satisfied smirk plastered on his lips, it’s intoxifying. As his hips bend for one long, final thrust, I realize the satisfied look is because he came.

I’m still on fire and rather disoriented as he lets go of me to pull up his shorts, buttoning them with the smirk still tilting his rose-colored lips. “I’ll tell my doorman you’re moving in tomorrow.”

Then he walks away without another glance, or a kiss goodbye.

After ten minutes of an
internal battle in the women’s room with my darkest demons, I re-enter the bar in a messed-up walk of shame. What in the
fuck
did I just do? Not only did I break my resolve not to sleep with any more guys until I’ve fallen in love, I screwed up the entire living situation with Erik. As if things weren’t complicated enough before.

The minute I find my friends alongside sweet, handsome Theo, waiting for me near the bar with their expressions a general mix of confoundment, my insides painfully shrivel. I’ve perfected the metamorphosis into the kind of slut I’m trying so desperately
not
to be. I’ve proven my family and everyone else to be right about me.

“I lost you out there!” Jewels hollers above the noise. “Where’d you go?”

Theo hands me a glass. I thank him and take a quick gulp, hoping to calm my frayed nerves. “I had a smoke with some girl,” I tell her. While in the past I’ve tried a few cigarettes, I’ve never really understood how someone could enjoy making themselves sick and smelly for a brief buzz. The lie really sucks, but it still beats the truth.

Theo’s thick brows bend, giving me one of those looks a person emits when they’re judging your character. “You smoke?”

I shrug, grateful for the dark lighting. The way he’s studying me closely, he may be able to see the after-sex glow on my cheeks. “Not really. I’ve only tried it a couple of times. She was nice, and I didn’t want to offend her when she offered one.”

Adam wraps his arms around Jewels from behind, grinning. “This is
New York
. You’re bound to offend
someone
at some point. May as well get used to it.”

From the unsatisfied glint to Jewels’s gaze, I know she isn’t buying it. She tilts her head to the dance floor, only half looking me in the eye. “Chloe’s band is about to play. Let’s go work our way up to the front row.”

Theo waits for me to trail behind the other two, setting his fingers on the curve of my back. I stiffen when I think he’s trying to take a whiff of me again. Is he looking for the smell of the shampoo, or trying to validate my story?

As we work our way through the crowd, it sinks into my skull just how badly I screwed up by having impromptu sex with Erik. Now if I tell Jewels I’m moving in with him, no strings attached, I’ll be lying. I can’t lie to her. Not about this. How can I expect her to take it without freaking out on me?

And I really
am
interested in dating Theo because I know he’d be good for me. I’d be a fool to pass up someone who served our country and has the kind of job most people would dream of having, plus he’s sweet and really fucking hot. He’s exactly the kind of guy I need in my life. But if he discovers I banged another guy in the alley while he was buying my drink, he’ll believe the reputation that I’ve now earned.

I’m the whore everyone accused me of being.

Someone makes an announcement into the microphone and everyone around us cheers in approval. I feel Theo’s hand on my back. The bodies surrounding us suddenly seem too close. My head spins with the brutal dose of reality I was stupid enough to bring upon myself. My vision blurs in and out before everything turns to black.

“She’s awake!” I hear someone
yell above brash, seemingly angry music.

My eyelids flutter open. Adam and Jewels watch over me, their expressions a mixed bag. I’m propped against Theo in a booth near the entrance of the bar. The hardness of his chest and musky scent of his cologne are like a zinger to my already daunted conscience. I try to move away, but his arms hold me in place.

“Take it easy,” he whispers into my ear. “You passed out on the dance floor.”

Jewels hands me a sweating bottle of water. “Drink!”

With shaking hands, I take it from her and down nearly half its contents.

“It’s my fault,” Jewels tells me, leaning against Adam. “I should’ve been on you to drink more water since you got here. I swear I drink a glass every hour in this heat.”

“I’m a big girl,” I insist, waving her off. “And I usually drink more water than you, Jewels.”

