Kiss and Tell
Fiona Walker
lives in Worcestershire with her partner and two children plus an assortment of horses and dogs. Visit Fiona’s website at
www.fionawalker.com
French Relations
Kiss Chase
Well Groomed
Snap Happy
Between Males
Lucy Talk
Lots of Love
Tongue in Cheek
Four Play
Love Hunt
Published by Hachette Digital
ISBN: 978-0-748-12116-8
All characters and events in this publication, other than those clearly in the public domain, are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Copyright © 2011 Fiona Walker
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior permission in writing of the publisher.
Hachette Digital
Little, Brown Book Group
100 Victoria Embankment
London, EC4Y 0DY
For the Horseman with whom I ride night and day;
with all my love.
Contents
Eventful Lives – and Dirty Weekends
You have to be an optimist to want to gallop half a ton of super-fit horse over fences shaped like saw-mills, shotgun cartridges, boats, animals and houses. Brave, tough and incredibly upbeat, the event rider is a breed apart and quite the sexiest of all horsemen and women which, in a very sexy pastime indeed, makes them irresistible …
Eventing is an equestrian sport originating from the cavalry
Militaire
, and is now hugely popular worldwide. Comprising three disciplines – dressage, cross-country and show-jumping – eventing is the definitive test of both horse and rider, requiring immense stamina, skill, versatility, finesse, dedication and, above all, guts. On a competitive level, riding across country is one of the greatest adrenalin fixes known to man, woman and horse; on a social level, it’s like attending a country house party every weekend with your closest chums all around you, gaining access to the most stunning estates in the country and partying in the park every night.
By day, combinations are set three tasks to show their supremacy, like knights and their steeds at a medieval tournament. First they must perform a courtly dance, gymnastic floor exercises set out in a precise pattern, leaping and twirling exactly on the allotted marks and lines while judges all around narrow their eyes and look for faults; this is dressage. Then they must run a gruelling assault course within a given time, leaping huge obstacles, crossing gullies and risking life and limb; that’s the cross-country phase. Finally, exhausted now, they enter a gladiatorial arena filled with flimsy jumps to vault over accurately while the clock ticks down – the show-jumping phase. The prize money in eventing may vary dramatically – at some competitions winning barely covering fuel costs, at others the victor gets many tens of thousands – but glory is always magnificent, and the perks are sublime.
Governed by British Eventing in the UK and the FEI (Fédération Equestre Internationale) internationally, affiliated horse trials are graded in difficulty from entry level (BE90 and BE100), through novice and intermediate to advanced. A CIC (Concours International Combiné) is a one- or two-day event ranging from one star (novice) to three star (advanced), and the stages are run as dressage, show-jumping and then finally cross-country. A CCI (Concours Complet International) is a three day event also of one, two and three stars, with the exclusive additional four-star level being the most difficult; the phases are run on successive days in the order of dressage, then cross-country, with show-jumping last. In actual fact, dressage often runs over two days, thus making it a four-day event, but that’s typical of eventers, who always give that little bit extra.
Despite a reputation for upper-class elitism, it’s a refreshingly egalitarian sport in which men and women of all ages compete equally on horses of unique bravery and talent, in which princes and paupers ride side by side, where intense rivalries are matched by lifelong friendships, camaraderie and old-fashioned sportsmanship that’s rare in the modern world. Set against idyllic backdrops of grand country houses, ancient parkland and rich farmland, sunshine and mud, tight breeches and loose morals, dogs and wellies, toffs, farmers and tradesmen, silver spoons and shoestrings, horsepower and four-wheel drives, it’s the ultimate countryside fix at home and abroad with competitions held all over Europe, the States, Canada, Australasia and beyond.
Here, it’s as British as a Range Rover full of black Labradors, a Pimm’s picnic on a checked blanket and sunshine and rain in June, with gung-ho galore and plenty of naughtiness behind the scenes …
The UK horse trials season runs from March until October, with some international trials and special events taking place year round. Many event riders and their grooms spend much of the competitive season on the road, with their horseboxes acting as second homes, some luxuriously complete with wet rooms, flat-screen televisions, king-sized beds in slide-out pods and even wine coolers. Others offer little more than a sleeping bag on straw bales. Horses are often stalled at events in temporary stabling, much like a military encampment, harking back to the sport’s beginnings, although with up-to-date security and state-of-the-art care.
