Killshot (Icarus Series Book 1) (33 page)

              “No,” Zander’s eyes went wide.

              “Yep, licked them clean,” I laugh. “Anyways, my dad finally stops laughing and my mom nearly passed out from the shock. My little brother looks over at me, with a big smile on his face, asks me if I want a snack too, and hands me an open container of refried beans.”

              I could still see his tiny face, covered in beans and grins. I laughed deep in my belly, the harmonious sound of Zander’s own laughter spurring me on. I giggled until my stomach grew sore and my cheeks cramped from smiling so hard. Suddenly, my chest grew tight and my eyes began to sting. The laughter died swiftly in my throat. It was a happy memory, one of my happiest— but it was also a reminder of all I had lost.

              “They’re gone, Zander,” I sobbed, burying my face in the crook of my arm. “They’re gone, and it’s my fault.”

              “What are you talking about,” Zander asked, pulling my arm away from my face. “What’s your fault?”

              “They counted on me,” I said, feeling hollow. “I failed them, Zander, all of them. Mom and Dad are gone, and I still have no idea where my little brother is, or if he’s okay.”

              “Liv, the only way you could possibly fail them, would be to give up,” Zander said, squeezing my hand lightly. “Is that what this is? Is this you giving up?”

              “What?
No
,” I said, shooting up. “I’ll never—”

              “Exactly,” he said, rising next to me. “You are not a quitter, and you are not giving up. You have done the best you could with a bad situation, Liv. I know I didn’t know your parents, but I have a feeling they would be proud of all you have accomplished so far.”

              “I miss them, Zander,” I said, feeling the weight their absence in my chest. “I miss them so much it hurts to breathe sometimes.”

              His voice was calm. “You have been through more than anyone your age should ever have to deal with, and I know that it hurts, but you can’t afford to let it cripple you.”

              “But I should have—” I argued.

              “Stop,” Zander said, pressing a finger to my lips. “Listen to me, Liv Larson. You are, by far, the most stubborn, exhausting girl I have ever met in my life. You insist on doing everything the hard way, you constantly put yourself in danger, and you have absolutely no sense of self-preservation.”

              “Gee, thanks,” I muttered against it, sniffling.

              “I wasn’t finished,” he said, lowering his hand from my mouth. “You are all of those things, Liv, but you are also the smartest, strongest, most brave person I have ever known. You have this energy about you that feeds the courage of those around you. I know you have your doubts, but the rest of us do not share your opinion. Like it or not, you are a natural born leader.”

              “But, I—”

              “But nothing,” he said. His warm eyes paralyzed me with their intensity, as his hand slid into my tangled hair. “Damn it, Liv, you are amazing. Even if you don’t see it, the rest of us do—
I
do, and we would follow you over a cliff.”

              “I don’t have any answers, and I have no idea what I am doing,” I countered.

              “Don’t you get it?” Zander ran his fingers through his hair, his eyes never leaving mine. “You don’t have to have all the answers, Liv. It’s your instincts that have gotten us this far and we trust in that; in you. As for the rest of it? Well, we can figure that out
together.
”

              Zander slid his palm against the side of my face, resting it gently along my jawline. His skin felt warm against mine. I wanted nothing more than to sink into him and forget my troubles, but I couldn’t let go of the unknowns muddling my mind. Was I doing the right thing with Micah and Riley? Was I putting everyone in danger? Where was my little brother, and was he safe? I had spent the first seventeen years of my life attempting to control the world around me, but at the moment, I could barely master my own breathing.

              “I have no business leading anyone,” I mumbled, staring down at my hands. “I’m not a leader, Zan. I am a freaking mess.”

              “You’re wrong about that,” Zander said, his thumb grazing my cheek as he spoke. “Your world ended long before the rest of ours, and yet, here you are. You are the very definition of a survivor, Liv. I’d say that makes you uniquely qualified for the position, wouldn’t you?”

              “I don’t know,” I said, wishing I shared his confidence in me. “I might actually be leading everyone over the edge of that cliff, Zander.”

              “Maybe you are, but at this point, it’s the best course we’ve got,” Zander said. “There will always be a risk in moving forward, Liv, but going back is no longer an option.”

              “Awesome,” I said, pouting shamelessly.

              “I am not saying this will be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is,” he said. “We will find your brother, Liv, and as soon as he is safe in your arms again, we will find our answers— about the virus and Gunther’s message. Hell, maybe we’ll even find out what happened to my father.”

              “The bird!” I shot up sharply. “Jesus, I can’t believe I almost forgot about the bird.”

              “Umm, Bird?” Zander’s eyes danced with curiosity in the candlelight.

              “Yeah, jeez, I totally spaced,” I said. I pulled my backpack into my lap and shoved my arm in, elbow deep. “I’ve had it since—come, on. I know it’s here somewhere.”