I peer past my friend to see Chloe on center stage, rocking a blue electric guitar the same color as the streaks in her bangs. A tattooed guy with gages in his ears stands at her side, dressed like he stepped directly out of the grunge era, and a skinny drummer who looks 16 or 17 slouches behind a set of drums, his arms a blur of movement as he plays. Their music cuts through the bar like knives as Chloe’s sultry voice screams out indistinguishable lyrics. It reminds me of some tattooed rocker chick Jewels always listens to that sings a dark song about a being some guy’s whore. Maybe after tonight it’ll become my theme song.

And then a thought occurs to me: Erik ripped my thong in the alley. I feel the color drain from my face. Underneath my skirt, my world is exposed for all to see.

Damned if my bestie ever misses a single thing, Jewels leaps forward to grab my wrist. “What’s wrong? You gonna pass out again?”

I yank her closer. “Did anyone see anything…
disturbing
when I passed out?”

“I’m pretty sure
everyone
around us saw you pass out, girlfriend.” She peels my fingers off her arm, giggling. “But don’t worry, Theo dove down to catch you like a scene out of a war movie. I feel like we witnessed him taking a bullet for you.”

I exhale deeply with my eyes closed. It doesn’t sound like I put on an X-rated peep show after all.

“I wasn’t letting you get a concussion on my watch,” Theo says, his breath hot on my face. “Can I take you back to their place now? You need to rest.”

My insides twist with the idea of being alone with Theo. I doubt he’d try to kiss me after I collapsed in front of him, but my dirty secret feels like the weight of an entire planet resting on my shoulders. How am I going to look him in the eye without conceding to the truth?

“I can go back with you,” Jewels offers.

I shake my head, knowing if I pulled my music-loving best friend away from a live band, it’d be the equivalent of sacrificing a small animal. “Nah, I’m good. Everyone can stay, I’ll just take a taxi.”

Theo rises to his feet, lifting me in his arms. “No way. I’m going with to ensure you make it back. Someone needs to stay with you.”

“
Set me down
,” I hiss between my clenched teeth, holding my skirt tight against my legs. Enclosed in his bulging arms, I feel like a five year old. And with each insanely kind gesture he makes, it’s like adding more fire to my already burned psyche. “I
can
walk.”

Theo doesn’t budge. “No use in arguing, Cavenaugh.” He tips his head at Adam and Jewels. “I’ll stay with her until you get home.”

Although I’m quite aware we’re in the most populated city in the entire nation, and it’s safe to say that no one will ever recognize me as the pathetic girl who couldn’t walk out of the bar, I cover my face as Theo carries me outside.

To say I’m mortified by the situation I’ve created for myself would be a major understatement. After Theo sets me down on the sidewalk to hail a taxi, my mind becomes a garbled mess of thoughts and feelings. I keep my distance from him on the ride back to Jewels and Adam’s place. I’m unworthy of his affection.

As we head out to their backyard with bottles of beer in hand, I swear I can feel a shift in the air between us. Theo’s eager to take things a step further. I wait until he’s seated until choosing the couch across from him. With my feet tucked underneath me, I take a long sip of the bitter beer, making a note to buy a bottle of Jameson.

“Seems like a waste that they put this canopy up,” Theo comments, looking up at the twinkle lights. “Nice night like this? We should be looking at the stars. When I was a kid, I memorized all the constellations so I could point them out to my baby sister.”

I grin, picturing him as a protective older brother. “You have very many brothers and sisters?”

“Just her. We’re real close, though. What about you?”

“Four sisters. And it was exactly the kind of nightmare you’d expect growing up in a household of women. I think my obsession with animals started because it felt like I was living inside of an actual zoo.”

He grins with delight, his beautiful eyes lit with the glow of the lights above us. “You’re obsessed with animals?”

“I wouldn’t say
obsessed
so much as
fascinated
. At one point I was considering becoming a veterinarian. Now I’m leaning toward zoology. Who knows if I’ll ever actually finish my degree now that I’m here.”

