Kismet (30 page)

I lean over the center console and kiss him. “I know you do,” I say. I open the door and get one leg out when I notice that he’s not making a move. Looking over my shoulder at him I ask, “Aren’t you coming?”

The sadness in his eyes damn near breaks my heart. “I thought you’d want to be alone.”

I shake my head. “No. Not anymore.”

With a smile plastered across his face he is out of the car before me, running around the front to scoop me up in his arms. I squeal in shock. “What are you doing?” I laugh.

“I’ve been waiting so long for you to say that you don’t want to be alone anymore.”

He hugs me before letting my feet touch the ground. He takes my hands into his, turning them so my palms are facing up. Lightly sweeping his thumb over my bracelet, he reminds me without words that I have strength. Then he lifts my other hand, pressing his lips to the black ink scrolled on the skin of my wrist.

“We’re going to make everyday from here on out count,” I say to him. He looks at me and nods. Without another word, we walk towards the gravestones of my family. One of them looks different than the last time I was here. Stevenson had come through on his promise and my sweet baby boy can rest easy now, knowing his name.

The ground is uneven but I make my way to the graves, sitting on my knees and taking a deep breath when I reach them. Seconds later Parker arrives, sitting down right next to me.

I reach a hand out and touch Michael’s name.

“Hey,” I say, “So, this is Parker.” I choke on my words and pause trying to gather my thoughts. “I miss you, Michael, I do. You were the most selfless person I ever knew. I took your kindness for granted and I’m sorry. I know that you think that you never had my whole heart, but you did. You see I’ve come to the realization that I have two hearts. I always have. One heart was always Parker’s, and when that one got shattered into pieces a new one grew next to it. That one was completely yours.”

When I feel like I can’t go on, Parker places his hand on my shoulder, giving me the strength I need to continue. I need to say these words. “Thank you for loving me when I least deserved it. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of you.”

I move my hand to Zoe’s name. My heart sinks because it still doesn’t seem real. I still expect to see her dance into my room most mornings. But I know I will always have those memories and, in my dreams, Zoe will dance forever.

“Zoe, I have someone I’d like you to meet.” With a slight tug, I urge Parker to place his hand next to mine. He does. I look at him just in time to see a single tear slid down his face. “This is Parker, and he is your father, Zoe. I know that this is probably hard for you to understand, but you need to know that your Dad was your Dad in every sense of the word. He changed your diapers, fed you, and loved you to the moon and back. But Parker and Momma’s love was the gift that made you.”

I wipe underneath my eyes, hoping to prevent the mascara from running down my face. “Baby girl, you need to understand that Parker loved you, even if he didn’t know you. Had he known, he would have been there for you. I took that chance away from him, and from you, and I’m sorry.”

My eyes fall onto the smallest, newest, stone. Reaching out, I trace each of the individual letters that have been placed on his stone.

Garvin Michael Baker.

“I promise to live everyday to the fullest, because you never got the chance. I’ll love you always.”

I take a moment, closing my eyes and imagining what he might have looked like and I expect to break down, but I don’t. Instead, my hands make their way to my stomach and I let out the breath I was holding, before hopping to my feet.

Parker stands with me admiring their final resting place in silence. He snakes his arm around my waist, pulling me next to him so our sides are touching. “I’m proud of you. And they would be too.”

I nod. A sense of peace comes over me as Parker and I make our way back to his car in silence, and although I know I won’t be able to see them again, here on earth, at least I can visit them one day. Because I have no doubt that they are up there in heaven, looking down on me, smiling.

The pen scratches against the paper as I jot down some of my thoughts while looking out that familiar bay window, sipping on some hot tea and reflecting on everything. For some reason, I want to have what I’m feeling in writing for Parker to be able to read someday, for him to really understand what he’s done for me.

The weather has turned cold fast and they’re calling for snow. The first of the season. A familiar butterfly kicks in my stomach and I smile before my hand falls to rest on my bump. Pregnancy is something so special, and I enjoy every part of it. A lot of women complain about the morning sickness, the cramping, and the swelling, but to me each day is a gift. It was something meant to be cherished. There is a miracle growing inside me, and you won’t catch me complaining. Especially now.

I’m just about to give up and take a nap when I see the first few flakes fall. I stare intently as the pace picks up. So captivated am I by the sight that I’m not sure the amount of time that has passed when Parker walks in. I shuffle my papers around, stuffing them into my notebook before closing it.

“Whatcha doing?” he asks.

I shrug. “Just writing down some stuff.”

He props himself up against the doorframe and crosses his arms. “You look sad,” he says, rubbing his hands together to warm them. He’s spent the better part of the morning outside with Tommy working on something but neither of them will say what that “something” is. Secretive Farm stuff is all they’ll tell me.

“It’s snowing,” I sigh. “Zoe loved the snow.”

The room is once again silent for a moment before Parker moves towards me. Before I know what’s happening he grabs the blanket and flings it off my body.

“Get dressed,” he commands.

“Why?” I ask, slightly annoyed because all I really want to do is sit on the couch and watch the snow fall. I want to feel her with me, even if it’s just for a moment.

“We’re going outside.”

Even though it’s not exactly how I want to spend my afternoon, I do as I’m told and make my way upstairs to the master bedroom that Parker and I now share. It seems weird sleeping in what I’ve always known as my parents’ room, but Tommy and Parker insisted that we move into this room since it’s bigger and has its own full bathroom. I hurriedly throw on some warm clothes, boots, and a hat and mittens before meeting him outside.

Parker is nowhere to be seen and I look around the yard from the front porch. It takes some serious scanning before I notice that he’s already lying on the ground. It’s peculiar, but I just shrug my shoulders and walk toward him, flopping down into the snow by his side. We lie on our backs, looking at the sky.