              Zander watched with amused curiosity, cocking his head to the side as I dug frantically through my knapsack. My fingers raked across Courage’s tattered fur and slid over smooth edges of my useless cell phone. I pushed it aside and tossed items carelessly to the floor until my fingers finally closed around it.

              “There you are,” I said, yanking my hand free of the bag. “Hold out your hand.”

              “What are you—” Zander’s laughter died in his throat the moment I dropped the small chrome eagle into his palm.

              “I know how much your Dad’s bike meant to you, and how much it killed you to see it destroyed like that. I thought you might want something, you know a keepsake, or whatever,” I shrugged. “I realize this doesn’t even come close to making up for what you’ve lost, but I—”

              Zander’s lips collided with mine, swallowing my apology mid-sentence. One hand threaded itself through my hair while the other pulled me across the cushions and against his chest. At first, his kisses were hungry and urgent, his breath coming in short bursts as he struggled to maintain his composure. His strong fingers kneaded at my skin and I sank further into his arms. I could feel the beat of his heart when I gently touched his chest. His hands were like rough silk against my over-sensitive skin, as they painted an electrified path across my body.

              “Jesus, Liv,” he gasped into my mouth, the strain visible in the tight cording of his neck. “I’m sorry, I…”

              “Shhh,” I whispered against his lips, then pressed our mouths back together.

              My eyes closed and the last ounce of the tension finally left my body. His kisses slowed, the edgy fervor giving way to something more reverent. His lips worshiped mine. He traced them lightly with his tongue before gently dipping into my mouth. With each shallow breath, I melted deeper into his touch. Minutes, maybe hours, ticked by as we lost ourselves in each other.

              Bella barked softly in her sleep, shattering the silence and bringing us back to reality.

              “Whoa,” Zander said, his forehead resting against mine as he fought to catch his breath.

              “Yeah, whoa,” I agreed, laughing nervously. “So
, that
just happened.”

              “Yeah, it did,” he said, blushing as he fished the eagle from between the cushions. He started down at it, his hair spreading in a dark curtain around his face. “I just— thank you for this. It means…everything.”

              He lowered himself onto his side pulled me down next to him. We lay together in complete silence, for a while, my back against his chest. Our hearts beat in tandem, slowing together as we finally came down from our high.

              Zander’s breath, warm against my neck, tickled across skin as his hands wandered slowly down my body. His fingertips slid across my jaw and down the side of my neck, before swirling in the dip of my collarbone. Zander’s touch was feather light as he trailed along the length of my arm, before finally lacing his fingers with mine. He laughed when he felt my skin prickle under his touch.

              “I was right about you, you know,” Zander whispered against my neck. “You really
are
amazing.”

              “Shut up,” I laughed, my face warming at his praise. “Just go to sleep.”

              “Not until you admit I was right,” he said, snickering as he poked my side. “Come on, Liv. You can do it. Say it with me; you…were…right. ”

              “No way,” I laughed, pulling his hand away from my side and threading it with mine so he couldn’t tickle me anymore. “You weren’t right about everything, you know?”

              “Oh yeah?” He slid our clasped hands to my waist and pulled me closer until his chin settled into the crook of my neck. “And what exactly was I
wrong
about?”

              “You said
I
would kiss
you
,” I said, laughing as I sank into his embrace.

Chapter 32

…Here’s Johnnie!

               For the first time in months, I woke up feeling as though I had actually slept. If the grandfather clock in the corner of the basement was to be trusted, it was nearly three o’clock in the afternoon when I finally managed to peel my eyelids apart. Bella was curled up at my feet, her legs jerking as she sprinted through a dream.

              I tiptoed around her and made my way towards the beginning of the alphabet and the exit to the basement. Falisha was still asleep, sprawled out on the massive pile of cushions they had set up, but the rest of the group was nowhere to be seen.

              My stomach growled loudly as I stepped over her feet, reminding me it had been almost a day since I had eaten anything remotely substantial. I rubbed my belly as it grieved that amazing burger and headed towards the stairs in search of my friends and, hopefully, a snack. I had just cleared the pile of backpacks, when a familiar twinge in my chest froze me in my tracks. I took a few deep breaths trying to steady myself, before taking another small step forward.

              With each step, the sensation behind my ribs grew stronger, more insistent; like a metal detector honing in on a treasure in the sand.

              I took a step back and then another until the tug subsided enough that I was able to breathe again. The second I moved forward it returned, growing stronger with every step.

              “Crap!” I sprinted to the stairs in a panic, pulling out my knife as I went.

              When I reached the staircase, I took them two at a time and burst through the basement door at the top. My dramatic entrance was wasted on the swordfish mounted to the wall and a collection of tattered tweed jackets draped over a coat rack. Sweat dripped from my forehead and down my face. It stung my eyes and tasted strongly of salt and fear.

