Kitten Catastrophe (6 page)

‘Jaffa,’ I said sadly, ‘how could you?’

‘But Jaffsie didn’t do it!’ she whinged. ‘Jaffsie’s a good girl—’

‘Jaffa, if you didn’t do this—’

‘Of course she did this!’ Dad had caught up with me and was standing behind me, surveying the scene of devastation with a look of utter distaste. ‘I’m sorry, Bertie, but you’re going to have to shut her in the utility room while you’re at school today. I will clear all the surfaces in there before I go out so she can’t knock anything over. I’ve got another meeting so I’ll have to ask Bex if she can come round again.’

I started to protest. ‘Jaffa only started behaving like this when she was left on her own!’

‘Bertie,’ said Dad firmly, ‘I can’t let Jaffa have the run of the house if she’s going to behave like this while we’re out. I don’t care if it’s a “phase”. Either you accept my terms and conditions, or . . .’ He tailed off and fixed me with a rather menacing stare.

He was threatening my little cat with eviction!

‘But, Dad,’ I started. I tried hard to sound reasonable despite the wobble in my voice.

‘
But nothing
, young lady,’ Dad snapped. ‘I am very fond of Jaffa, you know that, but I can’t have this.’ His voice had such a note of finality to it that I knew there was no point in arguing.

‘I’m going to get dressed,’ he said.

‘I’ll clear this up. It will be as if nothing ever happened,’ I promised frantically.

I waited until Dad had gone upstairs. My first priority was to talk to my kitten, who was gazing at me with the most innocent-looking flashing blue eyes, a worried frown creasing her fluffy orange face. I couldn’t help thinking that she did not look to me like a cat who felt at all guilty. Terrified, more like.

I carefully picked up one of the chairs and carried it over to the cupboard, then climbed on to it and reached to get Jaffa down.

‘Jaffsie not naughty!’ she mewled. ‘Nasty big—oh!’ She stopped herself.

‘What, Jaffa?’ She had been about to tell me something important, I was sure of it. I carefully placed one hand under her soft tummy and whispered encouragingly, ‘Nasty big what?’

Jaffa seemed to shake her head. She let me pick her up, but her ears were flat and her needle-sharp claws clung to my flesh, making me wince slightly. ‘Me can’t say,’ she said finally. Her small voice was quaking.

‘Jaffsie,’ I said slowly, holding her away from me so that I could look her directly in the eye, ‘are you keeping a secret from me?’

Jaffa dug her claws more deeply into my hand and blinked. ‘N-nooo,’ she said quietly.

‘Jaffsie?’ I said disbelievingly.

‘NO!’ she squeaked, suddenly wriggling hard. Then she did something she had never done before. She nipped me hard on the finger, her teeth bared in fury.

‘Yeeee-ouch!’ I yelled, staggering back and letting Jaffa leap free from my clutches. She hared out of the kitchen and bolted through to the sitting room.

I sat down heavily on the kitchen chair I had just been standing on and rubbed my hand, tears springing to my eyes. What was happening to my little cat?

I was still raking over the morning’s events when I ran to catch the bus to school. Why had Jaffa bitten me? Why wouldn’t she talk to me? Why was she being so – well –
mean?
It wasn’t my fault I had to go to school.

I fought my way down the aisle, stepping over legs sticking out as if placed there on purpose to trip me up, and trying to avoid thwacking people with my bag. My head was way up in the clouds, so I didn’t notice who I’d plonked myself down next to until he prodded me on the shoulder and said:

‘Hey, not speaking to me?’

I turned, frowning, and saw who it was. ‘Oh, hey, it’s you!’ I said. I immediately flushed pink at how stupid that must have sounded.

Fergus grinned and flicked his floppy dark red fringe out of his eyes. ‘Too busy taking people out with your kamikaze rucksack to notice your mates?’ he teased.

I smiled in relief. He didn’t think I was stupid.

‘So, how’d it go yesterday?’ he asked.

‘Oh, well, she’s acting odd. I knew she wouldn’t adapt well to this whole school thing,’ I mumbled distractedly. I fiddled with my hair in an attempt to make it stay tied back in the gross yellow scrunchie, which had been the only one to hand as I was running out of the door. Corkscrew curls were doing their usual escapologist trick and sticking to my hot and sweaty face. ‘Not a good look,’ as Jazz would say.

‘She always acts odd, doesn’t she?’ Fergus said jokily. ‘I thought she was her usual hyper self when I saw her. Haven’t seen her this morning yet – have you? Maybe she got a lift in.’

