Kieran & Drew (12 page)

He rolled his eyes at himself. He was on his own in this. He heaved a heavy sigh and decided that if Drew ignored his note and didn’t text or call him, then he was just going to have to grow a pair and go to the party.

D
REW had no idea what the girl sitting next to him was even talking about. Her voice was nothing but an annoying buzz amidst an even louder and more annoying buzz. The house was packed, everyone was having a good time, and he felt like shit.

Kieran had texted him, called him, even left him a note in his locker, and he was too chickenshit to call him back. It was eating him up. He’d run out of that storage room like a coward and left Kieran to deal with the fallout. And even now, after the texts and the voicemail and the note telling him they were in the clear and that D-bag Toby wasn’t going to breathe a word, even now he was afraid to face Kieran. It was a different ball game entirely when someone else knew. He felt exposed, and the pressure was tenfold; combine the two and it made an ugly monster inside of him. It made him afraid and isolated. Maybe worse yet, he now knew what kind of guy he was when push came to shove. He was the guy that bailed. He picked at the label on the water bottle he held. He hated himself.

“Hey, earth to Drew.”
Drew looked up to see Matt looking at him funny. “What?”

The corner of Matt’s mouth lifted in a bemused grin. “You totally just blew off Becky Arnold.”

 

He looked around him. “Who’s Becky Arnold?”

 

“Uh, the girl that was just here for the past fifteen minutes talking to you?”

 

He couldn’t bring himself to really give a shit. “Oh.”

Matt’s grin fell, and he eventually glanced away with a sigh. He looked back at Drew, and Drew was unable to suppress the sliver of annoyance he felt at Matt’s attention. He lifted his eyebrows and shook his head slightly in a clear “what?” gesture. He knew he was being a dick but seemed incapable of acting like anything else lately.

“What’s going on with you?” Matt asked, his voice lowered enough for only the two of them to hear.

Drew let his head loll back against the couch as he rolled his eyes, then stood and walked away and toward where he was pretty sure the kitchen was. “Do you mind?” he practically barked at the couple pressed up against the counter. He didn’t even know who they were, but they both frowned at him, the girl rolling her eyes and giving a catty “whatever” before they vacated the kitchen.

With them out of the way, he opened one of the kitchen cupboards, closed it again, and then opened the next until he found a bag of Doritos. He turned to lean against the counter and opened the bag, letting his shoulders slump when he realized Matt had followed him in.

“
What
?” Drew groaned.

 

“What?” Matt repeated. “You ignore me all week and then bite my head off when I try and talk to you and you say ‘
what
’?” “Oh my God. Dude, get over yourself.”

“No, I won’t, you dick.” He crossed his arms over his chest, making sure Drew knew he wasn’t going to budge. “Tell me something, where have you been lately?”

Drew pulled back slightly. “The fuck do you mean?” “See, the past three or four times I’ve dropped by your place unannounced after school, you haven’t been there.”

 

“So what, we’re not joined at the goddamn hip.”

“Well, your mom tells me you’re at practice, but what she doesn’t seem to realize is that if
you
have practice, then
I
have practice. Being on the same team and all.”

Drew swallowed and glanced away guiltily.

“So I thought to myself that maybe you were hooking up with someone and didn’t feel like telling me about it yet. Someone like, oh… Becky Arnold? The Becky Arnold who hangs on your every word and cheers for you at every game? But seeing as you just spent a quarter hour ignoring her, I’m guessing that’s not it.”

“Who are you, fucking Colombo?”
“Where were you?”
“I… I was staying late to work on my art project, alright?” Matt blinked. “Your art project,” he repeated flatly.

“Yes, the entire class’s final grade is dependent on our last project, so I’ve been staying late trying to get the stupid thing done. Happy?”

Matt nodded. “Okay, fine.”

 

“
Fine
.”

“Just one more thing. If you’ve been staying late to work on an art project all this time, then why did you tell your mom you were at practice?”

Drew floundered for a moment. “She has a hard enough time remembering when I have practice, let alone anything else. It’s just easier to tell her it’s practice. I don’t want to confuse her.” He felt shitty for using his mom as an excuse, but Matt was backing him into a corner.

One look at Matt and he could see he still seemed skeptical. He was frowning, his eyes narrowed. “Something still doesn’t feel right with you.”

