L8r, G8r (4 page)

zoegirl:

that's what *i* said. because it's such an oxymoron, the image of jana—mistress of death and destruction—clutching a teddy bear.

mad maddie:

ooo, nice use of the word “oxymoron.” i KNEW i should have taken that SAT prep course.

zoegirl:

but terri goes, “for real, jana has this mangy old teddy bear that smells like spit. she takes it with her everywhere.”

mad maddie:

???

mad maddie:

i've never seen jana with a teddy bear

zoegirl:

she leaves it in her car. that's what terri says. which is entirely possible. have you seen all the crap in the back of jana's station wagon?

mad maddie:

it's a mobile junk heap. it's disgusting.

zoegirl:

according to terri, jana's dad gave her the teddy bear when she was little, and she's unhealthily attached to it.

zoegirl:

its name is Boo Boo Bear.

mad maddie:

Boo Boo Bear???

mad maddie:

omfg, i am loving this so much. Boo Boo Bear!

zoegirl:

terri was like, “i can't believe i'm telling you—jana would *die*.”

mad maddie:

heh heh heh, jana whitaker is unhealthily attached to Boo Boo Bear. suddenly the world is a MUCH brighter place!!!

zoegirl:

er … not necessarily. because 2 seconds later, jana herself stormed into the bathroom. “*there*
you are,” she says to terri, all fuming. “you're not even going to let me apologize?”

zoegirl:

then she noticed me, and her jaw dropped. she was like, “what are YOU doing here?”

mad maddie:

plz, it's a public bathroom. does she think it's her private office?

zoegirl:

my heart got all poundy, because—as you know—i'm a wimp, although jana had already switched to ignoring me. she said to terri, “get up, we're leaving.”

mad maddie:

ok, that is the perfect example of the evilness of jana. she's bossy and she's mean.

zoegirl:

but amazingly, terri didn't obey. she said, “you can't treat me like dirt and then expect me to be your slave.”

zoegirl:

“terri, get up,” jana said, still very pointedly not looking at me. “we can talk about your ‘issues' later.”

mad maddie:

oh god

zoegirl:

so terri goes, “*my* issues? you're the one with issues! keep acting the way you're acting, and you won't have any friends left!”

mad maddie:

which is exactly what YOU said!

zoegirl:

i know! and for some reason that made me get all stupidly brave, and under my breath i said, “no one but Boo Boo Bear.”

mad maddie:

holy shit! u da BOMB!

zoegirl:

i shouldn't have, though! it was totally unlike me!

mad maddie:

that's what's so great!

mad maddie:

did jana hear?

zoegirl:

she whipped her head toward me and was like, “WHAT did you say?” and terri goes, “she SAID no one but Boo Boo Bear.”

mad maddie:

gee, thx, terri

zoegirl:

jana was speechless. i've never in my life seen her speechless, but for that single moment she was. big splotches of color bloomed on her cheeks. it was freaky.

mad maddie:

cuz she IS a freak

zoegirl:

then she pulled herself together and said to me, “you've got nerve, sticking your nose up. not all of us live in a perfect plastic bubble, you know.”

mad maddie:

exsqueeze me? what is that supposed to mean?!

zoegirl:

she was trying to make me feel like a spoiled little baby, in comparison to her, the jaded and worldly jana.

mad maddie:

who has a teddy bear.

zoegirl:

her tone said 1 thing—see how cool and detached i am? i couldn't care less that you know about my stupid bear—but her eyes said something else entirely. she looked like she wanted to kill me. i'm not kidding.

mad maddie:

well, duh. if anyone had to be there for that lovely moment, i'm sure you were the last person she'd pick. you or me or angela, that is.

zoegirl:

that thought crossed my mind, but i tried to tell myself, “no, you're being silly.”

mad maddie:

except yr not. we have what jana doesn't have—actual true friends who lift each other up instead of tear each other down—and it's like a knife inside her heart.

mad maddie:

think of it like this: jana's a dragon (SO not a stretch) and terri exposed her secret piece of weakness. so now jana's screwed twice: 1st cuz u know about Boo Boo Bear, and 2nd cuz u know how easily terri would betray her.

zoegirl:

jana the dragon. i just hope she doesn't flame me.

mad maddie:

if she does, she'll have ME to deal with.

mad maddie:

now isn't it time to pick up your long-lost boyfriend? it's 5:15.

zoegirl:

it is? EEEEEK! IT IS!!!!!

zoegirl:

go pick up angela from her aunt's house and then swing by here. i'll be the 1 gnawing my fingernails to the quick!

mad maddie:

i'm heading out the door. l8r, g8r!

SnowAngel:

mads, i'm not going to the airport after all, k?

mad maddie:

angela! i was JUST about to come get you, and now i'm staring at you dumbfounded.

mad maddie:

of course yr coming. zoe's expecting you!

SnowAngel:

but c, doug's HER boyfriend, right? why does she need us to go with her to the airport?

mad maddie:

uh, cuz she's zoe?

mad maddie:

and cuz she hasn't seen the guy for a whole semester. more, if you add the time we spent in california over summer break. we got back, and she saw him for … what? a grand total of 1 week before he took off in his sailor suit to “Sea the World”?

