Kiss of Life (25 page)

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"Everybody knew, honey. The community of the living weren't the only ones scandalized at first, if you must know. Tommy had dead people calling him a sellout even then."

"Tak."

"Not just Tak. Not everyone is as moderate as you think. There's a lot of jealousy and bitterness among 'my people.' And Tak isn't really such a bad guy."

"He's not?"

"No. He can be quite ...sweet ...sometimes."

Something in Karen's tone stopped her. Karen was rereading her blog entry, her smooth white skin spectral in the glow of the computer.

"Karen?"

"Mm-hm?"

"Did Tommy talk about it with you? About me, I mean?" Karen turned toward her, her eyes seeming to hold the glow of the monitor a moment too long. "He did." "And?" "And what?"

"And what did you think?"

"About him dating a beating heart?" Karen said, her pale lips in a thin smile. "I didn't have a problem with it, actually. And that was before I really knew you, even." She shrugged, her shoulders rising and falling in perfect sync. "People should be happy."

"And once you did get to know me? What did you think then?"

"I thought he had great taste." Karen looked at her, and

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Phoebe had the same sensation of falling that she'd experienced when looking into Tommy's eyes that first night in the woods.

"Why do I feel like I'm not really answering ...your question," Karen said, lifting her hands in exasperation. "What is your question, Phoebe ...Hello, Phoebe?" Karen said before realizing why Phoebe had hesitated. She lowered her arm, too slow a gesture for it to be reflexive.

"Karen, I ...did Tommy tell you how he felt about me?" she said, stumbling.

"Yes, he did," Karen said, crossing her arms in front of her, picking at the cuff of her sleeve with her fingers

"He told me he was in love with you, Phoebe," she said, her expression not changing, making Phoebe wonder if the subject was causing a rare emotional retreat in her. Then her face softened and her diamond eyes sparked and flared with a sudden and momentary white light.

"I think he meant it too."

Phoebe turned away. "Sometimes I thought ... I thought that it wasn't
me,
you know? It wasn't
me
but the idea of me. Like I wasn't really important. What was really important was that I was alive."

She looked back, feeling shy and self-conscious, and Karen's pursed lips did nothing to relieve those anxieties.

"Because you were living," the dead girl repeated. "Phoebe, maybe that was ...part of it. Is part of it. But the two of you had just met, right? You're sixteen. Didn't you ask yourself the same question yourself?"

"What do you mean?"

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"Well, how do you know you weren't going out with him just because he was a zombie?" "I wasn't."

"Are you sure? Dating a zombie really takes the whole edgy goth chick thing up a whole new level, don't you think? How many of the other little goth girls can say that they dated a zombie?"

"It wasn't like that," Phoebe said defensively.

"I know it wasn't, honey," Karen said. "Tommy's a lovable guy. He's brave, he's handsome--if he were still alive he'd be every girl's dream. And you're pretty lovable yourself, you know. I sometimes wonder if you have some kind of chemical or mutant pheromone or something you put out that drives everyone crazy."

"A mutant pheromone?" Phoebe smiled.

"Hey, stranger things ...But look: you took interest in him as a person, Phoebe," Karen said. "Sometimes that's all anyone really needs to fall in love. Wasn't that what you were trying to say in your blog?"

"I guess so."

"I think it was, Phoebe."

"What else did he say?" Phoebe asked, hoping she didn't sound too eager.

"Not much else," Karen said, but Phoebe thought she could detect a far-off twinkle in her crystalline eyes, like the flare of some distant sun. "He's a very private person despite that ...blog. Plus he probably didn't want to hurt my feelings."

"Hurt your feelings? Were you in love with him too?"

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"All of us dead girls were a little in love with Tommy," she said, "but how do you know I wasn't in love with you?"

They both laughed at that. At least, Phoebe thought Karen was laughing. Phoebe's cheeks felt warm.

