Kissin' Tell: Rough Riders, Book 13 (17 page)

Then Tell pulled out the tie-dyed plush pony. “Looks like a hippie horse, but I’ve heard babies like bright things. And so you didn’t think I forgot you…” He waggled the two-pound box of chocolates and the DVD at her.

She laughed.

He took the bottle out of the paper bag. “My gift to the proud daddy. Koltiska liquor made right here in Wyoming. Figured my big brother and I needed to celebrate Wyoming’s newest resident.”

“Maybe you oughta give Brandt a shot now,” she said dryly. “Anyway. Come see our son.” Jessie peeled back the blanket covering the baby’s face.

His eyes were squeezed shut. In fact, his whole face was squished and red—not that Tell would point that out. The baby had a full head of dark hair.

Jess murmured and stroked Tucker’s cheek. His eyes opened.

“Whoa. He’s lookin’ at me.”

“He’s actually awake more than I thought he’d be.”

“Heya, buddy. Welcome to the family.” Tell kissed Jessie’s forehead. “Ya done good, Mama. He’s perfect. And so little.”

She snorted. “He didn’t feel little when I was tryin’ to push him out.”

Tell chuckled.

“Do you wanna hold him?”

“In a bit. He looks content. I ain’t gonna mess with him.”

Jessie frowned.

“Has Dalton been by yet?”

“He’s on his way. Now that Tell’s here to keep you company, I’m gonna fill out that paperwork.” Brandt softly closed the door behind him.

Tell’s gaze connected with Jessie’s. “Is everything all right?”

“No. Brandt… He…” She shook her head. “This is gonna sound stupid, but I don’t think he likes Tucker.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Brandt was great during the delivery. He stayed right beside me and he didn’t blink when I sort of…took a swing at him.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It didn’t faze him. He just kept me focused on getting through the next contraction. After I delivered Tucker and it was just the three of us alone in the room, Brandt was so quiet. When I finally made him hold his son, he just looked at Tucker like I’d handed him a rabid raccoon.” Jessie started to cry.

Tell was going to slap his stupid fucking brother right upside the head when he got him alone.

“What if he didn’t really want this baby? What if Brandt just said he did to make me happy and now he regrets it—”

“Hey.” Tell wrapped his hands around Jessie’s face, wiping away her tears. “I promise you, I will find out what is wrong with him. But get it outta your head, right now, Jess, that he doesn’t love this kid.”

Silence.

Then Tucker squirmed and grunted and made the funniest face that both Tell and Jessie laughed.

Three knocks and the door swung open.

Keely McKay Donohue sauntered in, holding a shiny blue bag covered in rocking horses. “Thank God that baby is finally here.” She hugged Tell and then hip-checked him, completely horning in on his spot.

He knew Keely would stick around awhile and he considered tracking down his shit-for-brains older brother. But he opted to stay in case Keely needed encouragement to leave because Jess was too nice to point her toward the door.

“Do you wanna hold him?” Jessie asked Keely.

“Yep. Lemme pull a chair over first.” She scooped Tucker up like a pro. “He’s hefty. Colt and India’s McKenna weighed in at seven pounds. That one pound makes a big difference.”

“Tell me about it.”

Keely kissed Tucker’s forehead. “God. I love the way babies smell. And they’re so warm and cuddly.”

“After that remark, you know I’m gonna ask when you and Jack are going to start a family,” Jessie said.

“I know.” Keely fussed with the blanket. “Can I ask you something? On a scale of one to ten, how bad did it hurt to have these eight pounds squeezed out of your va-jay-jay?”

Jessie paused. “A nine.”

Tell did not want to hear this conversation but now he was trapped.

“Crap. That’s what I thought. See, AJ spews this ‘it’s a beautiful thing’ when she talks about giving birth, even when I saw her screaming at Cord when she was in labor with Beau.”

“Yikes.”

“And that was her
second
baby.”

