Kendra Kandlestar and the Shard From Greeve (12 page)

ENTERING A STRANGE NEW PLACE can be frightening and disorienting for any of us, but it was especially so for Kendra and her two friends. They were a tiny trio, after all, and none of them had ever visited a proper town outside of the land of Een. Therefore, as they took their first steps down the cold cobblestone streets of Ireshook, the three adventurers found themselves somewhat overwhelmed. From their point of view, the streets seemed wide and vast, with lampposts and buildings looming over their heads. Their noses were assaulted by pungent odors of fish, seawater, and rubbish heaps, and the whole town seemed to be a clatter of noise—the clicking of wooden wheels, the stamping of feet, and the chatter of countless tongues. Some of the town’s denizens cast sideways glances at the wide-eyed Eens.

“Oh, don’t think of pickles,” little Oki murmured.

Kendra had never seen a Gnome before, but she had met many a Dwarf in her travels, and she soon came to the conclusion that the two races were identical save for one striking difference: whereas Dwarves had bushy beards and hairy heads, the Gnomes had no hair at all, not even eyebrows. Otherwise, both were fat and plump, with long noses, giant ears, and—as far as Kendra could tell—vulgar personalities.

“The sooner we find a ship the better,” Kendra remarked.

“Except we have one problem,” Jinx said. “We don’t have any money to hire one.”

“Maybe we could find something to sell,” Oki suggested.

“Hmm,” Kendra murmured, giving one of her braids a tug. “Do we have anything of value?”

“Well, I have my puns,” Oki proposed.

“Oh sure—that will fetch a hefty purse,” Jinx sneered.

“Well, at least I’m trying,” the mouse retorted. “It’s better than just shooting down every idea.”

“Oki’s right,” Kendra said. “Maybe we could—hey, where are we?”

The three companions had been so busy arguing over their predicament that they hadn’t paid attention to where they were going and now found themselves down a narrow alley that had suddenly become very quiet and dark.

“Something nasty is sure to live here,” Oki murmured, and he quickly ducked behind Kendra’s long cape.

“Easy,” Kendra said. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

She had no sooner spoken, however, when a sinister voice cackled from the deep shadows of the alley.

“Heh heh hee. Who dares to enter me domain?”

Jinx immediately raised her poker, and Kendra declared, “We didn’t mean to trespass! We just took a wrong turn.”

“Most unfortunate,” came the voice. “For you, anyway. Heh heh hee.”

There now stepped into view a bent and crooked old woman—surely a Gnome, Kendra thought, for she was not very large. Still, she was a wretched figure to gaze upon, with a nose like an arrow and a single steely eye that seemed as if it would dart right out of its socket. She was dressed all in rags, and she emitted a terrible stench, like rotten fish and sour milk.

“I be the witch of Wastrel’s Alley,” the old woman chortled. “And I be thinking; I know what ye are, girl. An Een! And yer braids will make good magic in me cauldron.”

“Just you try touching a single hair on her head,” Jinx said, brandishing her poker.

“Who said that?” the hag hooted. Then she looked down with her one crooked eye and spied the tiny grasshopper. “Ah! A little bug it be, eh? Didn’t see ye at first! Me eye is not what it used to be. Not much I can do with ye, but I be dreadful lonely since me Tom run off—so maybe I just put ye in a cage for me pleasure. Or maybe your legs will make good seasoning in me soup pot.”

All this time little Oki had been keeping quiet, snuggling tight to Kendra’s legs beneath her cape, but the mention of the soup pot was more than he could bear. He could not help but to discharge a loud and alarming “EEK!”

This had an unexpected effect, for at once the witch jumped high in the air and screamed in an ear-piercing voice: “Aieeeeee! Is that a mouse?”

Jinx turned and looked sharply at Oki. “Quick! Do that again!”

“What?” Oki asked, poking his whiskery face out from behind Kendra’s cape.

“I think she’s afraid of mice!” Kendra declared. “Squeal again, Oki!”

“Er . . . you mean say ‘eek’?” the mouse asked timidly.

“Aieeeeee!” the witch screeched, jumping into the air again. “Don’t hurt me! Don’t hurt me!”

“Again, Oki!” Kendra cried.

“Er . . . ahem . . . okay,” Oki murmured, clearing his throat.

“JUST DO IT!” Jinx yelled.

“EEEEEEEEEEEK!” Oki cried, scampering out from his hiding place.

“Aieeeeeeeeeeeee!” the old hag shrieked. “Don’t hurt me!” She reached deep into her tattered robe and began hurling the contents of her pockets at the Eens. They soon found themselves bombarded by an assortment of strange items, including beads, bones, feathers, an old cork pipe, and even a bent and battered horseshoe.

“Ow!” Jinx cried as a large button bounced off her head. “Oki, eek some more!”

