Knowing You (23 page)

“Damn it, Nick, there's more to life than football.” He felt bad for his twin. Couldn't be easy going from being a star to a nobody. Plus there was the fact that Paul's own career was climbing even as Nick's was fading. That had to be hard for Nick to swallow, too. He'd always been on top. Coming in second was not something he was used to.

“I know that.” He scowled, braced his feet wide apart, and folded his arms across his chest. “But without
football, I've got nothing. You don't know what it's like, Paul. Applause, women, endorsement offers.” He sliced his hand through the air. “Then nothing. It's all gone.”

“You knew it would end at some point.”

“Yeah, but it was going to end when
I
said so. Not some damn doctor.”

“It happened. Deal with it. Get over it.”

Nick just stared at him. “That easy, huh? Just ‘Get over it'? What the hell do you know? You're the man on the way up, right? Everything coming up roses? While I'm on a downhill slide into a pile of shit.”

“Am I supposed to apologize for working hard?”

“No, but you could try to sound a little less sanctimonious, Saint Paul.”

“You're an idiot.”

Nick snorted. “Wow, you're a counselor, too. Thanks for the insight.”

“Christ, you're a pain in the ass.”

Nick inhaled sharply, scrubbed his hands over his face, and grumbled, “I think Stevie's seeing somebody.”

Paul snapped a look at his brother and hoped to hell Nick couldn't see the neon sign on his forehead that was flashing out
IT'S ME
. Judging by what Nick said next, though, he hadn't noticed anything.

“Can you find out who it is?”

“Why the hell would I do that?”

“For me,” he said, as if that was all the reason needed. “'Cause we're brothers. 'Cause my life is crap.”

“So I should spy on your ex-girlfriend for you?” Paul shook his head. “No way.”

“All I'm asking you to do is talk to her. Find out what you can.”

Paul's hands fisted at his sides. Anger and resentment bubbled inside him as he stared at his twin. So much for feeling bad for him. For feeling guilty for doing well while he was in a downward spiral. Damn it, Nick's sense of entitlement had Paul ready to punch him. “Since when do you give a good damn about Stevie?” he managed to ask through clenched teeth.

Nick shrugged, blissfully unaware of his brother's boiling anger. “She was always so good for me,” he said fondly, staring off into space as if looking at a private home movie playing in his brain. “When she was with me, things clicked. My life clicked.”

Unbelievable. Paul just glared at him. Nick looked backward and saw only what he wanted to see. Only the touchdowns, not the fumbles. So typical. “You're fucking amazing.”

Snapped out of his pleasant memories, Nick looked at him. “What?”

“‘
She was good for me
,'” Paul recited, spitting the words out. “‘
My life clicked
.' It's always about you, isn't it, Nick?”

His twin matched his glare. “What the hell's with you?”

Paul reached up and shoved both hands through his hair, scraping his fingers across his skull almost hard enough to draw blood. All of his life, he'd stood up for Nick. He'd joined the crowds cheering for him from the sidelines. He'd been on his side. Twins. Against the world. Blood thicker than water. He knew his twin's good points and bad points and loved him anyway.

But right now—at this moment—Paul wanted to plow his fist into Nick's face. “It's you, man. Jesus. All you can think about is what Stevie can do for
you
. But when were you any good for
her?
”

“Huh?” Surprised, Nick looked at him.

“Christ, you didn't even consider that, did you?” Paul took a step toward his brother, then stopped. If he was within arm's reach, he just might give in to his urges and slug him. And what would be the point? He
still
wouldn't get it. “You cheated on her. You made her cry. You broke her heart.”

“We broke up,” Nick said. “Shit happens.”

“You were screwing every cheerleader within reach.”

Nick shifted position, clearly uneasy with having his sins laid out in front of him. “Stevie and I weren't in an exclusive relationship.”

“It was exclusive as far as she was concerned,” Paul told him. “And when you broke her heart, it was
my
shoulder she cried on.” God, it had killed him. Wanting to hold her and kiss her tears away and being unable to say or do anything about his own feelings because she'd been too damn unhappy. “Why would I want to help you do that to her again?”

