KNOX: Volume 4 (5 page)

Lita sits one seat away from me on my right, with three-year-old Ella between us and her little monster, ten-month-old Mason, in her lap. Eighteen-month-old Jade is in my lap and five-year-old Knox, Jr. is on my left, between Knox and me. Knox, Ella, and Jade. One boy and two girls. Knox wasn’t ready to concede defeat. So I’m two months pregnant with boy number two.

I couldn’t wait for the first ultrasound to find out this time. We got the Materni T21 blood test to find out the gender and make sure there were no chromosomal abnormalities. Not that I expected any of those. I really just wanted to know if Knox was going to get his second son. Because that means this will be my final pregnancy. Yay!

Lita hands me the bag of peanuts and Jade reaches for the bag. She’s the only one of the kids with Knox’s brilliant sky-blue eyes. Her dark hair is soft and wavy, and curls up at the ends, like mine. I love running my fingers through her hair when she falls asleep next to me.

I take a handful of nuts out of the bag and pass it down to Knox. I crack a peanut open and Jade’s chubby hand reaches for the nut.

“No, sweetie. You can’t eat those.”

She grunts and mumbles something unintelligible. She’s just learning how to talk and Knox insists that we pretend to understand what she’s saying, the way we did when Knox and Ella learned to talk. Knox considers himself a child-rearing expert after reading two parenting books.

I reach into my purse and pull out a plastic baggie of digestive biscuits. “I brought you some cookies.”

“Yuck!” Knox, Jr. says, scrunching up his face at the sight of the biscuits.

Jade looks at Junior then back at the baggie and shakes her head. “No.”

That’s one word she knows how to say very well.

Junior slides off his seat and attempts to climb onto the railing. My heart nearly stops, but Knox’s arm shoots up and grabs him around the waist.

“Sit down.”

That’s all Knox has to say and Junior immediately does as his father says. When I discipline him, I have to threaten to take away his toys and TV. And he still only listens to me about half the time.

We’ve made it through two innings, but I have a feeling this brood isn’t going to make it much further. Ella keeps trying to touch Mason and I can see Lita getting frustrated. I thought I was over-protective when my kids were babies, but Lita is way worse than I was. She doesn’t like to let anyone hold Mason unless they’ve washed their hands. Especially children.

Now Mason is starting to scream. It’s time to leave before one of these angry Yankee fans says something Knox will make him regret.

“Well, two and a half innings is a record for us,” I say as we wait on 161
^st
for the cars to pick us up.

Lita and I take Mason and Jade in one car and Knox takes Ella and Junior in the other car. He makes fatherhood look way too easy. I guess it
is
a lot easier when your children regard you as a king.

“You’re still going with us next week, right?” I ask loudly so I can be heard over the sound of Mason’s screams.

Lita is supposed to spend Easter weekend with us at my mom’s house in East Hampton. Her husband, Gabriel Andreas (the third!), is supposed to be in Greece visiting his mother for Easter. Lita refuses to take Mason on an airplane; those cesspools of germs, as she likes to call them.

Gabriel and Lita met at an investor’s meeting three years ago and they claim it was love at first sight. He’s not as gorgeous as Knox, but he and Lita look like royalty when they’re together. And it’s almost sickening the way Gabriel dotes on Mason and Lita. The only reason he’s leaving the country on Mason’s first Easter is because his grandmother is very sick and this is likely her last Easter.

“Of course we’re going,” she replies, from the middle row of seats in the SUV. She looks over her shoulder at me and Jade and sighs when she sees Jade is already asleep in her carseat. She turns back to Mason and continues to try to soothe him. “I’m not flying with Mason until he’s three. I don’t care how many times Gabriel asks me to go with him in that sexy Greek accent.”

The car turns onto Lita’s street and Mason finally begins to settle down.

“Great! The car will pick you up Saturday morning. We have lots of fun stuff planned for the kids Saturday, then we’ll have an adult dinner to celebrate Marie’s birthday.”

“Sounds fab.”

The car stops in front of the twelve-story building on the Lower East Side where Gabriel and Lita enjoy a beautiful view of New York harbor. Knox and I still live in the townhouse, but we spend summers with my mom in the Hamptons.

