Kissing Phoenix (3 page)

His friends would all be there if it fell apart, like they had been before, but until then he was on his own. He let out a breath. Maybe it was better not to involve them. They would try to stop him from giving Lil a chance no human should get.

Unable to sit still, he paced around the lounge-room filled with the clutter of two centuries of life. Maybe if he were older he would want to forget the past, but he liked the tangible. The memories he could touch. His medals, a piece of shrapnel pulled from his leg, his first wedding ring. He touched the gold band. It had been good, despite the lies. He wanted this time to be different, but maybe Lil wasn’t ready.

He picked up his jacket and pulled the engagement ring from his pocket and opened the box. The pink diamond glinted in the light. Even if she accepted Vampires, she may not want to be married to one, there were too many catches—the biggest one being the lack of aging. They would have to move every ten years before people realized they weren’t getting older. These days it wasn’t as easy to change lives and identities. He shut the box and put the ring into the cupboard, hoping it wouldn’t become another souvenir. He wanted to hear her say yes, see it sparkle on her finger and have her at his side and in his bed.

Aidan scanned the contents of the cupboard, looking for something with a happy memory. From the bottom he pulled out his first medical kit, it was the oldest item he had. One of the first things he’d owned. A small smile turned the corners of his lips. Before then he’d only had what he could fit in his pockets. Back then, medicine had been little more than bleeding and opium. Good for Vampires, bad for humans. Still, it had been a better career than grave robbing.

Music had been an accident. He’d been treating Owen’s human fling, bleeding and storing the blood for Owen’s later consumption, and had heard him playing. From there it had been a short step to meeting William and an even shorter one into society parties he hadn’t even dreamed of. In their spare time they taught him how to play—they didn’t need to teach him how to compose. He’d been doing that for as long as he could remember. It had been Etienne who’d taught him how to write the notes down. In exchange, he’d stitched the many wounds Etienne acquired by not being able to feel even the simplest of sensations.

He ran his finger over the leather and glass. Some days he missed the precision of a scalpel and the knowledge he was doing something worthy, most days he didn’t care. He’d seen enough blood to last his entire life, too much of it spilled in violence. He pushed the bag back into the cupboard. Some memories were best left in the dark.

But just because they were locked away didn’t mean they were forgotten. They lived on to poison another day. He looked at his collection with a new eye. Maybe he should clear out the lot and create a fresh start instead of being surrounded by the echoes of other lives. But he knew if Lil died he wouldn’t be able to walk away from the life they’d created so easily. He’d hold onto the memories even as they cut his hands.

Why wasn’t she back yet?

He checked out the window, but saw no sign of Lil. Searching for her would annoy her, yet he couldn’t go to sleep knowing she was out there trying to digest the meal he’d force fed her.

“Damn it.” He ruffled his hair, his nails hard against his scalp. In his mind, notes fell together in a tune that could burn a soul. If he couldn’t sleep, he might as well work. He waited a moment longer at the window, then stomped to his music room and closed the door.

* * * * *

Lilith tucked her hands under her arms to keep her fingers from freezing. Spring was trying to push through, but winter’s chilly hands still controlled the weather. It was one extreme to the other, by July there’d be heat waves. She walked on, determined to put some distance between herself and Aidan. She couldn’t breathe in his cute terrace house surrounded by the remnants of his life.

Outside his house, normality prevailed. Everyone was bursting with life except her. People walked their dogs. Mothers pushed overly bundled children in prams. Their lives would go on. Aidan’s life would go on and on and on.

Hers would end.

She stopped in the middle of the park with her hidden hands in fists and her nails digging into her palms. She swore under her breath.

It was so goddamn unfair
.

She’d fought this battle and won. Or thought she’d won. Then the cosmos yanked her chain and brought her to heel like a disobedient puppy. If only she could wake up and find all of this was a dream. No cancer. No Vampires. No secrets.

Lilith huffed out a cloud of air and stamped her feet. She should have grabbed a jacket. Now it was freeze or go home and face the music. Her ageless Vampire boyfriend was waiting. A giggle bubbled out. She was dying and Aidan was immortal. Laughter interrupted her breathing and she snorted. He shouldn’t exist, but no matter how much her mind rebelled, in her gut she knew Aidan hadn’t lied. However he hadn’t trusted her enough to tell her the truth either. And neither had she. She’d waited weeks before telling him because she was so afraid of him leaving. He wasn’t leaving—he was Vampire. Which was worse?

She sucked in a lungful of icy air and sighed. On the surface nothing had changed. Yet everything was different. The colors were a little sharper and the sun shone a little colder on the world she thought she knew. An overly hairy man with a loud Discman jogged past. Vampire?

Lilith turned her head. What about the mother yelling at her boys not to run across the road? She spun, studying the people in the park. How many Vampires passed for human? How did the humans not notice?

She recalled an offhand comment Aidan had made during a film. Something about humans not seeing what was in front of them. Only it wasn’t aliens hiding in plain sight, it was Vampires. They could be anyone, and anywhere. If daylight didn’t stop them, what did? Why was the news not full of suspected Vampire assaults? How many were there? She turned on the spot; sure the people in the park were watching her. Her heart thumped. How many of them could hear its call?

Despite the chill in the air, sweat formed on her back.

There was nowhere safe to run. In a world full of Vampires, there was only one she trusted. One who’d had every opportunity to bite her, but hadn’t. One who claimed to love her. One who claimed to have a cure. If it wasn’t becoming Vampire, what was it?