              I grabbed the bottom of my tank and wiped my face while I slowly made my way around the lower floor of the two-story, Victorian four-square. As I got closer to the kitchen, the pull relented, allowing me to catch my breath. I swallowed the warm, crisp air greedily, and tried to focus my thinking. I knew it wasn’t Zander I was feeling, but my “radar” was sure as hell picking up on
something
.

              “Hello?” My voice echoed back to me as I emerged into the galley kitchen. “Riley? Micah?”

              I ran my hand along the smooth butchers block counter top and across the lip of a perfectly restored apron sink. Despite the stifling heat, the bright white porcelain felt cold to the touch. I fought the urge to lay my face against its cool surface and continued my trek across the checkerboard floor to the other side of the room.

              The plaster walls were painted a shade of green that reminded me of mint ice cream. All but one, which housed an old Frigidaire and matching stove, were surrounded by glass-front cabinets. Each cupboard was lined with floral patterned dishes, meticulously arranged into coordinated sets— plate, saucer, bowl, teacup, repeat. It reminded me of the Tates’ flowery “wedding china,” which they displayed proudly, but never used.

              I rounded the doorway into the dining room, but I felt no increase in pressure there. I continued my loop, pausing for just a moment at the bottom of the stairs leading to the second floor. Nothing urged me to climb them, so I pressed on. When I passed through the sitting room, the ache in my chest intensified.

              I raced towards the back door, with renewed apprehension. I sprinted past the pile of bloody cotton balls and gauze we had left that morning and barreled toward the door. When I reached for the handle, the door swung open from the other side and my momentum sent me hurtling straight through it.

              “Umph,” Jake grunted. His eyes shot wide as his back hit the grass and I landed in a heap on top of him.

              “Oh my God, I am so sorry,” I said, scrambling off and to my feet. “Son of a—Jake, did I crush you?”

              “Jesus, Liv,” Jake wheezed. He pushed himself into a sitting position, holding his stomach as he struggled to catch his breath. “Where’s…the fire?”

              “Where the hell is everyone?” I asked, scanning the yard as I helped Jake to his feet.

              “They went to a movie!” Jake snapped, shaking his head. He rustled the dead grass from his hair and dusted himself off. “Riley and Zander are in the big barn. Micah was snooping around upstairs last I knew, and Miss Thing is probably still sleeping. Not sure about your three-legged friend but everyone else is alive and accounted for. We have found some really cool stuff, actually. You should—”

              “
Jake,
” I cut him off, rubbing at the pain in my chest as I looked around.

              “Oh, shit,” he said, all color draining from his face. “Where? Where is it coming from?”

              “I don’t know for sure. I didn’t feel much until I got closer to the outside,” I said, looking past him. “It seems like maybe it gets stronger as I get closer?”

              “Makes sense,” he said.

              “It was like this when I found Gunther, and—”

              “And Micah’s mom. Right,” he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “Okay, let’s see…heightened senses, hive mentality, alpha beacon instinct, and now proximity impulse?”

              “What are you thinking?” I asked.

              Jake started pacing, a sure sign he was deep in thought. I watched for signs of trouble and listened to Jake muttering to himself as I absently rubbed at my sternum. In the short time I had known Jake, I had learned it was best not to interrupt his genius while he was cyphering.

              “Fishing!” He stopped so suddenly, his tennis shoes slid in the gravel.

              “What,” I asked, scowling at him. “Jake, what the hell are you talking about?”

              “It’s just like fishing…but, you are the fish,” Jake’s enthusiasm in this situation confused me nearly as much as his fishing reference. “Okay, so the hook is already there and there’s nothing we can do about that right now. You have to stop fighting the hook or it will tear you up. Just relax, find your center or whatever, and just let it reel you in.”

              “My center? You mean like meditation?” My voice dripped with sarcasm. “Jake, I really don’t think—.”

              “Would you just close your damn eyes,” he stomped, then quickly adjusted his tone. “Please, Liv. Just try it, okay? Humor me and close your eyes.”

              “Ugh, fine.” My hand dove into my pocket, flexing rhythmically around the handle of my knife. I inhaled sharply and forced the air out of my lungs in a huff as I closed my eyes.

              “Good. Okay, now breathe deeply.” Jake instructed. “Inhale…hold it. Then exhale, letting your breath out slowly.”

              I took a deep breath, concentrating on the feeling of the air leaving my lungs.

              “Great. I’m right here, Liv.” I felt his hands on my shoulders, steadying me as he continued in a soft airy voice. “Shut everything else out. Focus on the pull.”

             
Breathe in….breathe out.

             
Breathe in….breathe out.

