Killer Cuts: A Dead-End Job Mystery (40 page)

I
ck!” Helen brushed away a cobweb on her shoulder. “That’s a

big hairy spider.Why are we taking the Dumpster route to your

place?”

“Because I don’t want you to see the yard before your wedding,” Margery said.”It’s a surprise.”

“The spider was definitely a surprise,” Helen said.

“Quit grumping,” Margery said.”It’s just a bug.The spider is harm less unless you’re a fly.”

The back route to Margery’s apartment was a narrow walkway lined with items that should have been hauled to the dump ages ago—broken lawn chairs, an old water heater, a car tire and rusted yard tools, all wreathed in spook-house spiderwebs.

“I could blindfold you and take you through the front entrance, but that would smear the paint job on your face.” Margery unlocked the door to her laundry room, and she and Helen stepped around a laundry basket, an old lamp and a broken bedstead.

“I have to change into my ministerial robe,” Margery said. “Put on your wedding dress and then we’ll go outside.”

“Do we get to use the door, or do I have to crawl out the window?” Helen asked.

“Don’t be smart,” Margery said. “Phil, Tom and Kathy worked all afternoon getting the yard ready for this wedding. I want you to look properly surprised.”

“Were the flowers delivered?” Helen asked.

“Yes, and the wedding cake.The food is on the tables. Phil got the ice for the drinks. Peggy and Elsie are here and so are their escorts. Kathy,Tom and the kids are fine. Phil is changing into his tux. So far, he hasn’t come to his senses and fled. Let me run my aging carcass through the shower and then you’ll get married.”

Helen washed the cobwebs off her arms and ran a washcloth over her legs. Her makeup was miraculously untouched. She took her wed ding dress out of the plastic bag. She was surprised by its simple beauty, and glad Margery had bullied her into buying a new dress. A new life needed a fresh start.

She slipped on her dress and sandals and looked at herself in the mir ror. Not bad for a forty-one-year-old bride, she thought. Not bad at all. Miguel Angel’s makeup job took off at least ten years. She took her veil out of the box and checked it for wrinkles, then carefully refolded it.

Helen knocked on Margery’s bedroom door and asked,”Would you zip me up, please?”

“Come in,” Margery said.

Helen stopped dead at the sight of her landlady in a Roman collar and purple satin robe.

“Well, what do you think?” Margery asked, and twirled once.

“Incredible,” Helen said.

“I think so, too.” Margery zipped Helen’s dress and latched the hook at the top, then said,”You look lovely.”

“Thanks.” Helen could feel her eyes tearing.

“Don’t you dare cry, Helen, and ruin Miguel Angel’s makeup. Go sit in the living room and I’ll be right out.”

A knock on the kitchen door announced the stylist’s entrance. Mar gery led him into the living room. “You look beautiful,” Miguel Angel said to the bride.

“Thanks to your makeup job,” Helen said.

“I needed something to work with. How are you?” Miguel Angel asked.

“Nervous,” Helen said.”But it will be over soon.”

“It’s a wedding, not a dental appointment,” Margery said.

Miguel Angel dabbed at Helen’s face with a makeup sponge and touched up her lipstick with a brush.”Should I put on the veil?” he asked.

“Yes,” Helen said. “Though you did such a good job with my hair, it’s a shame to cover it.”

She opened the box and handed him the veil. He pinned it in place, and finally said,”Perfect. I’ll go outside and sit down.”

“There are no special covers for these chairs,” Helen said.

“I like them better naked,” Miguel Angel said, and gave her an other hug.

“All ready?” Margery asked.”It’s showtime.”

Helen opened the kitchen door. The evening sun had turned the Coronado a delicate seashell pink.The light had the surreal clarity seen just before a subtropical sunset.

Helen’s nephew,Tommy, was pink with sunburn, and sporting a new pair of khaki shorts and blue knit top. She could see the comb tracks in his damp hair.Tommy sat in a chair outside her apartment, solemnly guarding a pet caddy and a plate of cut-up cooked shrimp.The shrimp were Phil’s wedding feast for the six-toed cat. Helen could see Thumbs through the bars of his cage, furiously trying to tear a white bow off his neck with his giant paws.

Tommy began feeding shrimp to the irate cat to distract him. Helen smiled at her nephew.”You’re doing a terrific job, cat wrangler.”

Tommy grinned and looked like a younger version of his father.

