King Lear (8 page)

FOOL
    Then ’tis like the breath of an
unfee’d
¹²²

lawyer: you gave me nothing for’t.— Can you make no
use
¹²³

of nothing, nuncle?

LEAR
    Why, no, boy: nothing can be made out of nothing.

FOOL
    Prithee tell him, so much the rent of his land

comes to: he will not believe a fool.

LEAR
    A bitter fool!

FOOL
    Dost thou know the difference, my boy, between a

bitter fool and a sweet one?

LEAR
    No, lad, teach me.

FOOL
    Nuncle, give me an egg and I’ll give thee two

crowns.

LEAR
    What two
crowns
¹³⁴
shall they be?

FOOL
    Why, after I have cut the egg i’th’middle and eat up

the
meat
, the two crowns of the egg. When thou
clovest
¹³⁶
thy

crowns i’th’middle and gav’st away both parts, thou bor’st

thine ass on thy back o’er the dirt: thou hadst little wit in thy

bald crown when thou gav’st thy golden one away. If I speak

like myself
¹⁴⁰
in this, let him be whipped that first finds it so:

Fools had ne’er less
grace
¹⁴¹
in a year,

For wise men are grown
foppish
¹⁴²

And know not how their wits to wear,

Their manners are so
apish
¹⁴⁴
.

LEAR
    When were you wont to be so full of songs, sirrah?

FOOL
    I have
used it
¹⁴⁶
, nuncle, e’er since thou mad’st thy

daughters thy mothers: for when thou gav’st them the
rod
¹⁴⁷

and put’st down thine own breeches,

Then they for sudden joy did weep,

And I for sorrow sung,

That such a king should play
bo-peep
¹⁵¹

And go
the fool among
¹⁵²
.

Prithee, nuncle, keep a schoolmaster that can teach thy fool

to lie: I would
fain
¹⁵⁴
learn to lie.

LEAR
    
An
¹⁵⁵
you lie, sirrah, we’ll have you whipped.

FOOL
    I
marvel
¹⁵⁶
what kin thou and thy daughters are:

they’ll have me whipped for speaking true, thou’lt have me

whipped for lying, and sometimes I am whipped for holding

my peace. I had rather be any kind o’thing than a fool. And

yet I would not be thee, nuncle: thou hast
pared
¹⁶⁰
thy wit

o’both sides and left nothing i’th’middle. Here comes one

o’the parings.

LEAR
    How now, daughter? What makes that
frontlet
¹⁶³
on?

You are too much of late i’th’frown.

FOOL
    Thou wast a pretty fellow when thou hadst no need

to care for her frowning: now thou art an O without a
figure
¹⁶⁶
.

I am better than thou art now: I am a fool, thou art

nothing.— Yes,
forsooth
¹⁶⁸
, I will hold my tongue, so

your face bids me, though you say nothing.

Mum, mum,

He that keeps
nor crust nor crumb
¹⁷¹
,

Weary of all, shall
want some
¹⁷²
.

That’s a shelled
peascod
¹⁷³
.

GONERIL
    Not only, sir, this your
all-licensed
¹⁷⁴
fool,

But other of your insolent retinue

Do hourly
carp
¹⁷⁶
and quarrel, breaking forth

In
rank
¹⁷⁷
and not-to-be endured riots, sir.

I had thought by making this well known unto you

To have found a
safe
¹⁷⁹
redress, but now grow fearful,

By what yourself
too late
¹⁸⁰
have spoke and done.

That you protect this
course
and
put it on
¹⁸¹

By your allowance, which if you should, the fault

Would not
scape
censure, nor the
redresses sleep
¹⁸³

Which
in the tender of a wholesome weal
¹⁸⁴

Might in their working do you that offence,

Which else were shame, that then necessity

Will call discreet proceeding.

FOOL
    For you know, nuncle,

The hedge-sparrow fed the
cuckoo
¹⁸⁹
so long,

That
it’s had it
head bit off by
it young
¹⁹⁰
.

So, out went the candle, and we were left
darkling
¹⁹¹
.

LEAR
    Are you our daughter?

GONERIL
    I would you would make use of your good wisdom —

Whereof I know you are
fraught
¹⁹⁴
— and put away

These
dispositions
¹⁹⁵
which of late transport you

From what you rightly are.

FOOL
    May not an ass know when the cart draws the horse?

Whoop,
Jug
¹⁹⁸
! I love thee.

LEAR
    Does any here know me? This is not Lear.

Does Lear walk thus? Speak thus? Where are his eyes?

Either his
notion
weakens, his
discernings
²⁰¹

Are lethargied — Ha!
Waking?
²⁰²
’Tis not so?

Who is it that can tell me who I am?

FOOL
    Lear’s
shadow
²⁰⁴
.

LEAR
    Your name, fair gentlewoman?

GONERIL
    This
admiration
, sir, is much
o’th’savour
²⁰⁶

Of other your new pranks. I do beseech you

To understand my purposes aright:

As you are old and reverend,
should
²⁰⁹
be wise.

