Kincaid: Cerberus Mc Book 1 (25 page)

I pull down the long driveway to Doc and Rose’s house taking deep breaths and trying to calm my nerves. I want her to understand and give me time to explain, but with the adrenaline and anger rushing through my veins right now, I know I’m going to have a hard time keeping a cool demeanor.

Once again, Rose is on the front porch, and the look on her face tells me she’s already been told Em’s half of the story. I respect this woman as I would a mother, but her rush to judgment, when she's known me for years, doesn’t help my mood one bit.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I say as I walk toward her.

“Bunny? Seriously?” She whisper-yells at me.

I narrow my eyes and address her with restrained anger. “You know me better than that. I don’t have to explain myself to you, but you should know firsthand that there is nothing going on between Bunny and me.”

She looks over my face and steps aside, clearly believing me. “Well, go get your girl then.”

I nod at her and walk past.

“She’s in her room,” she informs me as I reach for the handle on the screen door.

Her room.
I hate the way that even sounds. She should be in
our
room, in
our
house. She shouldn’t be hiding from me at another family’s home.

I angle my head at Doc briefly as I make my way to the stairs. He just looks at me and shakes his head. I can tell by the slightly amused look on his face that he’s very entertained by all of this, but at the same time grateful it’s not something that he’d have to deal with since he’s been with Rose for so long.

I envy him, but at the same time wonder if Rose was ever this stubborn before they were married. I’d like to think I’m not the only one who has these kinds of growing pains in a new relationship, but then again Emmalyn is one of a kind.

I don’t bother knocking on her door when I reach it. Chances are if she’s given a choice of letting me in, I’d be standing at the door begging her. That’s not really my style, and I won’t start changing who I am today. I twist the doorknob, stepping into the room, and close it behind me. I lock it for good measure. I anticipate quite a bit of yelling. Doc and Rose know I’d never do anything to hurt her, but just in case they feel the need to intervene, I’d rather not have the interruptions.

“Leave me alone,” she says with her face buried in her pillow.

The loud roar of my motorcycle would’ve alerted her to my arrival, so I’m not surprised when she addresses me without even looking.

“We need to talk,” I tell her but stay near the door.

“I have nothing to say to you.” Her voice is strong, but the hitch in her shoulders betray her misery.

“Then you can listen while I talk,” I tell her. I hate seeing her upset. I hate even being indirectly responsible for her pain. Bunny has hurt her twice now, Wrench damn near raped her, and if it weren’t for my involvement in her life, none of that would happen. I try to tell myself, the emotional pain that she’s suffering right now is much better than the physical torture she’d been living with daily, but when she turns over, and I see her tear stained, puffy, red face, I’m not so sure.

On the drive to Rose’s I seriously contemplated having her take me to the bus station, but I realized all of my money is at the bank, and they’re closed until Monday. I told her exactly what I’d found in his room when I went to look for him. She listened intently and thankfully didn’t try to defend him this time, but I could tell that she couldn’t believe that the man she knows would pull something like that.

I wasn’t surprised when I heard the roar of his bike pull up to the house not twenty minutes after we got here. I came straight up and lost it. My back hurts from sobbing so hard. I thought the way he’s treated me since we woke up this morning was bad, but it’s nothing compared to the pain I feel in my heart from seeing Bunny, freshly fucked, in his bed.

I’m ashamed of myself for even thinking for a second I could trust him. I don’t even know if staying in Farmington is going to be a good idea even though I have a job here. I can get out of town on Monday and have nothing else to worry about. I can find a job anywhere.

Of course, he doesn’t listen when he steps into the room and demands that I listen to what he has to say. I ask him to leave and he doesn’t. Once again he’s going to dictate to me what’s going to happen. If he wants me to listen to his lies, I will, if only to get him out of here quicker. I roll over on the bed to face him. Even upset, the sight of him takes my breath away.

I swallow roughly and sit up against the headboard, prepared, at least, to seem like I’m paying attention to him. Looking at him before he even says a word, makes me question the whole situation. He looks broken and dejected. He looks sad, and it reminds me of the way Bobby looked at me the first time he hit me and was begging for forgiveness.

I steel my spine and hold my head higher. I will not be manipulated into a situation like that again. I know Diego would never hit me, but cheating is just as bad as physical abuse.

He just looks at me and my resolve begins to crack, and I hate that he has that kind of power over me. I couldn’t tell you when it happened, but if I were happy at this exact second I would deny that he even had the ability to give me a look and make me change how I felt. I realize I don’t want to be mad at him, but at the same time, I didn’t want to go to his room after he was so distant with me all day to find a naked woman in his bed either.

I look past him because looking into his eyes will make me want to stay, even knowing how the relationship or whatever name he’d give it would be, including the other girls.

“Are you really that indifferent to me?” I’m surprised he can’t read me like a book.

Maybe he doesn’t care enough to look deeper?

The thought makes my stomach twist in knots.

“Say what you need to say, Kincaid, and then please leave.”

“Don’t call me that,” he hisses.

I level my stare at him. “Everyone calls you Kincaid.”

“Not you. Everyone but you.”