Nick stiffened, finally picking up on the strain between them. He took a step closer and almost looked ready to throw a few punches himself. “Who're you? Her nanny?”

“I'm her
friend
,” Paul said, and realized that no matter what else he might be to Stevie, he would always be her friend. Despite her worries. Despite what was going on at the moment, nothing would ever change that. He would always care about her. “And I'm damn
well not going to set up my
friend
to get shafted again. Not even for you, Nick.”

Reaching up, Nick pushed his Oakleys down until they shaded his eyes again, keeping Paul from reading the emotions in his twin's face. “You won't help me?”

“No.”

“Guess I know where I stand, then.” Nick stalked toward the corner of the house, headed for the front.

Paul watched him go, then reached for the ax handle again. He felt the need to smash more wood into splinters. “At least
one
of us knows.”

*   *   *

After pizza, and an action movie that had left Stevie damn near deaf, she and Debbie and the others walked back to the house. Streetlights puddled the sidewalks with golden light, and their little group moved from one to the other of them as if following the yellow brick road.

While the other girls and Margie walked a few feet ahead of them, enthusiastically murdering one of Britney's latest hits, Stevie slowed her pace. As she'd hoped, Debbie slowed down, too, until the two of them were really walking alone.

“Did you like the pizza?”

“It was terrific,” Stevie said, smiling.

“And the movie, too?”

“Uh-huh.” But truthfully, she wouldn't have been able to tell anyone what the movie had been about. She'd spent most of her time in the darkened theater watching her sister's shifting expressions. Everything Debbie felt was written on her face. She held nothing back, laughing or crying as she felt it. Smiling, Stevie
remembered the girl's shriek of surprise during the movie and how she'd grabbed at her big sister's arm.

In that one instant, Stevie had been swamped by love for the girl she hadn't even known existed until the day before. There was a …
connection
between them. Shared blood, if not shared lives. Her heart ached for all the time lost. All the years when they'd been apart, neither of them knowing about the other. Each of them assuming they were alone.

But no more.

Taking a deep breath, Stevie said, “Debbie, I was thinking—”

“'Bout what?”

“We're sisters and—”

“I know.” She laughed and shook her head slowly.

“Don't you think sisters should live together? Be a family?”

Debbie stopped dead and looked at her. A huge delighted grin spread across her wide face. “You wanna come and live with me?” She reached out and briefly squeezed Stevie hard. “You could work at the aquarium with me and stay in my room and we could—”

“No,” Stevie said, interrupting the excited flow of words before Debbie had her packed and moved. Though she'd gotten it wrong, the girl's reaction sent pleasure darting through Stevie. At least she knew Debbie
liked
her. “No, honey, I meant I'd like you to come and live with me. In Chandler.”

Debbie stared at her. In the lamplight, her eyes glistened and she looked suddenly worried. Unsure. “But I have a house.”

“I know, but—”

“And I have a room and you saw it.” Debbie's chest heaved with the frantic pounding of her heart and the quick, gasping gulps of air whooshing in and out of her lungs. “You said you liked it,” Debbie accused.

“I do, honey, it's just that—”

Debbie rubbed her mouth and chewed at one finger. “And I have friends and a job and—”

Her voice cracked as it hit a high note she couldn't quite contain. She reached up and jerked at her pony-tail, tugging at it nervously, as if she needed to be doing
something
, but she couldn't quite figure out what.

“I don't wanna leave,” she said, her voice hiccuping out of her and trembling as it hit the air. “I like it
here
. You can't make me go,” she said. “You can't. 'Cause I can't. I can't go and leave Margie.…”

Worried, Stevie stepped in closer and wanted to cry when Debbie moved back—away from her. Pain twisted Stevie's heart and she wondered where this had all gone so wrong. She hadn't meant to upset her sister. She'd only wanted to help. To bring Debbie home. To give them both the family they'd never known.