“Well, it hurts like nothing I’ve ever felt. I mean, I wanted to punch and scratch and scream at Brandt because I had to go through all of this and he didn’t. Yet the baby would still be half his. How is that fair? At the very least he should have to suffer somehow, right? I mean, months of being sick, being hormonal, being fat, being so desperately horny and then wanting to chop off Brandt’s hand or his dick if either so much as touched me again.”

Tell’s legs automatically snapped together.

“And now after the blessed event, not only is there no sex for six weeks, I’ve been warned that my nipples might crack and bleed while I’m breastfeeding. Not to mention milk leaks everywhere. And I have this extra pooch of skin on my gut that I’ll probably never get rid of. I’m pretty sure my hips or my ass won’t ever be the same pre-baby size.”

Maybe they wouldn’t notice if he dropped to the floor and crawled out. Knowing women talked about shit like this and hearing it? Two. Different. Things.

“See?” Keely pointed out. “Pregnancy sounds like a raw deal for women, doesn’t it?”

Jessie’s face softened. “But look at him, Keely. He’s so perfect. He’s part me and part Brandt. I just stare at his sweet little face and wonder if he’ll have my personality or his father’s, or maybe his own. I wonder who he will look like.”

“Hate to break it to you, but this boy already looks like a McKay. He’s beautiful.” Keely sniffled.

Holy fuck. His cowgirl-tough cousin was…crying?

Jessie’s voice dropped to a soothing timbre Tell hadn’t heard from her. “What’s this really about, Keels? Being scared of labor isn’t really what’s holding you back from having a baby. Is Jack pressuring you?”

Keely wiped beneath her eyes. “A little. I love Jack like crazy. I love our life together. I never thought I’d be this happy. What if having a baby screws that up? What if everything in our life becomes about being parents? What if I lose myself in motherhood? We both know we won’t stop at one kid. Plus, I don’t think I’m cut out to be a full-time, stay-at-home mom. And I’m afraid that’s what Jack wants, because that’s what we both had growing up.”

“Have you talked to Jack about any of this?”

“No. He’s my best friend—hell, he’s my everything—but I don’t think he’ll understand. I can’t talk to AJ because she’s glowing with pregnancy. My mom had five kids by the time she was my age. My single friends remind me I’m only thirty and there’s no rush to motherhood. My sisters-in-law and my cousins’ wives nag me to get on the ball so mine and Jack’s kids will be raised around cousins like I was. I just feel that no one understands my fears, even when they sound stupid when I say them out loud.”

Tell sat up a little straighter. Could that be the issue with Brandt? Some unnamed fear and he felt he had no one to talk to about it?

“It’ll cause problems if you don’t talk to Jack about what’s holding you back as far as planning a nursery and picking baby names. Trust me on this. Brandt is holding something back from me and it’s frustrating. So I imagine Jack might feel the same way.”

Keely snickered. “GQ practically shoved me out the door to meet the newest McKay. I think he’s hoping new-baby pheromones give my biological clock a good swift kick.” She glanced down at the bundle in her arms and her nose wrinkled. “He just filled his diaper.”

“Hand him over. Will you get the diapers and stuff over by the window?”

Brandt walked in, his gaze firmly on Jessie’s face. “What’s goin’ on?”

“Diaper change.”

“Oh.”

Tell watched his brother standing there, just watching Keely help out, not offering to do anything.

Enough.

He grabbed the bottle and clapped Brandt on the back. “Come on. I could use some fresh air.”

“Keely’s gonna stick around for a bit, so I’ll be fine,” Jessie said.

Tell sent Jessie a reassuring glance before following Brandt out the door. He headed to his pickup and dropped the tailgate. He took a seat and watched Brandt pace. “Let’s make a toast to your son.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why? You figure we’re gonna get arrested? If Cam’s on duty, we won’t even get a warning for open container.”

“Fine. Gimme the damn thing.”

“Huh-uh. I get the honors.” Tell twisted the cap off. “Welcome to the world, Tucker McKay.” Then he handed Brandt the bottle.

Brandt took a long swallow and passed it back to Tell.

After Tell drank, he said, “Your turn to make a toast.”

“To Jessie. The best woman in the whole damn world.”

