Kiss and Cry (9 page)

The Next Day

Shortly before I was to leave for practice I received a text from Ryan:

Ryan: Do U want me 2 drive U in?

Dalia: Sure :-)

Ryan: B there in 10

I rushed around my room collecting everything I needed for that day. Mom poked her head out of their bedroom, “I’ll be ready in a minute.”

“No need,” I stopped her in her tracks, “Ryan’s taking me.”

“That’s wonderful Honey, I hope you have a good session.”

“Thanks,” I said dismissively, “bye!” By the time I was down the stairs, Ryan’s Mercedes was pulling into the driveway.

I opened the car door letting myself in, “Good morning,” I greeted.

“Good morning,” he greeted me. He had this raw sexual appeal to me that I tried to ignore, but every time I saw him, he just blew me away.

He placed his arm on the back of my chair while he turned his body to reverse out of my driveway. I didn’t move.

He shifted into drive and returned his arm to the back of my headrest like we were a couple or something, honestly the audacity of him!

I froze on the spot making sure I didn’t lean back into his hand, waiting for him to move it. He didn't. This creepy electric feeling filled the car. His hand intentionally touched my hair. “What are you doing?” I asked.

“Driving,” he answered a bit sarcastically.

“You’re touching my hair.”

“It soft,” he complimented.

“We’re not on the ice, or in the public eye. You can’t just cop a feel,” I admonished.

“Touching your hair isn’t ‘copping a feel’” he said sarcastically.“If I wanted to cop a feel I would do more than just grab a lock of your hair.”

“What would you do?” I asked curiously.

“Grab you and force you to kiss me, and I didn’t do that The coach told us to get familiar with each other.”

“He didn’t mean that way,” I argued.

An unsettling warm feeling started coursing through my body. Not only did he not release the lock of my hair he was holding between his fingers, he started playing with it, twisting it around his fingertips. I pulled away from him making the strand slip from his grasp and he rebelliously grabbed more. His affect on me wasn’t anything I could control, I was finding myself get all hot and bothered by him.

I stared straight out the windshield ignoring him, but I wasn't really, because I loved the feel of having my hair played with and I didn’t know it until then. I closed my eyes for a second to savour it not knowing he was looking at me, but he was, and he could tell I loved it. We drove the rest of the way in silence. He never released my hair, it was like he was proving a point.

Ryan parked the car and carried both our bags into the rink only stopping when we arrived at the senior ladies change room. He placed my bag over my shoulder, and then opened the door for me saying, “I’ll see you on the ice.” He turned without looking back.

I was out on the ice first stroking around when I felt his presence beside me. He wrapped his arm around my waist, when we heard Coach Hicks call out, “That’s it you two, start warming up!”

I could smell Ryan’s cologne mixing in with the scent of cold familiar ice rink, together they were intoxicating. I convinced myself it’s just the rink scent that I liked.

When we finished warming up, Coach Hicks waved us back, “I want you guys to do side by side double axels, and I don’t want you any farther from each other than six feet.” It was the same jump I injured myself on, only with one less revolution in the air.

I looked warily into Ryan’s eyes as we skated away from Coach Hicks. He mouthed to me, “We’ve got this,” as he took my hand and we picked up speed, he released me a second before we stepped into our side-by-side double axels, throwing my free leg up into the air and beginning rotations tightly, it felt right. We landed perfectly side by side. I released a deep sigh of relief as I grinned ear to ear with excitement. I did it!

We skated back to Coach Hicks, Ryan pulling his hoodie off as we arrived, “Good job, but next time I want you guys closer to each other. Try it again.” We repeated the jump but this time Ryan was much more naked and we were a foot closer. “Much Better! I want you guys to practice that at this afternoons skating session, when I’m not here.”

“Sure,” Ryan reassured.

Coach Hicks took a drink of his coffee while we waited for him to tell us what he wanted us to do next. “Ryan, I want you to bring her into a right inside edge death spiral.”

I had seen them done before in competitions so I sort of knew the positions my body was expected to contort into. Ryan nodded as he took my hand preparing for the spin. He assumed a pivot position and held me with his right hand spinning me in large circles as I started lowering my body parallel with the ice. “Lower, lower, lower,” Coach Hicks instructed.