“Ah, honey, don't be upset—”

“I don't wanna move. I like it here. I
know
it here.” She shot an anxious look up ahead to where Margie and the other girls had stopped beneath a streetlight. The three of them were watching and Stevie felt like she'd kicked a puppy in front of the ASPCA.

“This is my place. I live here. And … and…”

“It's okay, Debbie. Honest. It's okay,” Stevie said quickly, letting the words flow, hoping they'd get through. Hoping she could somehow fix what she'd unthinkingly broken.

“I don't have to—”

“No, honey. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Honest.”

Debbie still looked worried, but at least she wasn't breathing quite as hard and the frantic gleam in her eyes had dimmed a little. “Okay, 'cause I don't wanna go. I wanna stay here.”

Then she hurriedly walked ahead to join Margie and her friends, keeping a safe distance between her and Stevie.

Stevie had to fight back her own tears, now. The sting of them had her blinking. Her sister didn't want her. Debbie had a life that didn't include Stevie.

All of the dreams Stevie'd been entertaining since yesterday splintered into tiny jagged shards that tore at her heart.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

S
TEVIE DROVE DOWN THE
short alleyway and parked behind the Leaf and Bean. Shadows crouched at the corners of the building, and when she flicked off her headlights the darkness reached out for her. She shut the engine off and the silence surrounded her, pulsing as if it had a life of its own.

“Better get used to it,” she whispered, and her own voice was quickly swallowed up by the quiet. Heart aching, she leaned forward and rested her forehead on the steering wheel. Her hands fisted around the cold black wheel and she squeezed it tightly. With her eyes closed, she could still see Debbie's shocked, scared expression.

“You went too fast,” she said on a groan. “Too far, too fast. You pushed her and she ran.” Now she'd be lucky if her younger sister wanted to see her again at all.

Oh, Margie had assured her that Debbie would be fine. That she'd settle down and by Stevie's next visit would have forgotten all about how upset she'd been.
But Stevie couldn't help thinking that she'd blown it. She'd had a chance for a family of her own, and in her rush to claim it, she'd ruined her own chances.

She should have given the girl time. Time to get to know her. Time to get used to having a sister. Time to visit Chandler, see the shop, see what kind of life they could have together.

In short, she thought, disgusted with herself, she should have listened to Paul. Damn it. He'd warned her not to make plans so quickly. Encouraged her to go slowly. But how could she have been expected to be patient when she'd finally been handed the one thing she'd hungered for her whole life?

A family of her own.

“Stevie?”

“Jesus!”
She jumped a foot off the car seat, swung her head to the left, and saw Nick's face nearly pressed against the rolled-up window. As her heart slid down from her throat and back into her chest, Stevie narrowed her gaze on him and counted to ten.
Then
she'd kill him.

Flinging open the car door, she watched with satisfaction as he back-stepped to avoid getting hit. Clutching her purse, she climbed out, keeping her gaze locked on him. “What the hell are you trying to do? Scare me to death?”

“Didn't mean to scare you,” he said, giving her that million-watt smile that used to turn her knees to liquid.

“Well, you did,” she said tightly, and headed for the back door of the shop. Walking a wide circle around him, she sighed to herself as he fell into step behind her. Oh, yeah. The fates had a great sense of humor.
After the day she'd had, to now be faced with the mistakes of her past was just too much.

“Look, Stevie,” he said, and leaned against the wall as she jammed the key into the dead bolt. “I'm sorry I scared you, but I had to wait for you. Had to tell you my great news.”

She turned the lock but didn't open the door. The fastest way to get rid of him would be to let him say what he'd come here to say and be done with it. In the yellow glow of the fog lamps, Nick looked excited and pleased with himself.

“Okay,” she said, emotional fatigue coloring her words, “what is it?”

He reached out to push her hair behind her ears and only let his hand drop when she pulled back from his touch. Nick frowned slightly but didn't let her recoil spoil his moment. “I've got an interview. With CBS Sports. I'd be doing color commentary for their football coverage.”