Kirkland Revels (11 page)

” He is dead,” she said. ” He has killed himself.”

I did not believe her. I felt as though I was struggling out of a fantastic world of dreams.

Gabriel . dead? It wasn’t possible. Why, only a short while ago he had sat by my bed watching me drink my milk, talking of our trip to Greece.

” You’ll have to know,” she said, looking at me steadily; and was it with a hint of accusation in her eyes? ” He threw himself over the parapet of the balcony. One of the grooms has just found him.”

” It can’t be true.”

” You’d better get dressed,” she said.

I stumbled out of bed; my limbs were trembling; one thought kept hammering in my brain. This is not true. Gabriel did not kill himself.

Chapter 3

So within a week of my coming to Kirkland Revels tragedy had struck the house.

I do not clearly remember the sequence of events of that day, but I can recall the numbness which took possession of me, the certainty that something inevitable had taken place, something which had threatened me, warned me from the moment I entered the house.

I remembered lying on my bed during that first morning. Ruth had insisted that I should, and it was at this time that [ learned what a forceful character she had. Dr. Smith came and gave me a sedative; he said it was necessary, and I slept until the afternoon.

I joined them in the room which was known as the winter parlour . one of the smaller rooms on the first floor which looked onto the courtyard and which was so-called because during the winter it could be kept warmer and more cosy than those rooms which were less sheltered. The entire family was there: Sir Matthew, Aunt Sarah, Ruth, Luke; and Simon 69 Redvers had joined them. I was conscious of the gaze of everyone as I entered.

” Come here, my dear,” said Sir Matthew. ” This is a terrible shock to us and especially to you, my dear child.”

I Went to him because I trusted him more than any of the others; and when I sat down beside him. Aunt Sarah came over and, taking the chair on the other side of me, placed her hand over mine and kept it there.

Luke had walked to the window. He was saying tactlessly:

” It was exactly like the others. He must have remembered them. All the time we were talking of them, he must have been planning …”

I said sharply: ” If you mean Gabriel committed suicide, I don’t believe it. I don’t believe it for a moment.”

“This is so terrible for you, my dear,” murmured Sir Matthew.

Aunt Sarah came a little closer and leaned against me There was a faint odour of decay about her .

“What do you believe happened?” she asked; and her blue eyes were bright and eager with curiosity.

I turned away from her. ” I don’t know,” I cried, ” I only know he didn’t kill himself.”

“My dear Catherine,” said Ruth sharply, “You’re overwrought. We all have the utmost sympathy for you, but … you knew him such a short time. He is one of us … all his life he has belonged to us….”

Her voice broke, but I did not believe she was sincerely sorry. And I thought: The house will pass to Luke now. Are you pleased about that, Ruth?

” Last flight he talked about the holiday we should have,” I insisted.

” He talked of our going to Greece.”

“Perhaps he didn’t want you to guess what he planned,” suggested Luke.

”

” He couldn’t deceive me. Why should he talk of going to Greece if he were planning to … do that!”

Simon spoke then. His voice sounded cold and seemed to came from a long distance. ” We do not always say that which is in our minds.”

” But I knew … I tell you, I knew …”

Sir Matthew had put a hand to his eyes and I heard him murmur: ” My son, my only son.”

There was a knock on the door and William entered.

He looked at Ruth and said: ” Dr. Smith is here, madam.”

” Then bring him in,” Ruth answered. 70 And in a few moments Dr.

Smith came in. His eyes were sympathetic, and it was to my side that he came.

” I cannot express my grief,” he murmured. ” And I am concerned for you.”

” Please don’t be,” I replied. ” I have suffered a great shock … but I shall be all right.” I heard myself give a slightly hysterical laugh which horrified me.

The doctor laid his hand on my shoulder.

” I’m going to give you a sedative for to-night,” he said. ” You’ll need it. Then when you wake up there’ll be a night between you and all this. You’ll be one step away from it.”