Here do you keep a hundred knights and squires,

Men so disordered, so debauched and
bold
²¹¹
,

That this our court, infected with their manners,

Shows like a riotous inn:
epicurism
²¹³
and lust

Makes it more like a tavern or a brothel

Than a
graced
palace. The shame itself doth
speak
²¹⁵

For instant remedy. Be then
desired
²¹⁶

By her, that else will take the thing she begs,

A little to
disquantity your train
²¹⁸
,

And the remainders, that shall still
depend
²¹⁹

To be such men as may
besort
²²⁰
your age,

Which
know themselves and you
²²¹
.

LEAR
    Darkness and devils!—

Saddle my horses, call my train together.—

Degenerate
²²⁴
bastard! I’ll not trouble thee.

Yet have I left a daughter.

GONERIL
    You strike my people, and your disordered rabble

Make servants of their betters.

LEAR
    Woe
that
²²⁸
too late repents!— Is it your will?

Speak, sir.— Prepare my horses.

Ingratitude, thou marble-hearted fiend,

More hideous when thou show’st thee in a child

Than the sea-monster!

ALBANY
    Pray, sir, be patient.

LEAR
    Detested
kite
²³⁴
, thou liest.

My train are men of choice and
rarest parts
²³⁵
,

That all particulars of duty know

And
in the most exact regard support
²³⁷

The worships of their name. O, most small fault,

How ugly didst thou in Cordelia show!

Which, like an
engine
²⁴⁰
, wrenched my frame of nature

From the fixed place, drew from my heart all love,

And added to the
gall
²⁴²
. O Lear, Lear, Lear!

Beat at this gate, that let thy folly in,

And thy dear judgement out!— Go, go, my people.

ALBANY
    My lord, I am guiltless as I am ignorant

Of what hath
moved
²⁴⁶
you.

LEAR
    It may be so, my lord.—

Hear, nature, hear, dear goddess, hear!

Suspend thy purpose if thou didst intend

To make this creature fruitful:

Into her womb convey sterility,

Dry up in her the organs of
increase
²⁵²
,

And from her
derogate
²⁵³
body never spring

A babe to honour her: if she must
teem
²⁵⁴
,

Create her child of
spleen
²⁵⁵
, that it may live

And be a
thwart
disnatured
²⁵⁶
torment to her:

Let it stamp wrinkles in her brow of youth,

With
cadent
tears
fret
²⁵⁸
channels in her cheeks,

Turn all her mother’s
pains
and
benefits
²⁵⁹

To laughter and contempt, that she may feel

How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is

To have a thankless child!— Away, away!

ALBANY
    Now, gods that we adore, whereof comes this?

GONERIL
    Never afflict yourself to know more of it,

But let his disposition have that scope

As
dotage
²⁶⁶
gives it.

LEAR
    What, fifty of my followers
at a clap
²⁶⁷
?

Within a fortnight?

ALBANY
    What’s the matter, sir?

LEAR
    I’ll tell thee:— Life and death! I am ashamed

That thou hast power to shake my manhood thus,

That these hot tears, which break from me
perforce
²⁷²
,

Should make thee worth them.
Blasts
²⁷³
and fogs upon thee!

Th’untented
²⁷⁴
woundings of a father’s curse

Pierce every sense about thee! Old
fond
²⁷⁵
eyes,

Beweep this cause again, I’ll pluck ye out

And cast you, with the
waters that you loose
²⁷⁷
,

To
temper
clay
²⁷⁸
. Ha? Let it be so.

I have another daughter,

Who, I am sure, is
kind
and
comfortable
²⁸⁰
:

When she shall hear this of thee, with her nails

She’ll flay thy wolvish
visage
²⁸²
. Thou shalt find

That I’ll resume the shape which thou dost think

I have cast off for ever.

GONERIL
    Do you mark that?

ALBANY
    I cannot be so
partial
²⁸⁶
, Goneril,

To the great love I bear you—

GONERIL
    Pray you,
content
²⁸⁸
.— What, Oswald, ho!—

You, sir, more knave than fool, after your master.

FOOL
    Nuncle Lear, nuncle Lear, tarry, take the fool with

thee.

A fox, when one has caught her,

And such a daughter

Should sure to the slaughter,

If my cap would buy a
halter
²⁹⁵
:

So the fool follows after.

GONERIL
    This man hath had good counsel. A hundred knights?

’Tis
politic
²⁹⁸
and safe to let him keep

At point
a hundred knights: yes,
that
²⁹⁹
on every dream,

Each
buzz
, each
fancy
³⁰⁰
, each complaint, dislike,

He may
enguard
³⁰¹
his dotage with their powers

And hold our lives
in
³⁰²
mercy.— Oswald, I say!

ALBANY
    Well, you may fear too far.

GONERIL
    Safer than trust too far:

Let me
still
³⁰⁵
take away the harms I fear,

Not fear still to be
taken
³⁰⁶
. I know his heart.

What he hath uttered I have writ my sister:

If she sustain him and his hundred knights

When I have showed th’unfitness—

What, have you writ that letter to my sister?

OSWALD
    Ay, madam.

GONERIL
    Take you some company and away to horse:

Inform her full of my particular fear,

And thereto add such reasons of your own

As may
compact
³¹⁵
it more. Get you gone,

And hasten your return.—