By about the fifth toast, they’d knocked back a third of the bottle. Finally, Brandt stopped pacing and hopped up on the tailgate.

“Sharing a bottle takes me back. Remember that time Luke dragged all of us to the lake to go fishin’?”

Tell nodded. “We never even dropped a line on the water, bein’s he stole a bottle of Dad’s cheap whiskey.”

“First time Dalton ever got drunk.”

“First time
I
ever got drunk,” Tell reminded him.

“Man. Dad whupped Luke but good. Gave him the punishment for all of us because as the oldest, Luke shoulda known better.”

The liquid in the bottle sloshed as Tell helped himself to another swig.

“I miss him.”

“I do too.”

“I still expect him to show up where we’re workin’. Skidding to a stop in his truck, the tires spraying us with dust, and then him saying, ‘If ya ain’t dirty, you ain’t workin’ hard enough’.”

Tell chuckled.

“I can’t really talk to Jess about it,” Brandt said softly. “Not like I used to.”

“I don’t imagine you can. But you can talk to me, Brandt. Both me and Dalton. Neither of us wants to forget Luke like he never was.”

Brandt didn’t respond.

“Are you talkin’ to Jess about anything? And before you deny it, it’s obvious something ain’t right. You wanna tell me what’s goin’ on?”

He sighed. “It’s been goin’ on a while. Since Jess miscarried. She just fell apart, convinced she’d never take a baby to term. We were shocked to find out she was pregnant so soon after. When she got past the six-month mark, that’s when she began to breathe a little easier. But me? I couldn’t breathe at all.”

Tell tipped the bottle and drank.

“I worried about every damn thing. Her health. Money. The baby’s health. Each month her belly got bigger, so did my fears.”

“Is there one fear that’s bigger than all the rest?”

Brandt looked away.

“Come on. It’s me. This is eatin’ you alive, bro. And that ain’t good.”

He scrubbed his hands over his face. “What if I turn out to be the same kind of father as Dad?”

Tell’s stomach dropped.

“Don’t tell me that it won’t happen. To hear Dad’s brothers talk, he wasn’t always a total dick either.”

“Did the uncles say when Dad changed?”

“Yep. After he and mom started havin’ kids.”

Jesus. No wonder Brandt was freaked out. Especially when their dad had always claimed Brandt was more like him than any of his sons.

But his brother wasn’t an idiot. Couldn’t he see that by closing himself off from his wife and his brothers that he was falling prey to that mindset and becoming like their father? That maybe he’d already slipped into that cycle?

This was totally fucked up. Tell mentally flipped his dad the bird. But he wouldn’t stand by and watch that bullshit destroy any more lives, especially not the great life Brandt finally had with the woman he loved more than anything.

Brandt closed his eyes. “So now that I have a kid of my own, I need you to do something for me.”

“Anything.”

“Keep me from turning into Dad. I understand it ain’t your responsibility, but you know the signs, Tell. I can’t rely on Jessie in this. You will see when I’ve stepped too far over that line and you will need to jerk me back to the right place.”

“Since you brought it up, you
have
stepped over the line in the last few months.”

“Shit.”

Tell waggled the bottle at Brandt but he shook his head. “You need to talk to Jessie. Yeah, some stuff can be between us. But the big stuff? She needs to know. She ain’t gonna judge you. And without stepping in it too deep, Jess is afraid you regret havin’ Tucker.”

Brandt’s mouth fell open in shock. “Why would she think that?”

“No idea. But you’d better figure it out fast. Tonight, before you’re overwhelmed with visitors tomorrow.”

“Jesus. Fine.” Brandt sighed. “Uh, thanks for saving my ass with the flowers.”

“No problem.”

“I’ve gotta stop walking around in a fog, so damn…scared I’m gonna break Tucker if I hold him. He’s so freakin’ little.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “God. How can Jess think I don’t want him?”

“No clue, but I expect you’ll fix that issue right away or I will kick your ass until you’re a broken heap on the floor. Then I’ll turn Dalton loose on you. You ain’t Dad. None of us are. None of us ever hafta be.”