“You’re making something out of nothing.”

 

“Something out of nothing?” Matt echoed. “I don’t even know who you fucking
are
at the moment.”

 

“Quit being dramatic.”

 

“Uh… how about you quit being an asshole and I’ll think about it.”

Drew stared at him and then tossed the bag of Doritos on the kitchen counter. “Fuck you.” He made to walk past Matt, sick of the stupid party and determined to go home, but Matt grabbed his arm as he walked past.

“Hey!” Matt ground out. “I don’t care what you’ve got going on in your head; you do not talk to me like that. I’m your best friend, alright? You do not talk to
me
like that.”

Drew considered yanking his arm free and putting up a fight, but instead he let his shoulders slump and he let out a deep breath. Matt had always been the one person he could talk to. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly, and to his horror, he felt his cheeks grow warm and his eyes sting. Matt let go of his arm, looking over Drew’s shoulder to check that no one was heading into the kitchen, and then leaning his hip against the counter as he folded his arms and dipped his head to catch Drew’s gaze.

“It’s okay. Just tell me what’s on your mind, alright? Because something’s screwing with you—you’re acting like a bigger dick than usual and it’s starting to piss me off.”

Drew looked at Matt and was glad to see that there was a somewhat gentle, teasing smile on his lips. He shook his head, at a loss as to what to say. He hadn’t only been ignoring Kieran; he’d been ignoring his best friend, too. And even though Matt deserved to know—he’d certainly never kept anything from him before—this was different. This wasn’t a normal secret. This wasn’t some bust-up he’d had with a girl. It was a different,
heavier
confession.

Despite not really knowing how Matt would react, and despite knowing that this was definitely not the right place to tell him, he could feel the words fighting to get out. “Matt… I’ve never really…. Y-you don’t know—”

“Drew?”

 

Matt looked up as Drew turned his head to see Kieran, standing alone and looking
exactly
that: alone.

“Hi, Drew.” Kieran lifted one shoulder just as one corner of his mouth lifted in a hesitant, anxious smile. “Matt,” Kieran acknowledged with a nod in Matt’s direction.

Matt pushed away from the counter with his hip, lifting his chin. “Hey, Kieran,what’s up?”

Drew might have imagined it, but he could have sworn he heard a note of frustration in Matt’s voice. Drew swallowed hard, heat slamming into his cheeks at finally being confronted by Kieran. Sweet, nervous Kieran. “Kieran,” he muttered in response.

Kieran glanced between the two of them as he pulled his hands out of his pockets and crossed his arms over his chest in a way that Drew was sure was meant to look casual, but only highlighted how awkward he actually was.

“So, um… so hey, how-how’s things?” Kieran asked breezily.

It was the most uncomfortable Drew had ever been. He glanced at Matt, who frowned back at him, but then offered Kieran a friendly smile when the silence lingered a little too long for comfort. “Yeah, yeah, not bad, not bad. What about you?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m fine, thanks. How’s—” He was cut off by someone who accidentally-on-purpose knocked into him as they walked past.

After saying nothing in Kieran’s defense as they walked off laughing, Drew felt something curdle in his stomach. Kieran cast him a quick, wounded look before glancing back at Matt. He was suddenly all too aware of what it had cost Kieran to seek him out, and he wanted nothing more than to man up and tell those two assholes to watch where they were going. He wanted desperately to tell Matt everything, and he wanted to take that look of anxiousness and apprehension off of Kieran’s face. But the words wouldn’t come.

“How’s Travis doing?” Kieran recovered, valiantly attempting to start up a conversation.

“He’s still a butt-head.” Matt nodded and then grinned when Kieran laughed, but the conversation turned quiet again and Drew had yet to say more than one word.

He started slightly when Matt nudged him in his side. “What?” he asked, annoyed.

“Cat got your tongue or something, space cadet?” Matt frowned, then looked at Kieran. “He’s been like this for days, don’t take it personally.”

A quick look at Kieran confirmed that was
exactly
how he was taking it.

 

“Where the hell have you two been holing up all night— Well fuck me, who invited the spaz?”

Drew closed his eyes when hearing the familiar voice behind him. That was all he fucking needed: a drunken Jefferson. He saw the discomfort and…
fuck
, a hint of fear settle over Kieran’s features, even as Matt groaned behind him.