When I take another swig, my lips sting from Erik’s rough kisses. Guilt and shame burns through my core with the speed of a roman candle. I peel the label off the bottle of beer, telling myself it’s best if I avoid eye contact with Theo. But really, I’m just ashamed.

“Theo, there’s something you should know.”

“Lay it on me,” he says, his voice soft and low.

“I’m, like,
really
screwed up. I came here to escape my messy past, but it seems it followed me.” I blink back a sudden bout of tears stinging my eyes. “And you seem like a really great guy. Trust me when I say you don’t want to get involved with this natural disaster. I’m sure you deserve better.”

“Hey, they call it ‘the past’ for a reason. I have some pretty ugly skeletons in my closet, too. It doesn’t define who you are now.”

“It actually does.” When I look up at him a lone tear breaks free, sliding down my cheek. “I’m trying like hell to change my ways, but it seems I’m destined to be a fuck-up.”

He shakes his head like I’m wrong. “Of all the things Jewels told me about you, none of it was bad. Whatever’s haunting you, maybe I can help.”

A blatant, ugly laugh shoots out of me as I wipe at my face. “I’m sorry. It’s just...you’re part of the problem. I should be avoiding hot guys in general, but I don’t seem to have the willpower. I know I’m the only one who can change things, but sometimes I wonder if I’m just playing into the expectations of my family and everyone I know. You know how they say if you’re told something enough times, you eventually start to believe it? That could be my mantra.” I run my fingers through my hair, sighing. “Jesus, could I be any more pathetic?”

“You
aren’t
pathetic.” He leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees, lacing his hands in front of him. I expect a judgmental look to kick in, but his expression remains calm and rather serene as he stares me down. “Look, I appreciate that you’re being honest with me, so I should come clean. Until this summer, I didn’t have a lot of time for a social life. Most of my friends are either a bunch of guys and their girlfriends, or the actors I work with. Those rare times when I meet a woman with potential who isn’t in the industry, trying to make it big or using me for my position, I tend to jump at the opportunity with a little too much vigor. To be completely honest with
you
, I haven’t been laid in a really,
really
long time. So it would seem
I’m
the pathetic one here.”

My eyes grow wide. “How long we talkin’?”

“Brooklyn left nearly a year ago.”

“And you haven’t been with
anyone
since?”

“Like I said, I’ve been busy.” A half smile tilts his mouth.

“Ouch,” I say, flinching. “That’s gotta hurt.”

He shakes his head slowly. “You have
noooo
idea.”

I run my hands through the hair on both sides of my head and let out a frustrated moan. “This is completely ironic. Our problems couldn’t be any more opposite. What are we going to do?”

He raises his thick eyebrows. “Are you open to suggestions?”

“Sure. Let’s hear it.”

“I like you, Cavenaugh. A lot. I don’t care if your past is trying to bring you down. I say we keep hanging out, take it slow. No pressure. If you decide you want to take it any further, I’ll take you on a real date, just the two of us. If you decide you just want to stay friends, I’m cool with that too. I’ll let you be the one to decide our fate.”

“I don’t deserve for you to be this understanding.” When I close my eyes and shake my head, I see Erik all over me in the alley. “You could do so much better.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Don’t sell yourself short.”

I open my eyes to find a dazzling smile on his face that could one day destroy me.

SIX

I’m groggy as hell the
next morning since I hardly got more than a couple hours of sleep. I was sick with self-reproach for loosing myself to Erik, then letting Theo convince me to give him a chance just a couple of hours later.

Theo stayed until Jewels and Adam came home sometime after one in the morning. Hanging with Theo was so relaxed that I slipped into a comfortable pair of yoga capris and a tank top, even let my hair down. He told me stories of his adventures in the Marine Corps, and I told him some of the nightmares of being a camp counselor. We did nothing more than hug before he left, though it still felt like the ultimate act of treachery considering I had just slept with someone else.