Kissed by Starlight (37 page)

“King? But you said...that other one.”

“Boadach the Eternal has gone to join his wife in sleep. The burden of losing his only daughter to the mortal realm preyed upon his mind. He could not bear to dwell in Mag Mell without her.”

“How do you know all this?” Felicia asked.

“I returned there. The Living Lands are peopled once more. A thousand of them greeted me when I walked through a doorway between your realm and mine. They wait for us now. My lord father is there, come from the Westering Lands to meet you. You will be a princess in the eyes of my People, honored there as you have never been honored at home.”

He laughed. “Think of it! You’ll never hear your petty stepmother’s voice again. No one will doubt your sanity or your honor. We shall dwell in bliss forever, for all I need for my happiness is your delight.”

Turning away from Blaic’s imploring eyes, Felicia looked deep within her heart. To live with him and to love him was all she wanted from her life; the rest was unimaginable. What would it be like to live as he described? To spend endless days in a haze of pleasure, with every desire gratified, with every wish fulfilled as soon as it was imagined? Best of all would be sharing everything with Blaic, but that would be true in either world.

Then, too, what would she be relinquishing? Men seemed only interested in her for her body, and she knew she’d be revolted by the possibility of sharing physical love with anyone but Blaic. So she would pass her weary days as an old maid, serving out her days in one of two ways: either as a member of her sister’s household — for surely Clarice would marry one day, despite her present feelings — or as directress of an orphanage filled with other people’s unwanted children. Valued only so far as she was useful, suffered only so much as she was willing to give, working herself to daily exhaustion for the doubtful honor of a death from respectable old age.

Yet, even as Felicia described her future life in the worst possible terms, she knew she was lying to herself. Yes, there would be hard labor ahead, but she’d seen what kind, firm direction could do for children. There would be joy in giving the world honorable and industrious persons where it saw only poor children tainted by bastardy. Was she not a bastard herself? Could she not, by her own example, show that this taint need not destroy all hope?

As for Clarice, the bond between them could not be stronger were it a tie of full blood. She would delight in seeing Clarice wed, and in holding her nieces and nephews in her arms. It might not be bliss, but it would serve.

“Felicia....” Blaic said in a low tone of foreboding. “Felicia, what are you thinking? Don’t think, my beloved. Just take one step toward me. I shall do all the rest.”

“Blaic, with all my heart I love you. But I cannot be what you want.”

“No!"

“I cannot go with you. If I did, what would be left of me?”

She heard a tearing sound, rough and harsh. She started to turn away from him, to look for the source of the sound. He looked toward the sky and shouted, “Wait! Please, wait!”

Reaching out to her, he said rapidly, “Felicia, listen to me. Please. I know you are afraid. It’s difficult to leave behind a comfortable place for something new but I swear by — I swear I shall care for you.”

“I’m not afraid,” she said. Yet tears began to fall as she said it. “I don’t want to lose you, but even more I don’t want to lose myself. I was not made to be immortal, Blaic.”

The sound in the sky grew again, louder and more sustained. She recognized it as the sound of tearing canvas, magnified a thousandfold. She saw cracks splinter across the faces of the frozen revelers as the sky broke apart.

“Felicia! For God’s sake....” Blaic cried out.

She reached out to him. “Come across to me! Come to me!”

He wanted to. She saw the hope in his eyes as he poised his body, foot on the thwart, to make the leap. Suddenly, though, a great tear shot across the space between them. Darkness came welling up, pouring out from the chasms that were now everywhere, ripping the painting to shreds.

Did the tips of Blaic’s fingers skim hers? Felicia stretched her arms out farther, feeling the muscles protest, as she tried to grasp his hands. All she gathered to her bosom was damp straw.

She opened her eyes. The torchlight revealed only the walls of the gaol cell as the flame flickered one last time and died.

Chapter Twenty

Doctor Danby came out of the cell, shaking his head. His glasses were sliding down his nose on a slick of tears. “She’s raving, poor, dear girl. All this has been too much for the fragile mind of a woman.”

“That’s what I zaid when I zeed her this mornin’,” Constable Richards said. His minion nodded vigorously. “Poor lady,’ I zaid. ‘Wimmen ain’t like us men. They don’t bear up.”