Oki squeezed his eyes shut, curled his fists, and with all his might yelled, “EEEEEEEEEEEK!”

With another shriek, the witch turned on her pair of skinny, birdlike legs and scrambled up a heap of battered crates that were stacked against the alley wall. It was a clumsy ascent, but once she had made it to the top of her makeshift castle, the witch turned to glare down at the Eens. Now that she was safely above Oki, the old woman seemed to regain her composure.

“Naughty creature!” she hissed, wagging a finger at the mouse. “Frightening me so! But no matter! I have me own ways of dealing with ye!”

“Y-you do?” Oki squealed, skittering back to the safety of Kendra’s robe.

“That’s right, ye tangled mess of whiskers!” the hag cackled. “Why, I be the witch of Wastrel’s Alley! Many a drunken sailor has stumbled down me way, only to find his greatest nightmare awaiting him. And do you know why?”

“Because he took one look at you?” Jinx suggested.

“Nay!” the witch sneered. “Because I have the magic to transform into that which frightens ye most!”

Kendra could feel Oki clutch even more tightly to her leg. He gulped loudly.

“So tell me, little mousie,” the witch croaked, “what be the beastie that frightens
ye
? Heh heh hee. I bet it has scales and teeth and claws . . .”

Even as she was speaking, she began to change in shape and size. For a moment her teeth seemed to grow into long, sharp fangs, and then just as quickly they disappeared. Then her hands gnarled into a pair of wicked claws—but they, too, quickly returned to their normal form.

“Can’t make up yer mind, heh?” the witch heckled. “How ‘bout something with a long lizard’s tongue, or—,”

Then the hag seemed to lose her voice. She clutched at her neck, as if her throat was constricting, and her skin began to turn a terrible green color. Her limbs started to shrink, retracting into her body, which now began to swell and expand as if she was being inflated with air.

“Oki,” Kendra murmured, not daring to take her eyes from this spectacle, “just what are you imagining?”

But Oki was too terrified to reply. Then, with a clatter, the witch tumbled down the stack of crates and landed with a thud at their feet—except, she was a witch no longer. She was a giant green . . .
thing.
She (if you could still call her a she) just sat there wobbling and reeking strangely of vinegar.

Jinx prodded it with her poker. “What happened?”

Kendra blinked and rubbed her eyes, not quite believing what she was seeing. “I think she turned into an enormous. . . pickle.”

Jinx looked over at Oki. “The thing you’re most afraid of is a pickle?”

“No, of course not,” Oki replied meekly. “I started imagining all sorts of terrible things . . . but then I did what I always do when I’m afraid.”

“You started thinking about pickles,” Jinx groaned.

“Well, actually,” Kendra remarked, “he started not thinking about pickles.”

“It worked though, didn’t it?” Oki declared proudly. “I beat her with my pickle thoughts! And my eeks! Some say you can eke out a victory—but who knew that you could also
eek
one out?”

“Another pun?” Jinx moaned.

“You have to be nice to me now,” Oki told the grasshopper. “After all, I saved you from that old woman’s soup. Though, if she tossed you in with all your weapons, I think you’d leave a rather
sharp
taste.”

“Stop it!” Jinx snarled, shaking a fist at the little mouse. “Your jokes are appalling.”

“Jokes aside, we have some luck,” Kendra said, bending down in the faint light. “Look what that old witch tossed away before she turned into a pickle.”

There on the ground, amidst all the other litter, was a large gold coin.

“There’s one problem solved,” Oki said.

“How do you figure?” Jinx asked. “A single coin isn’t enough to hire passage on a ship.”

“But it is,” Oki returned. “With Ratchet’s
Fake Flakes
, we can duplicate it. We’ll have as many coins as we wish.”

Because the coin was so large and difficult to carry, they decided to make just one copy for the time being. When this was accomplished, Kendra stuffed the pieces of gold into her pack, and the three friends left the dark alley behind.

“Now all we need to do is find a ship,” Kendra remarked with satisfaction.

They followed the main street of Ireshook until it narrowed into the rocky hook of land that curled out into the sea. There were no buildings here, just a network of docks and jetties where vessels of all shapes and sizes were berthed, from small fishing boats to large ships with tall masts. And yet, the place seemed deserted; not a soul could be seen.

“Where is everyone?” Kendra asked.

“I don’t know,” Oki said. “Where do sailors go when they’re not sailing?”

This question was soon answered as they came to the end of the rocky peninsula where one last boat hummed and thrummed with activity. Bright lamplight squeezed out from the grimy windows and cracks in the boat’s swollen sides, while raucous laughter and lurid songs could be heard coming from within.

“Why, that ship’s not even in the water,” Kendra remarked. “It’s marooned on the rocks—and it looks as though it has been for some time.”