We practiced that five or six more times, the entire time our coach was yelling at me to go lower. Ryan was encouraging me to follow Coach Hicks instructions, but he wasn’t the one being put in the compromising position. If I were to fall or he were to let go of me, it would be my head on that hard ice surface not his.

“You’re going to have to work on that, you’re still too high,” Coach Hicks said. The sound of the Zamboni’s motor turned over and the music stopped. Our session finished. “Good job today,” Coach Hicks congratulated us. We rushed to our dressing rooms to shower and change for school.

When we got back into the car, Ryan’s arm went back on my headrest as he backed out of his spot, but this time he didn’t leave it there. I turned his stereo on and we listened to the traffic and weather on 680 News before Ryan turned it off, “I need you to know something,” Ryan said.

“What’s that?” I asked.

His expression grew serious and his dark chocolate eyes locked on mine, he grabbed my hand firmly, “I won’t let anything happen to you when we’re together, you can trust me completely. You HAVE to trust me, with lifts, throws, everything.”

“It’s not something that comes easily to me. I’ve never had to trust anyone so blindly before, but I’ll try.” I promised.

Ryan pulled into the school parking lot and parked right next to Adam’s Mustang, AGAIN. This time I noticed him in the car, waiting. My heart began crashing into my ribcage at phenomenal rates of speed. The confrontation was inevitably going to happen since I hadn’t built up the nerve or found the time to come clean with Ryan, but I didn’t expect for some kind of confrontation to happen. I wanted to prevent this!

We all got out of the car at the same time. Ryan came to my side and placed his arm over my shoulders. His muscle was pushing into the back of my neck, and this time it felt uncomfortable but I didn’t move. Deadlocked, Adam stared us down expecting for something to happen. I assumed he was waiting for Ryan to remove his arm, but he didn’t.

Adam looked at me, “You told me HE knows.”

“You are?” Ryan asked either of us.

Adam informed him,“Dalia’s BOYFRIEND!”

Ryan turned to me,“You told us you didn’t have one. You gave me your word before we agreed to this.”

“Who’s us?” pressed Adam.

“None of your fucking business,” Ryan snapped.

“I didn’t get a chance to tell you,” I tried explaining to Ryan. “Why do you care if I have a boyfriend anyway? It doesn’t bother me if you have a girlfriend,” I argued.

“It bothers me because I’ve trained my entire life for a chance to compete at this level, and I’m not wasting my time with someone who doesn’t want it just as badly as I do. There’s no room for divided loyalties in this partnership. It has to mean everything to you the way it does me or it’s going to work. So it’s either him or me.”

“That’s not fair,” I balked.

Ryan removed his arm from my shoulders and walked away not looking back.

“I warned you,” Adam reminded me. He placed his arm around my shoulders and escorted me to homeroom.

Contemplating

I didn’t go in to homeroom, I couldn’t. I had to find Ryan and talk to him. He was being irrational. I stopped dead in my tracks in the doorframe of our classroom. Adam complained, “What are you doing? Why aren’t you coming in?”

I looked into his eyes, “I have to find Ryan and explain to him how irrational he’s being, our relationship depends on it.” I left Adam to run from classroom to classroom while the static with the national anthem played on the overhead speakers until I found him.

I waited for the bell to ring and I grabbed his arm as he was leaving the classroom. “Ryan!” I said holding onto his arm as firmly as I could. He didn’t look surprised or happy to see me, “We need to talk.”

“I’m going to class,” he grunted.

“Skip it just this once, we need to discuss my situation.”

He grabbed me by both arms below the shoulders and practically shook me, “It’s not just your situation anymore, whatever you do affects US. It’s our situation. I don’t SKIP classes or want to hear why you should date this guy, that’s your decision. Date him, do what you want, but don’t bring me down with you. I want grades I can be proud of and a chance to stand on an Olympic podium. You might want to ask yourself what you want, what’s important to you. Now, If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a class to go to.”

Tara rounded the corner on the way to her next class when she nearly bumped into us. She saw Ryan’s grasp of my arms and hesitated not knowing if I needed her help or not, “Unhand my friend,” she ordered half joking but mostly serious.