I was jolted out of my dreamy state, puzzled by what Fergus had just said. ‘Who’re you talking about?’

Fergus laughed. ‘Who d’you think?’

I stared at him blankly.

He raised his eyebrows ‘Wow, are you dopey today! Something’s up, isn’t it?’

I started again to tell him about Jaffa, but I thought better of it when I noticed a group of the Year 9 girls from the day before – Kezia and her friends – making their way towards us. They were looking at Fergus and me, then giggling to one another as they lurched and tripped their way down the aisle. I had a nasty feeling about those girls and I didn’t want them hearing me talking to Fergus about my kitten.

‘No, no,’ I said quickly. ‘Nothing’s bothering me, honest. So, what about you? How’re you feeling? About school, I mean.’ Lame topic of conversation, but I had to say something.

Fergus shrugged and pulled a face. ‘School’s just school,’ he said. ‘I’ve moved around so much, I reckon it doesn’t really matter where I go, as long as I’ve got my music, that is. The teachers are all pains, there’s always a bunch of boys who only want to play football and punch each other, and there’s always a bunch of girls who only want to paint their nails and whisper and giggle.’

He looked pointedly at the three miniskirted girls gossiping and shrieking their way past us.

I let out a snort of laughter. Too right.

‘But there’s one thing I’ve never had before at any of the other schools I’ve been to,’ Fergus said, suddenly more serious. He stared at me for a bit longer than was comfortable.

‘Oh yeah – what’s that?’ I muttered, looking away. The straps on my rucksack had just become incredibly interesting.

‘I’ve never had a friend who’s a girl before,’ he said quietly. I looked up sharply in spite of myself. ‘It’s cool,’ he added.

Get a grip, Bertie! I told myself. He’s only being nice to you cos he doesn’t have any other friends yet. I looked around quickly to see where Kezia and her mates were, but they were out of earshot, thank goodness.

There was an awkward silence as I couldn’t think of anything to say.

‘So,’ Fergus said lightly. ‘How’s Jaffa?’

‘Well, that’s what I was trying to say earlier,’ I said, grateful for the change of subject. ‘She’s acting in a freaky way. I was going to ask your advice, seeing as you probably know more about cats than I do.’

‘Oh, right! I thought you were talking about Jazz. No wonder you looked at me weirdly!’ he laughed.

‘Yeah, no wonder!’ I laughed too. I found myself looking around, wondering vaguely where Jazz was. Maybe I should see if she’d texted me.

Fergus nudged me. ‘Go on then, tell me what’s up.’

So I launched into a description of the chaos my kitten had caused, and was just getting to the part where Jaffa had got herself shut in the fridge when I was aware of someone leaning right over me.

I looked up slowly to see Kezia, or rather her unfeasibly long legs, pressing against the side of my seat.

‘You see Rashid yesterday?’ she was saying to Fergus.

I gawped at her. Could she not
see
me? Was I, like, totally
invisible
, or did she think I was too small to be bothered with? She was crushing me, forcing me back into my seat so that she could lean over and talk to Fergus.

Fergus’s face flushed. He looked up from under his fringe and said, ‘Oh, hey, Kez. I – er, yeah, I spoke to him. He says it’s cool, I’m in. You were right – they did need a drummer. We’re going to meet again tonight. Thanks for putting a word in.’

So I
was
invisible, and not just to the girl. Fergus and I had been having a conversation, but now he was acting like I wasn’t there. It was horrible. I couldn’t even escape, because ‘Kez’ was blocking my way with her monstrously long legs. I wriggled around a bit and had just about managed to get slightly more comfortable when something horrible happened.

My rucksack began to move – of its own accord.

A
t first I tried telling myself it was only the bus that was causing the movement, because it did make everything jolt when it stopped and started in the heavy rush-hour traffic. But there was no mistaking it, the bumping and jogging was actually going on
right inside my bag.
It felt as though there was something in there, trying to get out. Maybe it was my mobile – I might have set it to vibrate by mistake.

The bag lurched again. That was no mobile! It would have to have been set to ‘mega-turbo-vibrate’ to move around that much.

A horrible thought occurred to me. Oh no! What if Jaffa had brought me a ‘present’? Kaboodle, her uncle, used to do that. He once left a mouse in my shoe when I was looking after him during my pet-sitting days, and Dad had found other ‘gifts’ from Kaboodle in all kinds of inappropriate places. What if Jaffa was feeling guilty about nipping me and had tried to make amends by leaving a mouse in my school bag? I had heard stories of mice playing dead, the cat thinking they had finished off their prey, only for the rodent to come to life the minute the cat had gone away.

