Killer Crullers (18 page)

“And at least as much to gain,” she said. “No matter what happens, this is your home. Do you understand that?”

“I do now,” I said, surprised to hear her say it. “I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here, though. The place would feel as empty as my heart would with you gone.”

She hugged me, and I returned it.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you, too.” I pulled away, and then said, “I meant what I said. I just want you to be happy. Everything else is just details to work out later.”

She nodded, and then looked hard at me. “Here I’ve been so wrapped up in my life that I missed it completely.”

“Missed what?” I asked.

“You’re troubled, aren’t you? Talk to me, Suzanne.”

How did she do it? Did my momma have some kind of radar for when my heart was weary, my step unsure? No matter how I tried to hide my unhappiness from her, she always found a way to see it, and many times, more clearly than I did.

“It’s Jake, isn’t it,” she said, not as a question, but as an answer.

“Yes,” I said, “but I’m just being silly.”

“Nonsense. When it comes to matters of the heart, especially for Hart women, it’s never silly. Now, tell me all about it.”

I took one last stab at holding her off. “What about my free pass?”

“Rescinded,” she said with a smile. “Now talk.”

“Well, I may have done something really stupid. I pointed a beautiful young brunette college student at Jake, and they’re having dinner together right now.” At least I hoped they were still eating.

“I’m going to need more details than that,” she said.

“I told you I ran into Max’s niece Ashley at the Boxcar, right?”

“Certainly.”

I took a deep breath, and then admitted, “Well, I asked her to run up to him on campus, hug him, and call him Uncle Jake.”

Momma frowned her disapproval. “Why on earth would you do that?”

“I thought it would be funny,” I answered.

I expected to get the scolding I deserved, but instead, she just shook her head. “Sometimes things can blow up in our faces, can’t they?”

“I’m really hoping it didn’t this time,” I said.

Momma patted my hand. “Suzanne, Jake cares for you very deeply. I cannot imagine the circumstances where he’d cheat on you, especially with a young woman who is essentially still a little girl.”

“She may not be as old as I am, but if you’d seen her, you’d never think she was a little anything. Ashley was always pretty, but she’s turned into a real beauty.”

“Still, Jake wouldn’t do anything with her. I’m sure of it.”

It felt good hearing her say that. “I am, too, but then again, I was sure of Max, and look how that turned out.”

Momma pulled her hand away and frowned as she looked at me. “Max has no right to be mentioned in the same breath as Jake. They are two completely different men, as opposite as you’re ever likely to find. Don’t paint your new boyfriend with the same brush you use for your ex-husband. If you do, that will be your major mistake, not introducing him to Ashley.”

“I know you’re right, but it’s so hard. Once you’ve been cheated on, there’s no way to keep from being a little jumpy.” I sighed, and then added, “If there is, I haven’t found it, anyway.”

“I’m happy to say that I never experienced that myself, but you’ve got to find a way to let the past stay where it belongs. It’s the only way you’ll ever have a future.”

“Hey, are we still talking about me?” I asked with a grin.

My jibe could have gone either way, so I was relieved when Momma just laughed. “Perhaps a little of both, if I’m being honest myself. Have you tried to call Jake again?”

“Yes, but his phone goes straight to voice mail,” I said.

“Which could mean any number of things,” Momma said. “Sometimes your imagination can get the best of you, Suzanne.”

“I know, but there’s nothing I can do about it.” I stifled a yawn, and then asked, “Would you like to play a game or something?”

“Thank you for the offer, but it’s late, and we both need our rest,” she said as she stood.

“I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep tonight,” I admitted.

“You at least owe it to yourself, and all of your customers tomorrow, to try. After all, you don’t want to put blueberries in the strawberry donuts now, do you?”

“Well, that would make them blueberry donuts, wouldn’t it?” I asked with a laugh.

“Good night, Suzanne.”

“Good night, Momma,” I answered. I walked up the stairs, and she went into the master suite downstairs.