My mom was more than willing to leave Bensonhurst, and all the memories, behind after my father’s death. Sometimes I feel like she’s happier now than I’ve ever seen her in my life. This makes me sad for my father, but also glad for my mother. After everything my father put her through, she deserves a quiet, peaceful life.

When Lita exits the car, Knox joins us in our car with Ella and Junior. Ella sits primly between me and Jade, and my two handsome men sit in the middle row of seats in front of us. The ride to grandma’s house in East Hampton is quiet until Ella turns to me.

“Are we going to see Grandma Ella?”

We visited Ella Leone’s gravesite a few weeks ago on the anniversary of her death. I was reluctant, but Knox insisted on bringing Junior and Ella with us so they could pay their respects. I was afraid the graveyard and the story of Grandma Ella would scare them; especially Ella, since they share the same name. But it had quite the opposite effect on her. She was fascinated by the graveyard and absolutely giddy at being named after someone. Since then, she’s been asking when we’re going back to visit Grandma Ella.

The innocence in her eyes melts my heart. “No, sweetie. We’re visiting Grandma Marie today. And Grandma’s making you some cupcakes and you’re going swimming. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?”

She nods her head, though I can see a hint of disappointment in her eyes.

Ella’s baby sister Jade looks like her father, but she also has his fiery temperament. Three-year-old Ella, on the other hand, is my angel. Always so peaceful and agreeable. When she first started walking on her own, she used to fall asleep at my feet while I was blowdrying my hair.

Two hours later, the car pulls into the gate at Grandma Marie’s house. I lift Jade gently out of the car seat and Knox carries her inside. We find my mom in the kitchen. And she’s not alone.

11

Rebecca

There’s a man in my mother’s kitchen, standing at her shoulder, watching her pipe frosting onto a tray of cupcakes. And she’s smiling. They’re both smiling.

“Mom?”

She jumps at the sound of my voice and a large squirt of white frosting shoots out of the piping bag. Not the image I wanted to see right now.

“Rebecca! You scared the hell out of me.”

“
I
scared
you
? What’s going on here?”

She looks down at the messy pile of frosting on the counter and looks up innocently. “I’m making cupcakes for the kids.”

I narrow my eyes at her then glance at her male companion. She can’t help it. She’s smiling like a schoolgirl with a crush.

Oh, no.

“Sweetheart, this is Kyle Mayer.
Dr.
Kyle Mayer.”

She looks so proud of her
doctor
friend. But I feel like her pride is an affront to my father. As if now that he’s gone, she can finally be with a
better
man.

“So nice to meet you, Rebecca.” Dr. Kyle stretches his hand across the kitchen island toward me. I begin to reach for his hand, but Knox beats me to it.

“Nice to meet you, Kyle. I’m Knox Savage. Rebecca’s husband.”

Kyle looks taken aback by this, but I can’t hide my smile. Knox has a weird thing about men who introduce themselves to me first. He hates it. Kyle is going to have to do something really nice to get on Knox’s good side.

As if on cue, Kyle looks Knox in the eye and smiles. “Knox Savage? The same Knox Savage who just bought a piece of the Yankees?”

My eyes widen as I turn to Knox. His lips curl into the signature half-smile and I smack his arm.

“You didn’t tell me you were buying the Yankees!”

He shakes his head. “Just a piece.” He turns to me and nods toward his shoulder where Jade is asleep and slobbering all over his shirt. “Can you put her down so Kyle and I can chat?”

I reach out and he lays her gently in my arms. He kisses Jade’s forehead and me on the lips. Then he takes Junior and Ella by the hand and coaxes Kyle outside so they can talk.

My mom looks worried as she watches them leave through the back door. She knows Knox is going to have a man-to-man talk with her new boyfriend and there’s nothing she can do about it. Finally, she tears her gaze away from the door and follows me upstairs.

I lay Jade down in the crib in the baby room. Smoothing her hair away from her forehead, I lay a soft kiss on her sweet baby skin and her wispy eyebrows shoot up. That’s one of my favorite things about babies; when their eyebrows shoot up while they sleep.
What are they dreaming about?
Knowing Jade, she’s probably dreaming about her daddy.

I pull up the rail on the crib and turn on the baby monitor before I meet my mom in the hallway. “You want to tell me who the hell Kyle Mayer is? I mean, it would have been nice to know you were having company before we brought the kids over.”