Despite its traditional roots, eventing is a thoroughly modern sport, employing a vast array of groundbreaking expertise, research and ever-more stringent rules. As in any high-risk sport, like skiing or motor racing, fatalities are regrettably inevitable, and much has been changed by the governing bodies to increase safety, from breakable cross-country fences to the introduction of inflatable body protectors for riders. Everything possible is done to make it safe, but nothing can take away from the sheer thrill of riding at speed across solid timber on a super-fit horse that can also perform a balletic dressage test and jump an obedient round over coloured poles.
Event riders have a reputation for living fast, partying hard and making merry, along with their owners, supporters and trials organisers. The horses can be pretty badly behaved too – but what else can one expect from a sport that demands that extra red-blooded sparkle of genius?
Hugo and Tash Beauchamp
– the eventing world’s premier couple, based at Haydown in West Berkshire with their young family
Alicia Beauchamp
– Hugo’s mother, living on gin and Rothmans in the Dower House
Beccy Sergeant
– Tash’s stepsister, an inveterate drifter, just back from finding herself
James and Henrietta French
– Tash’s golf and gardening mad father and stepmother, enjoying retirement in Surrey
Em and Tim
– Henrietta’s older daughter and her husband, living with many young children and much stress in South London
Faith Brakespear
– a talented young dressage rider
Anke and Graham Brakespear
– Faith’s mother, a former Olympic rider turned bookshop owner and her haulier husband, living in the pretty Cotswolds village of Oddlode
Magnus and Dilly
– Faith’s brother and his girlfriend, rising musicians now living in Hackney
Chad
– Faith’s little brother, going through a permanent difficult phase
Kurt and Graeme
– Faith’s ‘gayfathers’, the dressage world’s premier couple, living in Essex
Fearghal Moore
– Faith’s birth father, an Irish horse dealer based in County Mayo
Ingmar Olensen
– Faith’s batty maternal grandfather
Rory Midwinter
– pewter-eyed young event rider and hell-raiser, proprietor of Overlodes Equestrian Centre
Truffle Dacre-Hopkinson
– his dilettante mother, currently between husbands
Diana and Amos Gates
– Rory’s sister and her husband, custodians of the Gunning Estate
Spurs and Ellen Belling
– Rory’s cousin and his wife, busy making babies
Nell Cottrell
– scourge of the young Lodes set, mother to baby Gigi, now dating Dillon Rafferty
Milo
– Nell’s long-term lover, impossibly married to his wife and career in Amsterdam
Pete and Indigo Rafferty
– the music industry’s legendary Rockfather and his young model wife, who is addicted to adopting orphans
Dillon Rafferty
– Pete’s son, a singer-songwriter turned Cotswolds organic farmer, currently enjoying a hugely successful comeback. Owns several event horses
Pom and Berry
– Dillon’s daughters, who live with ex-wife Fawn Johnston in the States
Jules
– a long-standing music industry friend, Sapphic muse and horse lover
Sylva Frost
– self-publicising pop-singing WAG turned Britain’s favourite single mum, constantly reinventing her fame
Koloman and Hain
– her two young sons
Mama Szubiak
– Sylva’s super-ambitious Slovak mother
Hana and Zuzi
– Sylva’s halfsister and her daughter
Rodney Dunnet
– long-suffering producer of Sylva’s reality TV show
Lough Strachan
– sexy New Zealand event rider, known as the Devil on Horseback
Lemon
– his head groom, a jokey failed jockey
Alexandra and Pascal d’Eblouir, Polly
– Tash’s mother, her French husband and their daughter, living in bohemian decrepitude between Paris and the Loire Valley
Sophia and Ben Meredith, Lottie, Josh and Henry
– Tash’s ex-model sister and her husband, the Earl of Malvern, and their family
Matty and Sally French, Tom, Tor and Linus
– Tash’s older brother, an earnest documentary maker, his bubbly wife and their children
The Vs
– The Beauchamps’ uncommunicative Czech au pairs, Vasilly and Veruschka
Jenny
– the Beauchamps’ cheerful head girl
Franny
– Hugo’s irascible former groom
The Bells and the Carrolls
– the Haydown tenant farmers
Alf Vanner
– Haydown’s woodland manager