              “Center yourself on that feeling,” he whispered. “When you find it, wrap your arms around it. Let it take you to the place where you feel at peace.”

             
In….out.

              “Accept it,” he said, sounding farther away. “Will yourself to be calm and just follow the line as it pulls you toward the destination.”

              “Mmhmm,” I inhaled again, slow and deep, following the hot crisp air as it stung its way through my lungs and filled my chest.

              The ground beneath my feet sank away and Jake’s voice faded. I felt my feet moving as I wandered further into the emptiness. It was dark here, but I welcomed its cool embrace. After a moment, I heard tribal drums set against the music of high tide. I followed the echoes. The ground softened, my feet sifting through the smooth white sands below. A pale pink sunset appeared in the distance, illuminating my path as I inched closer to the where the waves met the shore.

             
Inhale.

             
Exhale.

              At the water’s edge, I sank my toes into the wet sand, reveling in the coolness as it molded itself around my bare feet. The water retreated, taking the pearl-white sand away with it, and I wondered how I had gotten here.

             
Woosh…woosh…

              The waves danced and swirled back out to sea. My eyes tracked their path, landing on a small ship silhouetted against the rosy sunrise in the distance. A warm feeling gathered inside of me, condensing until it formed a fine point of pure energy in my chest. My entire being was sparked with the anxious inertia of a gun waiting to fire.

              “Gotcha,” I whispered as a million tiny explosions went off in my chest, sending a rush of power to my fingers and toes and tickling past everything in between.

              My eyes shot open and I spun on my heel, tracking the pull as it shifted. The beach was gone and the maze of rusted metal lingered ahead. I bolted toward the barn, undaunted. The energy in my chest thrummed with increased frequency as I dodged and weaved through the smattering of faded wood and aged metal. I pushed myself off a pile of concrete pavers and leaped over a rusty hand plow. I adjusted my position in mid-air to avoid a stack of rusty hand tools, and landed lightly on the balls of my feet, next to the deadly flamingos.

              “Liv, wait,” Jake yelled from somewhere far behind me.

              “It’s coming from the barn,” I screamed over my shoulder as I darted past a mountain of mismatched dining chairs.

              I cleared the junk field and slammed into the petrified wood of the barn door. It groaned in protest but swung open far enough that I could slip through sideways. Aside from a few random rays of sunlight creeping through the missing slats in the walls, the barn was almost entirely dark.

              I placed my hand against the rough wood wall and focused on the feeling in my chest. It was coming from the far corner of the barn, behind a towering pile of oil-soaked railroad ties…where the sounds of my friends’ voices echoed back to me.

              “Riley!” I yelled, waiting for my eyes to adjust before moving forward. “Zander?”

              “Back here, Liv,” Zander said.

              “Oh my God, Liv, I thought you were going to sleep all day,” Riley chuckled from the shadows beyond, oblivious to the dangers I was sensing. “Come check this out. Zander found the coolest—.”

              “Don’t move,” I yelled, cutting her off. “Stay there. I’m coming.”

              I carefully ducked around a couple of fallen beams and made my way further into the barn. The pull was insistent and undeniable, but instead of being painful, it was heavy— more focused.

              I switched the knife to my left hand, grabbed a pitchfork from a pile of discarded farm tools, and held it over my shoulder like a spear. My free hand gripped the handle of my knife as I rounded the corner of the ceiling-high pile of oily timbers. A large section of the barn’s roof was missing, directly over the clearing where Zander and Riley stood. Riley’s eyes bulged as I stepped into the pool of light it provided.

              “What the hell?” she said, stepping back.

              “What is it?” Zander asked, immediately pulling out the Ruger and shifting defensively.

              “Liv?” Riley’s eyes shot around the room, as Zander shifted in front of her. “Liv, what’s going on?”

              I closed the knife and put it in my pocket, then held my finger to my lips. I motioned for Zander to lower his gun, which he did begrudgingly though he kept his finger on the trigger guard at his side. Our eyes locked and I motioned for them to stay put. Zander took a step forward, but I stopped him again and placed my hand on my heart. Zander held his hand to his chest and shook his head in confusion.

              “Guys?” Riley whispered grabbing onto the back of Zander’s shirt. “Could someone please tell me what is going on? You are seriously freaking me out with all the sign language and weapon slinging.”

              I held my hand up halting her words and closed my eyes again, focusing on the beacon in my chest. It was coming from behind us. I slowly turned and took a step toward what looked like an old tack room opposite the main chamber. It was difficult to see with the sunlight confusing my night vision, but I could just make out the silhouettes of an old western style saddle, a few bridles and some crops hanging on hooks just inside the open doorway. I took a step closer and the pull rose into my throat.

              I stepped back and it lowered into my chest again.

              “Liv, talk to me,” Zander hissed.