Kung Fooey (8 page)

“Look,” Maya said. “She’s backing into a parking space.”

After six tries, Stella got it right.

Sort of.

L
edward came over for dinner that night. He brought a key lime pie with graham cracker crust, my all-time favorite dessert in the whole world after coffee ice cream, bread pudding with raisins, and hot fudge sundaes with peanuts.

“How’s the driving practice going?” he
asked Stella as we sat at the table eating meat loaf, mashed potatoes and gravy, and boiled soybeans in the pod.

Stella was in one of her don’t-bother-me moods.

“Fine,” she said, not looking up.

“You got somebody helping you?”

“Yeah.”

Ledward nodded. “Who’s that?”

“Clarence.”

“That big boy with the pink car?”

“Yeah.”

“You think you ready for the driving test?”

“Close.”

“What’s the hardest part?”

“Parking.”

I was only half listening, because I was thinking about tasting what I had in my pocket: the Antlix lollipop I got from Benny Obi. Could I actually do it?

“She practiced at Foodland today,” Darci told Ledward. “In the parking lot.”

“She hit a shopping cart,” I added.

Stella glared at me, unblinking.

“Uh … but Clarence got out and caught it before it smashed into somebody’s car.”

The look on Stella’s face was turning dangerous.

I studied my plate.

“Stella’s a good driver, Led,” Mom said. “I’ve taken her out a couple of times, too. She did just fine.”

Ledward nodded and leaned toward Stella. “I know what you can do when you put your mind to it.” He reached out and patted Stella’s hand.

Stella pulled her hand away.

Ledward tapped the table and sat back.

“We’ll all go out to lunch to celebrate when she gets her license,” Mom said. “Stella will drive, of course.”

“If she passes,” I added.

Stella kicked me under the table.

“Ow! What’d you do that for?”

“A bad day is in your future.”

“Ooo, I’m scared,” I said, reaching down to rub my shin.

Stella grinned. It wasn’t pretty.

Then an idea hit me. Oh! Yes!

That’s how ideas come; out of nowhere. You’re just sitting there minding your own business, and boom—something good pops up.

“You know what, Stella?” I said. “I take that back. For sure you’ll pass. You’re not such a bad driver. I mean, over at Foodland you did pretty good.”

Stella eyed me.

Mom smiled. “Now,
there
is the Calvin we all know and love.”

Dang. I wished she hadn’t said that.

Still, this idea was too good to resist.

I turned back to Stella. “Uh … because you did so good, me and my friends … well, we got you a present.”

Stella barked out a laugh. “Ha! Right. And you’re still … shrinking.”

Now I
really
liked my idea.

Darci looked at me and I knew I’d better say something quick before she ruined everything. She’d been with me the whole time and knew we hadn’t gotten Stella anything.

I reached into my pocket. “Here,” I said, pulling out the Antlix lollipop. “These are really good. They come from … from Australia. It’s peppermint.”

Stella eyed the Antlix. Slowly, she reached across the table and took the lollipop. “What’s it got in it? Pepper?”

“That’s dried peppermint flakes.”

“Peppermint isn’t black.”

“Australian peppermint is. Try it. You’ll see.”

Stella peeled off the wrapping, smelled
the lollipop, then licked it. “Doesn’t taste at all like peppermint. In fact, it’s just sweet … like sugar, with no taste.”

She licked it again.

I bit my lip, hard. The laugh of a lifetime was about to explode out of me. I could hardly hold it in.

Mom gave me a look that said, Calvin, what are you up to?

Stella studied the lollipop again. “You’re lying, as usual. Tell me what those black specks are or I don’t want this thing.”

I hesitated.

Stretched out the moment.

“Ants.”

“What?” Stella held the lollipop closer. Then she grabbed the wrapper and read the label. She shrieked and threw the Antlix at me. I ducked and it hit the wall behind me.

I laughed so hard I fell off my chair.

Stella stood and looked across the table at me. “You’re a sick little boy! You need help! You should be in a hospital!”

She stomped down the hall to her room and slammed the door.

Now I was rolling on the floor.

Mom reached over and picked up the label. “Where did you get this, Calvin?”

I was laughing too hard to answer.

Mom looked at Ledward, who sat with a half grin on his face. Like a smart person, he kept his mouth shut.

I tried to pull myself together. “It’s a joke, Mom. I got it from a kid at school.”

“A joke.”

“Yeah … just a joke.”

Mom didn’t say a word for at least a minute.

I picked up my chair and sat back at the table, wiping my eyes.

“Calvin,” Mom said. She leaned forward, her elbows on the table. “I want to tell you a little story.”

“Okay.”

“The reason Stella lives with us is that she and her mom don’t get along. Her mom was my best friend in high school before she got married and moved to Texas. You know this, right?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

“Well, one day Twyla got angry at Stella. Very angry, and she said something she regrets to this day.”

I perked up. “What did she say?”

“She told Stella she was too stupid to ever do anything right.”

I held my breath. Stella’s mom said that? Really?

“Of course her mother didn’t mean it.
But it came out and that was that. The damage was done. Stella stopped speaking to her.”

Ledward shook his head.

Darci was silent.

“Let me ask you this,” Mom went on, looking into my eyes. “Do you think that being successful at getting a driver’s license might mean something to Stella?”

My stomach felt sick.

T
he next day at school I didn’t feel much better. Why was I always doing dumb stuff? Was there something wrong with me?

Probably I would have felt bad all day long if Benny hadn’t shown up doing dumber things than me.

“Bug man is a very, very,
very
strange dude,” Julio said just before school started.

“What’s he doing now?”

“Having a one-word day.”

“A what?”