Kickass Anthology (31 page)

He pulled Shel even closer and Shel allowed himself to melt into the embrace.  They stood there for long minutes, unmoored and lost, each clinging to the other to keep from drowning.

Shel stepped back and rasped, “We can’t do this, Jay. Let’s get you to bed, Tiger.” As attractive as Jay was, he couldn’t take advantage of the man’s fragile state. He couldn’t let himself think about what the smooth coppery skin would feel like, how the muscles would slide over one another, bunching and flexing, how the raven hair would fan out over the pillow. It was not the time to… Stop! 

Shel fumbled and dropped the sheet.

“Leave it. Please. I’ll be okay.”

Shel nodded and walked toward the little hall. “There’re towels in the bathroom and a new toothbrush in the top drawer of the vanity. “

“I know, Shelly. Good night,” Jay whispered. He ached to say more, to close the distance between them and pull Sheldon  close, to feel his heat and the bulge he could see in Shel’s trousers. But Shel had already shut the bathroom door behind him. Jay tried not to listen to the personal sounds of pissing, flushing, water running. He tried not to think confused thoughts of loss and longing.

The fire was almost out. The room was cold. The only light came from the tree. Jay shivered and turned his attention to making up his bed. He carried the cocoa mugs to the kitchen and rinsed them out. A few minutes later, he heard the bedroom door close.

He decided a quick shower would warm his body and calm his mind so he could maybe sleep.

He turned on the water, stripped and stepped under the spray that was not quite hot. His senses were on overload. Too much had happened in too few hours. He’d come home to a place he’d never been before.  And it wasn’t the place he’d thought it would be.  His father was gone now.  Forever. Whether they could have reconciled and become some kind of family, he’d never know. The family fortune, such as it was, might well be gone.  Oh, but Sheldon had been there smelling of sandalwood, and fuck, he was naked in the shower, and just a few feet away, on the other side of the wall, Sheldon was naked, too.

His thoughts raced, but his body felt tense and numb. Desperate to feel something, he ran his hands over his chest, rubbing his nipples until they hardened. Mmmmm. He could feel that. He squeezed his thighs together, and ran his hands down his belly and thighs. Yes. After washing himself, he rubbed some soap into his hand and took hold of his half hard cock. Slowly stroking, eyes closed, he conjured the picture of Sheldon’s face in the firelight. His breathing grew jagged. He soaped his other hand and slipped a fingertip into his ass. Fuck. So good. He continued stroking his erection.  A second finger joined the first moving together in and out, and soon, much sooner than he wanted, Jay’s balls pulled up tight, his body stiffened, his world whited out, and he came hard, spurting against the tile.  Fuck, fuck, triple fuck! Afterwards, he stood under the cooling water, leaning his head against the wall, watching his spend wash down the drain.

He was losing his mind along with his anchor, his home, his family, everything he’d ever believed about himself. He was nothing and nobody. He didn’t belong. Not here. Not anywhere. What had he accomplished in his 23 years? Written a book?

Fuck, that was just a fantasy. He couldn’t live in a fantasy.

Jay dried himself. Had Sheldon said that he didn’t believe the suicide story, or had Jay imagined that? Did it matter? Dead was  dead. Could it have been an accident? Or did someone push the Old Man?  He had to get into the room where it happened, regardless of its being sealed. If he never knew anything else in his whole life, he had to know the truth on this one thing.

After all, what did he have to lose? Nothing. Nothing at all.

“MERRY Christmas.”  Sheldon’s voice tugged at Jay's  consciousness, urging him to the surface. He cracked an eye. Sunlight streamed through the window and Shel stood next to the couch all haloed in sunshine like some kind of angel. He was holding out a glass of orange juice. “Up. Up. Up. Breakfast is almost ready.”

Jay blinked and took the glass. The coffee table was covered with platters and bowls filled with scrambled eggs, bacon, pancakes, cinnamon toast, yogurt, some cut up fruit, and more orange juice in a pitcher. Shel returned with plates, utensils, glasses. “Coffee’s almost ready. “

Jay shook his head slowly. “All this for me?”

“It is Christmas. I didn’t know what you’d like so I made a little of everything.”

Jay grinned. “I like everything. Thanks.” 

When Sheldon went to get the coffee, Jay slipped out from under the blanket, grabbed his backpack and headed for the bathroom.  He returned dressed in boxers and a tee shirt, and pulled the blanket back over his lap. They ate in companionable silence. When they were both too full for another bite, Sheldon announced, “Listen, I’m going to the office in a little while. Nobody’ll be there and I might even be able to finish packing up. Feel free to stay here and relax if you want. I won’t be more than a couple of hours.”

“I’ll come with you,” Jay carried the dirty dishes to the kitchen and put them in the sink.

“You don’t have to.”

“Shel. I want to. I have to.” 

Sheldon didn’t argue. Seeing the office might help Jay put some closure on the whole tragic episode. He’d come home, carrying a backpack full of hopes and expectations, only to have them ripped out of his hands. The father he’d barely known, the home without a welcome mat. A visit to the office might give him a chance to set his upended life on a firm foundation. To Sheldon, who had never had a real home, Jay’s loss was unimaginable. It felt to him like losing yourself.

They pulled on coats and walked side by side through the crisp cold morning, watching their breath make clouds in the air. Church bells rang all over the city. They heard a children’s choir singing carols a block or two away.

