Kiss and Tell (11 page)

On my original Playmate data sheet, an embarrassing handwritten list of my favorite things that accompanied my layout, I had written down Tom Selleck as someone I liked, hoping he might read it. He did. (This was long before he met and married his wife.) We began chatting on the phone every now and then, trying to set a date to get together. When the annual Midsummer Night’s Dream party at the Playboy Mansion was coming up, he was off working on a movie in Vancouver with Gene Simmons and Kirstie Alley.

Tracy was surprised that I didn’t want to go to the party that year, but I was really tired of the dating scene and all the guys who said they were single and turned out to be married. I was also tired of the guys who were only interested in dating me because I had been Hef’s girlfriend and all the expectations that came along with it. Finally Tracy talked me into accompanying her. We dressed in our usual Mansion party fashion, that is to say, we were basically wearing butt floss. This was at the height of the Madonna craze, and we looked the part.

When we arrived we saw a music producer, Richard Perry, who was friends with both of us. We all stood together chatting for a while, and the name Gene Simmons came up. Tracy knew who Gene Simmons was, but I wasn’t very familiar with KISS. The clubs in which I worked had booked acts like the Commodores, the Spinners, and Tom Jones (my favorite). I loved Motown, so I didn’t know of Gene at all. Of course I’d heard the “Beth” song on the radio a million times along with everyone else, but I certainly didn’t know who he was by sight.

Gene had wrapped his acting role in
Runaway
before Tom finished, and a couple of girls brought him to the Midsummer Night’s Dream party. When Tracy spotted him she said, “You’ve got to meet this guy.” I was thinking,
That’s all I need. Another womanizer.
Tracy said, “Come on, he’s really nice, really smart; you’ll see. And he has a job!” Richard said, “Yes, she’s right.” Now, of course, they both take credit for introducing us. It was a joint effort. They both walked me over to introduce me to Gene Simmons.

Gene had short hair for his movie role and was wearing white silk pajamas—only pajamas. He looked a little shiny, a little shady, with slicked-back hair and a cocky grin. It became very clear that he wasn’t wearing underwear the longer we spoke. I was standing there doing my best aloof Madonna imitation in a white lace bathing suit, white lace bobby socks, black high-heeled pumps, and a little black lace overcoat that didn’t close. I was virtually naked. And I had big eighties hair, frizzed out to here. Tons of makeup. My look was up-to-the-minute at the time, but my God, when I see photos, I wish I had never taken one picture throughout the entire decade. Such a hideous era—even worse than the seventies. But clearly Gene thought I was looking pretty good.

I can’t say that it was love at first sight, at least not for me. He immediately went into his whole Gene routine. I was not impressed. My main thought was,
Oh God. A musician.
He was just talking on and on like he does, and I was just standing there thinking,
Not a hope in hell pal, but keep on talking.
He was tap-dancing, singing, telling jokes—doing anything he could think of to get my attention. Meanwhile I did the Hollywood thing, where you look over the person’s shoulder to see who else is around.

I listened for a few minutes and was ready to go. “Excuse me,” I broke in, “It was nice to meet you,” and walked away. He was a little surprised by that. He wasn’t used to girls not liking him as much as he liked them. I was done; I didn’t give him another thought. As we were walking away Tracy said, “Don’t you know who that was?” I said, “Umm, a musician I think he was saying?” Tracy said, “Come on, you know the song, “I wanna rock and roll all nite, and party every day.” And I replied, “Well, kind of, I guess I’ve heard it on the radio, a long time ago, but what has he done lately?” Tracy just looked at me. She explained to me that KISS was still going strong, and described the makeup and the whole deal. I just said, “Okay, fine.” I still wasn’t particularly interested.

As the night wore on, my sister and I were downing B-52s and running around having a fine time. Hours later we were just about ready to call it a night when we came out of a bathroom and saw Gene standing there, bent over examining a Dali or some piece of art on the wall. I don’t know what possessed me—probably the booze—but I yelled out, “Hey, nice ass!” So classy, don’t you think? It was an impulse; the words just flew out of my mouth. I had slammed the door shut earlier, but opened it up a tiny crack, just for the hell of it. He came right back over with the whole song and dance. He was really trying hard; it was cute and it endeared him to me. Once you blow them off, guys usually just skulk off with their heads down, but not Gene. He had great self-confidence. Earlier Tracy had filled me in some more about KISS, and seeing his attitude, I thought,
Hey, why not, I’ll give it a try.
We started talking again, and he started listening. That’s where he won me over. Tracy disappeared.

Gene is so smart, and bright, and funny, and he was really trying hard to impress me. He was working at it, and it touched me. The only problem was, I was drunk. We were talking about all kinds of things. I’m sure he went through his whole litany about no smoking, no drugs, a clean life—all that. I forgot every word he said and took him down to the wine cellar. (Remember, I used to live in the Mansion, so I knew where all the secret buttons and passages were.) I tried to focus and maintain a little dignity as I was going down the basement stairs thinking, “Okay, if I fall down these stairs that will be the end of this one.” I had been single for a while now and it was nice to meet someone I had chemistry with who was also single, or so I thought.

MISS NOVEMBER 1981.

LOOK AT WHAT A COUPLE OF YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPERS WE WERE! WITH HEF AT ONE OF THE MANY MANSION PARTIES.

STEVE GARVEY AND LEROY NEIMAN. DOESN’T HEF LOOK GREAT HERE?

I LOVED WORKING ON THESE MOVIES WITH HULK HOGAN. IT WAS NICE TO BE RUNNING AND FIGHTING FOR A CHANGE. THIS FILM AND ITS SEQUEL WERE PRODUCED BY THE PEOPLE THAT BRING YOU BAYWATCH, WHICH I ALSO GUEST-STARRED ON.

A COMEDY STARRING BILL MAHER