As I lay in bed trying to sleep, I tried to imagine our cottage without my mother’s presence all around me. If she did marry the police chief and left to start a new life with him, I wouldn’t move downstairs, I promised myself then and there. This was my bedroom—it had always been such, with the exception of four years away at college and the time I’d wasted with Max—and I wasn’t about to move. Besides, if I did that, I’d miss my lovely views of the park. That had directly led to some problems in my past, but for the most part, it had been a joyful place to live, and I wouldn’t change rooms just because I’d get a little more space. Then again, if Jake and I ever decided to get married, there wouldn’t be enough room for us both upstairs, and I’d be forced to move down with him.

“Whoa, slow down, girl,” I said to myself. I wasn’t exactly certain that he was still my boyfriend at the moment, let alone a potential mate. I wasn’t just putting the cart before the horse, I didn’t even have a cart yet, and barely a horse.

I had to laugh at the nonsense of it all, not letting myself consider the fact for one moment that because of the way Jake had lost his wife and child, he might never want to get married again. Goodness, he couldn’t even tell me that he loved me.

With mixed emotions, I finally drifted off to sleep, wondering what tomorrow would bring, and if I’d ever hear from Jake again.

*   *   *

Emma came in late the next morning, despite our new hours, and I wasn’t in the best of moods to begin with.

“You’re kidding, right? You know what the new schedule is, don’t you?” I asked her as I added bits of orange slice candy to my new orange glaze. I’d tried adding real orange chunks the first time, but they’d absolutely ruined the glaze. Nobody who came into my shop was really concerned about healthy fruits and vegetables anyway, at least not during their visit to Donut Hearts. The candies added a real boost to the glaze, and I decided to increase the orange extract to the next batter I made for orange cake donuts, as well.

“I’m really sorry,” she said as she put on her apron. “It couldn’t be helped.”

“You didn’t oversleep, did you?” I asked with a hint of a grin as I turned off the small mixer. There was no reason to take my bad mood out on her.

“Believe it or not, I couldn’t get my dad to wake up, and it took forever to get here.”

“What’s your father got to do with you being late for work?” I asked, being careful to keep my voice light.

“He had to drive me over here so he could have my car today. His is in the shop.”

I finished mixing the last batter and asked, “I’m just curious, but why couldn’t your mom do it?”

“She’s out of town again, and honestly, who can blame her? Didn’t I tell you about that? I really am sorry.”

Emma looked so pathetic I had to laugh. “It’s okay. Can you empty the orange glaze into one of our small containers?”

She looked at my latest creation, then took a spoon and sampled from the bowl. “Man, that is sweet,” she said as she put the spoon in the sink.

“Is it too much?” I asked. I hoped I hadn’t ruined the glaze. It wasn’t that expensive to replace, not that I liked to just throw money away, but the time it would take to make a new batch was in short supply at the moment.

“Are you kidding? I think it’s perfect.”

“Good. I need to get started on the cake donuts, so if you’ll take care of the icing, I can get started.”

Emma skimmed the icing tank as I started measuring ingredients, and we were soon working in steady rhythm. The recipes took my full attention, so we really didn’t have time to chat, something I was just as happy about. I’d checked my messages upon waking up, and there was still nothing from Jake. What was that man up to? No matter what it might be, I’d hoped to hear from him so I could at least know where we stood.

As I loaded the dropper and added batter rings to the fryer, I thought about how much my life revolved around Jake’s presence in it, and while I really didn’t believe that he’d ever cheat on me, I knew that if he did, it would be just once. After what I’d gone through with Max, no one would ever get a second chance to cheat on me again. That might seem a little too stern for some women, but it was something I couldn’t, and wouldn’t, budge on.

“Stop it,” I said aloud, frustrated and tired of making up scenarios where my perfectly loyal boyfriend cheated on me.

Emma poked her head around the corner. “Stop what?”

“Sorry, I was talking to myself,” I said as I flipped the donuts with the skewers I used in the hot grease.

“That’s fine, as long as you don’t start answering,” she said with a grin.

*   *   *

On our break outside in front of the donut shop, Emma asked, “You’re not still mad about me coming in late, are you?”

Her question caught me by surprise. “What? Of course not. Why do you ask?”