Aunt Sarah spoke suddenly in a high, rather querulous voice: ” She doesn’t believe he killed himself. Doctor.”

” No … no …” soothed the doctor. ” It’s hard to credit it. Poor Gabriel!”

Poor Gabriel! It seemed like an echo in that room, and it came from more than one of those present.

I found myself looking at Simon Redvers. ” Poor Gabriel!” he said, and there was a cold glitter in his eyes as they met mine. I felt I wanted to shout at him: Are you suggesting that I had anything to do with this? Gabriel was happier with me than he had ever been in his life.

He told me so repeatedly.

But I said nothing.

Dr. Smith said to me: ” Have you been out to-day, Mrs. Rockwell?”

I shook my head .

” A little walk in the grounds would do you good. If you would allow me to accompany you, I should be glad.”

It was clear that he had something to say to me alone, and ( rose at once.

” You should wear your cloak,” Ruth put in. ” There’s a chill in the air today.”

A chill in the air, I thought; and a chill in my heart. What would happen next? My life seemed suspended between Glen House and Kirkland Revels and the future was like a thick fog all about me.

Ruth had rung the bell and eventually a servant appeared with my cloak.

Simon took it from the maid and wrapped it about me. I looked over my shoulder and tried to read what I saw in his eyes, but that was impossible.

I was glad to escape from that room and be alone with the doctor.

We did not speak until we had left the house and were 71 walking in the direction of the Abbey. It was difficult to believe that it was only the night before that I had lost my way.

” My dear Mrs. Rockwell,” said Dr. Smith, ” I could see that you wished to get away from the house. That was one reason why I suggested this walk . You feel bewildered, do you not?”

“Yes,” I said.

“But mere is one thing of which I am certain.”

” You think it impossible that Gabriel killed himself?”

” Yes, I do.”

“Because you were happy together?”

“We were happy together.”

” I think it may have been because Gabriel was happy with you that he found his life intolerable.”

“I do not understand you.”

” You know that his health was precarious.”

” He told me that before we married.”

” Ah, I thought perhaps he might have kept it from you. His heart was weak and he might have died at any moment. But you knew that.”

I nodded.

” It’s a family weakness. Poor Gabriel, it struck him young. I had a conversation with him only yesterday about … his weakness. I am wondering now whether this had something to do with the tragedy. May I be frank with you? You are very young but you are a married woman, and I am afraid I must speak with candour.”

” Please do.”

” Thank you. I was struck from the first by your good sense and I rejoiced that Gabriel had chosen so wisely. Yesterday Gabriel came to me and asked me some questions about … his married life.”

I felt a flush rise in my cheeks and said: “Pray tell me what you mean.”

” He asked me if the state of his heart made it dangerous for him to indulge in marital relations.”

” Oh!” My voice sounded faint and I could not bring myself to look at the doctor. We had reached the ruins and I stared up at the Norman tower. ” And … what was your answer?”

“I told him that In my opinion he would take a considerable risk if such relations did occur.” 72 ” I see.”

He was trying to read my thoughts, but I would not look at him. What had happened between me and Gabriel should I decided, be our secret. I felt embarrassed to be involved in such a discussion and, although I reminded myself that this man was a doctor, the discomfort persisted.

But I could see what he was driving at, and he had no need to explain; but he did.

” He was a normal young man, apart from this weakness of the heart. He was proud. I realised when I warned him that I was giving him a shock but I did not understand then how deeply it had affected him.”

” And you think that this … warning … decided him?”

” It seems to me a logical deduction. What … is your opinion, Mrs.

Rockwell? In the past, has there been between you . er. “

I touched a fragment of broken wall, and my voice was as cold as the stones as I said: ” I do not think that what you told my husband would have made him wish to end his life.”

The doctor seemed satisfied with that answer. He laughed lightly but without mirth. ” I should not have liked to think that any words of mine …”

“You need have no qualms,” I answered.