Even on the holiday, the office wasn’t entirely empty. Lights were on in the lobby and a uniformed security man/guard? Sheldon didn’t recognize sat behind the desk, ear buds in his ears, playing with an iPad. Sheldon grabbed Jay’s arm and hurried him past the doors. Putting a finger over his mouth for silence, he ducked down an alley to a loading dock, Jay right at his heels. They hopped up and stood on the platform facing the steel overhead door. A huge padlock clamped it securely to a steel loop embedded in the cement dock. Bright orange plastic ribbon that mimicked crime scene tape was wrapped over the lock. In case anyone was foolish enough to even consider trying to get in, the name and logo of a private security firm was printed on the tape. The logo was some kind of animal with fangs. Shel stepped to a small door on the right and took a key from his pocket.

“This door isn’t wired into the alarm system. I found out accidentally,” he whispered.  “I don’t think Megaro knows or he’d have had it fixed or sealed.”

He slipped the key into the lock, turned it and pushed the door open. They stood for a moment. No bells or alarms sounded anywhere. Shel stepped inside and motioned Jay to follow.

The executive suite was twenty six floors up. In quick pantomime, they agreed to risk the service elevator.  With luck, whatever the guard in the lobby was watching on his iPad would keep his attention off the panel of lights and monitors on the desk.

The walls of the elevator were covered in heavy quilted blankets presumably left there by the movers. The ride up was smooth and silent. As the door slid open, Jay recognized the thickly carpeted penthouse where his father had his office. Shel opened a door just across from it and said, “This is mine. Was mine.” Boxes stood about, flaps open at the top. A few cartons were sealed with packing tape and stacked beside the door.

Jay glanced at the door on the other side. That, too, bore the orange warning tape.

It was cold in the building; they unbuttoned their coats, but kept them on.

Sheldon’s mahogany desk faced the door. In front, a pair of red, high- backed leather chairs faced the desk. Sheldon’s black leather executive chair was pushed up to the conference table which was covered with thick file folders, some already in banker’s boxes.  A computer sat on the desk. Shelves on the wall behind and along one side were mostly empty except for a set of law books and a few framed photos.

Jay stepped close to look at the pictures, surprised to see that several were of him at various ages growing up. A couple were of him and Sheldon together. One showed the Old Man with his arm around Sheldon’s shoulders. Shel was dressed in a cap and gown. Both were smiling at the camera. Jay picked that one up and studied it.

“That was when I graduated from law school,” Sheldon explained.

“Congratulations,” Jay murmured.

“I’m scheduled to sit for the bar in a few weeks.”

“I’m sure you’ll do great.” He replaced the picture on the shelf without taking his eyes off it. They could have been any proud father-and-son at a graduation.  

“Can I see, uh, can we get into,” Jay jerked his head in the direction of the office across the hall.

“Sure.”  Of course. This was why Jayson had come.

They crossed the hall and Sheldon ripped the tape off the door and slipped a key into the lock.  No fancy biometrics. No buttons and combinations. Old fashioned keys, for god’s sake. For the Old Man, some things never changed.

While Sheldon’s Personal Assistant space was formal but comfortable, this office was made to impress. And it did. It was magnificent, like a movie set.  It reeked of history. Around the walls, dark wood and under foot, thick oriental carpets that a man would actually sink his shoes into. It was furnished with rich leather furniture with brass studs. Vacuum tracks in the carpet and the smell of lemon polish told them someone had cleaned the place, and recently too.  A few  dry petals lay under a table where the Old Man always had a bowl of fresh flowers. The bowl and flowers were gone.  Was anything else gone?  Their eyes swept the room.

Abel’s office was laid out like Sheldon’s. The centerpiece here was an enormous carved antique desk which supposedly came from an eighteenth century pirate ship.

Photos stood in ranks on a credenza behind the desk.  Pictures of the Old Man with various celebrities and dignitaries. A photo of him and Sheldon, obviously taken at Shel’s graduation.  One photo Jay had never seen before was a black and white portrait of his mother in an evening dress. She was very young and very beautiful.  Younger, probably, than Jay was now. Her long black hair was pinned up, showing off a long graceful neck. Her wide set eyes and prominent cheek bones were just like Jay’s. There was another photo of her with a baby in her arms, her eyes gentle, her lovely face framed with that impossibly thick, glossy hair. The baby had to be him. He noticed there were no pictures of the family together. In the evening dress photo, she was holding a bouquet of roses.  Jay bent and retrieved the dried petals from under the table. He turned them over in his fingers. They were rose petals.

“Where’s his computer?” asked Jay.  He remembered a laptop used to sit open on the desk or on the credenza behind it. The Old Man liked to handle his own email.

“Maybe in one of the drawers,” said Shel.

While Shel opened drawers, Jay went to the window and leaned close to the glass to look down. “Is this where…?” he murmured. “Is this the last thing he saw in this world?” 

The portal to forever. What did he see of the ground rushing up as he fell?

Jay took hold of the handle and cranked open the tall pane. One hand on the frame, he leaned out and looked down, feeling the wind on his face. The view was dizzying. He closed his eyes and leaned further, further.

“Jay, no.  What are you…? “Shel lunged, grabbed Jay’s arm and pulled him into a bear hug. “God, what are you doing? “He hugged Jay close to his body and pushed him against his father’s desk. Jay looked at Sheldon and kissed him without thinking. They were both panting, vibrating from nerves, fright, adrenaline maybe, or something else. “I was just…” was all he could say.

Their lips met. Jay felt Shel harden against his belly. Shel rubbed himself against Jay’s growing arousal. Even through layers of clothing, their movements cranked up the tension. Without meaning to, Sheldon began to thrust against Jay and Jay arched and pressed himself into the motion. Jay’s hands slipped under Sheldon’s sweater, discovering warm skin covered with soft fur and two fat nubs which grew even fatter as Jay rubbed and pinched.