“Now? Now you want me to be different from everyone else?” I keep my voice calm and do my best to keep all the emotion out of it.

“You’ve always been different, Emmalyn. You have to know that.” He takes a step closer but keeps some distance between us.

I shake my head but still look past him.

“This is the second time you’ve run from me, Em. It will be the last.”

“It will,” I whisper. “Promise.”

He sucks in a sharp breath when he realizes my intention is not to run again after today, but to never have to because we won’t be together.

“I’ll admit that I was wrong,” he pauses, and my eyes snap to him. If he admits that he just slept with Bunny less than twenty-four hours after he slept with me, I’ll lose it. “I never should’ve acted the way I did the first time you walked into the kitchen and Bunny was all over me.” I release a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “You’re still punishing me for that when I’ve done nothing else wrong.”

I continue to glare at him. “Twice.” I wave two fingers in front of my face. “Two times I’ve walked in and found her naked, and, this time, she looked very satisfied.”

“She wasn’t supposed to be in there, Em.”

“I know I could tell by the look on your face. It was clear she was supposed to be gone already.” I swipe at a rogue tear that managed to escape.

“Gone? What the hell are you talking about?” He looks at me like I’m not making sense, as if for the first time he’s even considering that I would think he messed around with her. “You think… you think I fucked her?”

I tilt my head. “Obviously.”

“That’s… I can’t even… you’re serious?” He stammers his thoughts out but never completes a full one.

“She was in your room… again. Naked, under your covers with an ‘I just got fucked’ look on her face, and you think I’m being audacious?” The confused look on his face cracks my walls just slightly. “You think I’m mad because she was just there?”

“I went to the room and got a quick shower, Emmalyn. When I came out to get dressed, you were there, and she was in the bed. I didn’t fuck her and then go get a shower.”

“Okay.” I say and continue to look past him, begging my mind not to believe him even though what he’s saying and how he’s acting makes sense.

“Okay?” He begins to walk past me. When I continue not to make eye contact with him, he drops his hands by his side. “Just like that. Some bitch takes it upon herself to make it look like we’re messing around and you believe her? You believe her and just walk away from what we have?”

“What more do you want?” I whisper it because I’m on the verge of tears again, and I’m so very tired of crying.

He huffs. “What do I want? I want you to fight!” His voice is raised higher than it has been since he walked into the room.

“Fight? For what?” I glare at him.

“I want you to fight for me! I want you to fight for us!” He’s pacing back and forth and I can tell that he’s growing angrier by the second; it makes my skin crawl.

“Fight for us? Is this some kind of game for you?” I’m seething now that his words have sunk in. “You fuck me in Denver, act like I don’t exist except for being some sort of arm candy, and then I find a naked whore in your bed, and you want me to fight for us?”

His demeanor changes immediately at my words, and for a second, I think he’s going to accept what I say and finally leave. He doesn’t, rather he scrubs his hands over the stubble on his face and releases a loud sigh.

“Love, Emmalyn.” I look up at her, and at least now she’s looking at me. It’s a vast improvement from her looking past me like she has for the last fifteen minutes.

“What?” The confusion is evident on her face.

“We made love, Em. I didn’t fuck you.” Her eyes go wide, and I’m grateful for the reaction. “It wouldn’t even have been fucking if I took you from behind and slapped you on the ass.”

“What the hell are you talking about? That’s just semantics.”

“I love you, Emmalyn. We made love.” Tears begin to stream down her cheeks, but then she begins to shake her head as if the words I’m saying aren’t true.

I shake my head yes.

“You don’t.”

“I do,” I counter.

“I can’t deal with your life, Diego.” At least, she’s calling me by my first name; that has to mean something. “I can’t deal with that woman anymore.”

She sobs loudly, and I sit on the edge of the bed, near her but not touching. I have no idea where I stand with her and I don’t want to press my luck.

“She’s gone,” I promise. “You’ll never have to see her again.”

“The others,” she whispers.

“There are no others, Em. There’s only you.”

She turns her head slightly and gives me a look that I know means she’s referring to the other women at the clubhouse who I’ve had sexual contact with. There’s nothing I can do about them short of making them all leave. I’d have an entire MC full of angry single men, and the last thing I want my club to do is despise her. Wrench hates her, and look what he did to her.

I need my brothers, but I need her more. If she asked me to make every woman at the clubhouse that has touched my cock leave, I would, in a heartbeat.

“There’s no one else at that clubhouse that would ever disrespect you the way Bunny did. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that I haven’t messed with a few of the other girls there because I have, but it was just a release.” I reach out for her hand and clasp it between mine.

“There’s no other woman alive that I care for as much as I care for you, Emmalyn.”

We sit in silence, and as each minute ticks by I can’t help but think she’s trying to find another reason to let me go.

Eventually, she takes a deep, resolute breath, and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, unsure if I want to hear her conclusions.

“You didn’t have sex with Bunny today?”

“I’ve
never
had sex with Bunny. I’ve never had sex with any of the women at the clubhouse.”

“I don’t think I can be who you want me to be,” she says sadly.

I reach up with my hand and tilt her chin, so she’s looking me in the eye. “I just want you to be you. The woman you’ve been since day one, that’s who I want.”