“What you said to Gabriel was what any doctor would have said.”

” I believe it may have been a reason …”

“Do you mind if we turn back?” I asked.

“It seems to have grown colder.”

“Forgive me. I should not have brought you out. You feel cold because of the shock you have suffered. I’m afraid I’ve behaved brutally to you, discussing this … indelicate matter … just when …”

” No, you have been kind to me. But I am shocked … and I cannot believe that only this time yesterday …”

“Time will pass. Believe me, I know what I’m talking about. You are so young. You will go away from here … at least I suppose you will…. You won’t stay shut away here, will you?”

” I do not know what I shall do. I have not thought about it.”

” Of course you have not. I was saying that you have your life before you. In a few years’ time this will seem like a bad dream.”

” Some bad dreams one never forgets.” 73 ” Oh come, you must not be morbid. You are so close to tragedy that it overwhelms you. You will feel a little better to-morrow, and a little better every day.”

” You forget I have lost my husband.”

” I know, but …” He smiled and laid his hand on my arm. ” If there is anything I can do to help you …”

” Thank you. Dr. Smith. I shall remember your kindness.” ” We had returned to the grounds and walked across the front lawns in silence.

As we approached the house I looked ap at the balcony and pictured what might have happened … Gabriel, sitting on my bed, talking of the holiday we would have, making me drink my hot milk and then, when ] slept, coming quietly out on to the balcony and letting him elf fall. I shivered. ” I don’t believe it; I can’t believe it. “

I did not realise that I had spoken aloud until Dr. Smith said: ” You mean you don’t want to believe it. Sometimes the two are synonymous.

Do not fret, Mrs. Rockwell. I hope you will look on me as something more than the family doctor. [ have been on terms of close friendship with the Rockwells for years, and you are now a member of that family.

So do please remember that if you need my advice at any time, I shall be very happy to give it. “

I scarcely heard him; I thought the faces of the devils looked gleeful, those of the angels sad.

As I went in a feeling of desolation came over me, and I said quickly:

” Friday is still missing.”

The doctor looked blank and I realised that he had probably not heard of the dog’s disappearance, for in view of what had happened who would have thought to tell him?

” I must find him,” I went on.

I left and hurried to the servants’ hall to ask if Friday had been seen. No one had seen him. I went through the house calling him.

But there was no response.

So I had lost Gabriel and Friday . together.

At the inquest the verdict was that Gabriel had taken his life while temporarily insane, in spite of my insistence that we had been planning to go to Greece. Dr. Smith explained that he had been suffering from a weakness of the heart which depressed him. It was his opinion that his marriage had brought home to him the magnitude of his infirmity and the consequent depression had forced him to act as he had done. This seemed to be considered an adequate reason and the verdict was given without demur. I was present at the inquest although Dr. Smith had advised me against going.

“You will only distress yourself further,” he said. Ruth agreed with him. But I had quickly recovered from my shock and I found a certain resentment mingling with my sorrow. Why, I kept asking myself, were they all so certain that Gabriel killed himself?

I answered that myself How else could he have died? By accident? I tried hard to think of how it could have happened. Could he have leaned too far over the parapet and fallen? Was that possible?

It must be possible, because it was the only reasonable explanation.

Over and over again I tried to picture it. Suppose he went on to the balcony as he so frequently did. Suppose something below caught his attention. Friday! I thought excitedly What if Friday had appeared down there and he called to him and in his excitement leaned over too far?

But they had already passed their verdict and they would not have believed me. They would have called me a hysterical bride.

I had written to my father to tell him of Gabriel’s death, and he came to the funeral. I had been pleased when I heard that he was coming, believing that he would have some comfort to offer me. Childishly I had expected that my trouble might bring us closer together; but as soon as I saw him I realised how foolish I had been. He was as remote as ever.

He sought an opportunity to speak to me before we left for the church, but I was conscious all the time that to him it was a painful duty.