"Anyway," Karen said after a time, "I wish I could write like you. I think that was part of why Tommy is so into you. He likes the arty types. Music and poetry, deep feelings."

"You aren't arty?"

"Not very ...creative, I'm afraid."

Phoebe caught a hint of sadness in her voice, ever conscious that whatever inflection and emotion she saw was a conscious decision by Karen. Looking at her, at her platinum blond hair swept over her shoulder, her diamond eyes sparkling above pale high cheekbones, Phoebe wanted to tell her that it didn't matter if she was "arty," because she was
walking
art. But she wasn't sure how Karen would take the comment, so she kept it to herself.

"Tommy wanted me to kiss him," she said instead. "That would be a typical thing, yes."

"He thought it would bring him back to life. Or partly back, or something."

"Well, you did, I hope."

Phoebe looked up at her with confusion.

"Kiss him?"

"Oh. No, I didn't."

"You're kidding."

"No, I didn't kiss him."

"Why not?"

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"I don't know."

"Why? Because he's a zombie?"

"Well, yeah. That's part of it. But it was just weird, anyway," Phoebe said. "I've never kissed a boy. Not really." "You're kidding."

Phoebe bit her lip, thinking about her botched attempt with Adam.

"Phoebe," Karen said, her eyes glittering, "you had a boy believing that your kiss would bring him back to life, and you didn't kiss him? That takes playing hard to get to a whole new extreme."

Phoebe started to laugh, and when she did, Karen leaned in and kissed her on the side of the mouth: a cool, feathery kiss that was over before Phoebe could react. "There," Karen said, sitting back. "You kissed a zombie and survived. Next time you see Adam give him one of those, but with more feeling. Who knows? You might even bring him back from the dead."

"I didn't kiss a zombie," Phoebe said, resisting the urge to wipe her lips. Karen wore peach lip gloss. "A zombie kissed

me."

Karen thought that was hilarious. "Whatever," she said. "I'll let Adam know he'll have to make the first move." Phoebe could no longer hold her gaze, and turned away.

"I don't think so."

She said it softly, because she wasn't really sure that she wanted Karen to hear her.

"What do you ...mean? Adam is absolutely crazy about you--you must know that."

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Phoebe shook her head. "No."

"Phoebe." Karen gripped her arm. "He's been all puppy dog ...for you since ...forever. You're joking, right? He told me ... he was."

"He told you? When?"

"The night he ...died." She didn't look away when she said it. "He was going ... to tell you."

Phoebe's breath caught in her throat, the only reply she could manage was shaking her head.

"What ... is it? Did something ...happen?"

When words came, they did so in a rush and a sob. "I tried to kiss him! He ... he pushed me away! Tommy told me ... he told me a kiss would bring him back to life, but I tried, and Adam ...Adam pushed me away!

Karen's arms were chilly around her. "Oh, honey." Karen rocked her, and Phoebe felt so stupid and helpless.

"I guess he'd rather be dead than be with me."

Karen held her up straight. "No, sweetie. Don't you think that at all. That isn't it. He loves you, I'm sure of it."

"Then why would he
do
that?" She looked around the room for some tissues, but Karen didn't really have a great need for them. Finally she found a package in her backpack. "If he's so crazy about me, why would he practically
shove
me on the floor when I tried to kiss him?"

Karen smiled at her as she wiped tears from Phoebe's cheek with her cool fingers. "Phoebe, you have to think like a guy for a minute. Worse, a zombie guy. One of the most confused and ...confusing ...beings on the planet."

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"What do you mean?"

"Look at it from a guy's point of view. Here's ...Adam, superjock ...extraordinaire ...and not only can he barely walk, or talk ... or anything. Even when he was in ...full command ... of his game, he couldn't express his feelings, could he?"

"He always had girlfriends."

"Yeah, he was really serious about those ...airheads, too, wasn't he?"

"I think he was expressing himself pretty well when he pushed me onto the floor."

Karen's look was so deadpan at the bitterness of Phoebe's words that Phoebe couldn't help but giggle. Karen laughed with her.

