Kilgannon (47 page)

I shook my head. "No. No, Alex. I will stay here."

"Why? Why will ye not go?"

Why will you not stay? I thought. "If you need me, Alex, I will be here. I can come to you. Anywhere in Scotland. And I will hear of what is happening. If I am in France I will not hear and I will be too far to come to you."

"Then go to Louisa. Or to Will. Ye ken they'd take ye in."

"No."

"Why not?" He was becoming angry.

"For the same reasons. This is my home." I paused as I tried to find the right way to explain it. "With you gone, the clan will need someone. There's never been a time that you were all gone, but now you and Angus and Thomas and Dougall and Matthew, you'll all be gone, even wee Donald and Gilbey. All of you. Who will care for the people?" He looked at the sunset and I watched him. At last he nodded.

"Aye. But, lass, I would have ye safe from harm."

"Then stay here and protect us." I watched his lips tighten.

"Mary, promise me that if ye think that Kilgannon will be besieged, ye'll leave at once. Dinna try to defend it. Get the boys and as many of the clan and get out. Let them have it. Promise me, lass, or I'll ship ye off to France, willing or no'."

I met his look and raised my chin. "You won't be here to do that. Dinna show yer teeth if ye canna bite, MacGannon."

He stared blankly at me and then laughed. "Mary Rose," he said, pulling me to him. "Ye do surprise me at times." "And you me, Alex."

He kissed me and continued. "If ye need to leave, dinna go to Glengannon. That's where troops will arrive. Go to Skye. Morag's family is staying aloof and will shelter ye until ye can get to England."

I stared at him. "The MacLeods are staying aloof?"

"Dinna say it, lass. I ken what yer thinking." I turned from him and stood against the railing, the stone cool under my hands. "If ye canna or willna go to Dunvegan, then go to Sleat. Someone will be there. And if ye are besieged unawares and canna get out, then surrender, Mary, and demand safe passage home as an English citizen. Dinna fight for the land. Tell the clan to take to the heather. Ye can tell the English our marriage was unhappy and that ye were here against yer will. The English army will easily believe ye were unhappy married to a Gael."

I looked up into his eyes. "No one who knows me would believe that my marriage has been unhappy. Until now."

He sighed. "Lass, there's more I must tell ye. If ye leave, there're some things ye must take with ye. In the desk are all the papers ye ken about, but on the shelves there is a box with papers ye may not have seen. Not my drawings but a box very like it, on the right side of the shelves. It has the crest on it, like my box, and inside are all the papers for ownership of Kilgannon and Clonmor and all the ships. I've written to my lawyer Kenneth Ogilvie that I've given Angus Gannon's Lady and Matthew the Margaret. I only own the Katrine now, for the Mary Rose is still in yer name. There are copies of my letters in the box. Ye should have those with ye. Ye may have need of them. If I forfeit, we'll only lose the one ship." He sighed again. "There's gold in two bags behind the box, and my mother's jewels are there as well." He raked a hand through his short hair, making the ends of it stick up. I reached up to smooth it and our eyes met. "I ken that yer trying, Mary, and I ken that ye dinna understand."

"Alex, I understand why you're going. I do not agree with you." He nodded and sighed, and we looked over the water together.

Before I was prepared, they were ready. The night before they left I retired alone to our room and took to my bed. Wrapped in the covers, I tried to pretend that none of this was happening, that the commotion I could hear beyond my room had nothing to do with me. I was unsuccessful. When Alex came to find me I refused to answer him and kept my eyes closed as he stood next to the bed. He sighed deeply, kissed my hair, and started to leave. At the door he turned. "Mary Rose," he said, his voice strained. "I ken yer awake and can hear me, lass. I wanted to tell ye that I love ye." I turned over and looked at him. When our eyes met he made a futile gesture. "I love ye, lass."

"Then stay."

"I canna."

"You mean you will not." "As ye will, Mary," he said wearily, and put his hand on the knob. I threw myself from my bed and stood in the middle of the room. He watched me warily.

"I may not be here when you come back, if you come back." "Then I'll find ye. Wherever ye are, I'll find ye." "And then what?"

He shook his head. "I canna guess, Mary Rose. We'll sort it out then. But I will find ye after."