He released my arms muttering, “Gladly,” before walking away.

“Ryan?” she gushed.

“The one and only,” I answered unhappily.

“What an Orgasm!”

“You don’t stand a chance,” I told her. “He doesn’t waste his time with girls.”

“Fuck, don’t tell me HE’S GAY? What a travesty!”

“No, he’s focussed on his goals; which are good grades and winning an Olympic medal.”

“So what’s wrong with that?”

“He doesn’t want me dating Adam.”

“Hm yum, he’s an Alpha Orgasm, they’re the best kind,” she said giddily. “Maybe he likes you! Weren’t you going to break up with Adam when you went back to skating anyway?”

“No! I’m falling for him.”

“Get the fuck out! What the fuck do you see in him? Ryan’s WAY better looking. Did Adam pop your cherry or something? There has to be something you’re not telling me,” She eyed me suspiciously.

“No, there isn’t! Seriously what should I do?”

“Well, what was Ryan saying to you when I interrupted?”

“He was giving me an ultimatum. I have to choose between skating with him or being Adam’s girlfriend. He doesn’t think I can have ‘divided loyalties,’. He said my decisions don’t just affect me anymore, they impact both of us.”

“It’s a no brainer, Dalia. Ryan isn’t giving you a choice. You need to break up with Adam. You have too much riding on this partnership. He fucked up his hair anyway. You’ll get over him,” she minimized. Deep down I knew she was right. I didn’t have a choice this was a no brainer.

I pulled my phone out and started texting Adam. Tara read what I was typing:

Dalia: Can we talk?

Adam: When?

Dalia: After school.

Adam: Sure, Meet me @ my car. I’ll drive U home.

“Are you breaking up with him tonight?” she asked.

“Why prolong the inevitable?”

“You’re making the right choice,” she reassured. “You are such a talented skater, it would be horrible if all those years were wasted.”

“Tara, I swear, I hate Ryan more now, than I ever did. It will be a miracle if I don’t kill him before we ever make it to the Podium.”

“You don’t hate him, you’re just upset. You better get your ass to class. You have way too much drama floating around you lately!”

“Whatever!”

After my last class I went to go meet Adam at his Mustang. He was there, already waiting for me. The Mercedes was gone. I opened the passenger door and got in. Adam put the key in the ignition and started driving. He didn’t stop until he pulled into a park by the lake.

Adam turned his car off and lit a cigarette. He opened the window and took a long drag before exhaling the smoke. Cold air began filling the car mixing with the fumes of his cigarette. It was starting to snow big snowflakes. I watched them for a minute before returning my attention back to him. “This is when you break up with me,” he said bitterly. My silence was his answer. He took a few more puffs before safely putting it out.

“I’m sorry Adam.” I pulled him over to me by the scruff of his neck and I pressed my lips hard against his. My kisses were hungry, hungry for him. “This is so hard for me,” I confessed between them.

He pulled away for a second and looked into my eyes, “Then don’t do it,” he pleaded. His eyes were searching mine and showing a hint of fresh tears. It broke my heart seeing him weak.

“I have to,” I whispered.

Adam was my rock during one of the lowest time in my life. My relationship with him made the idea of me never skating again a little more bearable, and this was my repayment to him. He deserved more from me.

“Let’s take this into the backseat,” I suggested.

He didn’t answer me, instead he started up his car and began driving in the direction of his house. There were no cars in the driveway so we parked and headed up to his room, “My parents won’t be home until late,” he informed me.

We closed the door to his room and he backed me against his bed until I could feel it behind my legs. “I never wanted our first time together to be our last,” he said miserably. Tears started running down our cheeks as he made love to me, for the first and last time.

Misery Loves Company

I kept my part of our pinkie promise:

Dalia: Tara R U there?

Tara: Of course, my phone is surgically attached 2 my ear! Why R’nt U skating?

Dalia: I haven’t seen Ryan since he gave me the ultimatum.

Tara: Did U break up with Adam?

Dalia: Yes.

Tara: How did it go?

Dalia: Devastated.

Tara: Him or U?

Dalia: Both, I need 2 talk.

Tara: Sure but Sierra’s over, she’s having troubles with Jeremy.