"Phoebe, does Adam know about what Tommy said to you? About kisses bringing the dead back?" "I don't know. Maybe."

Karen nodded. "That might be it too. He might not believe that you really ...love him. He might think you're just going through the motions to try and resurrect him. He might think that what you feel is guilt, not love. Think about it--he's loved you for a billion years, and you never seemed to notice until he ...died."

"How do you know he's loved me for a billion years? Did he tell you that?"

"Not with words."

Phoebe was skeptical. And, she realized, a little jealous. What did "not with words" mean?

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"Phoebe?" "What?"

"Do you ...love him?"

She had an answer prepared for that question; she knew it would be coming as a normal part of the conversation they were having, but as soon as the question was asked she forgot the answer.

What she remembered instead was the way she felt when Adam appeared out of nowhere to save her life. She remembered what it was like when they were together, when they were younger, reading comic books or going swimming at the Oxoboxo. What she remembered was how strong he was, what he looked like in his suit, and how he was always, always there for her when she needed him.

And then she remembered how she felt when she was with Tommy, and confusion crept in.

"I... I don't know," she said. "I think so ... I really think so, but I'm not sure."

Karen nodded. "I think maybe you are."

"But I'm not sure. How can I be sure?"

"You'll get ... a chance. Adam will ...come around. He just needs to get...his confidence back."

"You think?"

"I'm sure of it. And forget... about kisses and all that stuff. That isn't really what's going to bring him back. Love will bring him back. Love works."

"You seem to know a lot about guys."

"I know some things." Karen winked, and it was a perfect,

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flawless wink, as if she'd been practicing. It startled Phoebe so much she laughed out loud.

"Karen," she finally said, to break the awkward silence, "we were supposed to be working on the Web site, weren't we?"

"Oh yeah," Karen said with an exhalation that was very much like a sigh. "Maybe we should just wait until our next work study at the foundation," she said. "At least then we'd get paid for it."

254

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

"AGAIN," MASTER
Griffin said. Did same form one hundred and seven times, counted. One hundred and eight. "Again."

One hundred and nine. "When ...will ... I ... be ...

ready?"

Griffin squints, reaches, adjusts arm. Lift arm.

"When you can grab the pebble out of my hand. Again."

One hundred and nine. Stare.

"I'm kidding, Adam. Is something the matter? You seem distracted today."

Distracted, he said. Not distracted, dead. Been a zombie for weeks and can barely move. When living, mastered this form on day one, two or three tries. One hundred and ten.

Griffin crosses arms. "Adam, let's take a break."

One hundred and eleven. Look at Master Griffin never

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took a break not once in whole year of practice. Griffin sits on the mat, motions to sit in front of him. Griffin crosses legs, lotus. Can't do that. Can't even sit. Sort of flop.

Griffin waits, stares. "Adam, something is troubling you."

No joke, sensei. Dead, or hadn't you noticed? Griffin smiles. Everyone's a mind reader these days.

"The girl who brought you to the dojo," he said. "It's her, isn't it?"

Stunned. Stunned so only the truth will come out. "Yes."

Griffin nods. "You have had feelings for her for a long time."

Not a question. Statement. Griffin looks, laughs.

"Don't look so surprised. You've studied with me for months now, and I've heard her name a dozen times. T played Frisbee with Phoebe.' 'Phoebe likes milk shakes,' 'Phoebe likes strange music' When you are quiet, you hear things that other people don't actually say out loud."

Shut my mouth. Master Griffin not a talker. Says "again," "again," "again." Higher, faster, use the instep. Quiet.

"Listen more. I haven't heard you say her name since she brought you here last, and today you have trouble with the most basic forms. And not because you are a zombie. Because your mind is elsewhere. With her."

With her. Yes, with her.

"I listened to her when she was here, also, Adam. I watched you both."

Breathe. Tried to breathe. "What...should ... I do?"