I dropped to my knees and put my hands out to him. "If begging will change your mind, I'll beg, Alex. Is that what you want?" My tears rolled down my cheeks and my voice shook. "Will this change your mind? Please, Alex. Please, don't leave me."

His expression was horrified, then furious, and he rushed to me, pulling me roughly to my feet and shaking me gently. "Dinna beg, Mary Rose! Dinna ever beg! Good God, lass, I dinna mean to have ye come to this. I love ye, Mary, more than my life."

"Then stay—" I began, but he interrupted me.

"Dinna say it, lass. I canna stay. Dinna say it again," he cried. I was sobbing now and so was he as he kissed my cheeks, then my hair and neck, and then peeled my clothes from me, kissing each exposed segment of skin. He tore my shift and threw it from us and continued while I cried and watched him. And then, caught in the emotion, I tore his clothes from him and clutched him to me. We made love on the floor in a frenzy and then moved to the bed to continue. And when at long last we lay quietly in each other's arms, I sighed, for I knew it had changed nothing. He kissed my hair and pulled me closer.

"I love ye, lass," he said hoarsely. "I will love ye forever, Mary Rose. Dinna doubt that. Ever."

"Then stay," I said to his chest.

"I canna." We were silent for a while, then he leaned to kiss me. "Do ye still love me, lass?"

I raised my head to meet his gaze. "I will love you until I die, Alex," I said. "Beyond death." He watched me for a moment, then nodded.

"And I ye, Mary. Dinna forget that."

The next morning, with the sun bright on the glen, I stood on the step of the outer gate and watched the clansmen, some of them hardly recognizable with their cropped hair and war dress, say farewell to their families. Alex, dressed in doublet and plaid, a bonnet atop his wavy hair, was giving last-minute instructions and joking with the boys who were too young to go. They crowded around Alex and the other men as if it were a celebration, and I wanted to scream. Don't you understand what is happening here? I cried silently. Don't you see that some of these men will die? That some will be maimed? How can you let them go? But I said nothing. And I said nothing when Alex at last came to us, the boys by my side, too excited to stand still. He bent down and embraced them, speaking softly to each one, and gave them final pats on their shoulders as he faced me.

"
Mary
Rose, kiss me, lass," he said. "We're going now." I kissed him, my tears salty on my lips. I tried to memorize the feel of him against me and threw my arms around him one last time.

"Alex," I cried, "Alex, please come back to me. Please."

"I will, Mary." He stroked his hand along my cheek. "My beautiful Mary Rose. PU come back to ye. I love ye, lass, and I'll miss ye every minute. Now, kiss me again and then I must go."

So I kissed him and stood on that step with an arm around each of his sons as we watched their father lead the Kilgannon men away from home. The crowd followed them to the edge of the wood on the far side of the loch, trie pipes skirling around us and then fading as Seamus led his pipers off to war with the others. Alex paused before heading into the trees, his sleeve white against his red bonnet as he raised his arm to wave to us, and I remembered my feeling of foreboding when he had done the same during the MacKinnon's visit. The last sound I heard as he disappeared was "MacGannon's Return." And part of me died with each note.

Mary and Alex's love story continues in The Wild Rose of Kilgannon, now available from Dell

As the fires of war engulf Castle
Kilgannon
, Mary stands fast, protecting her family and home. But when news comes of the capture of her beloved Alex, Mary vows to fescue her brave husband. As a defiant Alex is tried in London as a traitor, Mary unleashes her own campaign 00 London society, determined to win justice on the most dangerous battlefield of all, risking everything to free the rugged freedom fighter who has claimed her body and soul,...

KATHLEEN GIVENS lives in Laguna Beach, California. She was inspired to write Kilgannon, her first novel, by the exploration of her own family history and all of the fascinating Highlands stories.

Published by Dell Publishing a division of Random House, Inc. 1540 Broadway New York, New York 10036

This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living

or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright © 1999 by Kathleen Givens

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written

permission of the Publisher, except where permitted by law, ®

Dell is a registered trademark of Random House, Inc., and the colophon is a trademark of Random House, Inc.

elSBN: 978-0-307-48672-1

October 1999

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