“It had been coming on for some time,” Lady Stavely said, her mouth prim. “I thought she was becoming exceedingly odd.”

The doctor said coldly, “I lay much of the blame at your door, madam! Your persecution of that child should make you very much ashamed!”

“Doctor!”

“He’s right, Mama, and you know it. I don’t see how you can stand there so smug.”

“Clarice! Dearest!” This attack seemed to penetrate Lady Stavely’s fog of self-congratulation. “Whatever I have done has been for your protection. I couldn’t let her harm you.”

Looking out the open door, Felicia heard every word, saw every expression that passed across their faces. She knew, vaguely, that they spoke of her, but her misery was too deep to permit any exterior stimulus to penetrate. Blaic loved her; she knew it as she knew her name or the shape of her fingers. If only she knew if this parting was forever. Yet it hurt too much to even hope.

She’d said as much to Doctor Danby when he’d first entered her cell. At the sound of a sympathetic voice, she’d poured out some part of her anguish, only to see that he was humoring her. Was it the drift of leaves in the corner, the soiled dress, or something in her eye that made him think she was mad? She did not know and, for the moment at least, she had no heart to care.

“My love, reflect!” Lady Stavely called in alarm.

“Wait, Clarice, permit me to enter first!” The doctor’s voice too was sharp with alarm.

Clarice only said, “Nonsense!” and appeared in the doorway. Felicia looked up, her eyes sore with sorrowing.

“Oh, my poor sister,” the girl said. There was no sign of disgust in her clear eyes, though she must have seen the same disorder that had repelled Doctor Danby. Instantly, Clarice was kneeling on the floor beside Felicia, shrugging off the fur she wore against the chill of the morning. She wrapped it around Felicia’s shoulders.

“You should be ashamed of yourself, Constable Richards! Had you not some other place to keep her? Even if she is mad, that does not make her a criminal.”

“I’m not,” Felicia began.

Clarice looked down at her with a twinkle in her tilted eyes. “Of course you’re not, but better to let them think so for now. I may have trouble with Mama, that’s all.”

The girl stood up. “Mama! Tell them to bring the carriage around. I’m taking Felicia home, and I earnestly trust that this is the last time I shall have to do so.”

“Absolutely not,” Lady Stavely said. “I forbid it.”

“Then I refuse to leave. Constable, close that door. So long as Felicia is in this dreadful place, I shall share her captivity. Go on, Constable. What are you waiting for?”

“Clarice!”

The doctor spoke reasonably. “Your motives do you credit, but of course it’s impossible. I have pledged myself to care for your sister. Come, is that not enough?”

“No. You are very good, Doctor, and I would in the normal course of events trust you implicitly. But in this instance, I think Felicia will be better served by my             remaining. Kindly give orders to the cook, Constable. Meals for two.”

“B’ain’t no cook, your ladyship. Meals is sent in by my sister.”

“Then inform your sister. I will require two chairs and a table as well. See that there’s a cloth laid. Clean, mind! As for this place, kindly order some straw to be delivered. I wouldn’t keep a dog in a kennel like this.”

Felicia began to laugh. The sight of their faces as a spoilt beauty gave them orders as though they were a lot of raw recruits was enough to lighten even her bleak heart.

“There, you see,” Lady Stavely said. “She’s raving! My love, pray come out before she becomes violent.”

“The remedy is in your own hand. Mama. May Felicia come to Hamdry?”

“Certainly not!”

Within an hour, Felicia was safely installed in her own dear room. It looked odd without her personal ornaments, but the very walls were a comfort. Certainly the bed in which she slept away the better part of the day was far more comfortable than any she’d lain on since leaving. But here too, sorrow awaited her. It was in this bed that she’d first felt Blaic lie down beside her.

It was this thought that drove her out of bed. She was pacing restless as a leopard in a cage when Clarice knocked at the door. She came in bearing a tray. “They wouldn’t let me bring in a knife.”

As Felicia ate, she told Clarice enough of her adventures to satisfy at least part of the girl’s curiosity. Halfway through the recital, Clarice sat back in her chair with an amazed sigh and said, “That is why I was cured? Fairy magic?”

“It seems so. Blaic swore he could lift the enchantment you were under. It was a terrible risk, but I had to let him try. Do you hate me for risking your life?”