Emma didn’t want to tell me, I could see it in her eyes, but she finally confessed, “You’ve been a little distant all morning, that’s all.”

I hugged her. “I’m sorry I worried you. It’s not you, it’s me.”

When she pulled away, she asked, “Now why do I usually hear that from soon-to-be-ex-boyfriends instead of you?”

I had to have showed something when she said that. In a voice that was filled with anguish, Emma asked, “Suzanne, did he break up with you? Is that what’s wrong?”

“Don’t be silly,” I said. “Of course not. I’m just a little out of sorts.”

Emma’s relief was obvious. “I’m glad of that. I’m counting on you and Jake.”

“Why is that?” I asked as a car passed by us in the darkness, on its way to who knew where.

“You two are going to make it. I believe it with all my heart.”

I laughed slightly, and then added quickly so she wouldn’t take it the wrong way, “You should count on yourself. You’re the only one who can’t disappoint you.”

“Are you kidding? I let myself down all the time,” Emma said with a smile.

“You are an amazing young woman, and you know it,” I said.

“Thanks. That means something coming from you.”

“Any reason in particular?” I asked her.

“I thought you knew. You’re my role model,” she answered with a grin.

“Then, girl, you’ve got more problems than I realized.”

*   *   *

At four minutes to six, my cell phone rang. I thought about ignoring it since I could see George waiting outside for me in the cold, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

It was Jake.

I took a deep breath, and then said, “Hey there, stranger. That must have been some dinner last night.”

He paused, and then asked, “What are you talking about?”

“The last time we spoke, Ashley was hauling you away to eat dinner. I tried calling you later, but it always went straight to voice mail.” Goodness, I hated what I was saying, even though I was trying to keep my tone light and breezy. I had to save this, and quick. “Did you two have fun?”

Jake laughed, evidently missing my internal angst. “Fun? I’d hardly call it that. We sat down, and three minutes later she was off with her friends. To be honest with you, if she hadn’t bolted, I was going to get a mysterious telephone call to give me an excuse to leave myself.”

“Does that mean you didn’t find her company charming?” I asked.

Jake took a deep breath, and then said, “Don’t get me wrong. She’s a lovely young woman, but we had nothing to talk about. I’m not sure which of us was more bored, but if I had to bet, my money would be on me.”

I had to laugh. All that worrying and fretting had been for nothing. “I’m so glad you called,” I said. “But why didn’t you answer your phone last night?”

“My battery died, and I left my charger in my apartment. It took me until midnight to find one that was compatible, and I set my alarm so I could wish you a good morning before you opened for business. Do you have any big plans today?”

“You know me. There’s always something going on around here.”

His laugh was full and genuine. “That’s one of the things I … like most about you. Well, I’ll let you go, I’m sure you’re chomping at the bit to start selling donuts. May I call you later?”

“That would be delightful,” I said. He’d almost said “love,” I could hear it in his voice. That was progress, at any rate.

After I hung up, I walked quickly into the kitchen, where Emma was up to her elbows in soapy water. “I’m going to open now. I just thought I’d give you a heads-up.”

“Hang on a second,” she said as she looked at me. “What changed?”

“When?”

“Just now,” she said. “You were down in the dumps, and now you’re practically skipping around the kitchen. Jake called, didn’t he?”

I rolled my eyes at her, and then laughed. “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.”

“Role model,” she said, laughing in kind.

I didn’t respond as I walked back out into the dining room of the donut shop. I did feel better having spoken with Jake, and there wasn’t anything wrong with that. I didn’t need a man to be happy, I knew that in my heart, but sometimes they were surely nice to have around.

If he’d ever stay in April Springs long enough, I added.

Then again, maybe this arrangement was perfect. There was certainly no risk of us ever getting tired of each other when he was in town so infrequently. None of that mattered, though.

Jake was in my life, a state that I preferred infinitely more than if he hadn’t been.

For the moment, all was good in my world.

At least it was until I opened the door and heard what George had to say.

SUPHGANIOT (SORT OF)

This is a traditional Jewish holiday recipe that’s fun as a change of pace from our usual donuts. The flavor is more subtle, the dough different to work, but worth the effort.