“You know, you’re not doing the rest of us any favors by living up to the jock stereotype, Adam,” Matt said. “It’s not your house, so why don’t you just back off?”

“I’ll back off when he fucks off.” Adam grinned like he’d just said something utterly clever and profound.

“Just… just what is your problem with me?” Kieran asked in a voice Drew guessed was supposed to sound aloof, but came out sounding nothing but tentative and was just the kind of bait Jefferson fed off.

“My problem,” Adam said with relish, pushing past both Drew and Matt toward Kieran, “is that I can’t stand little
faggots
like—” He never finished the sentence.

Quiet up until that point, Drew could suddenly take no more. He darted a hand out to grip Adam’s arm before he could reach Kieran, and yanked him back. He turned Adam, who stumbled slightly, and crowded him back against the wall, his face darkened with anger.

“Like what, Jefferson?” Drew asked in a low voice that was shaking, he was so furious. Furious with himself and furious with assholes like Jefferson who had the power to turn him into a coward. “Finish the
fucking
sentence,” he ground out through clenched teeth, all but snarling. “I dare you. Finish the goddamn sentence and see how many teeth you have left over afterwards.”

“
Whoa
!” Matt was suddenly there, pulling him back, his eyes wide with shock at the pure venom he’d heard in his usually easygoing friend’s voice. “Everyone take a step back.”

Jefferson all but slinked away from Drew against the wall. “Fuck, Drew. The hell is
your
problem?” He put up an annoyed and unsettled front, but it was plain as day that he was rattled by Drew’s sudden show of hostility, which was so unlike him.

“Adam, just go… somewhere else, alright?” Matt bit out, still standing behind Drew, holding him lightly by both arms, just in case he made a move for him.

“Fuck this,” Adam muttered, color high in his cheeks as he turned and left.

 

Matt let go of him, looking between Drew and an equally startled Kieran. “Um… you okay, Drew?”

 

“I can’t stand that guy,” Drew ground out as he swiped his hands over his face.

“Yeah, well, us neither.” Matt gestured between himself and Kieran. “But you don’t see us trying to make pâté out of the guy. This isn’t like you.”

“He had it coming.”
“Still,” Kieran said softly. “You shouldn’t give him reason to—” “Why are you here?” Drew snapped.

Kieran blinked rapidly, flushing and looking uncomfortably between Drew and Matt. “I-I thought you might… It’s a party.” He shrugged.

“So?”
Kieran actually jumped. “I-I can go to a party if I want.” “No one invited you!”

“Drew, what the
fuck
?” Matt hissed angrily. “Jefferson’s gone, the fight’s over.” He reached for Drew’s shoulder and glared when Drew shook him off. “What is your fucking problem? You’re snapping at me, you go MIA for days on end, blanking everyone…. One second you’re defending Kieran and then you’re biting his head off the next! I mean what’s….” He glanced at Kieran. “What’s going…?” Matt looked between the two of them, his expression turning blank, as if the cogs were slowly turning and a problem was beginning to unravel in his head.

Drew’s heart jumped into his throat and he felt suddenly lightheaded. Had he actually considered telling Matt earlier? “I-I’m getting out of here.”

“Drew, wait! Please.” Kieran took a step after him but stopped when Drew held up a hand.

“Hey, no…,” Matt began, looking a little shell-shocked, but his voice calmer. “Drew, it’s okay, come on, just… don’t, uh….” He cleared his throat. “Let’s go somewhere quiet and talk, just the two of us, okay?”

“Just leave me the hell alone.” Drew pushed open the door that was already ajar and strode back through the living room, where the noise instantly doubled. He made his way through the crush of people toward the front door.

“Shit,” Kieran said, making to follow after him, but looked back when Matt caught his arm. He didn’t look happy.

 

“Kieran?” Just that single word sounded accusatory. “What the
fuck
?” he whispered.

 

“Matt, just let me go.” He pulled his arm out of Matt’s grip and followed after Drew.

Drew had made it halfway down the street before he heard Kieran’s breathless voice calling after him. He didn’t stop exactly, just closed his eyes and tilted his head back in resignation as he slowed down. He opened his eyes and there Kieran was, standing in front of him. He glanced around, glad that there was no one around and that the music from the party was now faint and far away.