I glanced up to see if Fergus or Kezia had noticed, but they were too busy jabbering about the band.

Rustle. Rustle.

There it was again! And this time the movement was accompanied by a distinctly squeaky noise.

I shoved my fist in my mouth to stop myself from screaming. My heart was fluttering like a trapped butterfly, but there was no way I was going to lose the plot in front of Fergus and that girl.

‘Excuse me,’ I said firmly. I pushed myself up to standing so that Kezia had to stop leaning over me and let me out into the aisle.

Even then she didn’t look at me properly, just curled her lip in a sour impression of a smile and slid into my empty seat so she could lean in to Fergus even closer. I was focusing on keeping a hold on my jumping, squeaking bag. But even as I wriggled past people’s rucksacks and legs and prayed that I would not make a fool of myself in front of the whole bus by tripping over and falling on my face, I saw Fergus roll his eyes and shoot me a sheepish lopsided grin over the top of Kezia’s head.

I didn’t have time to think what that meant; I had to get to the front of the bus so that when it stopped I could be the first to get off. I would have to run and dump the mouse round the corner from the school gate so that it didn’t come into the yard with me.

I shuddered and willed the bus to get to school faster: my mind was full of images of a monster mouse with savage teeth, making a meal out of the books in my bag.

At last the bus pulled up outside the gates. It was as if an invisible hand had turned up the volume: the giggling and gossiping from everyone on board increased as they scrambled to their feet and collected their belongings. I muttered a quick ‘thank you’ to the driver as he opened the doors to let me off, and then I legged it.

‘Hey, wait up, Bertie!’ I could hear Jazz calling me, but didn’t stop. Even though part of me badly wanted some help with whatever it was in my bag, I somehow didn’t think my best mate would be much use faced with a mouse. She was the kind of girl who screamed if a ladybird landed on her hand.

I gritted my teeth and pounded the pavement, putting as much distance as I could between myself and the other kids. Then, once I was sure I was out of sight, I opened my bag.

‘Bertie is not being careful today!’ A small voice that I recognized only too well bleated at me from the depths of my rucksack.

I peered into the dark interior in astonishment. ‘
Jaffa?’
I said. It couldn’t be. My mind really was playing tricks on me now.

‘Course me’s Jaffa,’ said an irritable voice. ‘Who does you think me is?’ And with that, a little ginger-and-white face appeared, looking very cross indeed. My kitten bared her tiny sharp teeth and hissed. ‘Me is not liking all the bumpy-bumpy. What is you doing to Jaffsie today? Me is only wanting a little snooze time.’

‘J-Jaffa!’ I stammered. ‘What are you doing in my bag?’

‘Me’s just tellin’ you. Is you stupid or something? Me is havin’ a snooze time. Or me was, before all the bumpy-bumpy—’

‘OK!’ I cut in frantically. ‘Listen, you may’ve thought you were just having a “snooze”, but as it happens you were “snoozing” in my school bag, and now we’re at school and I have to go in for register and I don’t have the faintest idea what I’m going to do with you!’

‘Bertie?’

I whirled round, my free hand clamped to my mouth. Fergus was standing a couple of metres away, looking concerned.

‘Are you OK? You don’t look too good. Do you feel sick?’

I glanced down and saw with relief that Jaffa had ducked into the bag, out of sight.

‘Yes, no, I mean, I’m fine,’ I babbled, grinning like the Cheshire Cat with a bucket of cream. ‘I think I’ve dropped something, that’s all. You go in – the bell’s about to ring.’

Fergus looked dubious. ‘I don’t think you look fine at all. You were leaning over with your head in your bag like you were about to throw up. And you’ve gone white! Let me take you to the sick room. We can call your dad.’

‘No!’ I almost shouted. ‘No,’ I repeated, more softly. ‘Honestly, I’m fine. I just thought I’d forgotten my science book, that’s all—’

‘I thought you said you’d dropped something,’ Fergus interrupted suspiciously.

‘Yes!’ I said brightly. ‘I dropped my pencil and then, when I bent down to pick it up and put it in my bag, I thought, Oh no! I’ve forgotten my science book!’

What a numpty! I should tell him the truth . . .

‘Ferrr-guuus!’ Kezia was calling him from the school gates. ‘Are you coming or what?’