Kilty Pleasure (10 page)

“Oh yes, fortunate indeed,” Colin drawled.

“You don’t sound convinced.”

“Sure, it was lovely that she was there to help and I appreciate all she did for Emily. But I’ve very little respect for who she is and what she’s done.”

“It was years ago—a foolish decision made when she was a teenager. Don’t you think she’s changed at all?”

Colin thought of the man leaving her house. The same man she’d taken out a restraining order against, and yet she’d been hesitant to report it when he’d ignored it.

And the man had looked downright dirty—bad guy written all over him. If she’d truly wanted to change, she would’ve made a stronger effort.

“Perhaps she has in some ways, but in others not so much. I’ve no idea what I was thinking, honestly. Sleeping with her.”

“Well, that isn’t such a puzzle to me.” Aleck laughed softly. “Hailey is quite pretty, a man would have to be daft and blind to not be tempted to bed her.”

Aye, Hailey was gorgeous. And she knew it.

“Was the sex good?”

Colin scowled. “I don’t go for locker-room talk, Aleck.”

“Maybe not normally, but I’m your brother and you came to me to have this chat. Now just answer the question.”

Closing his eyes, Colin thought back on it. “Aye, the sex was good…” he paused, almost reluctant to admit, “…quite incredible, actually.”

“Interesting. And, yet, you have no intent of shagging her again if you had the opportunity?”

It would be about the stupidest thing he could do.

“You’re not involved with anyone right now, Colin. You’re a normal man in his prime enjoying a bit of fun with a woman you find attractive.”

“But it’s Hailey—”

“Aye, as you keep saying. I’m afraid your argument falls flat with me. Perhaps you’re ashamed of what others will think, but this isn’t between anyone but you two.”

“I could never be serious about her. Not with what she’s done. With who she is.”

“You don’t have to be. And who says she’s looking for serious?” Aleck rubbed a hand down his jaw.

“If Ian or Sarah found out—”

“I don’t really think it would bother them nearly as much as you think it would, quite honestly. But you don’t have to even tell them.”

No, he didn’t.

“Here’s the truth, Colin.” Aleck met his gaze straight on. “I’m actually pleased to hear you’ve gotten yourself involved with someone after what happened with Brenda. Even if it’s Hailey.”

They didn’t talk about Brenda. None of them. She was the bloody elephant in the room that everyone pretended wasn’t there. Maybe because his family thought Colin wasn’t ready to deal with it. Was still hurting. Sometimes it hurt, but, more so, it humiliated.

His brother was right. There hadn’t been anyone since Benda. He’d been living like a bloody monk for the past year, only because he hadn’t been interested in anyone enough to make the effort.

Hailey, though, had revived a sexual need in him that had been dormant far too long.

And the idea of jumping back into the abstinence closet made him visibly cringe.

Never had he felt such a primal instinct to fuck someone. And no doubt the term was crude, but that’s exactly what it had been. A need to take her. To claim her and have her screaming his name. To rid himself of the need for her. Only it hadn’t erased it—if anything, he suspected it had fueled his desire for her.

He was so completely fucked.

“What’s that Da’ used to say?” Aleck said quietly. “‘Fools look to tomorrow. Wise men use tonight’.”

Aye, that was what their father would say on more than one occasion when they’d been growing up. It was an old Scottish proverb. Right now, it gave him a lot to think about.

“I should be off.” Colin pushed back his chair and stood. “It’s getting late and my workday starts early.”

Aleck stood as well. “Think about what I’ve said. I’ve no judgment for what you’ve done.”

Colin gave a tired nod, exhausted with this conversation.

“Where I will have judgment, though, is if you treat her badly,” his brother warned. “It’s not how we were raised, and it’s not who you are.”

Yet it was who he’d become. Guilt and a bit of self-disgust settled deep in his belly. Again, Colin knew he owed Hailey another apology.

The question was, could he give it to her this time without wanting to shag her brains out again first?

Chapter Eight

Regret was an expensive cologne that she’d apparently bathed in.

Hailey chugged down four gulps from her industrial-sized water bottle and then set it back down on the station desk. Her shift today had gone at a snail’s pace, leaving her too much time to think about everything that had happened between her and Colin yesterday.

How amazing the sex was. How utterly screwed up she’d been to do it. And how, more than anything, her body was eager for it to happen again. She’d have to overrule such crap thoughts, though, because screwing Colin McLaughlin one time had already been once too many.

Glancing around, she tried to find something to distract herself.

The floor was quiet, surprisingly. Her favorite patient, Randy, had chatted her up every time she stopped in, before he’d fallen asleep just after dinner. She’d done her rounds, charted, and was ready for her shift to be over.

Another hour to go until she was out of here.

One of the pockets in her scrubs vibrated and she slid her hand in to pluck out her phone.

After glancing down at the unfamiliar number, she frowned and opened the text.

Hi, Hailey, it’s Sarah. I was wondering if you would be available to meet me for drinks tonight? I was hoping we could talk.

Sarah had her number? How? Her heart began a slow thud as sweat broke out on the back of her neck. And why call a meeting now? After months had gone by since she’d made the confession. The only reason she could truly think of was if Colin had said something about what happened yesterday.

The thought made her more than a little nauseated. That was between them, wasn’t it?

Or what if Colin had told Ian, and Ian had told Sarah? What if the whole family knew? Maybe she was the butt of everyone’s jokes?

Fingers flying across the phone, she responded with,
I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.

Another text came back a couple minutes later.

Please. You can leave if it’s uncomfortable, but I’m in Mount Vernon and I’d really like the chance to see you.

Shit. Pressing her knuckles to her lips, Hailey shook her head. No good could come of this, could it? And yet curiosity had risen inside her, along with that ache that was always there. The one that wished she could mend things with her old friend.