SnowAngel:

r we doing that again? making fun of the name?

mad maddie:

yes, cuz it demands to be made fun of!

mad maddie:

seriously, who goes to “Sea the World” during the 1st semester of their senior yr? senior yr is a time for madcap partying, not for sailing about the globe and stuffing yourself with culture.

SnowAngel:

*coughs* on a party boat under jet blue skies, surrounded by girls in bikinis …

mad maddie:

like i said. what was he thinking?

SnowAngel:

i watched an episode of “girls” last nite where there was a guy from the navy, and he was hot in his sailor suit.

mad maddie:

i don't think doug would be hot in a sailor suit.

SnowAngel:

well … no

SnowAngel:

but hot or not, i'm not going to be there to see him. it's not that i don't WANT to, it's just that

mad maddie:

yessssssss?

SnowAngel:

i have a flesh-eating virus. i DO!

SnowAngel:

i have a virus and it is attacking my nose and i am DISFIGURED.
don't you dare laff!

mad maddie:

angela, i saw you at school and you were fine

SnowAngel:

but it was beginning. i could feel it

mad maddie:

uh huh. and how did you suddenly get this flesh-eating virus?

mad maddie:

does it by any chance have to do with the fact that we're talking about doug?

SnowAngel:

what? NO!

mad maddie:

r you sure? cuz i know you, angela. don't think i've forgotten your whole “doug will be my starter husband” spiel.

SnowAngel:

maddie, that was LAST YEAR, way before doug and zoe even started dating.

SnowAngel:

anyway, did you happen to forget the one small fact that i'm going out with logan now???

mad maddie:

ohhhh, right. logan.

SnowAngel:

*puts hands on hips* why do you say it that way?

mad maddie:

what way?

SnowAngel:

u know what way

mad maddie:

and YOU know why. so drop it.

mad maddie:

i think it's interesting that you develop a flesh-eating virus on the very day yr supposed to c doug, that's all.

SnowAngel:

you think i'm making it up? i'm not making it up, maddie. if you insist on being technical, it's a staph infection. it's all nasty under my nose—and even up INSIDE my nose so that it looks very booger-ish and vile—and i'm NOT going out in public like this!

mad maddie:

wait a sec—i'm having a flashback

mad maddie:

didn't this same staph infection thing happen last year?

SnowAngel:

yes *sniff, sniff*

SnowAngel:

it happens every year when i get a bad cold, and now i'll have to go on antibiotics and it'll take a week to clear up and until then everyone will think i've got a huge booger oozing out of my right nostril. they'll call me booger girl! that's what it'll say in the senior section of the yearbook. angela silver: booger girl!

mad maddie:

god, yr vain

SnowAngel:

yr calling me VAIN?!!! *pops a blood vessel*

SnowAngel:

of COURSE i'm vain. i've been vain my entire life!

mad maddie:

so suck it up and come with us to the airport!

SnowAngel:

yr not grasping the full disgusting-ness of this. it's an OPEN SORE under my nostril. it's bubbly and slimy with neosporin, and it's growing even as we speak.

SnowAngel:

it PULSES, maddie

mad maddie:

what is it with you and things that pulse?

SnowAngel:

???

mad maddie:

oh, angela, don't even! 1) your staph infection pulses. 2) you can't bear to touch your wrist cuz the vein there pulses. and 3), dear god, we certainly can't forget your neck.

mad maddie:

“woe is me. i can feel my blood pulsing thru my pillow! it jams up wrong against my carotid artery!”

SnowAngel:

WELL IT DOES

mad maddie:

then get a new one. you've been complaining about it for frickin ever!

SnowAngel:

*adopts a wounded expression* i have had a series of unfortunate pillows, thank you very much. aunt sadie is a sweetie, but her pillows r crap. that's the only bad thing about living with her.

mad maddie:

that and the fact that she burns every single thing she tries to cook.

SnowAngel:

well, true

mad maddie:

and she's a shopaholic.

SnowAngel:

TINY shopaholic. small insignificant problem.

mad maddie:

yr parents have no idea what they've gotten you into, do they?

SnowAngel:

my parents think that aunt sadie is taking very good care of me, which she is!

SnowAngel:

anyway, shouldn't you be driving to the airport right now?

mad maddie:

yeah, guess i better go. u really don't wanna come?

SnowAngel:

it's not that i DON'T—it's that i CAN'T.

mad maddie:

all right. but remind me to tell you about the latest jana drama, involving an ill-fated stuffed animal named Boo Boo Bear.

SnowAngel:

Boo Boo Bear? oh no, plz tell me jana didn't steal some poor kid's teddy bear!

mad maddie:

jana didn't steal Boo Boo Bear. she OWNS Boo Boo Bear.

SnowAngel:

what??? explain!

mad maddie:

sorry, no time

SnowAngel:

maddie! you CANNOT throw that out there and leave me hanging!

mad maddie:

call me, babe. gotta run!