I’ve always liked looking through snow. It’s how I imagine traveling through space feels like—stars passing you by faster than you can comprehend. The cold flakes land on my face where they melt just as quickly as they fell. “Make a snow angel,” Parker says from the ground next to me.

Without thinking I start moving my arms and feet to form the shape on an angel. I sit up, carefully removing myself from my imprint, taking a step back to admire it. A lump forms in my throat and Parker slides his hand in mine, the warmth from him letting the blood flow to my fingertips.

It’s like he knows the exact moments that I need him—the times where I feel myself slipping away again—and he grabs me, dragging me back to him.

“I love you,” he whispers.

“I know.”

The snow falls around us as he leans forward and presses his lips to mine. It starts sweet but I open my mouth inviting him in, the coldness dissipating with each flick of his tongue. He stops and takes a deep breath before placing his hands onto my now very round belly. “I used to think it was strange that I missed her even though I never knew her. But then Tommy helped me understand that I miss her because you do, that my love for you makes my sorrow over our loss that much worse.”

Even with the progress I have made, and the support I receive, my guilt still consumes me and his words cut me deep.. “I’m so sorry, Parker. Not a day goes by where I don’t wish I could go back and make everything right.”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” I ask confused.

“Don’t say that, because if things had gone differently I don’t know where you and I would be today. There’s no guaranteeing what life would have thrown at us. And being here with you, right now, is just what we both need.”

I consider what he’s saying, and I know he’s right. Without our past we wouldn’t be who, or where, we are today. “Life isn’t fair.” I say without thinking. The words are harsh but true.

“Maybe so, but it always seems to have a way for making it up.”

“What do you mean?”

“Every curveball that life throws at us seems to have some sort of silver lining. Even though there’s been so much bad shit between you and I, we’ve had plenty of good too.”

I push myself closer to him, his warmth slowly warming me too.

We sit in silence until I feel myself shiver. “Let’s get you inside before we get hypothermia,” he says, helping me up off the ground.

Once inside, Parker and I get cozy on the couch with some hot chocolate. The day has turned to evening so I turn the TV on and immediately lose myself in some stupid show. It’s trashy and mindless, just how I like them, and I get so lost in the drama that I almost don’t notice the soft tickling on my ankle. When I do, I look down to see Parker holding my feet. Feeling my gaze on him, he stops scribbling and smirks at me. I smile back. I love that he still writes me notes every now and then. It takes me back to a simpler time, and I feel carefree and in love. I can’t even begin to describe all the emotions it invokes in me.

“Whatcha writing?” I ask after a few minutes pass and he’s still making marks.

“Oh you know, just a little somethin’ somethin’,” he teases.

I roll my eyes and go back to my show. With each passing moment my eyelids get heavier, and eventually I give in letting them fall to rest. I’m so tired all the time, a little nap won’t hurt me…

I feel so sad all the time, well, except for moments like this when Parker writes me notes. But they’re not just notes, they’re notes on my skin. And when he writes me notes, Parker McKenzie touches my skin.

I’m looking up at him, hanging on his every word while he tells me about his first day in middle school, focusing intently on whatever he’s writing on my wrist. “And we have lockers that have locks. I spent all day trying to memorize my combination, only to forget it at dismissal. It was so embarrassing.”

I hang on his every word. Listening him talk with such ease is relaxing. It makes me forget my feelings for a moment.

“There,” he says proudly, letting go of my wrist. I pull it up so that I can see what he wrote.

In tiny block letters are lyrics to a song that we listen to day in and day out around Mom. Trisha Yearwood and her “In Love With The Boy.” Mom is obsessed with it and she pretty much plays it on repeat, day in and day out.
I’m gonna marry that boy someday
, it says in his signature script.

I look at him curiously. He shrugs his shoulders and runs his hand through his hair. “I dunno, it was playing in the car when your Mom picked us up today and it’s stuck in my head, is all.” I smile at him because I can tell he’s nervous. He fidgets with his fingernails before standing and saying, “Listen, I’m gonna go outside with Tommy for a bit now. I’ll catch up with you later, Katie.”

I don’t even get a chance to nod before he flies out the door.

“Katie,” I hear Parker say to me. My eyes slowly flicker open, and I hear some coyotes howl somewhere in the distance. How long have I slept?

“I gotta go outside and help Tommy get the animals in for the night.”

I nod. Coyotes around the animals is not something to be taken lightly, so I pick my feet up off his lap and don’t argue. The memory still fresh in my mind, I smile when he leans down and places a kiss on my forehead before leaving. For a few more minutes I stay where I am, almost forgetting that he was writing on me before I fell asleep. Curious, I pull my leg up and look at what he scrawled earlier and my heart stops when I take in the words.

I’m gonna marry that girl one day.

“I mean it.”

The sound makes me jump and I focus my attention in the direction of his voice. Parker looks at me from the doorway, his face serious and set in a hard line. “I meant it back then,” I gasp, thinking that it’s too weird to think that I’ve just been dreaming about the very thing he was thinking about, “and I mean it now. When you’re ready, Katie, I want to make you my wife. It’s always been about you and me. You’re my angel.”

“I disagree,” I say.

“How so?”

“Because from day one you’ve been
my
angel.”

I get up from my spot on the couch and walk towards him. “You’ve watched over me since I was a toddler. You were like a second brother, I was a lucky girl to have you both. Then when Mandy died, and I totally withdrew, you didn’t give up on me. Not for one second. You held out hope that I was still in there and you made sure I knew that I wasn’t alone. And then, even though we trampled all over each other’s hearts, you made sure you were there for me again, in my greatest time of need. So there, Parker McKenzie.” I stop and wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him close to me. “You’re
my
angel.”