Helen finally saw the backyard. “It’s gorgeous.The lights, the can dles, the flowers.You ordered extra flowers didn’t you?”

“A few,” Margery said.”I grew my own bougainvillea.”

The aisle was lined with blazing tiki torches. Each torch stand was decorated with a big white satin bow.The wedding bouquets were laid out on the umbrella table.

The long tables were laden with a feast. Helen saw a roast turkey, a spiral ham, an enormous bowl of Peggy’s special Thai chicken salad, brownies and the hors d’oeuvres that Helen had ordered.The two un sliced tomatoes plopped on a plate had to be from Cal. He brought the same thing to every Coronado party.

Sprays of purple bougainvillea and white orchids decorated the ta bles, and tall white candles in crystal holders cast a soft glow.The tiered wedding cake towered over its own flower-bedecked table, with Phil’s groom’s cake next to it. Helen could see the guitar had a tiny icing carrot as a pick. It looked like the one in the photo on the Clapton
Unplugged
CD.

A silver tray held a pile of donation cards.

“I love it,” Helen said.The food, the flowers, even the candles had personal meaning. Her friends had given her a dream wedding, and it was so much better than her so-called perfect wedding to Rob.

All of the white chairs were filled by guests. Helen recognized some. Tom Senior was wearing a gray suit, and had Allison on his lap. She wore a frilly blue dress and pulled on her father’s tie. Next to them were Helen’s salon coworkers.Ana Luisa winked at Helen, and the two stylists waved. Carlos smiled, squeezed her hand as she passed, and said softly,”You look beautiful.” The cluster of stern-faced men with short hair could only be Phil’s cop friends. Others she didn’t recognize.

The CD player burst into Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight.”

Peggy was first down the aisle, with Pete the parrot on her shoulder. Both Peggy and Pete looked exotic in bright green. Pete eyed Peggy’s bouquet with unnatural interest. Peggy was met at the top of the aisle by her dark-haired escort, Daniel. He looked like a male model in that tux, and he had the kind of curly hair that women liked to ruffle. Helen remembered her mother saying,”Handsome is as handsome does” and hoped that Peggy had finally found the love she deserved.

Helen’s jaw dropped when she saw Elsie. Her senior bridesmaid wore a pale pink tea-length tent dress and dyed-to-match heels. Her hair was a soft silver tipped with pink. Elsie looked triumphant, as if she’d waited her whole life for this moment. She was escorted by a muscular hunk of beefcake in his midtwenties, with blond hair and a jaw you could use as a T-square. Helen could swear she saw his pecs rippling under the tux.

“Where did you get her escort?” Helen whispered to Margery.

“Quiet,” Margery said.”He’s rented for the occasion. He gets a bo nus if he keeps her happy.”

“How happy?” Helen asked.

“That’s none of your business,” Margery said.

Helen’s sister, Kathy, wore orchid silk. She was met by Cal in the rented tux paid for by Phil. Cal looked uncomfortable. Kathy looked supremely happy. She smiled at her sister and winked.

Helen barely noticed. She saw Phil, her Phil, in his tuxedo. His silver-white hair was pulled into a ponytail, and he had a sprig of bou gainvillea in his lapel. His shoulders were broad, and Helen thought they would be nice to lean on for the rest of her life. She walked down the aisle on shaky legs and smiled at her husband-to-be.

“You look wonderful tonight,” she whispered.”Like James Bond at the casino.”

“At Your Majesty’s service,” Phil whispered back.

“Shut up you two,” Margery hissed,”so I can get you married.” Her cigarette sent up smoke like incense. Margery crushed it, and glared the wedding guests into silence.

Helen held Phil’s hand and stared into his blue eyes. Her marriage to Rob vanished into another dimension.That man had never existed. Now there was only Phil.

“We are gathered here this evening to celebrate the marriage of Helen and Phil,” Margery said.”I thank God and anyone else that these two are finally getting married. Let’s get the legal part over with. If any one knows any reason why this couple may not marry, let that person now declare it.”

A bent, wrinkled woman with a haystack of dark brown hair slowly stood up in the back row. She was dressed for a funeral, in deep black.

“Stop the wedding!” she screamed.

“I beg your pardon?” Margery said.

The woman clung to the chair back and shrieked, “That woman is getting married under false pretenses. Her name is not Helen Haw thorne.”

“And how would you know?” Margery asked.

“Because I’m her mother,” the woman said.”The wedding is off.”