Despite her hesitation, she typed back a message agreeing to meet her in an hour and a half, and gave her the name of a local bar. It was only when she left the hospital after her shift that she started to feel seriously anxious.

If Sarah had learned about her and Colin, and was coming over to lambast her, well then Hailey wouldn’t take it calmly.

He’d
showed up at
her
house. He’d been the one to seduce her. Sort of. Not that she’d made it hard for him, but still.

Sleeping with Colin had never been her plan. Hell, maybe it hadn’t been his either. Though she still wasn’t sure she believed his excuse about showing up on her doorstep to apologize. He’d done an awfully crap job at it.

With just a thin hoodie over her scrubs, and knowing she wouldn’t win any hottie awards tonight, Hailey entered the bar.

She spotted Sarah in the back. She looked a little uncomfortable and out of place sitting at the table alone. The flowing white dress and pink cardigan was almost conservative clothing in this place. With her hands folded on the table, her gaze skittering around, she appeared as if she’d rather be anywhere else.

Hailey grimaced. Maybe she should’ve picked less of a dive bar, but it was a favorite with the nurses because they had fantastic nachos and cheap drinks.

Sarah glanced up then and spotted her. She rose from her seat, waving slightly.

Drawing in a deep breath to calm her nerves, Hailey strode over and pulled out a chair across from Sarah.

“Thanks for coming,” Sarah said immediately, her words soft.

Not sure what to say, Hailey just gave a slight nod.

“What do you want to drink?” Sarah asked.

“I’ll just have a Diet Coke. I don’t really drink.” Except for that wine last night when alcohol had been the easy way out.

And, even then, she’d had one glass and promptly passed out from exhaustion.

“Oh all right.”

Despite her apparent discomfort, Sarah easily waved down a waitress and ordered Hailey the drink. The heavy silence that followed seemed to swell and thicken with awkwardness.

Which was so sad. This woman across from her was the same person who as a teenager had helped Hailey through so much. Sarah and Kenzie had been her best friends in high school. They’d been the inseparable trio of cheerleaders who half the guys had drooled over.

While Hailey may not have spilled all her secrets, she’d certainly told those two more than she’d ever told anyone else.

There’d been slumber parties, coffee runs, beach walks—they’d just been tight friends.

And it was kind of killing her now to stare across the table at Sarah and think about how horribly she’d hurt her. How she’d basically destroyed her life. And, of course, killed their friendship at the same time.

The waitress returned with Hailey’s soda, setting it down before moving on to the next table.

Sarah opened her mouth, seemed ready to say something, and then closed it again. She lifted her wine and took a sip instead, appearing all too uncomfortable again.

Deciding she’d be the one to break the ice, Hailey asked, “How is Emily?”

The tension eased from Sarah’s shoulders. She gave a nod, smiling slightly.

“Emily’s great. Showing off her arm and brace to anyone who’ll listen.” She grimaced. “I think she’s a little too hooked on those chewable grape pain killers, though. I had to hide the bottle and insist they weren’t candy.”

Hailey gave a small smile. “Sounds familiar. A lot of kids like the taste. But as long as you’re giving her the right amount, she’s fine.”

“I’m sure she is.” Sarah hesitated. “I’m really grateful for what you did the other day, Hailey. I wanted to thank you again.”

So the meeting for drinks was maybe just her way of saying thanks? Could it be as simple as that? As complex as that?

“You’re welcome.”

“But that’s not why I asked to meet you tonight.”

Ah, so no, it wasn’t as simple as that.

“Why did you? Because I have to say, I’m curious. And, honestly, a little wary.”

“I understand.” Sarah nodded, and took a sip of wine, her gaze not meeting Hailey’s now. “I really do. It’s probably a little weird—us meeting. I didn’t even tell Ian I was coming.”

“You didn’t?”

Ian didn’t know that Sarah had planned this little get-together? Would he approve? Somehow Hailey doubted it.

“No. He thinks I’m shopping at the outlet mall to get some back-to-school clothes for Emily.”

“I see.” Only she didn’t. Not even a little bit. Though she was starting to suspect this did have everything to do with Colin. Sarah was probably here to tell her to back off—to not hurt their family any more.

Hailey braced herself both physically and mentally, ready to be chewed out.

Sarah took a visibly deep breath in and looked up, meeting her gaze squarely.

“I forgive you.”

Out of all the things she’d expected Sarah to say, that wasn’t it.

With the drink in her hand, halfway to her mouth, Hailey sat in stunned silence, trying to register the three words the other woman had just uttered.

“I know it’s kind of a weird thing to say, to call you out here for,” Sarah rushed on, “but I need to say it, for me as much as for you.”

“Sarah…” Hailey paused, trying to speak past the sudden lump in her throat, “…I don’t expect your forgiveness. I never have. I don’t even forgive myself for what I did.”

“I realize that. I can see that about you. The day you first told us the truth and then again at the hospital.” Sarah’s brows furrowed. “It’s in your eyes. This self-disgust and regret. This pain. I know you don’t want me to see it, but I do. And it hurts me too, because it’s been much too long for you to not forgive yourself.”

Shaking her head, all Hailey could say was, “I pretty much ruined your lives.”

“You were seventeen. We were all young and stupid, and it sounds like you had your back against a wall.” Unhappiness flickered across Sarah’s face. “But listen, I believe this with all my heart. Even if you’d turned my dad down, he would’ve paid someone else to do it.”

It would be so easy to take comfort in that. Allow herself to move on and maybe—like Sarah said—forgive herself. It just wasn’t that simple.

“Maybe, but I should’ve said no.” Hailey struggled to find the words to explain what she’d already explained. “But that money kept our water on, put food on the table and held CPS away.”