“Hate you? How could I? I remember perfectly what I did during those three years but not my thoughts, or myself. What I was like is very vague. I know, however, that I did not enjoy my second childhood. That part of my life was stolen from me; you’ve kept the rest of it from being taken away. Go on — tell me what happened then?”

“Many things...” Pushing away her empty plates, Felicia put her elbows on the desk and continued. Clarice only moved once, to light the candles as darkness fell.

Half an hour later, Clarice shook her head in amazement. “He offered you all that, and you refused? You are mad!”

“I can’t explain. I only know that it would have been wrong of me to leave my life. Besides, who would you rescue if I left you?”

“A good point.” Clarice smiled at her and then sobered. “I do not say that I should have acted as you have. To be loved as you are loved is a happiness I dare not even dream of.”

“You are loved, Clarice. Never doubt it.”

She shrugged her elegant shoulders. “Mama loves me, but her love is all mixed up with her greed. Sometimes I feel that were I not beautiful, she would not love me at all.”

A knock against the door, not a demand for admittance but more as though something had fallen, made the girls look up. With both silence and speed, Clarice reached the door and jerked it open. There, kneeling awkwardly on the carpet, was Lady Stavely, her maid behind her.

“Mama!”

“That was a very cruel thing to say, but I forgive you.” With tremendous dignity, Lady Stavely accepted Clarice’s arm to rise to her feet. “You cannot know the shifts a woman will make to keep her child safe. I am only concerned for your future, Clarice.”

“Yes, Mama. Of course.”

Still cool, still remote, Lady Stavely glanced at Felicia. “If you are not insane, you have rather more imagination than 1 ever gave you credit for. Can you offer any proof of your astounding assertions?”

“No, I cannot. I know only what I saw and what Blaic told me.”

“Blaic? That repugnant rustic who betrayed you? If you are relying on his word for your tale, you will be most disappointed, I fear. Has he not abandoned you utterly?”

“I suppose he has.”

“So whether he was an unearthly prince or a miserable mortal like the rest of us, he is gone. What do you expect to do now?”

“She’ll stay with us, Mama, naturally.”

“There is nothing natural here. I certainly shall not dwell under the same roof with her.”

Felicia said, “You have been trying to be rid of me since my father died. I understand why you hate me so. It is because I am so like her.”

“Her?” Lady Stavely drew back.

“My mother. My father always loved her, didn’t he? There was no room for you, so you will see to it that there is no room for me. I understand.”

“I do not want your understanding!” She visibly caught at the ends of her self-command. “Clarice, I tell you plainly: I shall not live under the same roof with her. You must choose between your mother and this ...this creature.”

“My sister. She has given me the example I needed.”

“What do you mean?”

Clarice looked at Felicia with pride. “Like her, I must live in the real world, Mama.”

“What do you mean?’’ Lady Stavely demanded a second time.

“I mean that I cannot live in your dreams. I have always known that I will live out the rest of my life at Hamdry Manor. It is the only life I have ever wanted.”

“You are young. You will change your mind. Once we go to London, once you see the delights in store....”

Clarice shook her head, gently yet firmly. “No, Mama. I won’t be marrying a duke or a prince and living in court circles. I should hate it. This is where I belong, here on the edge of the great moor. If I ever do marry, it will most likely be to a country gentleman. Perhaps even a farmer. Handsome, of course.”

Lady Stavely put her hands up as though she would rip her fine coiffure to shreds. “No. You are young. You will change your mind.” She forced a laugh. “What! A beauty like yours thrown away on some bumpkin! What of your rank, your wealth, your breeding?”

“What of them? The finest person I know has none of these things, yet I should be happy if I could emulate her.” Clarice smiled at her sister.

Lady Stavely turned on Felicia, her eyes glowing as though a volcano surged behind them. “This is all your doing,” she whispered, far more threatening than a scream. “It’s your evil influence. What will it take to rid me of you? Do you want the treasure? Take it and get you hence!”

“I do want part of the treasure,” Felicia said. “I want it for the orphans in Tallyford. That’s why Blaic and I searched for it in the first place. At least — that’s why I searched for it. He only wanted to betray me so that he’d be free to take me with him.”