“Oh, please, Rebecca. Kyle isn’t spending the night here. He’s just having dinner with us.”

I watch her descend the curved staircase ahead of me and she’s swinging her hips like a bell. “Mom! I’ve never even met this guy and you’re inviting him over to spend time with my kids? Don’t you think you should have introduced him to us first? At least let me decide if I want to leave my kids here with a strange man?”

“For God’s sake, Rebecca. Listen to yourself. Do you really think I would let anything happen to my grandchildren?”

We reach the bottom of the stairs and I follow her back into the kitchen where she proceeds to finish icing the cupcakes. If my father were here, he would take a taste of the frosting and proclaim it too sweet, all the while smiling as he took another swipe at the frosting.

My stomach aches whenever I think of my father. Six years and I still miss him. I still regret never saying goodbye to him.

I know my mother’s relationship with my father was very different, but I know they loved each other at some point. She deserves to move on and find happiness, but I don’t know if I’m ready to watch it happen.

I watch silently as she continues piping the frosting onto the tiny cakes, thinking of the trip we took to Italy six years ago to scatter my father’s ashes in Lago Di Bilancino. My father swam in that lake as a kid and his will was very short with explicit instructions. He left everything to my mother and he wanted his ashes scattered in the lake where he spent the happiest moments of his childhood.

After the ceremony on the lake, Knox and I spent some time in Florence where Knox tended to my every whim. He would walk down to the corner pasticceria every morning to buy me pastries and sandwiches to fatten me up. My job was to lie in bed and look pretty while he fed me and fed
on
me. I was only one-month-pregnant with Junior at the time, so we were both pretty nervous about me overexerting myself.

But we learned how durable I was when I was pregnant with Ella. And I’ve actually enjoyed being pregnant for most of the past six years. Sometimes, Knox will just look at my pregnant body and he’ll get an instant erection. It feels good to have that kind of effect on him. But I’m looking forward to having more energy after this one is born. This is definitely our last child.

“Is Lita still coming next weekend?”

My mom wants to change the subject. I don’t blame her. I don’t really feel like talking about her boyfriend either.

People breakup and they move on and there’s always something bittersweet about it. Even when August got a new girlfriend, I’ll admit I was a bit jealous. Until I found out how they met. August will be getting married in East Hampton this summer to a professional sailor.

Sarah commented on August’s blog post about vintage nautical fashion a couple of years ago, to berate August on his shitty taste. Sarah has sailed around the world twice; once when she was just fifteen and again when she was twenty-two. She’s strong and beautiful and she calls August out on all his hoity-toity bullshit. In other words, she’s perfect. So, yeah, I was a little jealous of her. But only for a few minutes. It’s difficult to envy anyone when I have Knox.

“Yes. Lita’s staying the night on Saturday,” I reply. “But I wouldn’t bank on her staying longer than that.”

“She’s still treating that baby like a bubble boy?”

I shrug, not willing to speak ill of my best friend with my mom today. “Mom?”

She looks up from the last cupcake she’s icing. “What?”

“Don’t forget Dad loved you.”

She’s silent for a moment, then she looks down at the cupcake. “I know, but your father had a strange way of showing it. And I think he would want me to be happy.” She looks up again. “Don’t you want me to be happy?”

I nod because I can’t bring myself to say the words aloud. She sets down the piping bag and rounds the island so she can wrap her arms around my shoulders. I hug her back, swallowing the knot in my throat so I don’t cry.

She uncoils her arms from around my shoulders, but her hands still grip my arms. “How could anyone forget your father? He was a great father. And, at one time, the best husband I could have imagined for myself. Your father and I lived a fairy tale when we were first married. I could never forget that. I
will
never forget that. I promise.”

I look into my mother’s brown eyes and I realize she is not the same person she was six years ago. Six years out of Bensonhurst and she looks and speaks differently. Everything about her looks lighter. I guess you can’t carry the burdens of the past around forever.

Knox walks in with Kyle and the kids following closely behind him. “You ready to go, baby?”

I nod and we say goodbye to the kids. Junior is totally uninterested in us, as he’s already gone straight for the video game console in the entertainment room. Ella is a little more difficult to leave behind.