Curiosity made her head home toward the terrace house. Buffy sat on the front steps, waiting to be let in. The cat purred and smooched her legs. Lilith smiled, getting the joke for the first time. It was so typical of Aidan. The cat sauntered into the house before her. Lilith closed the front door and turned the lock. Then she took a moment to catch her breath and compose her thoughts. She had questions she didn’t want answered. She didn’t want the safe world she knew destroyed by truths that should be hidden by the night.

If neither of them was lying, would there be anything to say?

She tried to remember what life had been like before she’d been given the news which had taken her dreams as well as her hope. There’d been something between them from the moment she’d seen him with the kitten in his hands. A spark of desire that had taken hold and become a love she couldn’t extinguish, even though she knew he wasn’t as human as she’d thought. He reminded her to live and laugh. With Aidan she was more alive. Falling for him would be an accident she wouldn’t live long enough to regret. She’d lived her daydream. Those few short months had been worth it. To bask in his smile and curl up against him at night. Vampire or not, she loved Aidan.

A jagged melody cut through her thoughts, snagging and tearing the air in the house. She grimaced. Aidan had retreated to the music room. She walked down the hallway to the noise. Her hand touched the door handle and the music stopped with a skin crawling screech. She hesitated, this was his space. He didn’t enter her operating theater and she stayed out of his music. They met around the edges in moments of white hot brilliance and until today it had worked. Today the rules were under review. Lilith pushed open the door.

“I wasn’t sure you’d be back.” He didn’t turn around as he plucked the strings of a beautiful cello. The graphite surface shimmered, blue over black. Midnight made music. The wretched melody began again.

She ground her teeth. This wasn’t music, it was torture. “Why did you tell me if you can’t turn me?”

His fingers stilled. “I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while. I just didn’t know how.”

“So you picked today? Of all the days, you wait until I tell you that I’m dying?” Lilith crossed her arms and shook her head. Men really were a different species, human or Vampire.

“You caught me off guard.” He got up and offered her the stool. “Sit with me.”

She hesitated; she was supposed to be angry at him for having a better secret and being all immortal at the same time. But her anger melted like snow in spring. Her gaze flickered over his mouth, searching for a hint of fang.

“I won’t bite unless you want me to.” He smiled and the tips of his long teeth were visible.

Her heart gave a flutter as the sight of his fangs made her blood ache to be spilled. She swallowed her rising pulse and sat.

Aidan adjusted the floor peg. “Open your knees.”

Her legs separated without thought and with the familiarity that only came with sharing a bed. His fingers brushed her inner knee as he rested the cello between them, but his touch was uncertain as if he was no longer sure they shared the same world. He moved behind her and she leaned against him as he leaned into her. His heartbeat was steady in her ear while hers raced in anticipation. He was letting her into his music. She was part of it, not an observer. This was a piece of him she hadn’t seen.

“Comfy?”

His breath on her skin brought the hairs on her neck to attention. She waited for the caress of his lips to follow. Liquid warmth took the place of blood flowing through her veins. She had a Vampire breathing down her neck and her knees spread by the cello. Her pussy dampened, the ache for his touch building, but she couldn’t close her legs. All she could do was give into the sensation of being in his arms. A look, a kiss, she’d always responded to Aidan too fast. It was why she liked being with him. He made everything easy.

She nodded, unable to find her voice.

Aidan kissed behind her ear and started to play. The music flowed around them and through them. It hummed in her muscles and caressed her skin. She didn’t recognize the song, but it didn’t matter. The tune was beautiful, soaring and crashing, like lovers finding each other only to be ripped apart.

A lump formed in her throat and she closed her eyes to concentrate on breathing. This was their song, his way of dealing with awful reality. Just as his secret had altered her world, her secret had fractured his world and he was grappling with the pieces that wouldn’t stay together. Had telling him been a mistake?

No. Now she knew who he really was and she wanted to know all of him while she still had the opportunity. She wanted to feel those Vampire fangs in her flesh.

She turned her head and he met her halfway. Aidan’s lips were soft, but unyielding. He rarely kissed with an open mouth and now she knew why. He was hiding fangs. Her tongue swept over his lower lip and she kissed the corner of his lips, but she couldn’t tempt him into letting her in and touching his concealed teeth.

“Lil…” He rested his cheek against hers and murmured in her ear. “Don’t tempt me with what I can’t have.”

“And if I said you could?” Her voice was soft as though if she spoke to loud the moment would break.

“I wouldn’t be able to say no. You need your strength.” He placed his lips on hers in a kiss that was meant to end the discussion. “I have a friend, a specialist.”

Lilith ran her hand along the golden stubble on his jaw. She couldn’t live on wishes, no matter how hard she tried. “Don’t give me false hope.”

“There is more out there than Vampires. If I call in the favor, will you see him?”

More than Vampires? She considered Aidan for a moment. He was sure she could be saved. And when his not-quite-human connections couldn’t save her, what then? When did he accept what they had was over? When would she accept it was over? Aidan waited for her answer. It would be easy to agree and make him happy. They deserved all the happiness they could get.

She traced one finger over his lip. “Will you let me feel you teeth?”

He turned his head away and forced out a breath as if he was trying to resist.

“Will my blood make you sick?”

He gave a choked laugh. “No. It’s just I’ve been waiting to hear you ask for so long.”

“Will it hurt me?” She spun on the stool so she faced him. As a vet she’d been bitten plenty of times by animals, but this was different. His teeth were different; made for piercing, not tearing.

“Not unless you want it to.” His eyes were dark, as if night had swallowed his golden irises.

He was trying to be honorable, so she gave him a reason to let go, give in and bite.

“I’ll see your friend if you give me this.”

“Why do you need me to bite you?”

“I want to know you.” She placed her hand over his. The bow was fisted in his grip. “All of you.”

“You do know me.”

“No. I know the Aidan pretending to be human.”

“I’m no different.”